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00:01:42 Pleasing others becomes a transaction or a deal

00:02:44 Mindfulness Meditation for People-Pleasers

00:06:09 1. Sit somewhere comfortably, slow your breathing, and relax.

00:06:16 2. If worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts pop up, say hello to them but set them aside.

00:06:26 3. Focus calmly on your breathing

00:06:37 4. When distracting thoughts pop up again, set them aside again and come back to your breath.

00:09:02 Loving-Kindness Meditation for People-Pleasers

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• Kindness and compassion are wonderful if they are genuine. People-pleasers need to learn to develop the skill of genuine kindness rather than acting out of fear, obligation, or a sense of transaction. Mindfulness and loving-kindness practice are two ways to help rescue genuine compassion from the need to please.

• Mindfulness meditation is about presence and being aware of the present moment without judgment or grasping. Go calm and quiet within, setting aside thoughts as they arrive and accepting what is without trying too hard to achieve any particular end.

• Loving-kindness meditation practices generating warm, accepting, and loving attention and extending it to others as well as to yourself. Visualize kindness flowing to the people you love, then progressively to others, and finally to yourself. Compassion does not mean agreement or forgiveness, only that we can acknowledge that as human beings, we all have worth since we are part of what is.

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