The Ascertainers

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Due to our very demanding social calendars, we couldn't record on our normal night, so we grabbed this episode off the top shelf of the pantry--next to the Cream of Tartar and coffee filters for a pot no longer owned.

• Mark's movie review of Go
• Shoutout to Mark's buddy and former Ascertainers guest, Steve
• Are we killing off rock stars?
• Sorry Rachel Maddow
• Emphasize the knob
• Snoop Dogg takeover
• Newt's--Also has Salads
• Cook it yourself
• Radio Game
• Shoutout Dillinger Four
• Singers who should have hung it up earlier
• Yet another Rush monologue

#Newt's
#PilotKnobRoad

Classic Chappelle Show skit:  Chappelle's Show - The Wayne Brady Show - Uncensored - YouTube
Gordon Street: Wayne's World 2 (10/10) Movie CLIP - A Real Actor (1993) HD (youtube.com)
Did Green Day rip off Dillinger Four?:  Green Day Ripped Off Dillinger Four (youtube.com)

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We think we may have found a loophole to play music without being sued.  Stay tuned and save up bail money for us just in case.

• Newt's--still #1 in our hearts, livers and stomachs.  Go there!
• Should we go green?
• Mark spurs international tension
• The big watch
• Pickpocket vs Peeping Tom
• Radio Game*
• Who's better than Rob Halford?
• Hooked on a Feeling
• Obscure Rock Facts/Trivia
• Brian Jones
• Spinal Tap and Grateful Dead share dark connection
• Travelling Wilburys
• Mount Rushmore of Underrated bands
• Thanks for the text Charlie!
• Longest running fan club**
• You'll never guess what Mama Cass and Keith Moon have in common

Give us a piece of your mind at:  [email protected]

#Newt's
#Titanic

*An Ascertainers exclusive
**Besides The Ascertainers

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Today we are joined by multi-episode guest, Jason.  This one is the second attempt of the night as the first one got a little too real (colonoscopies were discussed).  This one is pretty fun, though.

• Apologies to Dr Seuss
• Jerry Garcia's nub
• Radio Game
• First 8oo8 witnessed in a movie
• National Geographic
• Newt's--Jalapeno Popper Burger.  Give it a try!
• Yes shoutout
• Influential Albums: Kiss, Grand Funk, Paul McCartney, VH2, Motley Crue, Supertramp, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, Rush, Grateful Dead
• Car Stereos

Drop us a line at [email protected]

#Newts
#Kleptos
#StatuteOfLimitations

Backstage with Rush:  https://youtu.be/iq3yjfoorsU?si=3_24H6e4jdEqLPBa
The Ripper: https://youtu.be/xghjnKMZOmw?si=P12vFTGpGtJD5NI-

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Dripping with overconfidence from the previous episode, our heroes realize that luster will soon fade, so they barely even try on this one.  They lean into the suck.  Enjoy!

• Another one bites the dust
• Best of the worst?
• Easily Distracted
• Errors and Omissions
• Newt's--Legendary Tots
• Radio Game --the pot grows
• Jim's non-partisan political observations
• Check out these balls
• Songs with names in the title
• The Layla "discussion"
• Bangkok

Suggestions:  [email protected]

#Newt's
#ForgettingSarahMarshall The weather outside is weather - YouTube
#IsHeDown? Luke Bryan’s cameraman be like .... 😂😂😂Via: @bryanandrewsmusic (youtube.com)

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Taking a rare break from music (pause for laughter) to bring you a universally popular topic--Pizza.  Of course, we get to it and then distract ourselves a time or three.  During Errors and Omissions, we get very close to passing out while laughing.  

• Sci Fi philosophy
• Jim's gets his podcast review from Mark
• Jay Mohr
• Brokeback denial
• Newt's promo--we again get sidetracked, but maybe it's working?
• Errors and omissions--Donkey talk that gets out of hand
• Radio Game--MARK WINS*
• Fleet Farm explained
• Pizza talk
• A few left and right turns while talking pizza, but we tried to stay on track

*Mark won with Led Zeppelin, but left the money in the pot so a guest can win it.  Also, next week Jim will be the guest.

Don't reach us at: [email protected]

Norm McDonald Brokeback bit (NSFW!) Bing Videos

#Newt's
#Pachyderm
#OuchMyUvula
#DoughHits

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This one is a tad spicy and faster paced.  Makes up for when we usually mail it in.

• Early shot at Noah Lyles
• Convention synopsis
• Jim's playing hurt
• Todd O shoutout
• Mark's fashion mastery
• White socks--in or out
• Newt's--New bartender Beth is legit
• Radio Game
• Errors & Omissions
• Word game in last write up (answers in the hashtags below)
• Offensive Commercials
  • Armour Hot Dogs
  • Johnson Outboard Motors
  • Camel Cigarettes
  • Ball Zack
  • Foldgers Crystals
  • Wonder Boner
  • Calgon
  • Herbal Essence
• Sorry Mike L, but a guarantee is a guarantee

#Newt's
#COVIDmakesYouFaster
#AndTheWinnersAre
#Should'veKnownBetter
#TouchAndGo
#DontLookBack

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We went into this episode with the best intentions of talking about singers with average-to-bad voices that worked perfectly for their band, but then Jim made a life choice at dinner.  He ordered a big salad and somehow that decision--and its aftermath--took up a healthy portion of the episode. Should've known better.

• Touch and Go
• Bert Convey reference
• Does Jim correct Mark too often?
• Grandpa Joe creeps Mark out
• Newt's--When you want a big salad too
• Lost ball penalty explained
• Snarky
• Radio Game--new and improved
• RIP Greg Kihn and Jack Russell
• Bad singers who made it work
• Just look old!
• Kool Aid.  Let's make it year-round.

There are at least three song titles in this write up.  If you spot them, let us know what they are at [email protected].  Let us know if you want a shout out or if you prefer to remain anonymous (we wish we could too).

#Newts
#DontLookBack
#GoodDaySir

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Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee, and nobody doesn't like Little River Band.  It had to be said.  Join us as we rip on each other for a solid 45 minutes (but in a good way).

• Your non-political oasis
• Radio Game enhancement $$
• More on Mark's giant watch
• Golf controversy (and bonus Goldmember reference)
• Shoutout potential new listener LeeAnn (D.O.B. 1990)
• Noah Lyles--the Ram Jam of American sprinters
• Newt's--exclusive sponsors of YOUR Ascertainers!
• Radio Game 2.0 
• Brief special guest Sara!
• Go!
• Investment tips
• Little River Band
• Air Supply + Journey
• Mark's professional sign off

Sound off at The [email protected]

#Newts
#@SaraLegelTattoos
#LonesomeLosers

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When you hit rock bottom, you've got nowhere else to go but up!  Our daubers were down after last episode, but we rallied and this one is just about as good/bad as the average.  Some laughs, some interesting trivia, and (spoiler alert), nobody wins the radio game.

• Davenport
• Sears--what happened?
• Newt's--New Bartender--possibly named Beth
• A rare Audrey sighting
• Errors and Omissions
• Combined songs revisited
• The Big Ben watch
• Radio Game
• Misheard Song Lyrics

Is it true that the shorter the write up, the better the episode?  You can tell us at [email protected]

#Newts
#IsItBecky?
#LikeADouche

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Due to scheduling issues and a bout with Covid, we had a 3-week hiatus from recording.  You might think we'd be rejuvenated and ready to deliver some mind-blowing stuff, but we both agreed that this episode might be one of our most low-key yet.  Maybe you like that sort of thing, but we are working on bouncing back with some more upbeat stuff for our next couple.

Now you have to ask yourself--how bad could it be?  Maybe this is one of The Ascertainer's amazing head fakes where it's way better than they're advertising.  I guess you'll have to listen and find out!

• Feegee shoutout
• Deep voice vibes
• Shoutout Mark's neighbor for the cool plaque
• Newt's--got Cory laughing
• Mark's Covid barrier
• Pan O Prog Car Show
• Jim's worried about The News
• Radio Game
• Canterbury Park highlights
• Can't go for what??
• Little blue pill
• Rock songs on commercials
• Noah Lyles, the Jimmy Fallon of sprinters
• Snoop legend

[email protected]

#Newts
#Funner