The Beak » Breakfast with the Beak

Danger: Diabolik! It’s been a long-running comic book, an infamous movie, an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, and — in our overactive imaginations — a really amazing crossover episode of Archer. And despite all that, you’ve probably never heard of it. Listening to this episode won’t really help you with that, but we do […]

All right, get the obligatory nocturnal emission jokes out of the way. Done? Good, because that’s not what this show is about. This show is about the people who line up on the sidewalk to buy stuff as early as humanly possible. And weirdly enough, we don’t judge them. We have no problems with people […]

A guitar can make you a rock n’ roll god, but in the wrong hands it can ruin an otherwise great party. So how can we learn to spot the difference? Can a musical instrument be inherently cool or uncool? Can a staton wagon? If you pound on a bike helmet, does it really become […]

Another week, another Big Damn Question. This time, we’re trying to figure out when it’s appropriate to swallow all the pills in your cupboard at once. So tune in, because this episode has something to offend nearly everyone. And that’s not just marketing bullshit; this episode is actually pretty horrifying. From suicide to British tabloids […]

Generations of nerds have been told they will inherit the Earth someday, while their tormentors will end up mopping floors and pumping gas. But is there the slightest chance that real life works that way? We plan on getting to the bottom of that, mostly by examining the mediocrity of the world around us. Why […]

Running with scissors. It’s the classic childhood safety hazard, and the cornerstone of lazy jokes about mental illness. Are we going to talk about any of that? Kind of. But we’re pretty distracted, because the Governor of Mississippi just let a bunch of murderers out of jail for, like, no reason, and that’s way more […]

Truck Nuts! Scourge of the highways and back roads of this great nation! A stunning display of virility to one’s fellow motorists! Or maybe just some silly crap to stick on your car when your pissing Calvin sticker starts to lose its novelty. Whatever the case, we’re going to figure it out and still find […]

So many things start with the letter U! For example, “Uhhhhh,” which we say quite a few times while we try to work out where the hell to go with this topic. But that’s a good thing, because it’s New Year’s Day, and you don’t need too much excitement or noise when you’re hung over. […]

Are we going to let the fact that it’s literally Christmas day stop us from posting a new show? Hell no! It’s not even a gimmicky holiday episode! No, we’re celebrating the season by talking about our big plans for the end of the world, where we will make our living as dashing outlaws delivering […]

Do energy drinks work? Yes they do. Have we done semi-scientific experiments on ourselves using energy drinks? You know it. Do we have funny things to say about this topic? Probably. Join us in a magical world of extreme sports, questionable brand names, flying Englishmen, and rusty washtubs full of malt liquor, and we will […]