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The Ben James Show
The Ben James Show episodes
- Episode #15: Growing together, apart- Inside our long-distance relationship w/ Paula Salort Orpi
My girlfriend Paula and I recorded this podcast a week prior to embarking on another stint of long-distance. Our 5th time to be exact. If we had recorded this the day she was leaving I dare say the tone of the conversation would have been far more emotional than this. We joke that we are getting good at goodbyes but it never gets any easier.
For those who don't know Paula and I are based separately in Bali and Barcelona respectfully. When we first got together we knew we would have to have periods of time apart. But then covid hit and navigating travel through a spanner in the works and an extra air of uncertainty.We open up for an inside look into the realities that have come with doing long-distance but also some conversations during our time together that may be seen as difficult ones to explore but have simultaneously been monumental in deepening our connection and intimacy with each other. Conversations containing the idea of breaking up as well as putting the idea of opening up our relationship on the table.Find Paula over on Instagram at...https://www.instagram.com/paulasalort/You can find me over on Instagram...
https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/57 min - Episode #14: Post Date Game Plan- ”Should I text or wait?”
Post date anxiety is no doubt a real thing. Wondering what the next moves are, whether to play it cool and wait for them to reach out first or to shoot them through a text to say "hey, I had an amazing time with you and would like to do it again".
While we can orchestrate you might be here to find out strategies to "get" the outcome you want or think you want, this episode probes a little below the surface of questions such as "should I text them back" and explores better questions like...What outcome do you want, why, and what would it mean to you if the outcome you desire doesn't go your way.It also takes a look at where you are deriving your self worth and whether or not you are placing it too much in the hands of people or events outside your control.If you took anything away from this episode, something as simple as leaving a rating or a review really makes my day.You can connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73ow...
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8A
20 min - Episode #13: The Fat Attack
Ever just suddenly feel as though 5-10kgs of fat has attached itself to you seemingly out of nowhere. And even though you know logically it's not possible for that sort of weight gain within such a small amount of time you can't help but feel an intensity to focus on your body?
There is a good chance you're experiencing something known as a "fat attack".Well! In this episode, I dig a little into the sneaky reason we trick ourselves into believing this phenomenon known as the fat attack happening and how it gets in the way of us attending to the real issues we may be facing in everyday life.You can connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73ow...
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8A
14 min - Episode #12: The Healing Art of Vulnerability with Matt Cama
Matt Cama really is a shining example of openness, transparency and the outcome of someone completely committed to the process that is self-growth and healing. You will no doubt realise this in our conversation as we deep dive into some EXTREMELY open dialogue sharing past experiences of porn addiction, sex addiction and what we've learnt throughout our journeys towards a greater understanding of ourselves in the process.
One thing I love about Matt is he's not afraid to show his own process. Often we see coaches wanting to put themselves on a pedestal with their clients but Matt really does allow himself to show himself in full human expression to which I can see how people really flock to him and his work in such a comfortable way.He also manages to make the deep work carry less weight through his humour you can see over on his TikTok channel.Having started out as a PT Matt has transitioned into the work he does in his Deep End Program of inner child work, emotional trauma healing and overcoming shame. Within this episode, you will hear the turning points that lead him to the work he does now but also..."What are some signs that you’re progressing through certain trauma? Or if that's possible.'We openly share our vices/medicators and what lies in our shadows.
First steps to acknowledging my borderline addiction.
What Matt learnt from accidentally walking into an AA meeting. What he shares is super interesting.
We talk about how to feel comfortable receiving help and an analogy I made up that helped me personally.
"Accomplishments impress but vulnerability connects." Matt drops the line of the episode 💣
You can find Matt over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matt_cama/TIKTOC: MattCama23
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnotzEfXJr-MN8kGjlUQ7Sw
You can find me personally over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8AFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjameskellypage1 hr 35 min - Episode #11: Spiritual F%*kboys
While many men, for the most part, are doing incredible things within the workings of spirituality and connectedness. There is a small number who are the exception acting as wolves in sheep's clothing.
In this podcast, I talk a little about spiritual fuckboys and the sometimes dark side of spiritual communities.You can connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73ow...
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8A
24 min - Episode #10: ”He blames the break up on me”: The hidden reasons some men make you the scapegoat
I had the following question come through on Instagram from the lovely Anastasia...
"Why do guys date someone when their mental health isn't at its healthiest and then blame you for the split.So in this short podcast, I take a look at some of the potential hidden reasons as to why some men are looking to hang the relationship, make the split your fault, and look to avoid responsibility.This is obviously not confined to men as many women can have the same tendencies. But we take a specific look at what may have occurred in someone's life previously that could have resulted in this avoidant type of behaviour that is actually quite common.I also take a quick look at the potential negative effects of modern-day beauty standards on men and their unhealthy expectations of women's bodies, the false lust and infatuation it creates and the distorted thinking it could provoke to seek greener pastures.You can connect with me over on...
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73ow...
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8A
18 min - Episode #09: Is Toxic Masculinity Overblown?
(This episode is best viewed over on Youtube)
I give my reaction to a video from the Jubilee Youtube channel that invited men to discuss different topics including...Have you worried about your penis size?Should men pay on the first date?Is toxic masculinity blown out of proportion?Are you comfortable showing your emotions?You can connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Itunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast...
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73ow...
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8A
20 min - Episode #08: Dating and the Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style.
In this episode, we look to identify if you could potentially have dismissive-avoidant patterns, whether you’re in the early stages of dating a dismissive-avoidant attachment style or whether you’ve been in a relationship with one for a while now. Reflecting on where I’ve noticed certain dismissive-avoidant patterns within myself as someone whose primary attachment is secure, with a secondary as dismissive-avoidant.
Now some of the things I might mention may also fall within fearful-avoidant but for the most part, this will be pretty accurate to those who are DA. Also, it’s important to mention some DA behaviours are going to play out differently from person to person and will be displayed at times on different ends of the spectrum.If you’re not familiar with attachment styles, hopefully, this podcast inspires you to begin your process in learning more about them, to know yourself better but also to improve the quality of your relationships through a greater understanding of why people behave the way they do in certain circumstances that especially relate to responses or reactions to others.Here are some key points I share within the podcast about those who may display DA patterns or behaviours.- A lot of the times are super slow to warm to people. It’s a very slow burn. Do they see potential friends, fornicators or foes mostly when meeting new people.- Not feeling into emotions too much. Will often logically explain how they’re feeling without being super in the feeling itself. Tends to be factual. Speak from a place of thinking as opposed to a place of emotions.- Analytical- Like to gather seemingly small details most won’t in order to get a clearer picture. Because control feels safe feeling like they have all the information makes them feel good about being able to make decisions that eliminate possible future threats.- Very blunt and to the point, don’t beat around the bush.- Can seem very hot and cold. Like they want to get close but also fear it.- Why some people are attracted to dismissive avoidants.- Good at self-soothing having had to develop that for themselves because it didn’t come from anywhere else.- For many, they try to avoid conflict. A lot of the time if they do engage in conflict it’s about how can I make this end quick. You’ll see that they only have a certain amount of patience in conflict until they just want to be done with it.- What to do when DA’s do open up.- Value freedom and fear commitment.- After the honeymoon stage can begin to avoid physical closeness which can show up as walking in front of their partner or not holding hands while being in their own world etc.- Vulnerability feels like a threat. So unless they feel really safe to they’ll feel it’s a pushing of boundaries to pressure them into opening up to you. Some treat their emotional sanctity, the same way people treat their sexual sanctity. Giving it up before they’re comfortable or allowing boundaries to be crossed before they’re ready can be very disappointing to them.- Really good at suppressing their emotions and just carrying on with life like nothing is bothering them.- Often try to escape difficult emotions through working a lot or being in front of the computer or phone a lot. They can struggle to be present around people at times or seem like they’re somewhere else in their mind when disconnected to the things they suet distract them. Find solace in things.- Can sometimes seem critical this is largely because this is how they speak internally to themselves.- Spend a lot of time alone, value their space. How not to take it personally and why it’s important to not chase them.Hope you enjoy this episode!You can connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/
Youtube: https://youtu.be/ni7KzLOzdLw
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjameskellypage
30 min - Episode #07: 3 key things that stop you from greater self expression
In this episode, we delve into something that holds many back from expressing more of themselves and starting something that's a little outside their comfort zone. And that is naysayers.
I share a little bit about my experience from transitioning from a construction job into the wellbeing space, the criticism I faced, and how I pushed through it. As well as how I welcomed up displaying different traits that I had previously suppressed.I also go into the fear of being perceived as fake when starting something new and being ok with allowing people to see your process in improvement.Hope you enjoy!You can also connect with me over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Youtube: https://youtu.be/JbSixU-LitkFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjameskellypage16 min - Episode #06: Our Ayahuasca Journey
On this episode, I'm joined by my girlfriend Paula as we dive into the realm of plant medicine and our experience with Ayahuasca.
Everything from leading up to the experience, what we liked, what we didn't, what we experienced during the event and what wisdom we received from "Mumma Aya".We are not experts on this topic. Just two people with curious minds sharing their experience. Make sure not to treat this episode as any form of advice or education on the topic. Always seek advice from those who are considered experts on the topic.You can find me personally over on...Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/__benjames_/Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbfU_SBghOMcIfLgPDDgt8AFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/benjameskellypageConnect with Paula on Instagramhttps://www.instagram.com/paulasalort/1 hr 11 min
About The Ben James Show
From the publisher's feed
The Ben James Show contains conversations and social commentary hosted by Ben James Kelly featured specialised guests, sharing their knowledge on all things mindset, business, relationships,…
mindfulness, health, personal development, integrative wellbeing and social topics happening throughout the world. Find me over on Instagram @__benjames_
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