The Best You've Ever Had

I'm so excited to have one of my former Dating for Love students here on the podcast this week, Allison Landry! Allison and I talk about what drew her to my course, her beautiful transformation all the way to, you guessed it, the juicy love stories that came afterwards.

Allisons shares her struggles with me including how much fear she had around relationships especially dealing with sexual trauma on top of that. We discuss how her lack of trust started to infiltrate all of her relationships and how it stopped her from being vulnerable around people and feeling really closed off from the world. But when you hear her today, you won't even think she's the same person. She's made a complete 180! After completing Dating For Love, Allison has found herself in a polyamorous relationship where she feels safe and loved, goes out on regular dates, and even visits the occasional play party.

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

• Allison's biggest takeaways from Dating For Love and how much it's changed her life
• That learning how to be compassionate towards men lets us understand their own struggles better and how to be a compassionate partner
• How the incredible self-discovery journey Allison went on allowed her to recognise her unhealthy patterns in relationships
• How she lets relationships unfold instead of turning away from a lack of instant attraction
• How play and kink can unleash bounds of suppression society has latched onto us
• That you can receive so much clarity, openness and connection from playing with your partner (or partners!)
• Her next pursuit of forming deeper platonic relationships and how she plans on forming those connections

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

Everything doesn't become sunshine and roses the minute you heal, it just prepares you for the next level, and if there's someone who knows all about this it's my guest and former student of mine Kassi Horn!

After our journey of working together, Kassi found that her relationship had run its course and decided to end things. She's brave enough to share her story with us today and tell us all about her experiences with dipping her toes into the pool of self-discovery before becoming completely encompassed by it all including relishing in sisterhoods and being confronted by her edge over and over again. We also discuss being open to wanting help and support, making space for people in our lives (not just men!), calling attention to our wounds around desire and being receptive to our sisters, even when they tell you things you don't always want to hear! We also touch on anger and rage and being comfortable using those spaces to access more information about ourselves instead of writing them off completely. Kassi and I wrap up our beautiful conversation with religion and how we can practice being spiritual without feeling stifled by others' perceptions.

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

• Recognizing when things aren't in alignment and seeing them as positive realities instead of opportunities to put ourselves down
• Calling attention to our wounds, especially the ones around desire
• That sometimes separation is good and we need it to get back to ourselves
• Being part of a sisterhood is such an eye-opening experience that lets your wounds and the parts of yourself that need attention show up a LOT more clearly
• The outcomes of taking the step to show up for yourself (they're really good!)
• The idea of letting go of the independent protective amour and softening the hard shell of independence

Connect with Kassi:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/call.me.kass/

Sanctuary Retreat: https://sanctuaryretreat.my.canva.site/

Desire on Fire Experience:

https://kelleybode220.krtra.com/t/IRwhQ7U1Mla4

Use code 'FRIEND' for $195 off at checkout

Join The Goddess Within:

https://www.kelleymbode.com/the-goddess-within

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

Ladies! You're gonna need a notebook for this one. We're holding up a magnifying glass to every question you've ever had about birth control and your menstrual cycle from why you feel fine one day and crying over something someone said 5 years ago the next to how much damage birth control really does to us. We're talking hormones, biology, menstrual phases, chocolate cravings, all of it.

My wonderful guest this week, Pauline Gisele is a hormone cycle researcher and educator who after her own year-long battle with depression as a result of coming off birth control after 10 years felt called to help other women all over the world get rid of PMS, optimize their fertility, and regulate their cycles. We talk about all the different ways birth control suppresses our bodies, creates a disconnect from our brain to our ovaries all the way down to it having a HUGE impact on how we choose our partners. It even changes our sense of smell. Did you know that? I didn't! In the same ways that sometimes trauma can choose our partners for us, our cycle does almost the exact same thing, so we're covering every single phase so you're clued up on why the couch and a good bit of chocolate become irresistible at least once a month.

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

• How we attract different types of men depending on which phase of our cycle we're in
• That symptoms of PMS and PMDD are actually abnormal and a sign from our bodies that something is wrong
• How hormones affect every single thing in our lives from our thoughts and emotions to the decisions and partners we choose
• The behaviors associated with each menstrual phase (there's a reason you want to organize your entire life every month!)
• How having a better understanding of our cycle can help us better understand ourselves and encourage more self-love and self-compassion
• Two essential things we need to control to balance our hormones especially after coming off of birth control
• How low moods and feelings of depression during our cycles is really just a drop in estrogen. It's all biology, we're totally normal!
• How we as women are so predictable and there is nothing shameful about that

Connect with Pauline:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/paulinegisele/

Website: https://balanceyourcycle.com/

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

https://www.kelleymbode.com/offers/cANQWuAL/checkout We're diving into motherhood, womanhood and all things personal growth this week as I chat with a former Dating for Love student of mine, Caitlin Lili! Caitlin since taking my course and completely transforming her life is now a coach who helps other moms like herself embody their radiance and trust their inner knowing, something she used to really struggle with. Caitlin shares what she learned from the program and how much it has impacted her relationships with men, all the way down to accepting help and compliments on the street and recognizing that all men really want to do is love us and shower us with affection. Who wouldn't want to get in on a piece of that! She also tells me how her life took a major perspective shift by looking at her requirements for men and dating by turning them into feelings instead and dating outside of her usual preferences. She learned sooo much from just this and I can't wait for you to hear all about it!

Caitlin and I also discuss the relationship between motherhood and womanhood and how we should never be ashamed to claim our sexual needs and wants as a woman just because we're mothers. In the wise words of Caitlin "being a mom doesn't mean you don't wanna be f*cked!". We reclaiming sexuality, freedom and trusting your inner knowing all while being the best mother you can be in this one, so moms, this one's for you!

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

• All of the incredible knowledge and tools Caitlin gained from my Dating for Love course!
• Unloading her fear of men and learning to accept and receive their attention
• Recognizing that love doesn't always have to be an instant passionate attraction but that love can grow over time into something really beautiful and long-lasting
• That regardless of pushback, you should never feel stifled or put down for talking about YOUR truth. It's yours, you can do whatever you want with it
• How Caitlin claimed her desires by recognizing that her persona as a mother and as a woman were completely separate
• That putting your needs first doesn't mean you're a bad mom and will actually improve your relationship with your kids
• Throwing away the idea that men are annoying to ask for sex and intimacy. Isn't that what we all want as women anyway?
• How since Caitlin started trusting her inner knowing more her capacity to hold sensations in her body became so much bigger
• Life doesn't stop after having children!

Connect with Caitlin:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamcaitlinlili/

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

In today's episode, I'm going solo to answer a popular question I get on Instagram and give you full insight into how confronting conflict can offer you ultimate freedom in every area of your life. I'm uncovering all the layers in this one including where your fear of conflict may have stemmed from, how you responded to conflict as a child and the impacts that has now, the reasons why you may fear or totally avoid conflict and sooo much more. I unravel my own conflicts from the past starting with the very first with a high school boyfriend and all the ways in which my unstable upbringing and approach to conflict at home had a major impact on how I dealt with it and many more situations following until I found a framework that encouraged me to face my fears and be my true authentic self. I also discuss the major blocks that form from avoiding issues with conflict and how ignoring these blocks can stop you from reaching your full potential and achieving your biggest dreams in life.

What truly is the best way to deal with conflict? Tune in to hear the answer once and for all!

WHAT ELSE I TALK ABOUT:

• How being afraid of conflict is a natural and evolutionary feeling that you shouldn't be ashamed of
• The REAL reason behind why you don't feel seen in your relationship (hint: personal responsibility is a must-have quality!)
• The hard-to-hear truth on what happens when you DON'T heal your issues with conflict
• My personal journey with conflict as a child and how I deal with it now as an adult
• The two ways to deal with conflict (I'm a big fan of no.2!)
• How we explain conflict to ourselves as children and take those stories with us into adulthood
• How freeing and fulfilling it is to confront your own inauthenticity with others and working through a framework and support system to break down those barriers to become a better version of yourself
• How being in conflict with your partner is a deeply intimate act and how witnessing each other's anger and hurt can bring you closer together
• The nuances of boundaries and how to keep our emotional center in balance no matter what is happening around us

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

(Mentioned in ep:)

Relationship Check-in: https://www.kelleymbode.com/relationship-check-In-masterclass

Foundations of Love: https://www.mattcama.com/foundations-of-love

For today's episode, I'm joined by Lois McKenzie, founder of marketing agency, Up Club and actually someone who works on my team, as we dive head first into a really important and personal topic for both of us; abortion. In light of the recent news on Roe v Wade, it's beyond important to start conversations about women's right to abortion and what the ruling means for millions of women in America. We both open up about our own experiences with abortion while comparing the similarities in dealing with unnecessary guilt, and shame and discuss the differences between getting an abortion in the UK and the US. We tackle the nuances in the pro-life and pro-choice movements and the challenges that those labels can bring, how different our lives would be now and the situations we could have ended up in if we didn't have access to abortions, and how we believe at the core, that most people are in favor of giving women the right to autonomy over their bodies.

WHAT ELSE WE TALK ABOUT:

• The lack of support for women deciding to have an abortion and wanting more information from real people and real stories
• How every story is riddled with guilt and shame and ways to counteract and welcome those feelings instead
• Acknowledging the privileges and access opportunities that we have that so many other women may not have and how that affects their experiences
• How not leaving space for conversations on abortion can lead to even more separation creating a dangerous Us vs Them dynamic
• The lack of education among young women on sex, understanding our cycles, protection, pregnancy, relationships, when to recognize abuse and so much more
• How much of an impact it can have on your mental health and how the lack of choice and support can only intensify these struggles
• How Kelley's first pregnancy ignited her self-growth journey and essentially made her who she is today
• Lois' experience with sharing her story on social media and the responses she received (we all have such similar experiences!)

Connect with Lois:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loismckenzieee/

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

Hi everyone! In this episode, I'm going solo to share my thoughts with you about processing with your partner in a relationship. Long story short, it's a BIG no from me! Matt and I have found that when we process our relationship or start to coach each other when we have conflict, it just never ends well. I've seen first-hand how much this did not work for us and so I'm giving you all the reasons why I think this may not be the best idea for your relationship.

I talk about how processing can change the dynamics in a relationship, have major effects on sexual intimacy, desire and polarity, alternative ways to "coach" your partner if you're having a disagreement and the importance of having an outside support system (that you have vetted first!) to work through and talk about issues you may be having.

I'd also love to hear your own thoughts on processing with a partner and whether it has worked for you! Have you noticed any differences in your relationship and sexual intimacy when you do process with your partner? Has it improved or hindered the relationship? Let me know!

WHAT ELSE I TALK ABOUT:

- How to avoid becoming a teacher, therapist or authority figure over your partner when working through disagreements and have conversations from the heart instead

- How processing with your partner may seem helpful at the start but will eventually wear away at your sexual desire, polarity and intimacy

- Sometimes we DO need to know when we're projecting but it's best to hear that from a friend, coach or therapist rather than your partner

- How something delivered with care, love and from the heart is ultimately better than it coming from a place of anger or resentment

- The importance of having a full life outside of your relationship with a strong network of support

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

This week I'm joined by a wonderful client of mine, Tori Neal! Tori is an incredible woman who took part in my Communicating with Men and Intimately Yours courses and was kind enough to let me dive back in and celebrate her journey and process and see how she's getting on now. We of course get into her previous struggles in trusting her partner, the built-up resentment she felt and working through major disconnection issues, but we make sure to celebrate every single win! Tori went from wanting sex but getting too caught up in her thoughts, feeling too tired or uninterested or that the mood wasnt right, to both her and her husband barely being able to keep their hands off each other all day. We share so many beautiful moments in this episode from stepping into your feminine energy instead of constantly viewing everything as a problem to be solved, the HUGE differences in how men and women are wired and the effects this had on Tori's marriage, her appreciation for the sisterhood in her work with me and how this allowed her to feel more safe and vulnerable to work through her personal healing journey.

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

✺ Tori's experience of working with me and how helpful she found the tools and insights to take her marriage to the next level

✺ The flame to reigniting the joy in Tori's marriage again

✺ Finding her feminine energy again and allowing herself to say yes to her husband wanting to take control and do the sweetest (and hottest!) things for her

✺ Letting herself receive and ENJOY gifts and gestures from her husband

✺ Learning the differences between how women and men's brains are wired and how this can majorly impact communication

✺ How expressing your resentments and built-up emotions will always be messy and there's just no escaping that (it's a tough one to hear I know)

✺ The power of being inside a container filled with women experiencing the same as you and how that enables you to be truly honest with yourself and your needs and desires

✺ That understanding your erotic blueprint is a huge step in reigniting a sexual relationship, and even though they may not perfectly align, it doesn't mean you're doomed to have mediocre sex!

✺ Truly understanding the phrase "Men want to make us happy" and how this can open infinite doors of opportunity, passion, intimacy and more in your relationship

✺ The importance of appreciation, especially in Tori's relationship and how that was the key to breaking free from the negative cycle of closing herself off to her needs and desires

✺ That it's essential to know that little hiccups and bumps in the road are part of and important to healing and revitalizing your relationship and doesn't mean it's time to give it all up

Watch the Communicating with Men Workshop Here:

https://www.kelleymbode.com/offers/Zj86tLob

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

This week I'm hosting an amazing client of mine, Lena on the podcast!! Lena is a very special client, an artist, a believer in the energetics of love and life, a deep thinker and she's also big on Human Design. So, naturally her reflections on our work together get real! We're talking about so many beautiful things, like really leaning into desire and TRUST and surrender, and how things absolutely always work out - even if we have no idea in the moment how that's going to happen. Lena talks through what her coaching experience was like with me and all of the ways it helped her to really transform on so many levels. She spent most of her life in her masculine energy: being the doer, the decider, the one who gets things done, and she talks about how she learned to really integrate her feminine energy even more. We talk about the baby steps that Lena took that meant that her dating experiences got more and more aligned every time. We're also talking about how deeply connected successful dating and living the life you want to live are. The energy of really being deeply connected to ourselves and how that can literally change everything in our lives, not just the way we show up in dating or in our relationships - but of course these things naturally change dramatically, too.

We're also talking about:

✹ Lena's "missing piece" when it came to relationships before we worked together (listen to the end for this one)

✹ Being confronted with all of your core fears: fear of being rejected, fear of abandonment, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being really seen - and how it's all a catalyst to growth.

✹ How owning and integrating our darkness and the parts where we have pain is the key to realising the things we really desire

✹ The power of good coaching, and not having to sit and suffer alone with the things you're working through

✹ The lived experience of "there are no good men around me" and how this was an unhelpful belief for Lena and how she worked to change that story for herself (which then changed her reality)

✹ Learning how to love where you're at and being OK with how you feel and who you are and how your life is right now in this moment

✹ Noticing and acknowledging the way the masucline is showing up in your life and appreciating and learning to love them, even if you're not dating them

✹ Asking for what you want, letting yourself be seen and being in your feminine energy

✹ The experience she's had since we've worked together: men treating Lena like a queen!

✹ How she's now in the sweetest, most loving and caring relationship now and it's different to anything she's ever experienced

✹ We're even talking about how they met, their first date and how he did something really cute that made her feel seen and recognized and really taken care of

Connect with Lena:

Instagram: @lena.maria.dutzi

https://www.instagram.com/lena.maria.dutzi/

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode

Excited to bring you a new solo episode this week where I am finally sitting down to answer allllll of your questions. On a daily basis I get questions from you guys, in my Instagram, clients in my programs or masterclasses or even inside my Facebook community. So, I figured it was about time I did an episode to go through some of them. I asked you over on my Instagram what you really wanted to know, and I'm in this episode, I'm going through each one. I'm talking from my own perspective in my relationship(s), as a coach, for my clients, in my studies and the work I've done over the years to really understand myself, intimacy and relationships more and I'm offering what I hope will be helpful insights into some of your most common relationship challenges. Things like porn, sharing the things that trigger you in a way that stops those things impacting your connection, non-negotiables and more. I hope you love it! I promise I'll do this again soon, so if you're not already, come find me on Instagram and let me know your most burning relationship questions.

WHAT ELSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT:

✹ Watching porn when you're in a committed relationship: what happens when your partner watches porn and it's triggering for you.

✹ Why relationships are the biggest catalysts for growth and change that a person can experience (if you let it).

✹ Non-negotiables, how to and when to decide if it's a relationship that you want to be in.

✹ Some of the great things that fill mine and Matt's relationship that really make doing "The Work" worthwhile.

✹ Embodying and healing shame around our sex life: how our sex can be sweet and loving and eye-gazing, and then at the same time it can be kinky and rough and primal.

✹ When Matt decided he wanted to be in a relationship how he was all in and has never wavered.

✹ How it's normal to be scared to share something important to you in your relationship

✹ Matt and I's conversations lately about marriage, getting engaged, what a ring even really means to me, and all of the triggers these conversations have the potential to bring up

✹ The stories we tell ourselves about not being loveable, good enough, wanted etc.

✹ What Matt and I do in our relationship to get reconnected when we're maybe distracted or spending a lot of time apart, working or generally just not being intimate

✹ How to connect with and share your desires to get more of your needs met, more often

✹ How to trust the divine masculine and The Universe / Source as it relates to dating and masculine energy

Manifesting Love info: https://www.kelleymbode.com/manifesting-love-masterclass

Connect with me:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kelleymbode

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.bode.90

Twitter: https://twitter.com/kelleybode