Na then, yer big duck egg. Frame thi sen an' listen ter' Book ah Naaht.

In this little episode we take a world tour of the accents of the English-speaking world. We list our favourites, but not our least because we don't have any because accents are amazing. 

I like yours the best.

Conal reveals he has an excellent, excellent Kiwi voice, and Joe struggles with Australian. What a couple of brothers these two are. 

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We. Are. Back. 

This time with a topic right up Joe's street and a tiny little bit up Conal's too. The Roman Empire! We owe them so much, but they were brutal expansionists. Love it or hate it, Ancient Rome is so interesting it makes out heads hurt.

Except for laughs, facts, banter, education, reliability, emotional strength, progressive thinging, silliness, philosophy, sexual charge, philanthropy, mates, dance moves, and cool...

What has the Book of Nowt ever done for us?!

Sazzie's back too. What larks!

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Last one and this one's a DOOZY!

The Holiday. What can we say about this that Noam Chomsky hasn't said a thousand times before? It's long, it's overwritten, it's sentimental, it thinks an awful lot of itself... but it's still better than Love Actually.

If you don't like this film, we have four words for you:
Law. Diaz. Winslet. Black.

Actually, you might have a point.

Also available as a YouTube video

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 Welcome to Christmas Land. A depressing little hellhole in the middle of nowhere that will judge you no matter the time of year.

This is the perfect hallmark film for the ages: a successful woman in the city with a black assistant goes to the small town she grew up in for some reason and is convinced by a local hunk with big hands that the city is fucking shit and she should stay in the place she purposefully left when she was young and cool.

To be fair, this film is superb. It's the most stupid, pointless thing humaity has managed to so far achieve, but it's the very reason this podcast exists.

Also available as a YouTube video

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This film is... surreal. Is it even a film? I mean it's on the telly, under the category "film", but is it?

There are arguments and New York and lesbians and priests and baubles and car crashes and angels and dogs and I don't even know anymore. This film is so fucking boring.

Our podcast isn't though and it's fair to say we eviscerate it.

Also available as a YouTube video

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God rest ye merry gentlemen... if you ever see this film.

We really scrape the bottom of the barrel of mulled wine with this one. We can't decide what's worst: the writing, the story, the dialogue, the acting, the cast, the plagiarism, or the font on the poster.

Despite being miserable as Santa's funeral watching this, we actually had a jolly good time talking about and think you'll like it too because you get it and like having a lovely time.

Or you could watch the YouTube video

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We love Christmas, but the people that made "Midnight at the Magnolia" clearly don't as the thing starts on Boxing Day. Downer.

This film is a load of old arse and Sazzie Kluvitse, Lizzy Dening, & the boys are in agreement on that. It features boring jazz, running through cobwebs, unhelpful radio call-ins, and two of the smuggest faces in the history of celluloid.

Here's the list in full:

1. Last Christmas
2. Midnight at the Magnolia
3. A Christmas Break-In
4. A New York Christmas Wedding
5. Christmas Land
6. The Holiday

They're all also available on YouTube

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bookofnowt) 

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In the immortal words of Shakin' Stevens, "Merry Christmas, Everyone!"

In this six-part romp we delivery a deserved broadside to some of Netflix's biggest yuletide stinkers. These are:

1. Last Christmas
2. Midnight at the Magnolia
3. A Christmas Break-In
4. A New York Christmas Wedding
5. Christmas Land
6. The Holiday

The boys are joined by their excellent Christmas mates Sazzie Kluvitse and Lizzy Dening. 
In the immortal words of Elton John, "Step Into Christmas!"

They're all also available on YouTube if you like using your eyes and ears together: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EXL6NCLGRw&t=13s

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They DO move in herds!

A podcast 65 million years in the making. That's right, the brothers Deeney are reviewing the greatest film ever made by humans. It came smashing onto our screens in 1993 like a brachiosaurus sneexing all over your sister, and has been shaking our glasses of water ever since. 

We celebrate Goldblum, Neil, Dern, Attenborough, Peck, and the children that are also involved in this monster hit.

The boys discuss being too drunk to remember plays you've just seen, Belfast, and how a dinosaur might go about masturbating. It's the end of the season. We're tired. 

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Is there a greater queen than Cleopatra? Except for Elizabeth I. And Catherine the Great. And Queen Latifa. 

Written in the annuls of history as humanity's most suductive ruler, we lift the lid on how unfair and nonsense the annuls of history actually are. In her 39 years she did an awful lot of living and we do a really fantastic job of clipping that to a manageable hour. 

A great leader with an iconic look and a penchant for partying hard, Cleopatra was amazing. Nearly as amazing as this amazing podcast. 

Tell your friends. 

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