Presented by Julie Busteed

I recently read a 2021 Harvard Business Review article about high performing teams. The article reported “disagreements with people whose opinions or ideas differ from our own are common in the workplace. When handled appropriately, disagreements lead to better results—but they are not usually viewed that way.”[1]

So true! Different ideas or ways of doing things can lead to better results, but so often the response is defensive or territorial, not willing to listen or change. But if handled in the right way, disagreements can lead to a great outcome. An example is the disagreement between the Apostle Paul and Barnabas and their disagreement on who should accompany them on their second missionary journey.

John Mark accompanied Paul and Barnabas on their first journey as a helper (Act 13:5). It was quite the journey of incredible growth for the church but also much persecution.

Sometime later, Paul suggested to Barnabas to visit the churches they had planted. Barnabas wanted to bring John Mark with them again on this journey, but Paul disagreed because John Mark had not continued with them in the work on their first journey (Acts 15:38). In fact, it’s written that they had a sharp disagreement, and it was so intense they could not come to an agreement at that time, which resulted in Paul taking Silas with him and Barnabas brought John Mark on a separate missionary journey.

But this is not the end of the story. Paul, when he was in Rome, wrote to the Colossians and in Philemon—mentions John Mark sends his greetings along with others. John Mark is with Paul in Rome.

And in Second Timothy Paul writes:

Get (John) Mark and bring him with you for he is very useful to me for ministry (2 Timothy 4:11).

Don’t you love that? It’s estimated 15 plus years have passed since that first journey when John Mark left them. And now, with time, space, maturity, and perspective, there’s evidence of reconciliation and working together for the purpose of proclaiming the gospel.

Paul and Barnabas had a different view of how to conduct the second journey. And so that second journey did not continue on as originally planned, but in the end, two teams went out to encourage the churches and preach Christ to the unreached. A disagreement ended with two different ways of moving forward. Unity was evident—both wanted to encourage and spread the good news. The methods were different, but the mission—the goal—was the same.

—

[1] Harvard Business Review High-Performing Teams Start with a Culture of Shared Values by Greg Satell and Cathy Winschitl, May 11. 2021, https://hbr.org/2021/05/high-performing-teams-start-with-a-culture-of-shared-values

Presented by Julie Busteed

The Psalmist writes: How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity (Psalm 133:1)! How good and pleasant it is to be in unity with others. But that’s not always how life works—especially at our jobs.

Just as unity is important in your relationship with Christ and fellow believers, it’s also important in your workplace. Teams that have a common and shared goal will work together to reach the goal.

A Teamraderie article cites unity at work is important because research shows approximately 70% of employees believe poor collaboration is decreasing their productivity.[1]

If you’re concerned about productivity and the bottom line, that’s a lot of unproductive time spent because of disunity or poor collaboration.

The article goes on to report nearly two-thirds of the respondents (64%) claim poor collaboration is costing them at least three hours per week in productivity, with 20% claiming they are wasting as many as six hours per week.

If you are a manager or an owner or project leader, then communicating the goal and purpose clearly is a priority. Taking time and effort to make sure you listen and understand obstacles and concerns is important. Then get that message across to ensure everyone is on the same page with the mission of the project or the company. It takes time and energy to do this, but the resulting benefits should prove to be worth it.

An encouraging environment with good collaboration starts with being open to others’ concerns, communicating ideas and processes clearly, and showing respect. Even if you’re not the manager or in charge, your respectful attitude and willingness to listen can go a long way in building unity within the workplace.

How do you handle disagreements though?

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel (Proverbs 15:18).

Being gentle and patient in response to a disagreement will help navigate the conversation. Ask questions if you are not clear on something. Remain calm and listen to what’s being said as opposed to what your response will be.

Give yourself time to respond. It’s okay to say, “I need to think about this,” or “Let me give it some thought, and I’ll get back to you.” This shows you’re taking the other person seriously and considering their perspective. It doesn’t mean you have to agree just to avoid conflict—that’s not helpful either. But it also means not dismissing his or her ideas right away. Remember the Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.

—

[1] Teamraderie Editorial Team. (2024, August 9). A Guide to Achieving Unity in the Workplace. Teamraderie. http://teamraderie.com/insights/unity-in-the-workplace/

Presented by Julie Busteed

How can you work together with others but have so many differences? The Apostle Paul gives a great example in 1 Corinthians 12 of how you and I are each created differently but are also united in Christ.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many (1 Corinthians 12:12-14).

This is such a clear image of what the body of Christ is and how the church is to work together. Paul goes on to explain in more detail. For example, the eye doesn’t make up the whole body, and it can’t say to the hand that it doesn’t need it. He says God has put the body together that there should be no division in the body—all parts should have equal concern for one another. If one part suffers, all parts suffer, and if one part is honored, every part rejoices. I know it’s an overused phrase, but we are better together—when we share the same purpose and goal.

The early church is a beautiful example of this. Luke records in chapter 2 the unity this body of believers experienced.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved (Acts 2:42-47).

The unity and love between the early Christians were evident to all. The way they treated one another, prayed for one another, enjoyed meals together, and worshipped God was a witness to others of the gospel of Christ. And because of this, the Lord increased their numbers. More people were drawn to Christ because of the evident love between the believers. What an encouragement to me.

How can you and I show this love and unity? I think the same way the early church did. We can care for others, pray with and for others, worship together, and so much more. Even at work we can show this kind of unity, by caring for our coworkers and praying for them.

Presented by Julie Busteed

In a society when there is so much discord and argument and division, unity is a rare thing. As a Christ-follower, why do we need to have unity? Jesus gives us this reason:

My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (John 17:20-23).

Being unified in Christ and with the body of Christ is a powerful witness to the world of God’s love. As Christians, our unity in Christ and with other Christians is essential.

But being united doesn’t mean we are all the same. We are uniquely created with different gifts and talents. And yet united!

I love this saying: In essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, charity.

Christians need to be of the same mind on the core beliefs—things that matter—that are essential. In church we often recite or read the Apostles Creed, which states some core beliefs of faith: God is the creator. Jesus is his only son, conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary, was crucified, died and buried. On third day, he rose again and sits at the right hand of God, and he will come to judge the world.

I’m summarizing here, but you get the idea.

For Christians, these are non-negotiable beliefs. It doesn’t have anything to do with the worship music, or how the service should be ordered, or what we should wear to church, or any of those other things. Some of those things are important, but they are more preferences—so there’s liberty—or freedom in the “non-essential” things. We may prefer a certain worship style and find other worship styles unsettling, but if those core beliefs are shared, then there’s freedom to worship.

And above all, there’s charity—love! You and I need to make room for other people’s preferences. It doesn’t have to be done exactly our way. God created us uniquely and as a result there are unique ways to worship and serve him.

Crucial conversations are often with people who will continue to be in your life no matter how the conversation turns out, and these conversations may cover a span of time. For example, sometimes we have to approach a family member about an issue, a close friend, or a coworker that we see every day.

A friend told me about some crucial conversations she has had with her siblings concerning the care of their aging parents. Despite her many requests for help, they have simply ignored her, and she is left as the principal and really only caregiver for her parents—and at great sacrifice on her part. I questioned her approach, and it surely seems that she has been as clear and assertive as anyone could be. But she cannot force them to do what they are not willing to do. And so, her choices are to leave her parents without the care they need or keep doing what she is doing, which is totally not fair to her.

In such cases, the biggest issue you face is bitterness—allowing others to cause you to be bitter. That always backfires on us, doesn’t it? So, don’t let bitterness get a foothold. Hebrews tells us: See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many (Hebrews 12:15).

When you allow those bitter roots to grow, you heap more trouble on yourself because bitterness will eat you alive, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It will affect your well-being.

Then, commit these intransient situations to God in prayer and wait for him to answer. I know that’s very hard to do because he never answers on our timetable, but he is a trustworthy God. If you are part of his family through faith in Jesus Christ, he has promised to care for you.

Read Psalm 91 and take great comfort in the truth that he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone (Psalm 91:11-12). Just take that promise at face value and be aware that God has sent angels to guard you and keep you from disaster. Even though you can’t see them, they are there. You then can rest in the shadow of the Almighty, because God is your refuge and fortress.

Now, let’s talk about how to react if you’re on the receiving end of a crucial conversation, perhaps one that has taken you by surprise. First remember that a good thing to do, if possible, is to buy yourself some time. Guard your mouth and your tongue. You may want to lash out and defend yourself, but if the sparks are flying, you might be well advised to simply buy some time.

How? Well, just say something like, “I need some time to think about this; can we come back to it tomorrow?” Or, “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Can you please give me a day to think about it?” I remember when, in a non-threatening situation, a woman I spoke to asked for time. I asked her a crucial question having to do with money, and she simply said, “I haven’t thought about that. Would you mind if I get back to you in a day or two?” I didn’t mind at all, and I appreciated her desire to answer the question from a more informed position.

Defending ourselves is the most natural course of action for us as human beings. And once we’re in defensive mode, it blocks our ability to take in new information or see two sides to an issue. Even though it’s a very normal reaction when some criticism is coming our way in an unexpected crucial conversation, it is the enemy of finding any kind of solution to the problem at hand.

So, how do we avoid being defensive? I find that my personality is pretty defensive—in other words, I get to defensive mode quicker than most people do! Not good, so it becomes a matter of prayer for me. You may not be aware of the crucial conversation that is coming your way, but you can be aware of your tendency to be defensive—and that means you can pray about it in advance. Ask God to help you overcome this bad habit. You’ll be well-rid of it.

Step one in avoiding defensiveness is to name it. Admit it and become more aware of your tendency to defend yourself. That in itself will keep you from some of your kneejerk reactions. When you’re in defensive mode, you’re just listening for inaccuracies or errors in the other person’s complaint, and that keeps you from really hearing what they are saying. Defensiveness is the enemy of listening—and listening is super important in handling incoming crucial conversations.

Step two is to take a step back—a mental step back—and breathe! You’ve heard people say to count to ten before you say anything and that’s not a bad idea in these highly emotional moments. So, truly, just slow down your breathing, exhale slowly as you count to five, and take some time between when the other person’s voice drops off and yours starts. Silence can be your friend at a time like this.

And the third thing to remember when someone is coming at you with accusations or when you’re caught off-guard in a crucial conversation, is to let the other person talk without interrupting them. Now, that will take some self-control, because you’ll want to stop them when they’re saying things you don’t agree with. However, if you do this, you’ll shut down the conversation, create hostility, and get in the way of resolution. So, give them time—let them finish, and then when it’s your time to talk, take your time before you respond. As I said earlier, it might be a good idea to ask for time before you respond if the situation allows you to do that.

The truth is that others may start a crucial conversation with you and do it all wrong. They may come on very emotional themselves, or use all the wrong words, or choose the wrong time and place. And they may be 98% wrong! But don’t let them bring you down to their level by responding inappropriately.

If you can find any small thing with which to agree with them, then do so. Finding some point of commonality, even if it’s only two percent, turns the conversation into a collaboration rather than a combat. Furthermore, if you are at fault in any way, be quick to acknowledge it and apologize for it. You might say something like, “I’m sorry for my part in this,” or “I just had no idea this was a problem and I’m really sorry about it.” You can apologize for the situation without accepting any personal blame, if indeed you are not personally at fault. Again, that takes the other person out of accusatory mode and at least opens the door for some kind of resolution.

Another good idea is to save your disagreement for another conversation, if possible. That’s especially true when the other person is really emotional and not in a listening mood. If it can wait, you’ll probably have more success addressing the issue in another conversation when hopefully the other person will have time to calm down and become more reasonable.

Proverbs 15:1 says, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. There’s no better advice for you when you’re facing unexpected, unfair, emotional accusations. A gentle answer from you to the other person’s unreasonableness and anger will almost always cause them to behave more appropriately. The tone of your voice is very critical in a crucial conversation. If you keep it under control—gentle not harsh—it will make a huge difference.

Proverbs 29:8 also reminds us that Mockers stir up a city, but the wise turn away anger. Wisdom that comes from above—from God himself through his Word and prayer—will help you turn away anger. That includes the anger of the other person and yours as well. You know, anger is not wrong in itself. There are things and people that really deserve your anger. But anger out of control is very destructive. And probably the most difficult emotion to control in an incoming crucial conversation is anger, especially if the blame is misplaced and the accusation unfair.

You know, it’s in these kinds of situations that our spiritual maturity is tested. And by the same token, it is in these kinds of situations where our light can shine the brightest in the darkness. In other words, these tough times offer opportunities for witnessing to the truth that Jesus really does make a difference in our lives.

Well, in conclusion, crucial conversations can and do occur in every phase of our lives, and they are indeed impactful and can cause broken relationships and broken hearts. But we have power, as Christ-followers, to handle them in a loving way, allowing God’s Spirit to control our emotions and give us the wisdom to respond rather than react, and to let God’s love come through us. It’s not easy, I know, but honestly, it’s much easier than handling them in our own strength and from our typically selfish and emotional perspective.

That’s one of the things about our Christian journey I think we sometimes overlook. As difficult as it may be at times to have a Christ-like attitude and love even unlikable people, it’s still easier than doing life our own way. Life without Christ is really hard! Don’t forget that.

You and I are so privileged, so blessed to take this journey with Jesus. He has promised to be with us always—right to the end. Remember, you’re not alone. Amid crucial conversations and anything else life can throw at you, Jesus is there. He knows the emotions you are experiencing; he understands the frustration and anger you feel; he hears your cry and sees your tears. You are not alone. Never, ever! Let that thought fill you with hope and joy, and then that joy will be your strength. It will get you through.

What parent hasn’t said to a small child, “Now, play well with your friends.” We try to motivate them to play with consideration, not to be selfish, to share their toys—to “play nice” as we say. Don’t you think we need to “work nice” with our fellow workers?

Here’s one last suggestion for creating more unity where you work: Help others to find their greatness and to develop and use their talents and skills. This applies not only to those in management, but all of us can look for ways to help others grow in their job and become better at what they do.

If you are particularly skilled in an area a new coworker struggles in, you could offer to coach her in it. Not only would that benefit her, but the growth of individual employees benefits the whole. Organizations would be immeasurably better if we all simply helped others find their greatness and realize their potential.

I think we would be shocked if we knew how much time, productivity, and success are lost simply because we don’t share with each other. I remember reading an article about the terrible Columbia Space Shuttle disaster in 2003. At the center of it was a lack of proper communication and an unwillingness to share knowledge and research, causing technical problems and ultimately the disaster itself. Knowing this makes the tragedy so much worse, doesn’t it?

Jesus gave us the greatest example of equipping others to succeed. He began with twelve unqualified men, taught them, role-modeled for them, and then after his resurrection, he sent the Holy Spirit to indwell them and empower them so they could be all he intended them to be. He equipped them—and he still equips us today. If you’re born from above, you have the Holy Spirit indwelling you, and he gives you the power to work well with others, to love others, to be a true friend and a peacemaker even on your job.

How often do you complete a goal or project with no help from others? My guess is we rarely reach our goals on our own. We receive help and cooperation, ideas and support from others, and that makes it possible for us to succeed.

I’m examining how to strive for more unity in the workplace, and one of the basic things to remember is to share credit for accomplishments and ideas.

Have you ever seen someone who won a very coveted award or accomplished something truly outstanding, and as they were recognized, the first thing they said was, “I could never have done this without. . .” and then they named others who helped. Actually, there are so many small moments in our days when we can share the credit and acknowledge the contribution that someone else has made.

Do you ever thank your boss for helping you? Have you taken time to send an email to a coworker who went out of his or her way to give you some advice or share some ideas with you? I think we often just overlook these little things; we get too busy, or we simply don’t realize how powerful “thank you” is.

One of the things we try to do well here at The Christian Working Woman is to say “thanks.” So many people have partnered with us throughout the 40+ years of this ministry, and I am very aware we could never have made it without them—without you!

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11).

An aptly spoken word is “thanks”, and it is beautiful. Believe me when I tell you—thank you is powerful, and you can’t overdo it. Are you intentional about recognizing and thanking those you work with and for? It will go a long way toward creating more unity. Give it a try.

Would you like to have a better atmosphere where you work—one with more unity? I’m examining what you can do—as one person—to improve the atmosphere at your job. And that mainly means what you can do to work well with others.

We hear lots of comments about how difficult workplaces are these days. With the scarcity of jobs and many companies asking more work from less employees, it can feel like you are trapped in a job you don’t like, and you have no hope of escaping. But I want to challenge you to try to improve the place you’re in. As a Christian, a true follower of Jesus Christ, your first priority is to represent Christ well where you work, regardless of the circumstances.

I’ve made two suggestions that may help. Here’s number three: Never ambush your coworkers or boss. For example, if you bring up a problem in a departmental meeting and it’s the first time your boss or the people involved have heard about it, then you may have blindsided them. They may interpret that to mean you’re trying to make them look bad. Always discuss issues first with the people directly involved.

Not only will that prevent you from appearing to ambush them, but you’ll likely learn a different perspective of the situation.

In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right, until someone comes forward and cross-examines (Proverbs 18:17).

We’ve all witnessed times when someone forcefully presented their case, expressed their opinion, pointed their fingers, and then when the facts were fully revealed, they were made to look foolish.

To have unity where you work, there needs to be trust. Trust is built over time, and the little things you do—or don’t do—daily will create a firm belief in the minds of your coworkers as to whether they can trust you. Are there not some people on your job you simply don’t trust? This should never be the perception our coworkers have of you as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

It was said of Daniel that his coworkers could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent (Daniel 6:4). A distinguishing mark of a Christian in a secular workplace should be we never ambush others, and we are very trustworthy.

What can you do to create more unity in your workplace—and make it a nicer place to work? I’m examining working well at work—doing what you can to create a better work environment. I already examined the importance of not playing the blame game. Here’s suggestion number two.

Always bring a solution when you present a problem. Anybody can complain and find fault, and there’s plenty of that going on in most work environments. But the person who brings a solution to a problem is very valuable. Before you go into gripe mode, ask yourself, if I were in charge, what would I do to resolve this situation?

Early in my sales career at IBM, I remember my manager telling me, “We don’t have problems at IBM, Mary, we have opportunities.” Now, that may sound very simplistic, but if everyone approached a problem as an opportunity, it would eliminate most of the negative chatter and complaining that is prevalent in many workplaces.

What would you identify as the number one problem where you work—the one thing you would really love to change? Maybe fixing it would increase efficiency or productivity or eliminate headaches or frustration. Identify that one thing and then come up with a solution.

If you can’t come up with a solution, then you have no right to complain about it. Maybe you’re thinking no one would take your suggestion, but have you tried? Have you presented your idea in a constructive way? Many people predict failure before they even try, and of course, those become self-fulfilling prophecies.

The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction (Proverbs 16:21).

When you present your solution to a problem, be very discerning about how you say it and make your words pleasant. Please also be aware sometimes a problem is far more involved than you know, and there may be extenuating circumstances of which you have no knowledge.

A study showed if you have a good friend at work, you are much more likely to be satisfied with your job. How would you describe your work relationships? Do you just tolerate your coworkers, or would you count at least some of them as good friends? Your answer to those questions could have a lot to do with how you feel about your job.

I want to talk about what you can do to work well with others, to make those working relationships more pleasant and to have more unity where you work. The workplace can bring out the worst in people, but as ambassadors for Jesus Christ, the workplace is our opportunity to shine as lights in a dark place and change the atmosphere by learning how to work well with others. One person can make a difference, so why shouldn’t that one person be you?

Here is my number one suggestion for working well with others: Don’t play the blame game. Shifting the blame for any situation is a big no-no. I’m not suggesting you take blame for something that was not your responsibility, but don’t alienate coworkers by pointing fingers, especially in a meeting or where multiple people are present.

Often problems must be addressed and those responsible must be identified and corrected. But the way you go about this will make all the difference in helping correct a problem or making it worse. You should always confront privately, one-on-one, after you have had time to think it through, form your words, control your anger, and make sure you’re speaking truth in love—meaning you’re doing this for the good of the other person not to vent your frustration. You could win a person over this way.

Remember, pick your fights. There are some hills that simply aren’t worth dying on, so be willing to let some things go.