After a summer hiatus, Cosmic Cannibal is back with a bang. Actually, she’s back with your September horoscope! That’s right, the silly and satirical astrologer returns with a full report on all the planetary motions happening this month. Did I mention there are horoscopes? Because there are horoscopes and weird jokes for each and every zodiac sign, even you, Scorpio. Bonus: Cosmic has some new background tunes and they are fuuuunnnnn-kkkayyyy.

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Follow her on IG (@coscmiccannibalcamille) and check out her website www.cosmiccannibal.com, and be sure to get yourself a copy of her astrology book, The Zodiac Abstract. Yep, had to get that promo in there somehow.

Music Credits:

"Stringed Disco" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

"Over Cast" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...

Ok, so maybe this 2021 Gemini Solar Eclipse is a day late, but Cosmic Cannibal doesn't care. In fact, if you listen to this episode, which not only has horoscopes for the Solar Eclipse, but also a complete overview and snazzy four-sign-most-affected list of 2021 Mars in Leo (and dates for the transit-- ooh!), you'll understand why its tardiness is nbd. Mercury is still retrograde, people, so the technological delays are still alive and thriving. And snarky/satirical astrologer, Cosmic Cannibal is proof.

For more astro-logic from Cosmic, follow me on Instagram (@cosmiccannibalcamille), and check out my website: www.cosmiccannibal.com

Music:

Intro/Outro Track: "Cosmic Slop" by Funkadelic 

Bossa Nova by www.bensound.com 

In this episode, snarky, self-absorbed astrologer Cosmic Cannibal briefly explains what the eff 2021 Venus in Cancer means for the 12 zodiac signs. In other words: there are incredibly inaccurate and undoubtedly vague Venus in Cancer horoscopes for each sign! Cosmic also has a lively chat with herself about 2021 Venus in Cancer, its important transit dates, and how it is going to affect her natal Venus in Cancer. Oh, and I guess she talks about you too. Sort of. Did I mention this is about 2021 Venus in Cancer? Because it is. 

Music: www.bensound.com

To read the horoscopes, visit www.cosmiccannibal.com, and be sure to follow Cosmic on Instagram @cosmiccannibalcamille 

For weeks I’ve been warning you that Summer 2021 is going to be a bit rocky, and I wasn’t lying. The astrological rockslide includes 2021 Saturn Retrograde, Mercury Retrograde, and Eclipse Season. Don't have any clue what any of that means? Neither does snarky astrologer Cosmic Cannibal (a.k.a. me), but that doesn't stop her from discussing the major transits for thirty minutes in this episode. Oh, and there are horoscopes too. I probably should've mentioned that before.

Originally aired on UCCS Radio, as part of the subScribe newscast. 

Show Music: https://www.bensound.com

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Follow her on IG and check out her blog, and be sure to get yourself a copy of her astrology book, The Zodiac Abstract

Toodle loo Taurus! It’s been lit, but your days are done: on Thursday, May 20th, the Sun is shifting into chatty and charming air sign Gemini, ushering in another zodiac season. With this new 2021 Gemini season comes new 2021 summer vibes. And transits. And retrogrades. And eclipses. And... well, it's a good idea satirical astrologer Cosmic Cannibal recorded this 2021 Gemini season survival guide, because you're definitely going to need it. In this episode, the snarky astrology non-expert covers Gemini season and all the important dates and transits therein, so you don't want to miss it. 

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Follow on Instagram (@cosmiccannibalcamille) and Twitter (@cosmicCamille), and be sure to check out Cosmic's astrology book The Zodiac Abstract. To read this episode as a blog post, visit www.cosmiccannibal.com

This episode originally aired on the subScribe newscast for UCCS Radio 

Music: https://www.bensound.com

On May 13th, 2021, lucky abundant Jupiter entered dreamy water sign Pisces, where it will roam until July 28th. Despite what you might think, 2021 Jupiter in Pisces is not just another transit. It is a titanic transit of epic proportions that will have a massive impact on society. That is why satirical astrologer Cosmic Cannibal has everything you need to know about it (including horoscopes, guidance against wannabe gurus, and something about William Shatner). It's an episode of the astrology podcast you don't want to miss. 

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic, follow her on Instagram (@cosmiccannibalcamille). Or, read this episode as a blog post on www.cosmiccannibal.com

*This episode originally aired on UCCS Radio, as part of the subScribe newscast. 

Holy cow, there's another lunation! In this episode, snarky satirical astrologer Cosmic Cannibal tells you all you need to know about the 2021 Taurus New Moon. There's stuff about planets (like, all the other aspects taking place on the New Moon: Mercury trine Saturn, Mars sextile Uranus, etc.), stuff about zodiac signs (mostly she throws shade on Cancer). There's even some music and a fair bit of foul language (sorry FCC). Bonus: Cosmic provides extended New Moon Horoscopes. That means, she adds to the New Moon in Taurus horoscopes you read on www.cosmiccannibal.com (because you read them, RIGHT?) and explains the house placements of each zodiac sign.

Want more astro-logic from Cosmic? Follow her on Instagram (@cosmiccannibalcamille), visit her website (www.cosmiccannibal.com), and be sure to check out her astrology book, The Zodiac Abstract.  

This week, the universe wants us to look alive, and it’s all thanks to two minor (yet majorly energizing) planetary transits: Mercury in Gemini and Venus in Gemini. Oh, but the transits don't stop there. In this forecast, Cosmic Cannibal tells you all you need to know about Mercury, Venus, and what they means for your zodiac sign. (In other words, there are like, horoscopes and snazzy lists or whatever.) Bonus: the snarky astrologer also gives an overview of all the other astrological transits happening May 2021. 

This episode is also available as a blog post (several blog posts) on www.cosmiccannibal.com

On April 27th Pluto, planet of transformation, stations retrograde in Capricorn, and will moonwalk through the cardinal earth sign until Oct. 6th. Could there be a better way to end the semester than with a retrograde? Yes, I can think of plenty, because retrogrades suck. Join me, astrology satirist and author Cosmic Cannibal to hear exactly why Pluto retrograde will suck. Included also are Pluto Retrograde horoscopes for the 12 zodiac signs. 

For more astro-logic from Cosmic follow her on Instagram (IG: @cosmiccannibalcamille) and check out her website www.cosmiccannibal.com.

Featured song: "Cosmic Slop" by Funkadelic

Not a week goes by that one planet or another isn’t shifting zodiac signs or doing some crazy astrology thing, and this week’s no different: on April 19th, both the Sun and Mercury shifted into earth sign Taurus, and on April 23rd, Mars moves into cardinal water sign Cancer. In this short forecast, Cosmic Cannibal (@cosmiccannibalcamille) tells you all you need to know about the week's top three astrological transits-- 2021 Taurus Season, Mercury in Taurus, and Mars in Cancer --and what they mean for the 12 zodiac signs. 

To read more from Cosmic Cannibal, check out her website. 

Featured song: "Cosmic Slop" by Funkadelic