The Couples Expert

This week marks the 85th episode of The Couples Expert Podcast!

This week Stuart speaks with his guest Emily Bouchard, MSSW. Emily works with couples and families about money issues. She helps families understand where the triggers about money really stem from and teaches them how to have difficult conversations without money landmines blowing them up!

Stuart and Emily discuss why money issues can affect couples so dramatically and can leave them feeling disconnected. Many people are uneducated about how to talk about money and 70% of families fall apart when money gets transferred. It happens when people come into large sums, or when money is redistributed, a business is sold, or when a blended family is involved and there are issues about ownership of shared property. There can be anger and resentment about expectations from family members about what is fair and right. Things can get very complicated the more layers of family that are added. It’s a challenge to make it fair where there may not be equal distribution or equal ownership within the family members. The more money you have, the more complex the issues within the family can be.

These are a few of the emotional explosive landmines that catch you off guard. Emily likens these to an invisible electronic barrier fence. You don’t know it’s there until you run into it. In her work she teaches people how to turn the voltage down. It can still sting, but it won’t kill or blow you up.

Protections come up, then you think “don’t go there,” So you avoid the conversation altogether until BOOM - you found the landmine! Stuart explains how emotions under the surface can explode when they’ve been between you and keeping you from connecting with the people you love.

Stuart talks about the triggers that come up when money conflicts arise and how understanding what’s needed to have these conversations empowers couples to navigate these difficult issues. From his emotional attachment work, Stuart shares the underlying dynamics about trust and need and why money problems can tear you apart as a couple.

Click here to read the complete Show Notes

In the 84th episode of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart speaks with his guest, Robert Cox, and they discuss substance abuse and alcoholism.

Substance abuse is extremely widespread and far-reaching problem and for those families who have an addict or alcoholic in their homes, it can be a devastating experience. Robert and Stuart discuss how this is a family problem and the importance of the entire family’s involvement in setting boundaries and sometimes giving tough love to the addict in order to preserve the relationships within the family.

Self- care and coping is not an option, it’s a “have to” - if you want to stay healthy in order to deal with the problem of substance abuse in a partner or family member.

Stuart does a lot of work with couples whose relationships are impacted by addiction. Not only drugs and alcohol but other addictions such as food, sex or gambling can also be addressed by seeing a couples counselor. You can learn more on The Couples Expert website http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com. Stuart and his staff offer a free 30 minutes consultation for new clients to learn about how therapy works for these types of issues.

Click Here to Read the Complete Show Notes

In this Halloween- themed episode Stuart gives couples who’ve been “spooked” in their relationship some alternatives to divorcing. Stuart believes that unless there are extremes of violence and substance abuse issues, that divorce is NOT the answer to your marital problems.

We can get into negative cycles and repeat those patterns in our relationships. Wanting to break out of those is scary but once each partner relates all of the qualities about their partner to these negative cycles, their instincts are to get away from the negativity, and the person with whom they associate the negativity. Without the tools to fix the problems people feel helpless and want to give up and /or run away.

Read the complete show notes here: 

Don't Let Your Marriage Spook You Into Divorce Show Notes

In episode 82 of the Couples Expert Podcast Stuart talks about the last stage of life, love and relationships. We’ve raised our kids, they’re out on their own and maybe having families of their own and  here we are with our partners rattling around in our empty nest. It can be a tough time if you’re not prepared for it. Leaving you feeling kind of lost and alone. You may have been living separate lives and now need to get reacquainted. Now is the time to start this last stage of your long term life and relationship by seeing your partner in a new way and rekindling the love and connection between the two  of you.

Stuart also discusses how we need to set boundaries with our adult children and in our role of grandparents. If you don’t discuss and agree on where those boundaries are, it can cause huge problems in your relationship. We need to support and communicate with our adult children but never meddle or interfere. We can feel proud that we launched our adult children and that they are doing well. They can be equipped to handle their own loving relationships because we’ve modeled a healthy partnership for them.

Read the full show notes on the The Couples Expert blog here:

http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/podcasts/

This week’s podcast topic is a bit different. This is week 2 of the 3 stages of a relationship. Last week we talked about the early stages of a relationship. So, today’s it’s phase 2, which covers the stage of raising children. There are so many challenges that come with parenting, so I am bringing on an expert to handle the topic. So today we talk about ways to handle those challenges, while still maintaining a close, connected relationship that will allow you to feel loved and supported. 

It’s also important that as you and your partner maintain a close and committed relationship, that the children also feel connected and secure in their relationship you, as well as their place in the family. By modeling this kind of relationship to your children, you are showing them how to act in a relationship.

Today’s guest is Dr. Robert Pate, a Counselor, and Psychologist from Huntington Beach, CA. Dr. Pate has a private practice in Orange county. He’s here to guide us through these conversations  about how to maintain healthy parental relationships with your children, while maintaining your relationship as a connected couple. 

You can read the full show notes and access the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

This is a place where you can come to learn ways that you and your partner can take your relationship to the next level. There’s nothing in the world that can compare to having a relationship where you know you are accepted exactly as you are, where you and your partner are in this journey together and will take on any challenges that come in your path. 

My wife and I were talking the other day, and I was asking her what it was like to be in a relationship with me. Sometimes I like to hear the perspective of my wife, just to see how I’m doing. She said that one of the things she loves about me is my gentleness and my kindness. She said that I was one of the kindest people she knew. Now, to be honest, I really wanted her to say I was sexy, or strong or virile and all of these other things, but she came out with kindness and gentleness!

In actuality, my wife gave me a gift. You see kindness is a characteristic that I can carry throughout my life. It doesn’t fade with age or looks. It doesn’t depend on me looking or feeling a certain way. It’s just a characteristic that I have in my life that will be with me as long as I live. So having this sort of admiration from my wife, makes me feel secure and makes me feel like I can be myself with her, and not every couple can feel that way.

My wife is genuinely one of the most good natured people I have ever known. She rarely does anything to stir me up, because I know she has no ill intentions. It makes us unique as a couple because we can truly be ourselves, without the risk of rejection.

Each relationship has different phases:

1. Newlywed and early years with children
2. Raising the family and building a career
3. Empty nest and growing older together in retirement

Over the next 3 episodes, we will discuss each of these phases in-depth.

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecoupleexpert.com

I’m so excited about today’s podcast. It will help so many of you get more out of your relationship. Has anyone had to be your dream killer? My life’s passion is working in the field of therapy to help couples enjoy their relationships. Today’s topic is infidelity. It’s a sad part of relationships. Affairs come in various forms - financial affairs, emotional affairs, sexual affairs. It doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship. You can come back after an affair and have a committed and beautiful relationship.

Alicia Taverner is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, with a Bachelor's Degree in Speech Communications from the University of La Verne, and a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University.

Alicia specializes in helping women find the calm within the storm of some of the most difficult relationship struggles such as infidelity, divorce, and break-up. Alicia is also a trained Discernment Counselor, and helps couples explore options for continuing their relationship despite some very heavy challenges. She resides in the Inland Empire with her husband and two children. Her personal passions include biking, snowboarding, yoga, and spending time with family and friends. 

You can read the full show notes at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com.

Being in a relationship is hard work. Add to that, being part of a couple where both are entrepreneurs, and you end up with a completely different dynamic. The sacrifices involved in entrepreneurship can be that you sacrifice relationships for the pursuit of wealth.

Is it possible to have a balanced relationship, a growing business and not sacrificing financial success in the meantime? That’s what our guest today is here to talk about. Leisa Peterson has a program that will get you to this point in your life.

Leisa Peterson has spent the last 25 years in the money business. She was drawn to it because she had some deep scarcity issues. Eventually, she was able to do more “in the business” by being aware of how money affects people.

Join us for this enlightening conversation!

You can read the full show notes and access all the links and resources at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

Today’s guest is Cait Wotherspoon and we are talking about grief and loss. We’ve just passed the 15th anniversary of 9/11 and our mood has been somber and reflective in observance of that horrid day. My brother was actually in a meeting in the World Trade Center a day or two before the attack. It really makes you realize that we have so much to be thankful for and how much we should appreciate the relationships we have.

With our relationships, we take in information and analyze it, and assign ow own interpretation of that information, and that colors our interactions with those people in our lives. If we didn’t do that, we could be much freer in our relationships. Much of Cait’s work deals with the grief of losing a child.

Cait Wotherspoon is a Therapist from Australia. She grew up wanting to be a prima ballerina and at 14, she became a ballet teacher and choreographer. She ended up meeting her husband later and it changed the course of her life. She had a toddler and was expecting twins, and one of her twins passed away, and she had multiple other family tragedies on top of that. I am so glad to welcome Cait to the show to talk about the very important topic of dealing with grief and loss.

You can read the full show notes and access the Cait's FREE gift at www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com

This year I’m doing a podcast on my birthday. On September 18, I will be 61. As a look back over my life, I can see how my relationships have shaped my entire life. My relationship with my significant other has allowed me to have a perspective on this world that it’s a great place to be. 

Things haven’t always been great, though. I know what it’s like to have a darkness in your perspective that comes from you not knowing that you are accepted, loved and connected to another person in a significant way. You can even begin to question what the point of life is. It’s a really bleak place to be. 

I’ve been on both sides of the relationship extremes, and I want to talk to you about what I did to go from disconnected, dark and bleak, to connected, happy and optimistic. My wife Debbie has been the one person in my life that has made it worth living!

Having a relationship with a therapist isn’t always easy, if you aren’t in the same field. But I am in an environment everyday that is happy, fulfilled and filled with positivity. It makes me see the world through a clearer, brighter lens. I am a better person and all the things I enjoy doing are more fun than ever.