This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/14/snake-attack-victim-not-sure-if-he-should-be-grateful-or-not/

BAKERSFIELD, CA—Following a brush with death Monday when a rattlesnake bit him on the ankle, local man Ryan Hahn told reporters he was not sure if he should be grateful for the experience or not.

“On the one hand, I’m glad I’m still alive and not in excruciating pain, but on the other hand, this snakebite is going to leave a pretty gnarly scar and make me miss work for a few days,” said Hahn, adding that while he was grateful to have survived the attack and would likely have died had his friend not been there to administer CPR and call an ambulance, he was also upset that his weekend plans had been ruined.

“I suppose I should be thankful that my life was spared, but it’s still going to cost me $500 out of pocket to get treatment for this thing. And now I have to worry about getting another job if my employer finds out about this. Man, I really don’t know how I feel about this whole thing.”

At press time, Hahn was reportedly relieved after learning that his health insurance would cover most of his expenses.