The Darkest Timeline Podcast

Welcome to the fourth episode of the Darkest Timeline Wrestling Gauntlet! In this episode, the boys from the Darkest Timeline try to salvage their DQ loss to The Marine with a 2011 film that tried ever so hard to launch the film career of Paul Levesque (AKA Hunter Hearst Helmsley AKA Triple H AKA HHH) and failed, unless you count his other 2011 film "Inside Out" (no relation), which also failed. It seems that being a corporate suit suits Triple H much better than being "The Chaperone"! And that's where I'd play some kind of dramatic musical cue if this was at all audio based, which it is not. Lucky you.The Chaperone cost an estimated $3 million to make, which actually makes me respect what they did more, but in its limited theatrical run, it only managed to make $14,400 in the United States and $29,395 in the United Arab Emirates, for a united total of $43,795. But I'm willing to say they did better in DVD and Blu-ray sales. Hell, there were another 6 months left until all Blockbusters went into liquidation. Plenty of time for rentals.Be sure to tune in next week as we continue The Gauntlet with 2006's "See No Evil" starring Kane!

Join us for the twelfth Patron's Choice podcast from our Patreon. This episode originally aired on Patreon six months ago, and it is a film that I suppose we could call divisive in its day, but has become a cult classic in this day and age. And that film was "Ishtar" starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman! It was six months ago, so I can't really remember what exactly we thought about that film, but I'm reasonably sure that we decided that it was Gods work. This film had such a negative reception that it caused the director, Elaine May, to not direct anything again until 2016 when she directed a posthumous documentary on the life of a dear friend, and former comedy partner, Mike Nichols. It's been six months and we all still find ourselves quoting the film every so often.The most unfortunate part of the film was how it was judged for its budget before anyone ever saw it. Depending on where you look, the film cost anywhere between $40 to $55 million, which was extremely expensive for a comedy in 1987. But the deathblow was the paltry $14.4 million gross.Join us next week as we get back to the Wrestling Gauntlet by watching 2011's "The Chaperone" starring Triple H.

Welcome to the third episode of the Darkest Timeline Wrestling Gauntlet! In this episode, the boys from the Darkest Timeline try to continue their winning streak against a film from 2006 that would launch the film career of a wrestler that was just waiting for the chance to put down the mic and pick up a script. That's right, we battle it out with 2006's Joh Cena vehicle "The Marine" represented by Robert Patrick and John Cena. Not only did this film give John Cena his first taste of the silver screen, it was also used to transition him into a more military leaning gimmick. Not really sure if this had the legs that they gave it, cause it's still going, but I guess it's not my place to say.This might not be the most successful movies ever, but at one time it was WWE Studios most successful, so "eye of the beholder", right? It cost an estimated $15 million to make and managed to rake in $18,884,784 in the States, but a massively unimpressive $3,329,824 outside of it, for a worldwide total of $22,165,608.Be sure to tune in next week for our Patron's Choice from October 2017; 1987's "Ishtar".

Welcome to the Darkest Timeline Wrestling Gauntlet! Our second match is between the Darkest Timeline and 1998's "3 Ninjas High Noon at Mega Mountain" represented by none of the original 3 Ninjas, Jim Varney, and Hulk Hogan!

Welcome to the first episode of the Darkest Timeline Wrestling Gauntlet! Our first match is between The Darkest Timeline and 2010's Faster, starring Billy Bob Thornton and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!

Join us now for our eleventh Patron's Choice Podcast from six months ago; 1991's screwball comedy "Oscar" starring Sylvester Stallone, Marisa Tomei, Ornella Muti, Tim Curry and Chazz Palminteri.

Our final review of the season is 2006's "Ultraviolet" starting Milla Jovovich and a midriff that makes up a quarter of her height. No complaints here...

We review a film that had no right being able to be covered here in the first place. Yes, we watched 2002's "Equilibrium" starring Christian Bale, Emily Watson, Taye Diggs, Angus Macfadyen, Sean Bean, Matthew Harbour, and William Fichtner.

We review a film that came out just a little too late. If it had only come out a year earlier. Yes, 1998's "Tale of the Mummy" starring Jason Scott Lee, Jack Davenport, Louise Lombard and Christopher Lee.

Join David, Ian, Dylan, and Adam for the 17th episode of season 5, where they review a film that puts the smolder in "don't make Dracula smolder, it's a mistake". Or am I being too on the nose again? I'll try to be coyer. -a film that answered questions about the Dracula mythos that people usually never ask if they want to have a good unencumbered time with a horror movie. Yes, we gazed in wonder at the gothic beauty that was 2000's creatively named "Dracula 2000" starring Gerard Butler, Christopher Plummer, Jonny Lee Miller, Justine Waddell, Omar Epps, Colleen Fitzpatrick, and Jennifer Esposito.Now, I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, or doesn't want our podcast opinions ruined for them in an arguably pointless written spiel that I'm not sure anyone has ever actually read, so I'll have to make this brief. Commercially this movie didn't do well, making $47.1 million off a $54 million budget will get you that assessment. It also did very poorly critically, hence the fact that we covered it at all. So, made nothing and no one liked it but it still has two sequels written and directed by the creator and director of this film. I hope that one day someone loves you as much as Patrick Lussier loves Dracula.