Alyssa Dineen sits down with Sarah Gormley, author of The Order of Things, a memoir about grief, reinvention, and falling in love in her forties at the exact moment she least expected it. After 25 years climbing the corporate marketing ladder in New York and San Francisco, Sarah moved back to her childhood home in Ohio to care for her dying mother, and unexpectedly fell in love with Camillus, someone she'd known peripherally since childhood.

Sarah and Alyssa dig into what actually made that relationship possible: five years of therapy before she ever met him, and a slow unlearning of the belief that she had to earn love by being impressive. Sarah introduces her therapist's concept of the "Velcro effect," the idea that when you feel bad about yourself, you attract and stay attracted to people who confirm that feeling. They talk candidly about the pull to second-guess a good, steady relationship simply because it doesn't check the boxes society trained us to look for, and how much of lasting connection actually comes down to small, unglamorous things: what's for dinner, who texts back, whether someone shows up the way they say they will. This episode is a real, unfiltered look at what readiness for love actually looks like, and why it rarely arrives on schedule.

You'll also hear about:

(01:21) Sarah's move from San Francisco back to her childhood home in Ohio to care for her mother

(02:06) Meeting Camillus during the hardest, least "ready" season of her life

(04:26) Five years of therapy before meeting him, and what "readiness" actually meant

(05:33) Sarah's history with self-loathing and the pressure to be "smart, skinny, and successful"

(08:08) Letting go of "put-together Sarah" and learning to feel worthy for existing, not achieving

(11:39) Her mother witnessing the relationship before she passed away

(14:21) What it felt like to date without games, anxiety, or decoding text messages

(17:06) The temptation to sabotage a good relationship out of fear and old patterns

(19:56) Whether the relationship could have worked at an earlier, less ready point in her life

(21:44) Second-guessing a partner who doesn't fit the "type" you thought you needed

(26:36) The "Velcro Effect": why feeling bad about yourself attracts the wrong partners

(28:49) Prioritizing kindness and consistency over the qualities she thought she wanted

(30:16) Returning to her childhood home and rediscovering an earlier version of herself

(34:43) Real life after the fairy tale: living together, house hunting, and the everyday work of a relationship

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Alyssa Dineen sits down with her very first guest on The Dating Lab, Dr. Jennie Young, author of Burn the Haystack. Jennie reflects on the release of her book, sharing what it was like writing her first non-academic work, navigating the taxing nature of book promotion, and meeting hundreds of women across the country during her national book tour.

Alyssa and Jennie dive into the core philosophy of the Burned Haystack method, exploring how toxic rhetorical patterns transcend centuries, appearing in everything from 18th-century literature and 80s rom-coms to modern dating profiles. They discuss how these critical discourse analysis tools extend far beyond online dating, proving invaluable for navigating dynamics in the workplace, job interviews, and family relationships.

Jennie opens up about her personal return to dating apps out of professional obligation after completing her manuscript. She shares how applying her method led her to connect with her partner, Pat, on Hinge within just a single month. Together, Alyssa and Jennie break down what makes a green-flag ah o"Date Vanilla" profile, the importance of normal communication timing, and why "most of dating should not be dating" if your goal is a healthy, long-term partnership.

A central focus of the episode is a re-examination of "The Ick". Moving beyond superficial TikTok tropes, Jennie reframes the ick as Intensely Consequential Knowledge (I.C.K.) - a crucial intuitive defense mechanism that flags early boundary violations. The conversation concludes with a candid discussion on women's safety, highlighting how the Burnt Haystack method ultimately serves to protect women’s time, sanity, and physical well-being.

You’ll also hear about:

• (03:48) Jennie's writing journey: Transitioning from academic textbook publishing to popular non-fiction
• (06:20) Satire as a political tool: How humor and Second City training mock toxic patriarchy
• (09:08) Returning to the apps: Jennie's professional obligation turned personal success story
• (10:50) Meeting Pat on Hinge: Deconstructing a green-flag "Date Vanilla" profile
• (11:48) "Most of dating is not dating": Why filtering 99.5% of men is essential for long-term goals
• (15:05) Communication red flags: Performative texting,Target selfies, and finding a healthy texting pace
• (17:31) The "Disappointment Test": A practical gauge for deciding whether to go on date two or three
• (21:10) Debunking "Immediate Chemistry": Why genuine connection takes time and sustained interaction
• (29:17) Defining I.C.K.: Why "The Ick" represents Intensely Consequential Knowledge and boundary protection
• (33:00) Material rhetoric: What velcro wallets and adult velcro shoes reveal about deeper behavioral patterns
• (40:30) Systemic safety & boundary violations: Parallels with Gisèle Pelicot's memoir and Women Talking
• (43:08) Method as protection: Preserving women’s time, sanity, and physical safety over "finding the one"
• (50:15) Why toxic behavior reveals itself quickly while genuine goodness requires time to observe

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This week on The Dating Lab Alyssa Dineen sits down with National Board Certified health and wellness coach Jill Foos for a candid conversation about post-divorce dating, unexpected matchmaking, and navigating the complexities of menopause.

Jill shares her unique story of how she met her partner, Noah, after being set up by a group of divorced girlfriends sharing their dating experiences. She opens up about the mistakes of dating too early during separation, why she decided to hire a therapist as her dating sounding board, and the importance of ditching superficial requirements, like the notorious "six-foot-tall" rule, to find genuine connection built on humor, kindness, and character.

Alyssa and Jill also explore the significant impact of perimenopause and menopause on a woman’s confidence, physical appearance, and libido. They discuss the realities of hormonal changes, the concept of responsive desire, and why it is crucial for midlife women to rebuild their healthcare team and their sexual pleasure toolkit.

This episode is an empowering reminder to stay open-minded in dating, advocate for your personal health, and embrace the reinvention that comes with midlife.

You’ll also hear about:

• (03:25) The "dating potluck" setup: How Jill met her partner Noah through friends
• (06:55) Why dating during a separation is chaotic and often a mistake
• (09:29) Using a therapist as a sounding board while navigating the dating world
• (10:28) Breaking old dating strategies and moving past instant "sparks"
• (15:00) Why height requirements restrict your dating pool
• (18:40) Finding attraction through humor, kindness, and active listening
• (22:15) Waiting to be intimate and discovering great sexual chemistry
• (26:00) Manifesting a partner who checks the most important boxes
• (30:14) The physical and emotional toll of perimenopause on dating confidence
• (34:00) Rebuilding your midlife healthcare "board of directors"
• (38:28) Managing low libido with HRT and testosterone
• (40:40) Rebuilding your sexual pleasure toolkit and understanding responsive desire
• (44:25) Why advocating for yourself in the doctor's office is essential

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Alyssa Dineen sits down with resilience and relationship coach Susannah Ludwig for an insightful and uplifting conversation about navigating the emotional aftermath of divorce, rebuilding confidence, and finding joy in midlife dating.

Best known for transitioning from an Academy Award-nominated film producer to a full-time coach, Susannah shares how her own path through divorce led her to help other women reclaim their power. She opens up about the importance of community support, taking time to rediscover what lights you up, and why true resilience is about finding strength right in the middle of the pain.

Alyssa and Susannah explore the intersection of vulnerability, self-worth, and dating after a major life transition. They discuss practical ways to trust your own judgment again, how to tap into your nervous system on dates, the realities of long-distance relationships and blended families, and why dating as a divorced parent can actually be an incredibly freeing and fun experience.

This episode is an empowering reminder that divorce is not just an ending, but an opportunity to design a life you truly love and to re-enter the dating world with clarity and purpose.

• (02:47) Transitioning from an Academy Award-nominated film producer to a full-time coach
• (05:39) The power of community and Susanna's monthly divorce support group
• (07:44) Finding yourself in the "in-between" stage and rediscovering forgotten passions
• (10:43) What women say they need after divorce vs. what they actually need
• (13:16) Susanna's dating journey: going on 60 dates and viewing it as a human study
• (22:06) Why vulnerability is the necessary key to relationship development
• (24:58) How to rebuild confidence and trust your own judgment again
• (27:30) Healing and regaining self-worth after a partner's infidelity
• (30:19) The common patterns of healing: from grief and anger to ultimate freedom
• (31:11) The distinct differences between therapy and coaching
• (33:03) Why dating as a divorced parent can actually be fun and liberating

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In this refreshing and lively episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Kym Canter, a luxury sustainability pioneer specializing in bio-based fur and ethical lab-grown diamonds, for a candid conversation about transforming your mindset around online dating. Having bonded at a fashion industry event over their mutual, unlikely love for the digital dating landscape, Alyssa and Kym dissect why so many midlife adults encounter a wall of "cringe" and fear, and how to entirely rewrite that script.

Kym shares her journey as an early online dating pioneer, explaining how her natural entrepreneurial drive helped her view matching platforms not as something demeaning, but as a brilliant technical ecosystem akin to online shopping or adopting the first cell phones. Together, they challenge the traditional pitfalls of conventional setups, such as the inherent awkwardness of fracturing friend groups or dealing with vicarious matchmakers, and highlight the liberating freedom of stepping into a massive, independent market of new people.

From hilarious tales of accidentally dating the exact same man twice due to a profile picture swap, to navigating severe outliers like a deceptive married match that prompted a Marie Claire feature article, Kym and Alyssa provide a masterclass in treating dating as free self-analysis. This episode serves as an empowering reminder that finding a partner in midlife is less about avoiding failures and more about embracing them as valuable data, letting go of outdated collegiate scripts, and step-by-step rebuilding your social confidence.

• (00:45) Meeting Kym Canter: A sustainability pioneer bridging the luxury fashion world and online dating.
• (06:05) Shifting midlife mindsets: Dropping old college dating scripts for a changing modern ecosystem.
• (12:15) Desktop monitors to mobile apps: The business genius behind the evolutionary shift to swiping.
• (18:05) The "Den Mother" approach: Pushing younger generations to invest in premium, high-value profile filters.
• (24:20) Sharing app biases: Alyssa and Kym break down their long-term partner success stories on Tinder.
• (30:15) The forced chemistry trap: Learning to stop over-analyzing text messages and forcing interest.
• (36:10) Clarifying text intentions: A humorous lesson on misreading a late-night invite and setting clear standards.
• (42:15) Customizing modern commitment: Rejecting traditional relationship timelines for what actually works.
• (48:10) The entrepreneurial parallel: Re-framing bad dates as dud business meetings on the journey to a successful win.
• (54:20) Sustainable designs: Kym's solar-powered lab-grown diamond venture and how to connect with her brand.

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In this special milestone episode, Alyssa Dineen steps behind the microphone for her very first solo episode of The Dating Lab. Drawing from her personal life and years of professional experience as a midlife dating coach , Alyssa opens up about her own journey, sharing the exact story of how she met her partner of nine years, Yoav, on Tinder and how that unexpected relationship became the blueprint for her signature framework: The Date Vanilla Method.

Alyssa deconstructs the common misconceptions surrounding the word "vanilla," explaining why a "ho-hum" profile or an initial lack of instant, overwhelming chemistry is not a sign to run, but rather an invitation to get to know someone real. She shares how her first few dates with Yoav lacked conventional "fireworks" and explores why continuing to show up allowed deep, lasting chemistry to develop over time. Moving beyond her personal story, Alyssa analyzes the broader patterns behind her clients' biggest success stories, demonstrating how a shift toward evaluating values, integrity, and emotional availability moves the needle for adults over 45.

Finally, Alyssa addresses the current explosion of the online dating coaching landscape. She offers critical advice on how to navigate conflicting professional guidance and emphasizes the importance of following mentors who truly understand the unique nuances of midlife transitions, divorce, and late-stage dating. Empowering, practical, and deeply honest, this episode is a foundational primer for anyone ready to lower their guard, reframe their expectations, and date with authentic clarity.

• (00:45) Alyssa’s first solo episode: Sharing her personal love story and client success patterns
• (01:30) Deconstructing "Date Vanilla": What it really means and why it doesn't mean settling
• (02:50) Meeting Yoav on Tinder: Re-evaluating immediate messages and the "same-day date" myth
• (04:35) The early dates: Navigating work-morning matcha, restaurant running jokes, and zero initial chemistry
• (08:00) The fourth date turning point: Overcoming the fear of leading someone on to give it one last shot
• (09:45) The mirror moment: Shifting from a comfortable friendship foundation to off-the-charts fireworks
• (11:55) Deconstructing a vanilla profile: The green flags of respectful communication over showy bio lines
• (13:25) Redefining high standards: Shifting focus from superficial traits to core values and true availability
• (16:25) Sifting through the noise: Navigating a saturated coaching landscape to find advice tailored to midlife daters

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Alyssa Dineen sits down with Shari Joseph and Tamara Frankfort, the co-creators of My Next Chapter, a community-driven platform designed to support individuals navigating every stage of separation and divorce. Together, they explore the deeply personal transitions that follow the end of a marriage, from the initial "race" to start dating again to the quiet power of finding oneself in the aftermath.

Tamara and Shari share their contrasting experiences, one amicable and one high-conflict, and offer wisdom on why listening to your gut is the most important tool in your arsenal. They discuss the nuanced difference between dating to escape the "icky" feeling of loneliness and dating because you are genuinely ready to share a life you have worked hard to build.

You'll also hear about:

• (01:40) Indicators of marriage longevity and the vital importance of following your instincts
• (04:44) High-conflict divorce, cultural excuses, and the normalization of unhappiness
• (08:29) The "Next Chapter" race: Why jumping into dating too quickly can feel unsatisfying
• (13:31) Distinguishing between the "icky" weight of loneliness and genuine dating readiness
• (15:45) Dating as an escape: How meeting new people can unexpectedly aid the healing process
• (18:54) The myth of being "fully healed" before finding new love
• (24:06) Silver linings of custody: Recharging, presence, and the evolution of the parent-child bond
• (31:40) Lightning Round: Healthy love, breaking divorce rules, and the gift of a second chance

This episode is for anyone navigating the transition from "we" to "me," those questioning their readiness to date, and anyone looking for permission to enjoy the quiet moments of their new life.

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If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share - it helps more people discover the show.

Learn more about My Next Chapter:

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In this insightful episode of The Dating Lab, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Dr. Jenn Kennedy, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara. Together, they explore the psychological underpinnings of first impressions and how much of attraction is decided in those initial few seconds. Dr. Jenn breaks down the unconscious sorting our brains do and why what we say we want often differs from the patterns we actually pursue.

The conversation delves into common dating traps, such as unconsciously seeking out partners similar to our exes to heal old wounds, and how to break the cycle by choosing healthier, if seemingly less "dramatic," dynamics. They also discuss the myth of "low desire" in midlife women, reframing it around the need for more satisfying and connected sexual experiences rather than just a biological deficit.

Finally, Dr. Jenn shares actionable advice for sustaining long-term attraction through healthy interdependence. She introduces the concept of "sensate focus," explaining how slowing down physical touch and treating early intimacy as a mindfulness exercise can calm the nervous system, reduce performance anxiety, and create a deeper erotic connection.

• (01:55) What happens psychologically in the first few minutes of meeting someone and the unconscious sorting our brains perform.
• (05:45) Why textual banter and intellectual engagement can increase physical attraction before a face-to-face date.
• (09:02) The psychological reasons we unconsciously seek out the same toxic patterns and how to break the loop.
• (12:24) The "cat from the pound" analogy: Why replacing your ex with a similar model is a recipe for disaster.
• (13:44) Navigating the "limerence" phase and the milestones needed to truly know a partner beyond the initial chemical spark.
• (17:47) How maintaining individual silos and bringing rich experiences back to the partnership sustains long-term attraction.
• (20:16) The crucial difference between codependence and healthy interdependence in a relationship.
• (22:49) How dressing well and showing up thoughtfully signals your self-worth and impacts the partners you attract.
• (33:02) Debunking the myth of "low desire" in midlife women and the reality of their sexual needs.
• (38:38) Using the 1950s "sensate focus" protocol to slow down intimacy, reduce anxiety, and explore non-genital pleasure.

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• Visit: The Pleasure Project at pleasureproject.us
• Email: [email protected]
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In this fun and refreshingly candid episode, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Natasha Chandel, an Indian-Canadian-American writer, actress, comedian, and the former host of the wildly popular Kinda Dating podcast. Natasha shares her personal evolution from a self-proclaimed "reformed commitment phobe" who kept partners at arm's length to a woman who happily navigated a pandemic-era romance that led to marriage.

Alyssa and Natasha dive deep into the messy realities of modern dating, leaving no topic off the table. They discuss the psychology behind "the ick" (and why it's often just an excuse to end things), the double standards of commitment phobia, and why waiting an hour to text someone back is a power play we all need to outgrow.

Natasha also opens up about her unique love story, locking down with a stranger she met on Hinge just days before the pandemic, and why she believes a prenuptial agreement is actually the most romantic thing a couple can do. This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments and hard truths about taking accountability, staying present, and not attaching your self-worth to early dating experiences.

• (01:50) Natasha’s journey from serial monogamist to a "reformed commitment phobe."
• (04:35) How starting the Kinda Dating podcast held Natasha accountable in her own love life.
• (08:00) Meeting her husband on Hinge and moving in together on their third date right before the COVID lockdown.
• (11:44) Why Natasha never wanted to get married, and how she ended up with the "dream Indian wedding she never wanted" in Spain.
• (15:23) The truth about "the ick": Is it a real red flag or just a convenient excuse to bail?
• (18:45) Why women are just as guilty of commitment phobia as men (and how to spot your own patterns).
• (22:29) Gender norms in early dating: Who should follow up, who should plan, and who should pay?
• (29:19) Why full transparency and a prenup can actually bring a couple closer together.
• (31:47) The one dating behavior Natasha would outlaw today: Playing the "waiting to text back" game.
• (34:22) Why getting ghosted says nothing about your self-worth.

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• Listen: Check out the archives of the Kinda Dating podcast (300 episodes available!).

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In this insightful episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Leah Mazur, a certified divorce recovery coach, founder of Mindfully Ready, and co-creator of The Next Chapter membership. Drawing from her own deeply personal journey through three marriages, Leah shares how she overcame her fear of being alone and stopped using serial monogamy as a "life raft."

Leah offers a candid look at the mistakes she made jumping into relationships too quickly to numb her loneliness, and how doing the inner work completely transformed her approach to dating. She breaks down the critical difference between true compatibility and toxic chemistry, which often just mimics familiar childhood wounds, and explains why getting divorced means your dating standards should actually be higher, not lower.

Alyssa and Leah also tackle the realities of modern dating for single moms, the unspoken necessity of financial independence, and the science that proves why the "staying for the kids" narrative is harmful. This conversation is packed with actionable advice on how to build a fulfilling life so that a partner becomes an addition to your happiness, rather than the source of it.

1. (04:43) Leah’s wake-up call after her first two marriages and how she stopped making choices based on the fear of abandonment.
2. (09:25) The crucial mindset shift: Going from "Am I good enough for him?" to "Does he add value to my life?"
3. (11:12) How Leah's third marriage resulted in a peaceful uncoupling and a lifelong, stable stepdad for her daughter.
4. (16:54) Why you must build a healthy relationship with yourself before you can model one for your children.
5. (18:20) Unlearning the toxic relationship narratives fed to us by Romcoms and Disney.
6. (20:47) The biggest post-divorce dating mistake: Dating just to numb the loneliness.
7. (21:28) Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Why the "spark" might just be a familiar, toxic nervous system response.
8. (27:05) The importance of financial stability so you don't choose a partner out of survival mode.
9. (33:53) Debunking the "stay for the kids" myth and why a mother's happiness directly correlates with her children's well-being.
10. (40:45) The Next Chapter membership: A resource hub for moms navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.

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1. Visit: mindfullyready.com
2. Check out: The Next Chapter Membership
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