The Dating Lab

In this insightful episode of The Dating Lab, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Dr. Jenn Kennedy, a clinical sexologist and licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Barbara. Together, they explore the psychological underpinnings of first impressions and how much of attraction is decided in those initial few seconds. Dr. Jenn breaks down the unconscious sorting our brains do and why what we say we want often differs from the patterns we actually pursue.

The conversation delves into common dating traps, such as unconsciously seeking out partners similar to our exes to heal old wounds, and how to break the cycle by choosing healthier, if seemingly less "dramatic," dynamics. They also discuss the myth of "low desire" in midlife women, reframing it around the need for more satisfying and connected sexual experiences rather than just a biological deficit.

Finally, Dr. Jenn shares actionable advice for sustaining long-term attraction through healthy interdependence. She introduces the concept of "sensate focus," explaining how slowing down physical touch and treating early intimacy as a mindfulness exercise can calm the nervous system, reduce performance anxiety, and create a deeper erotic connection.

• (01:55) What happens psychologically in the first few minutes of meeting someone and the unconscious sorting our brains perform.
• (05:45) Why textual banter and intellectual engagement can increase physical attraction before a face-to-face date.
• (09:02) The psychological reasons we unconsciously seek out the same toxic patterns and how to break the loop.
• (12:24) The "cat from the pound" analogy: Why replacing your ex with a similar model is a recipe for disaster.
• (13:44) Navigating the "limerence" phase and the milestones needed to truly know a partner beyond the initial chemical spark.
• (17:47) How maintaining individual silos and bringing rich experiences back to the partnership sustains long-term attraction.
• (20:16) The crucial difference between codependence and healthy interdependence in a relationship.
• (22:49) How dressing well and showing up thoughtfully signals your self-worth and impacts the partners you attract.
• (33:02) Debunking the myth of "low desire" in midlife women and the reality of their sexual needs.
• (38:38) Using the 1950s "sensate focus" protocol to slow down intimacy, reduce anxiety, and explore non-genital pleasure.

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In this fun and refreshingly candid episode, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Natasha Chandel, an Indian-Canadian-American writer, actress, comedian, and the former host of the wildly popular Kinda Dating podcast. Natasha shares her personal evolution from a self-proclaimed "reformed commitment phobe" who kept partners at arm's length to a woman who happily navigated a pandemic-era romance that led to marriage.

Alyssa and Natasha dive deep into the messy realities of modern dating, leaving no topic off the table. They discuss the psychology behind "the ick" (and why it's often just an excuse to end things), the double standards of commitment phobia, and why waiting an hour to text someone back is a power play we all need to outgrow.

Natasha also opens up about her unique love story, locking down with a stranger she met on Hinge just days before the pandemic, and why she believes a prenuptial agreement is actually the most romantic thing a couple can do. This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments and hard truths about taking accountability, staying present, and not attaching your self-worth to early dating experiences.

• (01:50) Natasha’s journey from serial monogamist to a "reformed commitment phobe."
• (04:35) How starting the Kinda Dating podcast held Natasha accountable in her own love life.
• (08:00) Meeting her husband on Hinge and moving in together on their third date right before the COVID lockdown.
• (11:44) Why Natasha never wanted to get married, and how she ended up with the "dream Indian wedding she never wanted" in Spain.
• (15:23) The truth about "the ick": Is it a real red flag or just a convenient excuse to bail?
• (18:45) Why women are just as guilty of commitment phobia as men (and how to spot your own patterns).
• (22:29) Gender norms in early dating: Who should follow up, who should plan, and who should pay?
• (29:19) Why full transparency and a prenup can actually bring a couple closer together.
• (31:47) The one dating behavior Natasha would outlaw today: Playing the "waiting to text back" game.
• (34:22) Why getting ghosted says nothing about your self-worth.

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In this insightful episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Leah Mazur, a certified divorce recovery coach, founder of Mindfully Ready, and co-creator of The Next Chapter membership. Drawing from her own deeply personal journey through three marriages, Leah shares how she overcame her fear of being alone and stopped using serial monogamy as a "life raft."

Leah offers a candid look at the mistakes she made jumping into relationships too quickly to numb her loneliness, and how doing the inner work completely transformed her approach to dating. She breaks down the critical difference between true compatibility and toxic chemistry, which often just mimics familiar childhood wounds, and explains why getting divorced means your dating standards should actually be higher, not lower.

Alyssa and Leah also tackle the realities of modern dating for single moms, the unspoken necessity of financial independence, and the science that proves why the "staying for the kids" narrative is harmful. This conversation is packed with actionable advice on how to build a fulfilling life so that a partner becomes an addition to your happiness, rather than the source of it.

1. (04:43) Leah’s wake-up call after her first two marriages and how she stopped making choices based on the fear of abandonment.
2. (09:25) The crucial mindset shift: Going from "Am I good enough for him?" to "Does he add value to my life?"
3. (11:12) How Leah's third marriage resulted in a peaceful uncoupling and a lifelong, stable stepdad for her daughter.
4. (16:54) Why you must build a healthy relationship with yourself before you can model one for your children.
5. (18:20) Unlearning the toxic relationship narratives fed to us by Romcoms and Disney.
6. (20:47) The biggest post-divorce dating mistake: Dating just to numb the loneliness.
7. (21:28) Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Why the "spark" might just be a familiar, toxic nervous system response.
8. (27:05) The importance of financial stability so you don't choose a partner out of survival mode.
9. (33:53) Debunking the "stay for the kids" myth and why a mother's happiness directly correlates with her children's well-being.
10. (40:45) The Next Chapter membership: A resource hub for moms navigating high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.

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In this incredibly inspiring episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with Carly Fauth, a fitness instructor, certified cancer exercise specialist, movement mentor, and the founder of Fit in Fitness. Carly shares her powerful story of being diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer in February 2024 and how she used movement to take her power back.

Carly discusses her remarkable journey of launching a podcast (originally called "Chemo Coffee Talk") straight from her infusion chair at Dana Farber to help others feel less scared. She also reveals how she maintained her commitment to exercising and teaching every single day of her chemo treatment—and even completed a triathlon just two weeks after her final session.

Alyssa and Carly explore the philosophy behind the "15-Minute Method," emphasizing that you have to build momentum before you feel motivation. They also draw striking parallels between building a fitness routine and modern dating, noting that "dabbling" doesn't work and consistency is the ultimate key to success. Finally, Carly breaks down why women in perimenopause and menopause should prioritize heavy strength training and shorter, sprint-interval cardio over long, exhausting workouts.

• (01:50) Launching the "Chemo Coffee Talk" podcast from the infusion chair.
• (07:18) The birth of the 15-Minute Method and why 15 minutes is a "magic number" your brain can easily wrap around.
• (09:50) Committing to fitness through breast cancer treatment and completing a triathlon two weeks after chemo.
• (12:20) Using fitness as a training ground for life's hardest hurdles and the meaning behind her book title, Pray for the Bear.
• (14:21) How just a few minutes of movement or stretching ("motion is lotion") can completely shift your mood.
• (15:40) The striking parallels between fitness routines and dating: why you need to enjoy the process, not just the end result.
• (20:02) Trading negative habits for the positive "euphoria" and dopamine hit of movement.
• (24:38) Why perimenopause and menopause require shorter intense workouts (like SIT) rather than 45-minute exhaustion sessions.
• (25:15) The ideal midlife fitness balance: lifting heavy weights and getting 150 minutes of cardio.
• (29:10) The 6-week 15-Minute Club, focusing heavily on mindset to build lasting consistency.

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In this energizing episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with celebrity wellness expert, motivational speaker, and "Mind-Body-Soul Connector" Robert Brace to discuss the transformative power of movement on our mental health and self-esteem.

Robert shares his philosophy on why fitness isn't just about aesthetic changes, but about regulating the nervous system and building a deep sense of trust in oneself through consistency. They dive into the science of how movement produces serotonin, endorphins, and oxytocin to create joy, calm, and connection.

Alyssa and Robert also tackle common midlife myths, like the fear of "bulking up" from lifting weights or the belief that "those days are over", and reveal how strength training can actually reverse biological age and improve longevity. Whether you have 10 minutes or an hour, this conversation offers practical advice for anyone looking to reclaim their confidence and feel at home in their body again.

1. (01:27) The "Confidence After Movement" theory: How exercise produces joy, calm, and bliss
2. (04:20) Why 20 minutes of intensity is the magic number for the "runner's high" and endocannabinoid release
3. (07:04) How consistency builds self-trust and self-esteem
4. (08:48) The danger of being "outcome-oriented" in both fitness and dating
5. (10:45) The ROI of movement: Yoga, breathing, and lifting weights in 10-minute bursts
6. (12:43) Why lifting heavy weights is crucial for women in midlife (and won't make you bulky!)
7. (16:45) Overcoming the "Those Days Are Over" mindset and reclaiming your vitality
8. (19:41) Reversing biological age: How clients are clocking in 15 years younger than their chronological age
9. (26:35) How to stay motivated when you don't see immediate results
10. (28:42) "Motion is Lotion": Navigating setbacks, surgery, and the importance of just keeping moving

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In this enlightening episode, Alyssa Dineen is joined by Dr. Saida and Aaron Michael, the founders of Embodied Love University and experts in the science of intimacy. Together, they dismantle the common myths surrounding sexual chemistry and "the spark," especially as it pertains to midlife dating.

Dr. Saida and Aaron share their decades of experience helping individuals and couples move beyond teenage fantasies of "instant" chemistry to build a more intentional, lasting magnetism. They explore the biological and hormonal factors that influence attraction, including how ovulation impacts receptivity, and discuss why a "peak experience" at the start of a relationship isn't always a sign of long-term compatibility.

This conversation is a deep dive into how we can all live in a more connected way by understanding the difference between a fleeting hormonal rush and a deeply built charge. Alyssa and her guests also tackle sensitive topics like libido during menopause, the psychology behind erectile dysfunction, and why our later years can actually be our "power stage" for connection.

1. (01:42) The big question: Is sexual chemistry real or can it be intentionally built?
2. (02:54) How trauma patterns, attachment styles, and hormonal cycles affect attraction
3. (03:21) The fascinating study on how ovulation influences physical magnetism and receptivity
4. (04:53) The secret to chemistry: Harnessing internal arousal rather than looking for external validation
5. (08:00) Why labels like "sapiosexual" or "polyamorous" can sometimes limit our capacity for connection
6. (12:19) Why following a strict "checklist" might make you miss the right person
7. (15:40) The "Likability" Experiment: How judging others on apps vs. real life changes your energy
8. (18:00) Is sexual incompatibility real, or is it a lack of skills and attunement?
9. (23:30) Debunking libido myths: Menopause, testosterone, and the "power stage" of life
10. (38:50) Navigating sensitive conversations around ED and performance anxiety in modern dating
11. (44:00) The "Penetration Protocol" study and how couples can revolutionize their intimacy

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In this powerful and deeply reflective episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with iconic stylist, designer, author, and midlife advocate Stacy London for a conversation about identity, confidence, aging, and the evolving meaning of personal style.

Best known as the co-host of What Not to Wear, Stacy shares how her philosophy has shifted from prescribing fashion rules to helping people reconnect with their own agency and intuition. She opens up about the emotional impact of being judged publicly, the limitations of trend-driven fashion, and why clothes alone can never be the source of true confidence.

Alyssa and Stacy explore the intersection of style, self-worth, and midlife transition, including menopause, women’s health, and why this life stage deserves more honesty and visibility. They discuss sustainable fashion, vintage shopping, overconsumption, and how building a wardrobe with intention can reflect who you are now—not who you used to be.

This episode is an empowering reminder that style is not about fitting in or fixing yourself, but about trusting what makes you feel alive.

1. (01:00) Stacy’s evolution from What Not to Wear to personal empowerment
2. (03:10) Why modern culture no longer needs traditional style “experts”
3. (04:20) The difference between personal style and trends
4. (05:45) Constructive criticism, judgment, and agency in fashion
5. (07:00) The emotional impact of public scrutiny
6. (08:15) Stepping away from the mirror and redefining confidence
7. (10:00) Why clothes can’t be the foundation of self-esteem
8. (11:20) What’s broken in the fashion industry today
9. (12:45) Why women are underserved by fashion brands
10. (14:30) Midlife style challenges and finding the middle ground
11. (17:10) Why vintage shopping supports individuality
12. (18:30) Favorite vintage and resale platforms
13. (22:40) How to shop vintage with intention
14. (25:00) Clothing swaps, resale, and circular fashion
15. (27:00) Building a wardrobe with “character builder” pieces
16. (28:55) Overconsumption and fashion’s environmental impact
17. (31:30) Midlife transitions and living with more presence
18. (33:00) Why Stacy closed State of Menopause
19. (35:40) Menopause as a health and lifestyle issue
20. (37:30) The business of menopause and women’s health
21. (38:50) The emotional costs of midlife for women
22. (41:00) Reframing menopause and aging
23. (42:45) Identity, introspection, and trusting yourself
24. (45:30) Reclaiming freedom, confidence, and self-expression

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In this insightful and grounded episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with celebrity dating coach, media personality, and bestselling author Damona Hoffman to break down the biggest misconceptions in modern dating, and what actually leads to lasting connection.

Damona shares how dating apps changed the landscape of relationships, why over-texting creates false intimacy, and how chasing instant chemistry can distract us from true compatibility. Drawing from years of coaching experience and her own love story, she explains why dating works best when treated as a process rather than a spark-driven guessing game.

Alyssa and Damona also unpack outdated dating rules, shifting gender norms, and how communication breakdowns contribute to dating burnout. Together, they offer practical guidance for moving off the apps, setting realistic expectations, and building attraction over time, without losing yourself in the process.

This episode is a refreshing reality check for anyone feeling confused, discouraged, or overwhelmed by modern dating.

1. (01:00) Damona’s background and how she became a dating coach
2. (02:30) Translating personal branding principles into dating profiles
3. (04:40) Why dating apps became essential, and who they actually serve
4. (06:10) The communication crisis in modern dating
5. (08:30) Dating burnout and the illusion of connection through texting
6. (09:25) Why you can’t truly know someone through messages alone
7. (11:20) The “one-to-one rule” and when to move off the apps
8. (13:45) Phone calls vs. first dates as screening tools
9. (15:15) Managing expectations and emotional energy in early dating
10. (17:00) Letting go of outdated dating rules and gender roles
11. (19:30) How relationships and marriage have evolved
12. (20:30) Reciprocity over rigid roles in modern partnerships
13. (23:25) Damona’s real-life dating experiment, and how she met her husband
14. (27:00) Why dating should be treated as a process, not a vibe
15. (30:00) Rethinking distance, flexibility, and logistics in dating
16. (35:40) How dating needs change across different life stages
17. (38:15) Questioning inherited stories about love and romance
18. (39:05) Chemistry vs. compatibility, and why chemistry alone isn’t enough
19. (40:50) The three-date rule and how attraction actually builds
20. (44:15) Rom-com expectations vs. real-life relationships
21. (47:25) What went wrong with dating apps, and how to use them intentionally
22. (49:40) Choosing happiness over being “right”
23. (51:05) Where to find Damona’s work, podcast, and retreats

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In this fun, honest, and incredibly relatable episode, Alyssa Dineen sits down with dating coach and creator of Finding Mr. Height, Ali Jackson, for a conversation about burnout, rebuilding joy in dating, and the surprising way she met her current partner through real-life events—not apps.

Ali shares the story of how she unintentionally became a dating creator through her Close Friends list, the monotony of going on endless “okay but not great” dates, and the mindset shifts she used to keep going even when dating felt exhausting.

Alyssa and Ali dive into the realities of modern dating: messaging fatigue, over-attaching to outcomes, relying too heavily on apps, and what happens when you finally decide to start showing up in-person again. They get into the full story of how Ali met her partner—including the event that changed everything, the 4AM bar moment, the “Skyline” nickname, and why taking initiative ended up being such a good thing.

If you’re feeling drained by dating or unsure how to keep going, this episode is a reminder that connection can show up when—and where—you least expect it.

• (01:50) How Ali’s Close Friends list accidentally turned into a dating community
• (03:50) Sharing more publicly during the pandemic and finding her voice
• (05:00) Experiencing dating burnout from endless “meh” dates
• (10:20) How to find excitement in dating without attaching to outcomes
• (12:30) The simple post-date question that changes everything
• (15:30) Why texting too long creates false chemistry
• (19:30) The moment Ali realized she needed to date differently
• (20:20) Her commitment to attending two in-person events a month
• (21:20) Viewing events as opportunities—not pressure-filled missions
• (23:00) The April event that set everything in motion
• (31:30) Staying out until 4AM and how “Skyline” got his nickname
• (33:15) Why Ali decided to ask him out first
• (35:00) Why finding love later made the relationship stronger
• (37:05) Embracing your “weird” as the best dating filter

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In this radiant and deeply encouraging episode, Alyssa Dineen welcomes beauty expert, author, and What Not to Wear alum Carmindy for a conversation about confidence, energy, and attraction, on and off dating apps.

Carmindy shares how her years in the beauty industry taught her that real magnetism comes from energy, not appearance. She opens up about navigating midlife dating, embracing authenticity, and how her “inner glow” philosophy transforms both self-image and relationships.

Alyssa and Carmindy talk about the connection between self-worth and attraction, why showing up with confidence changes your dating outcomes, and how to shift from scarcity to abundance in love. They also dig into the realities of dating later in life, and how to stay open and joyful while doing it.

This is a feel-good, empowering conversation that reminds listeners that beauty is energy, and the right person will always be drawn to your real glow.

• (02:10) Carmindy’s evolution from TV makeup artist to confidence coach
• (05:45) Why true beauty starts with inner energy, not external polish
• (10:30) How your vibration and mindset shape your dating experience
• (14:20) The energetic shift that happens when you stop “trying too hard”
• (18:40) Dating over 40: letting go of fear and embracing new possibilities
• (23:55) Why confidence and joy are more magnetic than perfection
• (28:30) How to create a pre-date ritual that grounds and energizes you
• (33:50) Reframing rejection and detaching from outcomes
• (38:10) The connection between self-care, manifestation, and attraction
• (42:25) Carmindy’s advice for women reentering the dating scene
• (47:00) How to embody beauty from the inside out - and let love come to you

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