The David Kaufer Podcast: The Lighter Side of the Spectrum

David welcomes Lori McIlwain,  founder and president of the National Autism Safety Council, to discuss autism safety with a focus on preventing harm while preserving dignity. Lori shares how her son’s repeated school elopements led her to collect fatality data, revealing distinct patterns including frequent drowning and a tendency to head toward nearby water, which informed “search water first” guidance and advocacy for national attention and policy change. They describe gaps then and now, including parent blame and arrests, law-enforcement policies that prioritize searching homes, and limited mental-health supports for higher-support-needs individuals, while highlighting simple, effective accommodations in care. Lori also addresses early suicide ideation, especially in autistic females, stresses daily mental check-ins, and emphasizes ongoing first-responder training. Her tip: define and communicate a child’s required supervision level across caregivers. 

Resources are available at autismsafetycouncil.org and searchwaterfirst.org

Contact David at [email protected]

Topics

00:37 Why Autism Safety Matters

02:25 Lori Story Begins

04:07 Data And Drowning Pattern

06:28 Partnering With NCMEC

09:50 Resources And Policy Wins

11:57 Progress And Current Gaps

14:57 Beyond Elopement Risks

15:42 Talking Suicide Early

20:47 Girls Masking And Burnout

23:44 Therapy Access Gaps

25:50 Simple Clinical Accommodations

27:38 Trauma And Counseling Needs

28:25 Virtual Communication Support

29:20 Nervous System Sick Days

30:58 Safety With Dignity

35:05 First Responder Training Moments

37:08 Tip of the Week Supervision Levels

40:40 Community PSA What Do You See

45:34 Factor Fiction Parent Blame

50:50 Resources and Final Wrap

David interviews Dr. Claire Jack, a psychologist, writer, and host of the Autistic Minds podcast, about identity, late diagnosis, masking, and burnout. Dr. Jack describes learning about autism in her late forties after a therapist suggested it following a meltdown, then researching, blogging, writing books, and attracting autistic clients. She reflects on childhood signs (intense imagination, shyness, migraines, sensory sensitivities) that were accommodated rather than recognized, and explains how diagnosis reframed lifelong struggles, reduced self-criticism, and helped her set boundaries and act on her own terms. They discuss why autism is often missed in girls and women, how masking includes hiding stimming and rehearsing social language, and how ABA-related pressures (e.g., forced eye contact) can be harmful. Dr. Jack notes that feeling different isn’t always autism and shares a tip on noticing early signs of emotional dysregulation to prevent meltdowns and reduce shame. She addresses menopause-related sensory and healthcare-communication challenges for autistic women, shares a “kidnapped bus” misunderstanding illustrating predictive processing, and David shares his nonspeaking son Stone’s letter advocating for inclusive poetry contest participation.

Email David at [email protected]

Find Claire at https://www.autism-assessment-online.com/

Topics

00:38 Meet Dr Claire Jack

01:56 Late Autism Discovery

05:14 Childhood Signs Missed

07:56 Diagnosis Reframes Life

11:26 Why Adults Seek Answers

13:26 Autism in Women

16:48 What Masking Means

21:32 When Masking Exhausts

24:01 ABA and Eye Contact

26:09 Eye Contact Shifts

26:34 Feeling Different Debate

28:07 Self Diagnosis Pitfalls

29:27 Tip Emotional Regulation

34:26 Menopause Differences

37:41 Confession Bus Hijack

45:04 Light Spectrum Story

48:50 Final Advice Wrap Up

David welcomes Guy Stephens, founder and executive director of the Alliance Against Seclusion and Restraint (founded 2019), who explains how repeated restraint and seclusion of his son—starting at age six and escalating in 2018—led him to advocacy after learning these practices violated Maryland’s legal thresholds and can cause lasting trauma, injuries, and even deaths (including the 2018 death of 13-year-old Max Benson). Stephens argues restraint should be exceedingly rare and seclusion never appropriate, emphasizing upstream prevention through trauma-informed, neuroscience-aligned, neurodiversity-affirming, relationship-driven, collaborative approaches and alternatives like reframing behavior. The conversation also covers weakened federal complaint capacity, concerns about the national autism coordinator’s background, recent legislative progress (including Maryland’s seclusion ban and Washington’s limits), and parent guidance on recognizing euphemisms, requesting reports/footage, and pursuing IEP actions or complaints.

Topics

02:19 Meet Guy Stephens

04:07 A Father’s Wake Up Call

05:31 School Trauma Escalates

07:50 A Promise Becomes A Mission

09:47 What The Data Shows

12:09 Trauma Injuries And Deaths

16:09 Safety Arguments And Real Standards

21:20 Upstream Prevention And Limits

23:37 Federal Oversight At Risk

25:50 DOJ Investigations And Settlements

27:33 New Autism Coordinator Concerns

28:17 Human Rights Concerns

29:06 Restraint Seclusion Data

30:45 Banning Harmful Practices

32:26 Five Upstream Principles

38:14 Programs That Shift Culture

39:36 Parent Rights And Questions

44:35 Confessions And Lessons

49:19 Hopeful Policy Progress

50:39 Tools Data And Wrap Up

David records from Orcas Island with producer Dave Yas and shares a supportive listener message about presuming competence, a shift to viewing autism as sensory-motor differences, and pursuing Spelling to Communicate while ending an eight-year ABA relationship. They discuss New York’s proposed communication rights bill, noting Senate Disability Committee chair Patricia Fahy added “validated” and “autonomous” language viewed as a harmful limitation for nonspeakers, and highlight advocacy urging removal. They cover states, including Washington, banning school seclusion rooms and restraint, distinguishing them from sensory rooms. They address RFK Jr. and President Trump’s promotion of leucovorin as an autism “breakthrough,” and the FDA limiting it to cerebral folate deficiency. They also describe upheaval and delays around the federal IACC and a new science-focused shadow committee. The episode ends with parenting confessions about reacting during vomiting and seizure-related events and a Duran Duran tribute show experience.

Topics

00:40 Recording from Orcas Island

01:42 Baseball Season Begins

03:08 Iconic Sports Moments

04:01 Listener Feedback and Impact

07:11 New York Communication Rights Bill

09:07 Poison Pill Language Inserted

12:49 Call to Action

15:03 Featured in a Blog

16:52 Banning Seclusion and Restraint

17:17 Understanding Seclusion Rooms

18:44 Harmful Impact on Students

21:27 Progress Across States

22:03 Autism Drug Hype

24:41 False Hope and Services

26:11 IACC Shakeup

28:46 Shadow Committee Debate

30:20 Politics Over Expertise

32:38 Fighting Misinformation

34:49 Parent Confession Chaos

38:15 Seizure Aftermath Lesson

40:52 Dave Confession Exit Early

41:30 Duran Duran Tribute Moment

42:57 Monthly Wrap Up

David welcomes Dr. Barry Prizant—speech-language pathologist, researcher, consultant, and author of "Uniquely Human"—to discuss how autism conversations can shift from deficits and pathology to dignity, emotional safety, and relationship-based support. Prizant recounts entering the field through a summer camp job, early experiences with bullying and “othering,” and a career blending academic work with “in the trenches” consulting. He describes research that depathologized echolalia by documenting its communicative functions and critiques traditional applied behavior analysis for compliance training, extinguishing behaviors without understanding “why,” and dismissing internal experience. David and Prizant share “parent/professional confessions” about misreading autistic attention and forcing participation, emphasize listening to autistic people and families, and address trauma, selective mutism, non-speaking communication, and coordinated misinformation. They close on the importance of supportive communities for parents and autistic people.

Email David at [email protected]

More on Barry at https://barryprizant.com/

Topics

00:39 Meet Barry Prizant

02:41 Early Career Origins

04:31 Empathy and Othering

06:41 Academic and Clinical Path

08:40 Challenging Old Autism Models

14:51 Listening and Parent Retreats

16:12 Why Uniquely Human

18:24 Nonspeaking and Presuming Competence

20:26 Parent Confessions Segment

25:09 Unlearning and ABA Debate

27:08 What ABA Is

27:47 Chomsky vs Skinner

28:59 Ask Why First

30:07 ABA Compliance Risks

32:53 Unlearning and Propaganda

34:52 Attacks and Misinformation

39:37 Neurodiversity and Competence

40:49 Autism Fact or Fiction

44:10 Trauma and Speech

50:03 Finding Your Community

52:42 Closing Thanks

David welcomes clinical psychologist Dr. Debra Brause, a California-based writer for Psychology Today and mother of a neurodivergent teen, to discuss “structural grief,” which Brause notes was coined by Dr. Michael Hogue: grief not about the child, but about ableist, capitalist systems (school, healthcare, benefits) and collapsed normative timelines. In an autism fact-or-fiction segment, Brause challenges the belief that parents must grieve the child they expected, reframing grief as systemic and inviting a reorientation toward presence, care, and community. They discuss homeschooling after harmful school experiences, and distinguish autonomy (self-direction with support) from independence (doing things alone). Brause’s tip urges parents to notice triggers, address unresolved trauma, and avoid shaming behaviors like stimming; she recommends mindful self-compassion resources and community support such as Tilt Parenting.

Topics

00:36 Meet Dr Debra Brause

03:00 Her Journey to Autism

05:17 Autism Fact or Fiction

06:02 Rethinking Parental Grief

12:25 Defining Structural Grief

14:52 School System Breaking Points

19:56 Autonomy vs Independence

22:50 Fear of Disability Culture

24:13 Setting Up Tip Segment

24:39 Do Your Own Work

25:07 Triggers and Stimming

26:58 Compliance vs Acceptance

27:47 Fears and Behavior Therapy

31:03 Rupture and Repair

33:47 Forgiveness and Trauma Time

35:48 Mindful Self Compassion

39:02 Writing and Advocacy

41:20 Parent Confession Fix It Mode

44:55 Community and Support

47:15 Connect and Wrap Up

David welcomes Dr. Amy Laurent, developmental psychologist, co-creator of the SCERTS Model and co-founder of Autism Level Up, to discuss shifting autism support from compliance-based behavior management to relationship-centered, autonomy-respecting care. Amy shares her path from occupational therapy and traumatic brain injury work into autism, sparked by her first autistic client and mentorship with Dr. Barry Prizant. They critique outdated behavior charts and the “use your words” mindset, exploring how communication barriers, dyspraxia/apraxia, and high effort demands can reduce initiation, erode trust, and create harmful passivity mistaken for progress. Amy explains SCERTS (Social/Significant Communication, Emotional/Energy Regulation, and Transactional Support) as a partnership model that embeds partner responsibilities into goals and assessment. They highlight emerging collaboration among developmental frameworks, including a coalition advancing funding alternatives to behavioral services in California. Amy describes AutismLevelUp.com’s practical, largely free tools, including energy regulation and “Solve Not Size.”

Visit AutismLevelUp.com

Topics

00:45 Meet Dr. Amy Laurent

02:01 Serendipity Into Autism

06:24 Questioning Behaviorism

11:52 Funding And Coalitions

16:17 What Is The SCERTS Model

22:28 Updating SCERTS With Autistic Voices

25:49 Initiation And Praxis Challenges

26:37 Dyspraxia Motor Planning Load

28:15 Communication Drain and Mouth Words

28:41 Why Use Your Words Backfires

30:13 Withdrawal and Lost Trust

31:16 Rebuilding Trust by Responding

34:36 Autism Level Up Origin Story

36:45 Energy Regulation Toolkits

38:21 Solve Not Size Framework

40:17 Whole Body Learner and Pain Tools

42:29 Autism Tip Deep Why

44:31 Fact or Fiction Calm vs Regulated

46:54 Parent Confession and Wrap Up

David welcomes autism advocate and financial advisor Lynda Kommel-browne, a mom of five whose youngest, Winston, is a non-speaking autistic speller. They discuss advocacy, fighting for inclusion in public school, and Winston’s strengths, including advanced math, acting roles, and rapid foreign-language acquisition (Spanish and Chinese). The conversation focuses on early financial and estate planning: building a team, pursuing Medicaid/state benefits and respite care, and describing needs on a child’s worst day. Lynda explains ABLE accounts (tax-advantaged, broad disability expenses, $20k/year contributions, $100k benefit threshold) versus special needs trusts (often funded with life insurance). They address guardianship vs supported decision-making and share parent confessions about delayed planning.

Lynda can be reached by phone via her office number: (203) 226-1559 or mobile: (917) 374-6948 

Topics

00:58 Meet Lynda Kommel-browne: Advocate + Wall Street to Special Needs Planning

03:28 Linda’s Family Story & Why Planning Early Matters

05:43 Planning for “Three Lifetimes”: Team, Timeline, and Peace of Mind

07:28 Winston’s Journey: From Early Diagnosis to Finding Communication

09:10 Spelling/Letterboards Breakthrough (Learning on Zoom)

10:32 School District Battles, Presuming Competence & Paving the Way

12:10 College Dreams: Linguistics, Languages, and Accessible Campuses

15:45 Staying in Public School + Using Apex for STEM Accommodations

21:03 Big-Picture Planning: Divorce, Building a Team, and Special Needs Credentials

24:50 Family Roles, Guardianship Plans, and Funding a Dignified Adult Life

26:51 Practical Tools Next: Benefits, ABLE Accounts, and Why You Can’t Wait

29:00 Finding Help for Medicaid & Public Benefits Paperwork

29:55 Applying the Right Way: Describe Your Child’s “Worst Day”

32:30 Why Starting Early Matters: Medicaid, State Programs & Respite Care

36:16 ABLE Accounts 101: Limits, Investing Early, and What You Can Spend It On

40:49 Special Needs Trusts Explained: Trustees, Life Insurance, and Estate Planning

47:07 Autism Fact or Fiction: Presume Competence + ABLE Accounts Aren’t Just for the Wealthy

49:06 Parent Confessions: Planning Wake-Up Call & Guardianship vs Supported Decision-Making

53:22 Final Takeaways & How to Reach Lynda (Don’t Wait to Start)

David dives into the controversial message passing test promoted by ASHA, which has significant implications for non-speakers on the autism spectrum. Joined by producer and attorney Dave Yas, they explore the civil rights violations and legal inconsistencies associated with this test. The episode emphasizes the need for a paradigm shift in recognizing effective communication methods for those with non-speaking autism. Listeners are encouraged to join the fight for better, more inclusive communication standards.

Topics

00:55 Today's Special Topic: Autism Communication and Civil Rights

01:31 Introducing Dave Yas: Attorney and Autism Advocate

04:16 The Message Passing Test: An Overview

09:39 Critique of the Message Passing Test

17:33 ASHA's Position and Its Implications

20:59 The Broader Impact on Non-Speakers

27:06 Addressing Childcare Center Accusations

27:39 Ensuring Communication Integrity

29:00 Protecting Vulnerable Populations

30:14 Constitutional and Civil Rights Violations

30:36 Procedural Due Process Explained

32:14 First Amendment Rights and Freedom of Speech

33:10 ADA and Reasonable Accommodations

35:31 Equal Protection Clause

37:40 Organizational Liability of ASHA

44:26 Personal Experience with Spelling to Communicate

50:22 Challenging the Message Passing Test

52:17 Call to Action for Advocacy

David dives deep into dispelling myths and challenging fear-based narratives about autism. Joined by Stacy Badon, an autism education specialist with over 20 years of experience, and Torrin Kearns, an autistic self-advocate, screenwriter, and blogger, the trio discusses the evolving perceptions of autism, the importance of presuming competence, and the challenges faced by parents and individuals in the autism community. They also highlight the necessity of giving oneself grace, understanding communication and regulation, and addressing the current administration's approach to autism. The episode wraps up with memorable tips, personal confessions, and ways to support and connect with the guests online.

Stacy Badon:

https://autism4home.com/

@ EverythingAutism 

Torrin Kearns:

@autisticauthor

@theautismsage

Topics

00:39 Meet the Guests: Stacy and Torrin

02:41 Stacy's Journey in Autism Advocacy

08:30 Torrin's Perspective on Autism Diagnosis

12:06 Challenges and Triumphs: Torrin's Story

20:21 The Power of Connection: How Stacy and Torrin Met

23:53 Combating Fear-Based Messaging in Autism

30:04 Expectations vs. Reality in Parenting

31:53 The Importance of Pivoting as a Parent

33:47 Challenges Faced by Parents of Autistic Children

35:33 RFK Jr. and Autism: A Controversial Perspective

45:28 Autism Tip of the Week

48:40 Autism Fact or Fiction

52:17 Parent Confessions

59:21 Closing Remarks and Contact Information