People often confuse relief with feeling good, but there is a BIG difference. Relief is external. It’s temporary and doesn’t require you to leave your comfort zone. Relief is going to a therapist as a means of catharsis—so you can vent about everything that isn’t working in your life, then leave. Sure you may feel better immediately after, but how long does it last? And more importantly, what has changed? Feeling good is internal. It comes from taking action and it actually lasts. Talking to a therapist and following that up with emotionally difficult action that stretches you outside your comfort zone may not give you a sense of relief, but it will set you down the road to feeling good.

If you come home from work and your partner hasn’t taken out the trash like he/she is supposed to do, you may be annoyed. So instead of having a conversation to share your feelings around it, you end up taking it out yourself. You feel momentary relief (trash is taken care of), but also build resentment… which is the opposite of feeling good. Relief is a means of staying emotionally lazy. In the moment, it’s easier to let things slide, but there is a long-term cost associated.

Relief comes from a state of reaction whereas feeling good comes from ACTION. It’s important to understand the difference so you don’t chase one thinking it’s the other. Start to notice when you are looking for relief, which is external and temporary, instead of the harder path to feeling good, which is internal and long-lasting. If you are seeking relief, stop yourself and choose a different, uncomfortable action. Feeling good does not exist at the end of a relief chain.