The Difficulty: Creativity, Meaning & the Hard Work of a Life

Whatever it is you’re doing to cope with the constant new normal of these uncertain times as we barrel into the holiday season, we hope it is healthy but even if it’s not, we’re glad you’re finding a way to apply some positivity to your life. To help you do just that, we have brought on author of three books and positive psychologist, Nico Rose, who holds a doctoral degree in business administration. He´s also a graduate of the MAPP program at University of Pennsylvania.

Nico is a full professor of organizational psychology at International School of Management (ISM), Dortmund, one of Germany´s premier Business Schools. Prior to that, he served as the Vice President Employer Branding & Talent Acquisition at Bertelsmann, Europe´s largest media corporation. He is a frequent interview partner on human resources and leadership topics in newspapers, professional magazines, and online publications. Nico is also a regular keynote speaker at corporate events and conventions on leadership, coaching, and human resources. He lives in Hamm/Germany with his wife Ina, two children, and two cats.

https://nicorose.de/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Corona_Emotions_Growth_Study_040320.pdf

https://mappalicious.com/2020/03/27/10-well-founded-tips-and-tricks-to-cope-with-bad-moods-in-times-of-the-corona-crisis/

Time Stamps:

2:39 Nico shares how he got started in the field of positive psychology 

7:25 We dive into the misunderstandings of positive psychology 

12:03 Nico explains post traumatic growth and the five points used to identify it 

17:50 Nico shares the results of his survey during the corona crisis and the role gratitude plays in post traumatic growth 

20:33 We dive deeper into the power of gratitude 

22:59 Shelley shares about her dissertation on gratitude 

25:52 Nico shares his top recommendations for specific behaviors we can adapt into our lives and routines right now

34:22 The conversation switches gears to talk about organizational leadership and Nico explains his CAARMA Method and how it assesses people’s overall meaning and purpose at work

45:35 Nico shares the scientific finding in positive psychology that has intrigued him the most 

49:18 Where you can find Nico

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Whatever it is you’re doing to cope with the constant new normal of these uncertain times as we barrel into the holiday season, we are glad you are here! Joining us today is Tara Haelle. Tara is a regular Forbes contributor and the core topic leader in medical studies for the Association of Health Care Journalists. As a freelance science and health reporter and parenting blogger, her pieces frequently appear in NPR, Scientific American, Slate, Politico, HealthDay, Everyday Health, and Consumer Reports. 

Tara is author of The Informed Parent: A Science-Based Resource for Your Child’s First Four Years, coauthored with Emily Willingham. In another life, she was also a world traveler — backpacking, hiking, train-hopping and motorbiking through more than 40 countries on six continents while eating strange insects, climbing ancient ruins and swimming with sharks — before she became a mom. It was also pre-pandemic, and our interest in this interview is discussing what research is telling her about how we can cope in a crisis that just keeps going on and on.

https://medium.com/@tarahaelle

https://www.tarahaelle.net/

Time Stamps:

2:35 We open up the discussion talking about the pandemic and Tara shares her story about her personal emotional crash

5:43  Tara discusses surge capacity and how the pandemic created a situation for us where we have exceeded that capacity 

7:20 Shelley talks about chronic stress syndrome and the feelings of tired and wired

8:25 We discuss why this time has been especially hard for high performers 

11:00 Tara shares how accepting our current reality and accepting what that means are the keys to managing this pandemic 

14:40 Tara explains the concept of ambiguous loss as it relates to the pandemic 

17.40 We discuss parenting in the pandemic 

24:16 We talk about screen time and how it relates to anxiety before and during the pandemic 

30:12 Tara shares creative suggestions, practices and routines that she recommends to take care of ourselves through the pandemic and building up your resilience bank account

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Whatever it is you’re doing to cope with the constant new normal of these uncertain times as we barrel into the holiday season, we hope it is healthy but even if it’s not, we’re glad you’re finding a way to self-care. And self-care is one of many topics that our guest today is a master at. Nick Wignall is originally from Northern California, but he’s also lived in Dallas, Rome, Chicago, and now Albuquerque where he lives with his wife, and three daughters. He’s a licensed psychologist at The Cognitive Behavioral Institute of Albuquerque where he does psychotherapy with adults.

Board-certified in behavioral and cognitive psychology (ABPP), he specializes in empirically-supported treatments for anxiety and insomnia, including interoceptive exposure therapy for panic attacks, exposure and response prevention (ERP) for phobias and OCD, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) for sleep difficulties. He is board certified by the American Board of Professional Psychology, a Diplomate of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, as well as a member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the New Mexico Psychological Association.

https://nickwignall.com/about/

Time Stamps:

5:30 How and why the topic of mental health is still so misunderstood 

8:01 Habits as the most important level of analysis when looking at mental health 

9:14 We talk about the shame associated with mental health and the resistance to admitting that we are not okay

14:00 Nick gives his thoughts on positive psychology

16:45 We discuss men and their perspective on mental health 

21:25 Nick talks about his Drill Sergeant Theory of Motivation 

27:06 Best practices for managing our expectations of ourselves and others 

32:43 How emotionally charged situations can clue you in to what expectations are causing friction in your life 

33:42 Nick talks about mindfulness meditation and how it is currently the most under and overrated thing in popular culture right now 

34:57 Nick shares details about his meditation practice 

40:54 Why we should think of meditation as an exercise and not a coping strategy and how  finding your why when it comes to meditation is so important 

47:13 Nick shares strategies to get started with a mindfulness meditation practice 

52:05 Where to find Nick 

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This release is officially our last release on how you can find greater meaning and purpose in your life by tapping into your inner self-confidence and getting BOLD.

When we reached out to Mollie and told her about some of our upcoming themes for the Big Self Podcast she said: “I love the sound of Boldness, since I am all about having it all in life and love, and I would love to talk about how to boldly move through making space for both, without sacrificing the other.”

Mollie Eliasof is a licensed Couples Psychotherapist helping high-powered professionals across the nation to have the same success in love, as they have in their career. Eliasof elevates relationships and marriages for government leaders, Fortune 500 c-suite executives, celebrities, media personalities and many others, so that they can stay focused on their life mission while maintaining their relationships at home -- truly having it all. Eliasof is a well-known Keynote Speaker, Online Course Creator, and host of the Next Level Relationship Podcast. Her expert advice has been featured in national publications including Forbes, Forbes Women, Thrive Global, and more. And check out her own podcast, Next Level Relationship.

Time Stamps:

2:37 Mollie describes having it all as a feeling of richness on the inside and not checking all the boxes of life

3:24 We discuss how we feel more full in life when we are in alignment with our values and when we are doing the inner work

4:51 Mollie shares how you can conquer fearlessness by focusing on being present 

6:47 We discuss the importance of vulnerability in developing inner self-confidence 

10:08 Mollie shares how to take steps towards vulnerability 

13:35 Mollie shares her definition of wholeness and how she helps people obtain it 

17:35 We discuss purpose as being present in the moment and how to balance being and doing in a way that feeds us rather than depletes us 

19:28 Mollie shares how powerful fantasy and visualization can be to allow us to stretch ourselves and then work backwards to live in that boldness 

23:07 Mollie shares her perspective on finding your purpose 

25:16 We discuss confidence and boldness as it relates to gender roles 

30:56 Mollie shares how to expand when you find yourself shrinking

34:59 We discuss being bold in relationships and how to handle when your visions as a couple don’t align and there is an imbalance of courage 

39:09 Mollie shares practical takeaways on how to handle it when you have that imbalance in your relationship 

44:15 How to find Mollie

44:59 How to join the Big Self School community and sign up for the free Gratitude Challenge 2020 at BigSelfSchool.com/gratitude.

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On today’s show we are thrilled to bring to you a very special and timely message from our guest, Brian Pennie. After spending years in a cycle of addiction, dealing with his acute anxiety, one day he had a breakthrough. This led him to develop what he calls a ‘programme for life’ to deal with mental and emotional well-being.

The program includes a vast range of tools and strategies that focus on self-awareness, decision-making, and mindset change strategies, as well as tactics to help people to boost their energy, find their life purpose, recognize negative thought patterns, and successfully navigate the relationships in their lives.

Check out his memoir, Bonus Time, here, and learn more about his message and his program at: https://www.brianpennie.com/

Time Stamps:

1:53 Brian shares the story of his detox and the resulting seizure that led to his awakening moment 

5:52 Brian tells the story of how his childhood trauma led to his addiction

10:30 We discuss how we are the stories that we tell ourselves and how language is a vehicle for emotion 

14:40 Brian shares about the practice of mindful self observation 

18:45 We discuss the importance of a structured morning routine and Brian shares his acronym for his morning routine

24:52 We discuss how we can shift our mindset to look at obstacles as a way forward and the power of being anti-fragile and growing in the face of adversity

27:34 Brian shares how the Great Britain rowing team in the 2000 Olympics inspired him to create a decision making framework that allows him to align with the right values at the right time to make the right decisions 

31:10 We discuss the importance of knowing your values and Brian shares strategies to figure out what they are

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Today’s guest is Lisa Michaud, an International Success Coach, Speaker, Entrepreneur and Real Estate Investor. At the age of 32, she’s created a multimillion-dollar net worth, a growing real estate empire, incredible network and beautiful family. As a coach and speaker, Lisa inspires, leads and motivates everyone she works with. Her clients include entrepreneurs, executives, parents, and leaders who are committed to creating fun and meaningful lives.

There are many takeaways from our conversation today, but what I really want you to tune into is what she says about goals, and habits, and some of the practices and principles she lives by.

Time Stamps:

1:51 Lisa shares how a health scare changed her life 

7:48 We discuss the mindset shifts and habits that we need to create change and the importance of being honest with ourselves about our dreams and desires for life 

10:49 The importance of recognizing the thoughts that are keeping you stuck

12:08 Lisa talks about the power of getting started 

14:35 We talk about the courage it requires to start something new and how fear is a natural part of the process 

17:05 Chad shares his personal experience of this when he had the opportunity to do live Sirius XM radio 

18:29 Lisa shares how we can reframe the fear 

20:01 We discuss how goals are not about the outcome but who you become in the process

25:50 Lisa shares about her 100 Day Goal Focus Framework

35:03 We talk about the importance of asking yourself ‘is it serving you’

37:25 Lisa shares the staples of her routine 

41:32 Lisa explains how and why micro-journaling is such a powerful part of her routine

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Shauna Bowes is a graduate practicum student at Nia. She is currently pursuing her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Emory University. She most recently completed a clinical practicum working with treatment-resistant depression, and she has worked with diverse clients (including adolescents and adults from various ethnic and cultural backgrounds) in therapy and assessment.

Shauna tells us why intellectual humility is critical for our self-understanding and how it extends to empathy and greater dialogue. More and more we live in echo chambers that are breeding grounds for confirmation bias. She tells us that “the tendency to favorably interpret information that supports one’s beliefs while denying, dismissing, and distorting information that does not. We know that confirmation bias can be harmful across settings and contribute to ideological extremism.” One of the antidotes to this is intellectual humility.

She also tells us about her new blog on Psychology Today called, “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.”

Time Stamps:

4:08 Shauna shares how we become so fused with what we think that it's hard to understand or appreciate that we might be wrong

5:53 What is intellectual humility

7:16 Shauna explains that there is some evidence that we can increase intellectual humility with certain primes or manipulations but that there is also evidence that it's pretty stable

9:07 We discuss cognitive empathy and affective empathy and their correlation to intellectual humility

10:20 Intellectual humility versus general humility and the emotional element of our thoughts and beliefs

12:03 We discuss the role open-mindedness plays in intellectual humility

15:22 How being aware of our own limitations and humble about our beliefs allows us to be forgiving and tolerate of differences

17:50 We discuss how the goal of every conversation doesn't have to be to change the other person's mind

20:40 Shauna explains the power of metacognition and focusing on I statements

23:34 We discuss intellectual humility and the link to distress tolerance, how to recognize when your emotions are taking control and implementing a break system

25:10 Shauna shares how you can change your story by going from 100% certainty to 99% certainty

29:39 Shauna shares her two guiding principles for growth

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There are many ways we construct false narratives about ourselves. We tell ourselves the potential is within us, but we just never have the time. We tell ourselves forces outside us compel us to behave in ways that aren’t truly “who we are.” These truth distortions aren’t necessarily wrong. The question is how we lie to ourselves or distort our self’s reality, but why?

The pursuit of self-knowledge is practical, even if a degree in Philosophy might not seem to be. The truth is, you will be happier and more effective in your life if you know yourself. 

To that end, we decided to reach out to a top Medium writer, blogger, and editor who recently graduated with a degree in philosophy, Jon Hawkins.

Time Stamps:

3:39 What exactly is philosophy?

6:27 How thought experiments work and how they relate to practical philosophy.

16:00 What does Hawkins do when confronted with a moral dilemma in real life? Someone in front of him checked out $50 worth of items at the self-checkout and then didn't pay. Should Hawkins tell on him?

27:00 The importance of authenticity.

30:29 How Heraclitus was right in the respect of flux and how we can't understand how others will respond and behave, but we can at least focus on ourselves when it comes to growth and developing self-knowledge.

37:00 How we learn from self-confrontation.

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A lot of philosophy and psychology says that if you want someone else to change, you should first begin with yourself. There’s a great deal of wisdom and insight into us beginning with ourselves, but ultimately we don’t just know ourselves in a vacuum, we have to enter into community, into relationships.

At the same time, there’s a lot of self-improvement ideologies that say we shouldn’t listen to others because it’s always about them. How can we discern the difference between when we should listen to ourselves and when we should listen to the feedback of others? 

Tara Blair Ball opens up about what went wrong in her first marriage, how challenging it was to be so vulnerable in writing about it in her memoir, The Beginning of the End.

She discusses how to get out of a toxic relationship, and gives her best advice for personal growth and the development of self-knowledge. She also offers a course on how to break free from your own toxicity.

Time Stamps:

2:24 the interplay between instinct and instruction in relationships

7:22 Tara shares her experience about finding herself in a toxic relationship, how she handled the situation and how she grew to take radical responsibility for her choices. 

13:05 we identify a toxic person in a relationship but ignore the fact that healthy people do not date and stay with unhealthy people 

13:38 unhealthy people and their behaviors are more likely to drag us down, then we are to bring them up. 

17:40 the 4 step process -awareness, acceptance, action and application 

22:02 it has to be a balance between recognizing our own self awareness and what we need while also taking into account what we get from others

23:52 Solomon’s paradox

27:39 dealing with grief in the process 

30:27 a big part of being able to change a story is to acknowledge that we have the power to write it to being with

34:42 the practices that keep you connected to yourself 

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Coming at you live with another learning curve Top 5 takeaway in 30 minutes or less.

Finding your way to your desire requires a number of the principles we teach at the Big Self School. It requires a calm center and, paradoxically, the courage to put the ideas into practice. Whether you think you know your desires, but want to reconnect to them, or you simply have no idea, this book can help you realize your way to a deeper and more authentic connection with yourself and what you truly want.

Desire leads you out. Paying attention to your longing — whatever name you give it — leads you to life. Desire is there even if you aren’t sure where it went or how in the world you will access it again. Desire may go dormant as you play all the ready-made roles that adulthood throws at you, but it’s there even in dormancy, steady as a heartbeat, ready to be resuscitated.

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