The Difficulty: Creativity, Meaning & the Hard Work of a Life

You asked and we listened! On this week's episode Chad takes the bull by the horns on his own and answers one of the questions from our community: How can you find your purpose and prevent burnout?

Chad discusses the beginning point questions for answering the question: What is my purpose? Also, what is the difference between meaning and purpose? He offers some great questions to ask yourself to find your purpose if you've lost track along the way.

He concludes with a big challenge to every listener, and he undergoes the challenge himself. Tune in and discover the truth you've always known was there if only you knew how and where to dig.

Timestamps

2:16 Chad introduces the topic of today's podcast.

6:10 So where do we start in finding our purpose? Why do we tend to enter identity foreclosure as adolescents and young adults right when we should have flexibility? 

15:57 Purpose and meaning. How do we define the difference between the two? Where and how do we find meaning?

25:51 Ask yourself these questions as you think about and try to discern meaning in your life

26:48 Now ask yourself these questions to help you find your purpose

32:12 I'm issuing a challenge. It might make you uncomfortable and make you reach, but it'll be worth it.

35:49 I wrote my Eulogy and I'm sharing it with you.

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Today’s episode takes us to our origin story. We learn as we go and the Big Self School has been slowly evolving and the evolution has sped up and things are happening fast. One of the questions we get asked a lot besides What is the Big Self School, is Who is it for? 

We challenge you to ask yourself three BIG questions that can produce BIG results in your life if you take the time to track your experiences for even just seven days. What do you have to lose?

We’ve got the first half of a year under our belts, and we just want to say thanks to everyone who has been with us throughout these challenging months. One thing that makes such a big difference to the podcast are reviews. If you could take 30 seconds of your time and leave us a review that would be amazing.

Timestamps

Timestamps

2:25 We're talking about Big Self School came to be. 

4:51 Shelley talks about her experience with burnout, which ultimately led to her Big Self work.

9:21 The Big Self Pillars

15:09 Shelley talks about who the Big Self School is for

18:26 We have 3 questions for you to think about this week. Here's question #1.

22:28 Question #2

24:01 Question #3

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On this week's episode we shine a bright spotlight on the shadow side that would rather lurk behind the scenes of our personalities. Do our shadows want to be left alone, or are they begging to be heard and leak out in uncomfortable ways?

We ask: How can you completely and wholeheartedly accept who you are if there are sides of yourself that you’re too afraid to explore?

The keyword here is “integration,” which comes from the Latin word integratus, meaning to make whole. To integrate an inner quality is to take ownership and responsibility for it, rather than rejecting or denying it. The benefits are many: sanity, healing, greater compassion, calmness, understanding, and wholeness are all to be found in integration.

We also leave you with five specific ways to learn more about these other sides of yourself, and what to do about it when you become aware. It's not easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. Thanks for tuning in and being a part of the Big Self School of higher learning.

Timestamps

0:28 We begin our conversation by talking about the shadow and why it's so important to be aware of it as we're seeking self-knowledge.

4:04 The shadow, defined.

6:55 We talk about the persona as the opposite of the shadow

11:05 We share a Robert Green quote about how we're seeing people play out their shadow sides in this divided political climate.

16:32 The first of 5 questions we can ask to help us uncover our shadow.

21:03 We introduce the second and third questions

24:09 What do you want? That's question #4.

25:36 The fifth action we can take to understand the shadow.

28:30 We wrap up by mentioning a few books to help you shine a light on your shadow.

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On this week's episode, Chad and Shelley explore empathy. Why is it on the decline when it was a trendy topic throughout the past decade? Why should we practice empathy in the first place? What gets in the way of us building empathy, even when it's something we say we want?

We explore these questions and more from our home studio in quarantine. As always, thanks for tuning in, subscribing, and leaving us a review!

TIME STAMPS

0:21 Chad opens up the podcast by introducing the concept of empathy.

3:42 As the expert, Shelley starts diving a little deeper into what empathy really is and why it's hard to practice in our culture.

9:32 We're discussing 5 empathy blocks today. The need for certainty is number one.

15:25 Shelley introduces empathy block #2: over-empathizing.

17:27 The need to manage your own anxiety comes in as our third empathy block.

20:37 Empathy block #4 is the need for agreement

24:51 Our last empathy block is the need to live in your head.

27:43 We've discussed these 5 empathy blocks, now what do we actually DO with this knowledge?

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We sit down with change-maker, Marco Perez, and discuss the need for our students to have equal access to quality education. We discuss a community's obligation to each other, and how we lift up everyone when help those in greater need. How do we rally as a community? We look for our lanes. We look to educate ourselves, and we look for authentic leadership and what that means.

Marco Perez is running for Hamilton County School Board District 2 seat. He has a passion for this community and wants all students to have an opportunity for an excellent education. He is the owner of ReLife Strategies where he helps businesses and organizations find finance and operational efficiencies. Marco has dedicated his life to servant leadership. Working with nonprofits, businesses and serving on various boards in the community, including the boards of the Chattanooga Neighborhood Enterprise and La Paz Chattanooga as Treasurer and later Chair. Marco and Leah have been married for 23 years and are the parents of 3 daughters. The oldest now attends Princeton University. The other two attend Hamilton County Schools.

Tune in to what is happening with the inner, transformational work, and how that translates to making an outer impact.

Timestamps

2:23 Marco shares how he landed in Chattanooga by way to Costa Rica

5:33 We ask Marco what his thoughts are on the current climate in our country right now in regards to race and opportunity.

10:51 We talk about the more insidious, quiet, systemic racism that exists and how we can dismantle and overcome those systems.

17:08 With people really examining their own implicit bias, how do we keep that moving forward? How do we ask the right questions to keep the momentum going? Marco weighs in.

20:16 We ask what policies Marco will be fighting for so there can be more equity for all in the education system.

24:00 We talk about ways to educate everyone, not just our kids who are in school.

27:18 We've been talking a lot about finding our lane in sustained activism. Marco talks about his lane.

30:06 Marco talks about what led him to run for the School Board and what advice he'd give to someone who might be thinking about running.

39:54 We wrap the podcast by asking Marco what he's reading or listening to that's making an impact on him, what his morning routine looks like, and what Big Self means to him.

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Sabrina Moon joins us to talk about what she means by “embracing the suck.” But why is it so hard? Is it a fear of losing control? A need for a positive spin on things? If we embrace the suck, are we somehow giving in to it? 

We know that shame is not an effective tool for changing people’s behaviors. In this strange time of shared vulnerability and shared accountability people are operating from so many different value systems. We depend on each other in profound ways right now, yet we aren’t all operating from the same rule book. How can we co-exist without resorting to shame? 

Sabrina offers practical ways to deal with the challenges we're facing with the constant anxiety of the pandemic ordeal. She’s described COVID-19 as vulnerability on steroids. She tells us what she's seeing right now, and how we can acknowledge this vulnerable time without being consumed by anxiety.

With a Masters Degree in Engineering Management and more than 20 years of combined experience as a railroad operations and manufacturing leader, Sabrina is an expert in leveraging leadership skills and qualities in corporate and non-profit settings. She is one of Dr.Brené Brown’s Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitators who believes that being ourselves is one of the bravest things we could do. Sabrina helps individuals tap into their courage as a powerful tool for organizational growth.

TIME STAMPS

2:21 We open up the podcast by talking about "embracing the suck".

5:54 Sabrina gives us her thoughts on Covid-19 and how we can embrace the suck without getting consumed by the fear.

9:28 The conversation moves to the meaning of authentic leadership and Sabrina's path that led her to become an authentic leader, as well as others reacted to her change in leadership style.

14:45 We ask about the turning point in her career that began her journey to authentic leadership.

19:54 How can someone begin to shift their mindset before reaching the point of burnout or failure? 

24:40 We shift the conversation to talk about Sabrina's work with shame resilience.

29:29 We get vulnerable and talk about some really raw feelings. We also discuss holding people accountable without using shame as the tool to do that.

35:34 We ask Sabrina what big lesson we should all be learning through this great pause.

38:02 Sabrina talks about empathy as a skill and how to develop it.

42:01 We ask Sabrina what she wants to hold on to from our experience with Covid-19 and what she wants to go back to normal.

44:28 We wrap up by asking Sabrina what she's reading/listening to right now, what her morning routine looks like, and what Big Self means to her.

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Charlie dishes on inner discipline, maintaining work-life balance, and not burning out on ambition.

Charlie has been cooking professionally for over 20 years. He began his love for cooking at the age of 6, always wanting to help his mother, grandmother, and Aunties in the kitchen. As he grew older, Charlie found his passion for learning about food maturing. Next he found work at a fast food fried chicken restaurant called Roy Rogers at the age of 15. He says that he almost felt as though he was cheating the system for getting paid to hang out with all of his best friends and cook food, but found his first true love… Fried Chicken…

At 17 he began working in a small bakery in his hometown of Leesburg, VA. He would go in very early to bake the breads. He says, “I felt as though I had something to prove because the chef did not believe that I would be able to keep up with a 4 AM shift, go to school by 8Am, and make it back again the next day." Charlie did this for a few months before moving into The upscale American restaurant upstairs, Tuscarora mill. He worked under Chef Patrick Dinh for 7 years, and gained all of his initial technique, cooking style and work ethic. He moved to Raleigh NC to assist in the opening of several restaurants to continue his culinary experience. It was here that Charlie earned his first sous chef position. After successfully opening several restaurants, he then chose to move to Asheville NC, where he worked as a chef for a vegetarian restaurant called The Laughing Seed café. It was here that he found his true passion for Fresh produce and also the need to have a more diverse plate. He moved on after a few years to open Greenlife Grocery In Asheville NC. He quickly became the Food service director for the company and the company then Propelled itself to become the Largest independent organic and Natural Foods retailer on the east Coast. Owner Chuck Pruett then asked Charlie to move to Chattanooga, TN to open a larger location. Charlie remained the Food service Director for both stores acting as the recipe creator for all of the perishable departments. The company sold to Whole Foods Market, and Charlie moved back into his love for restaurants.

He became the Executive Chef for 1885 Grill, which was known for their southern coastal cuisine, before opening The Feed Co. Table + Tavern southern comfort food, along with Dustin Choate and Miguel Morales. Both restaurants were voted some of the top restaurants in the city. Charlie has worked with multiple organizations to teach healthy eating in both cities. He assisted in forming “chef nights in Chattanooga, a successful program that would help children and parents in lower income areas to use fresh produce and instill healthier eating habits. He helped start multiple school garden programs, healthy school lunch programs, and healthy cookbooks.

Charlie has worked with multiple publications including Food and Wine Magazine, Organic Gardening, Epicurious, Southern Living, Local Palette, Michelle Obama’s The White House Garden Cookbook, and many others. He has enjoyed showcasing his talents on multiple Food Network and Cooking Channel shows including The Best Thing I Ever Ate, as well as winning the season one finale of Cooks vs Cons, and most notoriously, and most recently in January, he Beat Bobby Flay with one of his favorite dishes, Eggs Benedict. Charlie has recently relocated back to his hometown of Leesburg, VA after getting laid off due to Covid-19 and plans to focus on community outreach programs to help get restaurants back on track. He has started a livestreaming supper club called Ad Hoc Supper Club.

TIME STAMPS

1:03 We introduce Charlie, telling about his background and what he's up to right now.

4:00 Charlie talks about how he got into cooking as a kid and talks about some of the people who influenced him along the way.

9:42 We ask charlie about the...

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It's the weekend edition of the Big Self School, a segment we call the Learning Curve, where Shelley and Chad discuss the big and small questions they're having.

Chad and Shelley first consider what the literature says on whether or not we have a true self. Most people believe we have a true self, and that it is a moral core. But perhaps more importantly how does that inner voice of your speak to you? Is like a good friend? A reasonable judge? Or is it a negative critic? We discuss what it all means, how you should give yourself some unconditional love, even though that may not always be uncritical love.

These are the questions we're hitting at the end of another long week of quarantine. Thanks for spending a few moments of your weekend with us.

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Being an observer of your experience

Camille Kennard is a Certified Health and Wellness Coach. She began her career as a social worker for a decade, counseling people with chronic medical conditions and providing grief counseling to patients and families. The inspiration for her business Flourish Wellness came from her desire to help people avoid chronic disease and illness through learning to nurture themselves as part of their lifestyle; body, mind, and soul. This passion came from her own journey with managing weight, improving her confidence, and learning to love and care for herself. 

She talks about her struggles with anxiety throughout her life, and that a tremendous freedom comes when you can de-personalize it, when you can say “hello” to anxiety and know it’s there without the continued stories. What are the “continued stories” people with a lot of anxiety have? And how do you stay calm and just observe anxiety when it begins to take hold? Tune, and discover with us some of the answers to strengthening your sense of self and holding on to what matters.

TIME STAMPS

2:41 Camille shares how she got into the work she does at Flourish Wellness through her own struggles.

5:33 We ask Camille how she sees the cultural conditioning that women face with their body images show up in her work.

10:01 Camille talks about the inner work she walks with her clients through before getting to the outer work like food and exercise.

14:34 Camille describes the spike in stress levels she's seen with her clients in this Covid-19 reality.

18:27 We discuss the stories that play in our minds. Camille talks about depersonalizing these narratives that run through our psyche.

22:30 Camille talks about "standing at the door of your mind" and tells us some practical ways to put it into practice.

27:07 The conversation shifts to the outer-work piece of the puzzle. We ask Camille how she helps her clients begin that process.

32:00 We talk all about sleep. What can we do to create better sleep habits for ourselves and our families?

40:56 Camille tells us that things she wants to be normal again after this pandemic experience, and what she wants to hold on to

43:50 Camille tells us what book she's reading, what her morning routine looks like, and what 'Big Self' means to her.

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It's the weekend edition of the Big Self School, a segment we call the Learning Curve, where Shelley and Chad discuss the big and small questions they're having.

This week we're learning about authenticity, and how we're seeing it more with the people we engage with. There's less outer props for validation for one thing. More people are seeking guidance for another. Chad's been working on a short book on building self-knowledge, and Shelley's been exploring the concept of Imposter Syndrome. Are we seeing more or less of it as the weeks and months float by?

These are the questions we're hitting at the end of another long week of quarantine. Thanks for spending a few moments of your weekend with us.

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Find us at the Big Self Community on Facebook.