The Dunce Caps

In Part II of Chapter 12, Rob and Chris learn about the earliest Christians. Turns out Jesus’ half brother James was the one who really spoke to god and then taught his lil bro the way. Early Christians believed Jesus would come back sooner rather then later and therefore didn’t write down anything about him. Paul realizes that without structure, Christianity will turn into a bunch of different things it’s not supposed to be. Things get a little weird and hard to understand once the Holy Trinity gets introduced. On his deathbed, Constantine finally gives into his wife’s incessant nagging and converts to Christianity.

TLDR: Paul and some other guys.

In Part I of Chapter 12, Rob and Chris learn about Christianity and it’s weird magician leader, Jesus. Although there are many different sects of Christianity, there’s one thing that typically differentiates them: snakes. Rome unifies most of the Mediterranean area with roads, politics and infrastructure so long as everyone payed their monthly tribute. The apostles have a falling out after Jesus’ death, but 40 years later they reconcile and finally write that book they used to talk about. Not much was known about Jesus except that he loved magic and telling stories. One of Jesus most famous stories, the good Samaritan, leaves out a few important details about just how “good” he was. Jesus has one last meal with his pals before being betrayed and sentenced to death by crucifixion.

TLDR: Jesus and his pals.

In Part III of Chapter 11, Rob and Chris finally finish learning about Jews. After the Dreyfus case, the French become suspicious of the Jews and question their reasoning for not making love as often as they should. Meanwhile, in America, Jews realize that if you just like the Mets and are good at math you can have a nice life. After WWI, the British notice some brown people that may need their help and set up shop in Palestine. Looking for someone to blame for losing WWI, the Germans pick on the Jews and become so obsessed with exterminating them that they forget about winning the war and lose yet again.

TLDR: Do you want some chicken with that schmear?

In Part II of Chapter 11, Rob and Chris are still talking about Jews. While the rest of Europe is busy raping and pillaging, the Jews take detailed notes and preserve the old texts before they get destroyed. The Jews and Arabs have a big reunion party in Spain. Tired of being pushed around and mistreated, a bunch of Jewish geeks attempt to find the Messiah using only numbers, words, and dance. Seeing that the Jews were starving for a Messiah, a bunch of false prophets try to fill the role.

TLDR: Jews 2: Electric Boogaloo

In Part II of Part I of Chapter 11, Rob and Chris learn more about the chosen ones, Jews. David, possibly of David and Goliath fame, builds the first Jewish Teen Center. Prophets begin to show up in the Old Testament and with them comes poisonings and night murders. Rob and Chris try to learn, but instead share tales of their time working in restaurants.

TLDR: Good Shabbos!

In Part I of Part I of Chapter 11, Rob and Chris learn about Jews and all their fun Jew stuff. After a series of blunders, God decides to take a step back and focus on one group of people, beginning with the OG Jew himself, Abraham. As a sign that they are the chosen ones, God asks all male Jews to cut their dicks to show just how down they are with this Jew thing. Moses frees the Jews from Egypt and gets some important rules from God himself, famously known as the 10 Commandments.

TLDR: Jews/The Chosen Ones/The Tribe

Rob and Chris learn about one of the oldest living religions, Zoroastrianism. Not much is known about the Zoros, but they did love Mazdas. The Fonzie of Zoroastrianism, Zoro, was admired by all the greatest philosophers of the time and was featured on many of their mixtapes. Zoro hell is a very detailed and dark place. Zoros didn’t believe in burying their dead, so they just left them in their vulture filled football stadiums.

TLDR: Hail Mazda! (Zoom Zoom)

Rob and Chris learn about Shinto and the way of the Samurai. Feeling the pressure from other religions entering and spreading throughout Japan, the Japanese ban together and declare themselves Japanese, er, Shinto. Fed up with all the outsiders coming into Japan, the Samurai and the warrior code, Bushido, play a prominent role in the development of feudal Japan which was great for nationalism but terrible for Japanese police television dramas. Shinto temples are popular tourist attractions even though no one is allowed to go inside.

TLDR: Make Japan great again!

In this “bonus” episode, Rob and Chris take a break from learning and instead get distracted by their favorite topic of discussion: food. Learn everything you didn’t want to know about wraps, fried chicken, burritos, chicken fingers and more on this very special episode of The Dunce Caps.

TLDR: It's all hot dogs!

In Part II of Chapter 8, Rob and Chris learn about Confucianism and the fall of the feudal system with special guest Hayden Quinn. A gigantic warrior saved his sperm for 70 years to conceive his son Confucius. The Duke of Lu, founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan, gives Confucius his first break into big government and Confucius ends up being too good at it. After Confucius’ death, Mencius carries the torch of Confucianism and gives it a fresh coat of paint. The origin of Chinese fortune cookies is finally revealed.

TLDR: Now with a 20% larger brownie!