The Embrace with Ayanpella Podcast

Over the last two episodes, we've unpacked one difficult question:

Why do we keep choosing people who don't choose us?

If you listened to last week's episode, then you know we started talking about how to break that cycle. But I had so much to say that I had to split the solutions into two parts. 😅

In this episode, we're picking up right where we left off.

We'll talk about why learning to enjoy being single matters, how healthy community can reshape your sense of worth, what to look out for before getting into another relationship, and the questions you should ask yourself before mistaking anxiety for chemistry.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why being comfortable alone is part of healing
• How community helps build a healthy self-esteem
• Why your partner can't meet all your emotional needs
• The questions to ask before saying "yes" to a relationship
• How to build standards and non-negotiables before love comes knocking

This isn't about becoming perfect before you date again; it's about learning to choose from a place of worth instead of fear.

🎧 Press play, and let's chat.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

In the last episode, we answered a difficult question:

Why do I keep choosing people who don't choose me?

This week, we're taking it a step further.

Okay, so you've recognised the pattern. Now what?

In this episode, we're talking about where healing actually begins, not in your next relationship, but with you.

We'll discuss self-awareness, understanding the experiences that shaped you, rebuilding your sense of worth, and why learning to choose yourself in small, everyday ways can completely change the relationships you accept.

In this episode, we cover:
- Why self-awareness is the first step to healing
- Why healing is a journey, not an overnight transformation
- The importance of therapy, grace, and realistic expectations
- Simple ways to start choosing yourself every day

Press play and let's gist!

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

Why do some people keep choosing partners who don't choose them back?

Why do we ignore red flags, confuse anxiety with chemistry, or find ourselves constantly trying to earn someone's love?

In this episode, I talked about the connection between self-esteem and the relationships we choose. We'll explore how childhood experiences, trauma, fear of rejection, and our own sense of worth shape our romantic lives.

If you've ever found yourself chasing emotionally unavailable people, settling for less than you deserve, or wondering why healthy love feels unfamiliar, this conversation is for you.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why you keep choosing people who don't choose you

• How low self-esteem affects your relationships

• Why we confuse anxiety with chemistry

• The link between childhood experiences and adult relationships

• Why emotionally unavailable partners can feel strangely attractiveListen and enjoy.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

Do you feel guilty when you're not being productive?

Do you struggle to rest without feeling like you're "wasting time"? Do you secretly believe you're only as valuable as your latest achievement?

If any of those hit a little too close to home, this episode is for you.

In this episode, I share a deeply personal story about how I used to tie my birthdays—and ultimately my self-worth—to my achievements. I believed I needed to accomplish something impressive before I deserved to celebrate myself. It took me years to realise that I wasn't just chasing success; I was trying to earn my worth.

We explore why so many of us confuse what we do with who we are, how hustle culture and childhood experiences can fuel performance-based self-esteem, and the subtle ways this mindset steals our peace, rest, and joy.

We'll also talk about practical ways to begin untangling your identity from your productivity so you can work hard without believing your value depends on it.

• Why resting can feel uncomfortable or even "wrong"

• The difference between intrinsic worth and external achievements

• Signs your self-esteem is tied to productivity

• Practical ways to detach your identity from your achievements

• and so much more

If you've ever felt like you have to earn the right to rest, celebrate, or simply exist, I hope this conversation reminds you of something you've probably forgotten:

You are more than what you produce.

💛 If this episode encouraged you, don't forget to follow and subscribe to the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who needs to hear this today.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

See you next time.  🤍

Have you ever felt jealous of people you genuinely love?

Have you ever looked at someone's beauty, success, intelligence, relationship, or achievements and suddenly felt smaller? If so, this episode is for you.

We've all heard phrases like "comparison is the thief of joy" and "just stop comparing yourself to others." But what happens when comparison feels impossible to stop?

In this episode, I share my personal journey with jealousy, comparison, and low self-esteem, and explain why generic advice often doesn't work for people whose comparison habits are rooted in deeper insecurity.

In this episode, you'll learn:
• The hidden connection between low self-esteem and jealousy
• How comparison becomes a confirmation of insecurity
• Why other people's success can feel threatening
• Practical ways to respond to jealousy when it shows up

If you've ever wondered, "Why am I always comparing myself to everyone else?" this episode will give you the answer you've been looking for.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

Be honest.

How many times have you said "sure, no problem" when your spirit was screaming "absolutely not"?

In this episode, we're talking about people-pleasing: why you do it, where it comes from, why "just set boundaries" isn't always helpful advice, and how trying to make everyone happy can leave you exhausted, resentful, and still not liked by everybody.

We'll explore approval addiction, fear of rejection, childhood conditioning, and the surprising reason your brain keeps choosing "yes" even when you desperately want to say "no."

In this episode:
• The paradox of people-pleasing
• Practical ways to start setting boundaries
• Learning to disappoint people without feeling guilty

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

University can be one of the most exciting seasons of your life, and one of the most confusing.

One moment, you're excited about a fresh start. Next, you're questioning yourself, comparing your journey to everyone else's, struggling to find your place, and wondering if you're doing enough.

In this episode, I sit down with Dieko, a Law student at the University of Lagos, to have an honest conversation about confidence, self-worth, comparison, loneliness, academic pressure, romantic validation, and what it really means to stay grounded when university life starts testing who you are.

Together, we discuss:

• The culture shocks that come with entering university
• Navigating self-doubt and rebuilding confidence
• Academic pressure and separating your grades from your worth
• Dealing with comparison in school, friendships, finances, and appearance
• Loneliness, friendship, and finding your people authentically
• Romantic validation, singleness, and feeling "left behind"
• and much more

If you're an undergraduate, a recent graduate, or simply someone learning to believe in yourself again, this conversation is the reminder you need.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

Children are asking questions.

"Am I enough?"
"Am I too ugly?"
"Why don't they like me?"
"Is something wrong with me?"

This Children's Day, I'm talking about something that has been heavy on my heart: the self-esteem of children.

After speaking at a conference for teenage girls, I was confronted with heartbreaking questions about body image, bullying, self-worth, rejection, and even sexual harassment. Some of the stories I heard left me speechless. Some of them, all I could do was listen, hug them, and pray with them.

That experience reminded me of something important: children are always asking questions about themselves and their place in the world. If we don't help them find healthy answers, someone else will.

In this episode, we talk about:
• Why self-esteem starts forming much earlier than most people realize
• The hidden impact of our words on children
• Bullying, body image, and identity
• Why emotional presence matters just as much as provision

If you're a parent, an older sibling, a teacher, a mentor, or someone still healing from childhood wounds, this conversation is for you.

Happy Children's Day. 💛

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍

Starting university can humble you in ways nobody prepared you for.

In this episode, I share my journey from being a sheltered teenager with low self-esteem to entering the beautiful chaos that is the University of Lagos, where everybody suddenly seemed smarter, more confident, more ambitious, and more exposed than me.

I talk about:

• struggling with comparison and confidence as a "fresher"
• feeling behind around “CEO” classmates
• growing up sheltered and entering a completely different world
• redefining failure as an undergraduate

• and more

If you’re currently in university, about to enter, or still trying to find yourself in the middle of everybody else’s highlight reel, this episode is for you 🤍

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.

If you've ever been bullied, shamed, or just slowly talked out of loving yourself, this episode is for you.

In today's episode, I'm getting personal about my self-esteem journey, from secondary school nicknames to learning to love the very thing people mocked. But more than my story, I want to talk about something nobody gives enough credit to: time. And more importantly, what you're supposed to do while you wait.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why self-esteem issues don't disappear overnight
• The real meaning of "waiting"
• Practical, honest steps for the long game
• Why comparing your healing journey to everyone else's is a trap

🎙️ Listen, take notes, and share with someone who needs to hear this today.

Enjoyed this episode? Leave a 5-star rating, follow me on my socials, and join the newsletter community so you never miss an episode.

Let’s stay connected:

Email: [email protected]

IG: @ayanpella

X: @ayanpella_

TikTok: @ayanpella

If this episode resonated with you, please consider subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might need it.

See you next time.  🤍