It’s hard to be grateful for misfortune, and the suffering that results. It’s much easier to wallow in “Why me? Poor me!” than to look for the gift. The truth is, you can find gratitude in every situation. It’s being thankful for some aspect of every situation rather than only focusing on the negative. When you surrender to reality and look for the blessing, you arrive at gratitude. It’s expansive and helps you see yourself more clearly.

Let’s say you lose your job. You can dwell on the situation and be pissed off, or accept the reality and look for the gifts. Maybe your next job will be better or you can start the business you’ve always wanted. It’s also a chance to look at how you showed up for the job, using it as an opportunity for growth. Perhaps your discontent was reflected in your work, or you disconnected from your co-workers. With gratitude comes opportunity because you get to be the creator of your life rather than a helpless victim.

This is not about being a Pollyanna and ignoring your pain. Feel all your emotions, then look for an opening, possibility or opportunity. It’s also not about giving lip service to gratitude—that does nothing. Gratitude is a feeling that you need to connect with. Once you do, you’ll be able to see the situation more clearly and your role in it. It’s a gift you give yourself and it’s ALWAYS available.