The Glengarry Glen Ross Minute

This one gets off to a bit of a rocky start. Mostly cause Bill's a jerk. A human jerk, but still a jerk and he doesn't need YOUR note paper!! What's Williamson doing in that back office there? The boys try to unpack why the sales force gets two leads tonight and two tomorrow. Bill compliments Matt's mic technique! Matt has a gripe with Bill's persistent obsession with the laptop countdown display. The fellas talk about how most of Moss' lines are Mametian perfection. Don't use a verb as a noun or kick a mic stand, or Bill will lose his shit. Shelly did have to actually smash a window. Roma is a sales mastermind who doesn't need a goddamn lead. Both fellas are more apt to buy from someone who seems a bit more desperate. Williamson was all over Craigslist in the "used podium" section. Color palate talk returns. Bill loves Kato Kaelin?! The fellas cast Bobby Morrow this week. We are made very aware at Bill's penchant to "high-road" a mofo at the drop of a hat.

Bill's alleged sweetness starts this episode off. Blake is a 2 shave a day guy. Matt is a self proclaimed evolutionary step and Dave Moss is his spirit animal. The TSA lady in The Spanish Prisoner gives Bill the icky feelings. The fellas agree that passive aggressive responses to movie studio notes would not make for good scenes. Where have you gone Great Space Coaster? "Tell her I'll call her from the road" might be the saddest sentence in existence. David Paymer is Hollywood in a nut-shell. Bill's continued attempts to engage celebrities and referees alike now have Matt permanently cringed. What one gummie can do, another can do. How does a guy miss a Spacey in the audience? Foley is so dole-y with the visual clues. Dave says "Don't do as Dave does, do as Dave says." The boys discuss hospitals being bad news. Shout out to the guys who have signed on to bust Matt out of the hospital. Bill ruins our day, yet another episode and maybe the entire podcast, this time with an enormous bummer of a personal story. Thanks for sharing, Bill!

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Bill gets a tutorial on how to "come correct." Bill is Forrest Gump but in a really annoying way. The fellas decide that they should probably put out episodes at a quicker clip. Baldwin brings a lot to an exit. Sense of relief in the room after Blake finally backs the fuck off. "Fight Club" can't hold Glengarry's jock. We learn that Bill doesn't really listen, unless Matt gently bumps the mic stand and then Bill reacts as though it were a car bomb. The fellas have a less than impressive quote corner. Bill is a vintage, old-school, guy who's given up. The fellas develop "purest" as a perfume. Look for it at your local bodega. The fellas are pleased to finally be moving on from the torrid Blaking.

Bill starts without Matt this week but claims he was just "queuing." Once again, Mr. Pacino's vocal variances throughout his many eras, are discussed at length. We finally reach a kind-of climax in the less-than-tender Blaking. Bill and Matt have fallen ill but that doesn't stop the bad impression train from rolling. The fellas imagine that Aaranow has the saddest off-screen life one can imagine. We get public speaking pro-tips from Blake. Pro-tip: Warm Baldwin breath on a neck goes a long way towards intimidation. The fellas connect the dots between Baldwin's Blake and Baldwin's Trumpkin. Sometimes a bad mime is a great choice. The boys discuss some the more famous movie props. The boys conclude that there is no better actor to interact with an actual set of brass balls than Mr. Alec Baldwin. Bill is a nit-picky, son-of-a-bitch who goes out of his way to needlessly criticize what Matt believes is a damn fine prop. What would Williamson do with his own set of brass balls? Bill talks about Hitchcock's "Rope." It's hard to know why, but we'll take it. In this vein, 2dubs tells us all about Se7en. Matt takes bill to task in the newest HOUSEKEEPING for trying to end episodes before their time. Matt reminds Bill that he is among the worst of all the high-roading, SOBs that ever lived.

Quote Corner gets us going this week (still no jingle). Bill and Matt discuss how school ruins everything. Two world-class quitters explain how to quit with purpose. Bill finds emotional connection in an Argentinian bodega. The fellas exchange tragic Google Translate stories. Praise abounds for Bruce Altman. Is Moss getting beat down or is he just getting mad? Do they do celebratory ass-slaps in that back room? 'Cause no one wants an ass slap from Jude Ciccolella. Despite the fellas' Italian heritage, they have NO idea how to pronounce "Ciccollela." Do you like a Nutella? Don't ever judge another man's ass-eating habits. Matt's a vegan & Bill eats like a 7-year-old who lives in a dumpster outside of a candy store near a toxic waste dump. Matt wants to stop doing the podcast with Bill... again. Soylent is on the menu this week and it seems like Roma might be too stingy to buy a coworker lunch. Speaking of lunch, Blake ain't got no beef with Roma.

Buckle up, cause there's no room for agreement this week. Bill's longing for backstage banter turns into a meditation on Blake's emphasizing "man-stuff." Matt lets us in on his boudoir discourse. Blake gets a little Tony Robbins-y. Matt takes umbrage with AIDA and Bill tells him he's wrong by conducting a class on active and passive lazzi, that no one asked for. The fellas get to talk a little "fuck or walk" then they run down their favorite Mamet cinematic highlights. Bill shares more about his mental degradation when he tells us about his split-personality, car-buying tactic. The rainy train, once again takes us out of the minute. Matt enters a Blake-inspired, fugue state and Bill still has trouble ending the episode when he wants. There's a small chance that Matt thinks that Bill should have tried harder.

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The Blaking continues. Bill's happy place seems to be an unending housekeeping segment. We are not surprised to learn that Bill built his personality upon a foundation of 80's sit-com catch phrases. Listen in horror as Matt and Bill dance around Blake's homophobic slur. Is there more than one Blake? Philadelphia sports fans are kind of like Blake in crowd form. Bill begs for cash while, in the same episode, reminds everyone that he's loaded. The boys take a moment to praise the production design team. Baldwin gives u Baldwin. Some say that this episode marks the beginning of the end of the friendship, which should only help the podcast. Bill tries to argue that stealing a shirt makes him a good person, and maybe most importantly, Bill's desired nickname is born!

The fellas praise the stylized naturalism of Mamet's dialogue... again. Bill doesn't buy that Matt wants to actually see slice of life represented. Bill apparently likes to wash his hands as far from the scene of the crime as he can. The fellas engage in a time honored debate: "Wyatt Earp" vs. "Tombstone," which only serves as a platform for Matt to fawn over Kilmer. Is Glenngarry truly the death of a salesman? The boys conduct an impromptu and imperfect screen writing course. Tarantino stood on Mamet's shoulders. Bill has to be convinced that Mamet is the Godfather of the unnaturally cool dialogue he claims to find unpalatable. This ep turns into a bit of an after school special about misogyny. Bill applauds Baldwin's steak knife schtick but criticizes Foley's work for a lack of foley-work. By the end of the episode the boys are ready to do the dutch.

What is Mercy in a merciless world? The fellas "argue like adults" about how much effort Mamet did or did not put into the re-writes for the movie. Bill becomes a gender-normative jerk before our ears and attempts to appropriate the podcast. Moss is a total man-spreader in a room full of apes. Matt posits that Williamson is the Salacious B. Crumb of GGGR. Bill must have been having a bad day, because he forgets, yet again, how to be a food friend and apparently, the camera adds 10lbs to Brando's cock.

It takes a while to get to the minute because Bill introduces the inaugural housekeeping portion of the podcast... to mixed results. Dave moss is practically on fire. Bill wonders why we like pouring thru all this sadness so much? Matt might have traced his interest in writing, back to Doogie Houser!?!? We finally meet George Aaranow! Roma is a taker masquerading as a giver. Any power at all goes right to Matt's head. We learn that Bill is, in fact, the biggest Aaranow. The fellas look forward to the Blake portion of GGGR. Bill apparently has impulses to dress like an infant but we forgive him because he does one hell of Turtoro and for all of that, he gets Cannoli!