The Great Man Within

#152: Have you ever stopped to think about how to measure the quality of your life?

I'm willing to bet much of what you're measuring is not conscious or intentional.

It's relatively easy to measure…

• Your net worth
• Your physical appearance
• Your career trajectory

But none of these measurements include the most important thing:

How you feel.

Important reminder: Everything you ever do is because you are in search of a feeling.

You want a million dollars? Chances are you're searching for the feeling of freedom. You want to start your own business? Perhaps you're seeking the feeling of control. You want to lose 30 pounds? You want the feeling of confidence in your own body.

When you lose sight of the fact that you're always in search of a feeling, you can easily drift into actions, responsibilities and obligations that often lead you to the exact opposite feelings you're seeking.

Instead, have you ever thought about measuring:

• How many days you feel lit up by your own life (vs living the grind or going through the motions?)
• How many times a day you laugh, smile and feel joy (vs stressed and anxious)?
• How often you feel a sense of meaning and fulfillment (vs busy and overwhelmed)?

If you're not measuring the feelings that matter most to you…

…it's impossible to live the quality of life you desire.

Today, I interview my good friend and digital marketing genius - George Bryant - who spent of most of his life, as he puts it, operating with a broken measuring stick.

Now George is one hyper impressive dude.

Just look at this list of achievements he's racked up (before the age of 40, mind you):

• New York Times Best Selling co-author of The Paleo Kitchen
• #1 Health app in Apple's App Store for the year 2015
• Former world record holder for box jump height
• He's been the highest paid digital marketer in the world, consulting with NBA teams, Reebok, Adidas, Men's Health and Vital Proteins
• He was even called "The Neo of marketing" by former Onnit CEO and NY Times Best Selling author Aubrey Marcus

But what you'll hear from George, is all of those accolades were empty, joyless and nearly destroyed his marriage with two children.

He chased those achievements because he thought those external accomplishments would bring him a sense of acceptance and worthiness.

Instead, he nearly burned down his life and marriage in the process.

Today, George lives his life guided by a very different measuring stick, the details of which you'll hear in today's episode, but include:

• Feeling a sense of inner peace and contentment
• Knowing how to honor his own personal well-being
• Being a present, powerful and committed husband and father

A Great Man knows how to measure his own life, and then builds his lives around it.

How will you measure and build yours?

-DQ

PS – In my new book On Purpose Leadership, I provide a roadmap and exercises on how to find your Purpose, so you can live and measure a life of meaning.

If you buy my book On Purpose Leadership, email me the receipt ([email protected]), and I'll send you a host of bonuses (worksheet exercises, guided meditations and other surprises to implement the teachings of the book).

#151: One of the things men crave at our absolute core:

We want our leadership to be trusted.

There's nothing quite so rewarding as setting a vision and having others enthusiastically follow.

Conversely, there's nothing quite so deflating as having your leadership doubted, resisted, picked apart or ignored altogether.

The best leaders know who they are at their core and lead in alignment with their deepest values.

Knowing your deepest values and turning them into guiding principles is what prevents you from drifting when times get tough (like these last 5 months).

In my new book On Purpose Leadership, I write about the importance of designing your own leadership principles so you can live and lead from purpose.

The 22 men in The Great Man Mastermind share a set of 3 principles that we all live and lead by:

• I master the art of leading myself so I can inspire and impact others.
• I lean out over my edge, constantly in everything I do.
• I create environments where I and those I care about can thrive.

As our relationships, families, businesses and world looks to recover and build a better normal, the world needs more trustworthy masculine leaders now more than ever.

It's time for you to get clear on your leadership principles.

In today's episode, I'll show you how.

-DQ

#150: Here are three misconceptions men have about Purpose:

Purpose resides in the future.

My present life/work are the enemy/obstacle to purpose.

Purpose only comes via the fulfillment of a massive achievement.

Believing in these fallacies pushes you further away from feeling a sense of purpose.

The simple truth:

Purpose is only lived in the present, not the future.

That truth dispels misconceptions #1 and #3.

Learning how to find and bring Purpose to your present day work and life is where your life shifts from mundane to magnetic.

In today's episode, Bryan and I break down some of the key concepts about living Purpose that I write about in my hot-off-the-presses book: On Purpose Leadership.

If you want to be an exceptional leader of others…

…you yourself need to know how to lead from Purpose.

-DQ

PS – Buy my book On Purpose Leadership, email me the receipt, and I'll send you a host of bonuses (worksheet exercises, guided meditations and other surprises to implement the teachings of the book).

#149:

"What kills us isn't one big thing,

but thousands of tiny obligations we can't turn down

for fear of disappointing others."

• Alain de Botton

Those "thousands of tiny obligations" come in so many forms:

• Spending time with a person who energetically drains you
• Saying yes to a meeting you didn't want to but its "only 20 minutes"
• Taking a call

Most of what we call "obligations" are not obligations at all.

In fact, the textbook definition of an "obligation" is an act or course of action to which a person is morally or legally bound.

Very few things in your life meet that standard.

In fact, most of what you call an obligation is an inability to say no for fear of:

• Disappointing others
• Dealing with blowback
• Losing others' approval

In my new book, On Purpose Leadership, I talk about how the best leaders lead from their Greatest Energy – their unique source of power, inspiration and life force.

When you're leading from obligation…you're cut off from your Greatest Energy. Therefore, you can never lead from Purpose.

In today's episode, I share a recent story of how I said yes to a 30 minute meeting – out of obligation – that ended up stealing two hours of my time…

…and how you can prevent the same from happening to you.

-DQ

PS – Buy my new book On Purpose Leadership, email me the receipt, and I'll send you a host of bonuses (worksheet exercises, guided meditations and other surprises to implement the teachings of the book).

#148:

"Intimacy requires closeness. Desire requires distance."

Esther Perel calls this the central paradox of love.

How can you be both close (requisite of intimacy) and distant (requisite of desire) at the same time…

…especially over the course of a long-term relationship?

The good news is, you don't have to choose just intimacy or just desire, you can have both.

But that won't happen by accident, you have to work at it.

Today, our guest Scott Berry teaches how you can cultivate a loving and passionate relationship for the long haul.

Who is Scott Berry

• Scott is a life coach and relationship counselor, primarily focusing on heterosexual couples
• He teaches how to create freedom inside of relationships and using an understanding of the masculine feminine energies to create polarity and magnetism in your relationship dynamic
• He's the creator of the Self Actualized Marriage, which is a 3 day relationship retreat
• He runs the Mastery and Fulfillment Podcast And he's also a connoisseur of fine exotic teas

In this Episode

• How you can have both intimacy and desire in your long term relationships
• What "polarity" means and why it's essential to keep the desire burning
• Why "my partner is my best friend" is often the silent assassin in the bedroom
• The #1 – by far – complaint that Scott's female clients have about their men
• Why men lead in work, but abdicate leadership in their relationships
• How your woman can be the breadwinner and you can still lead the relationship
• How male-dominated businesses push women into masculine roles…that can often carry into the bedroom (unwittingly)
• One actionable step and book recommendation

Resources

Scott's Website: alchemicempowerment.com Scott's Couples Program: The Self Actualized Marriage Scott's Podcast: Mastery and Fulfillment Podcast

John Wineland Podcast Interview: The Art of Masculine Leadership

Scott's Book Recommendations

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel The All or Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel

-DQ

#147:

"If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will."

– Greg McKeown, Essentialism

Why is it so hard to simplify your life?

Why do you hate the feeling of overwhelm…yet keep saying yes to more responsibility?

Why does it take so much discipline to do less?

The big cosmic joke is that most of society has bought into a belief that "doing more" will:

• Lead to fulfillment
• Quiet your inner critic
• Give you a sense of purpose

The irony is, the more you encumber yourself with "doing more" responsibilities and obligations, the further you get from all of these things.

It was when I committed to the disciplined pursuit of doing less (a term coined by Greg McKeown in his book Essentialism) that I found myself on the fast track to fulfillment, purpose and a kinder inner critic.

In today's episode, I break down some of the key distinctions of a "nonessentialist" vs "essentialist" as described in Greg McKeown's book.

For example:

Nonessentialist

Essentialist

Thinks

"It's all important"

"Only a few things really matter."

Does

Says "yes" without really thinking

Says "no" to everything except the essential

Gets

Feels overwhelmed & exhausted

Experiences joy in the journey

If you want to simplify your life, this is your episode.

-DQ

My new book is officially available for pre-order: On Purpose Leadership

Essentialism by Greg McKeown

#146: Here are a few signs you're too masculine:

• You accomplish very much and feel joy very little
• You give a lot but have trouble receiving
• You deify logic and vilify emotion
• You worship data and scoff at intuition
• You have plenty of sex but very little intimacy
• You live from the head while disconnected from your heart

It's actually confronting to realize how easily those examples flowed from me, because all of them are realities of my not too distant past.

I know what it's like to goal set, goal crush and paradoxically feel a chronic state of discontent, fatigue and absence of aliveness in my life.

It was only when I started to delve into the spiritual understandings of the masculine and feminine energies did my world start to become more enjoyable, colorful and vibrant.

Masculine and feminine energies exist on a spectrum, and no matter how you identify, we all have the ability to access and experience the range of these energies…

…if we allow them.

If you desire to experience more joy, intimacy, passion, creativity and love in your life, it's important to understand how to cultivate more feminine energy in your life.

If you desire to be a better leader in the workplace, at home and in the bedroom…believe me, it will behoove you to master your understanding of the masculine and feminine energies.

So today we are having a beginner's guide discussion to understanding the masculine and feminine energies with our special guest, Keisha Delva.

Who is Keisha Delva

• Keisha is a Licensed Mental Health therapist and the founder of Keisha Delva Creative
• She runs a business helping women entrepreneurs – specifically creatives and healers (coaches, therapists) – build a profitable business that they love
• Many of the women who come to her are stuck in one of two extremes
• Women who are in the extreme masculine: overworked, overcommitted, overwhelmed and burnt out
• Keisha once burned her own self out as a therapist and realized she needed to get her masculine and feminine energies into balance if she was ever going to live a happy healthy and thriving life
• The extreme unconscious feminine, characterized by indecisiveness, difficulty following through, paralyzed or sabotaged by emotions
• Keisha helps her clients cultivate strength and choice in leveraging the masculine and feminine energies to build and operate successful businesses

In this Episode

• An introduction to what the masculine and feminine energies are
• Keisha walks us through a set of key characteristics of masculine energy as well as those of feminine energy
• Practical applications on how to leverage these energies to show up as a more trustworthy leader in your workplace, and romantic relationships
• Reasons why your feminine partner will resist your leadership (and how you can help guide her from resistance to enthusiastic consent)
• The #1 source of most (if not all) feminine complaints

-DQ

Connect with Keisha

Keisha's Instagram Account: https://www.instagram.com/keishadelvacreative Keisha Delva's Website: https://keishadelvacreative.com

#145: Here are some telltale signs you're in a prolonged state of drift:

• Life feels like Groundhog's Day
• Your routines feel drab, dull and dry
• Your sex life is becoming predictable
• Your work - once inspiring - has not held a spark for you in some time
• You've normalized being discontent

Trust me, I've been in all of those places myself, and it can feel like a real challenge to break free from drift when you're that deep.

Don't sweat it: I've got you covered.

Today I'm talking about tried and true ways to break free from drift when you don't think you can.

We'll be diving into:

• Shattering your routines
• Summoning courage to make big moves
• Bringing novelty, unpredictability and spark back into your life

-DQ

The 3 books I reference in this episode:

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

Design Your Future by me

Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans

#144: Every man has greatness lying dormant within him.

I'm here to help you wake it up.

Each man lives two lives:

1. The "Good Enough" Guy: He who shrinks back from his edge in the name of comfort and safety
2. The Great Man Within: He who plays life at his edge and lives his fullest potential

He who discovers and lives The Great Man Within him, will live a life of purpose and passion.

A life to be inspired by and proud of.

Today, Bryan and I explore 4 powerful masculine archetypes:

1. King
2. Warrior
3. Magician
4. Lover

These archetypes are essential contributors to discovering and living your Great Man.

The man who knows how and when to tap his King, for example:

• Leads businesses to extraordinary results (without sacrificing his family or health)
• Creates environments where he and everyone he cares about can thrive
• Leaves the world a better place than he found it

The man who knows how to tap his Warrior:

• Knows what he stands for and is willing to fight for it
• Walks through life always alive, alert and in his power
• Has an undying loyalty to something bigger than himself

Join us for one of our manliest conversations yet: Discover the Great Man Within You.

-DQ

RESOURCES

King, Warrior, Magician Lover by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette

#143: What's more annoying…

…than feeling lazy and unmotivated after you've achieved something?

Been there, brother, been there.

In today's episode, I share three of the most common themes I see why men feel lazy and unmotivated after achieving success:

1. You're Off Purpose: In achieving your success, you've realized that the feeling you were seeking was never to be fulfilled by this pursuit. In other words, you were not aligned with your purpose.

1. You Overdid It: In pursuit of success, you pushed yourself beyond your capacity, and now your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies need a break.

1. You're Leveling Up: You've fulfilled your purpose in this arena of your life. The drop-off from intensely pursuing your purpose to not knowing the next path can feel steep. David Deida says it beautifully in The Way of the Superior Man:

"A man must be prepared to give 100% to his purpose, fulfill his karma or dissolve it, and then let go of that specific form of living.

He must be capable of not knowing what to do with his life, entering a period of unknowingness and waiting for a vision or a new form of purpose to emerge."

-DQ

PS - Here is the Prolon 5 Day Fast I talk about on the podcast.