The Happiness Project

Before I move onto the episode today, I want you to take some time and truly reflect on this quote by Eckhart Tolle – ‘When you are detached, you gain a higher vantage point from which you view the events in your life instead of being trapped inside them’

Positive emotional detachment is a state of inner calmness, and poise and the ability to not let other people’s actions affect your emotional state of being. This is a skill that will help you to stop dwelling into your past and allow you to be totally present wherever that you are.

Once you are positively detached, you will also learn to stop taking things personally. Most of the times, when we attach our feelings to the situations, we experience anxiety and end up becoming more biased towards our feelings; and this doesn’t allow us to take some reasonable decisions.

When people hear the term ‘detachment’ they simply think of it as being ‘indifferent or passive or lacking feelings’. However, positive detachment means something else. It means that you need to allow yourself to deeply immerse into the situation; but there’s a trick here – You need to behave like an actor. You need to fully, deeply immerse into the character and experience and feel everything but recognise that you can step outside of the character and reflect – to not attach ‘who you are’ to any desired outcome is what positive detachment is all about.

According to a spiritual author Ron W. Rathbun, “True detachment isn’t a separation from life but the absolute freedom within your mind to explore living.”

I want you to ask yourself these questions –

1.  Do you allow other peoples moods to affect your state of mind?

2.  Does other people’s anger affect you?

3.  Do you get angry or frustrated on trivial matters?

4.  Is your peace dependent on the external factors?

5.  Do you think something will be a disaster if it does not happen the way you’ve planned?

6.  Do you want everyone else to behave the way you want them to?

Positive emotional detachment creates a space of freedom within ourselves, making us feel whole, complete and emotionally in control of our lives. It allows us to experience feelings and emotions without being consumed by it. When you learn the art of being positively detached, you free yourself from the emotional burden. You can still love someone wholeheartedly, and not their behaviour. You can still embrace everything in your life with remaining open to the possibility of having it gone someday. It is an attitude of open-mindedness and of being practical.

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.”

Every year there is a theme around which we celebrate this exquisite day i.e. International Women’s Day. Last year the theme was #Balanceforbetter and this year the theme of International women’s day is #Eachforequal which demands for us to recognise all of the actions that we can take as individuals to challenge stereotypes across the world.

This year calls for change and to celebrate acts and courage by each and every single ordinary woman. This day is not only about the collective act of women but goes beyond the act of each and every single woman’s victory and moments of pride.

This day is about the way we act, the way we think, the way we feel every single day and every day creates a ripple effect that will benefit everyone else. This is the time to celebrate change of all ages and tackle the unfinished issue of empowering women and girls in the years to come.

United Nations states that - Today, not a single country can claim to have achieved gender equality. Multiple obstacles remain unchanged in law and in culture. Women and girls continue to be undervalued; they work more and earn less and have fewer choices; and experience multiple forms of violence at home and in public spaces. Furthermore, there is a significant threat of rollback of hard-won feminist gains.

So today is a day where we celebrate women’s achievements. ‘The phenomenal woman in each one of us! Today’

To the women who dare to raise a voice and shout out loud simply because it is against your core values - You are a BELIEVER, to those women who are in their echt conduct in challenging times with a strong sense of individuality- You are a ROLE MODEL, to those women who are hustling throughout the day to simply pay bills- You are a HUSTLER, to those women who build empires just with a sagacious insight and a right attitude- You are an ACHIEVER, to women who are driven to achieve their goals and have a purpose in life while attaining a glow inside out - You are a GLOW GETTER, to women who push boundaries and goes to any extent to get things done their way- You are SAVAGE, to those women who refuse to take no for an answer- You are SOLID. You are the kind of women who is paving way for the coming generation to play; THE TIME IS NOW. Stand tall with pride for all that you are.

Wishing you all a very Happy women’s day

The first step here is to Limit unnecessary stress -  Understand the difference between healthy stress and unhealthy stress. Yes, some stress can’t be ignored, and it needs to be addressed. However, you will be surprised at the amount of stressors you can eliminate on a daily basis.

Learning how to say no– in your personal and professional life. Most of us struggle to say no because we fear rejection, or don’t want to come across as a self-centered person or uncertain about the other person’s response. People pleasing has been rooted in us since our childhood. To start reclaiming your time and your mental wellbeing by saying no more, tune into what it is that you really want. Instead of saying yes on impulse, get into the habit of asking yourself: “Am I agreeing to this for me?”

Cut down on your to-do lists which already is overwhelming enough.You can’t create longer to do lists and organize them. The key is ‘creative abandonment’. The key is to stop doing things. The only way you can have your life under control is by not doing things of lower value and focus on doing only a few things of higher value. So whenever you sit down in the morning and create a to-do list, you must also mentally create a not-to-do list.  Sometimes you look at the items on your list and say, “Would it matter at all if this were done in the first place?”  And if the answer is no, don’t do it, or at least don’t do it until the things that matter are done. Else, you will experience ongoing, chronic stress over anything.

Limit the amount of time you spend with people who stress you out– Some times some people get out the worst in us and you know it by your own reaction while you are around them. So its important to limit your time with such people who stress you out. Simply be aware of how you feel around certain people. When someone is toxic, you need to set clear and firm emotional and physical boundaries around these people. When you catch yourself overinvesting your time and attention on thepeople who drain your energy, redirect your investments back to the energy givers– people who get out the best in you.

Another significant way to effectively manage stress is by altering the situation. We all know that we cannot change the situation however we all learn from our mistakes. So what I mean by altering the situation is by simply taking a step back, figuring out what went wrong and what can you do better in the future and how you can try and avoid a similar situation to occur, and even it does, by learning how to alter a situation you’ll be able to manage it effectively. Also, by reframing your problemsand trying to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective will help you adapt to stress. By asking yourself – Will this matter to me in a weeks time? And if the answer is no, then you need to focus on all the significant things at hand.

The key is to find your groove and make it a practice. You’ll be amazed at how quickly you may start to feel better once you disrupt the cycle of stress.

Let us take the privilege to welcome Dr. Rohit Jain who is a practicing physician, and a recognized specialist, also an expert at understanding the relationship between what we eat and the way we feel – i.e. Nutrition and Mental Health. His exceptional vision and the ability to provide insights will inspire each one of us to look at the familiar in new dynamics. In my experience with the doctor, I only remember him as a person who influences people to live a better way of life. Let us now welcome a very rare combination of a doer and a doctor who celebrates his choices with pride and excellence. There’s a lot of discussion going on around this topic of whether what is the connection between mental health and nutrition. Our listeners would like to know about how certain foods affect the way we feel and how one should avoid certain food items as it affects our mental energy. There is a list of questions that I have with me right now. How about we start of with understanding the association between nutrition and mental health? When people decide to go on a diet, they automatically feel like they are depriving themselves and their bodies of the foods they want. And do you know what it makes them feel? Miserable. Well first off, the word “diet” has the word “die” in it. That should be a huge indicator that they fail because your body is not getting the fuel it needs to think properly or operate optimally.  Diets create too many restrictions that take a toll on a person’s mental state, leading to increased emotional eating and therefore, increased calorie consumption.   Dieting creates an unhealthy relationship with food, and as we know, negative thoughts lead to negative behaviour. This is the reason why two out of every five people on a diet quit in the first 7 days! Only 1 out of those 5 end up going strong after a month. Why do so many people have diets that nose-dive? They fail because we concentrate too much on a diet and forget about the lifestyle changes. The majority of diets require an extreme reduction of overall calories. Physiologically, this puts our body into a “starvation mode”. The lack of calories needed to support normal daily functions (heartbeat, breathing, etc.) leaves us in a catabolic state forcing the body to use muscle for fuel. This will lower your overall metabolic rate (mitochondria found in muscle is our calorie burning center). The decrease in calories will also cause many to have headaches, mood swings, and fatigue due to metabolic imbalances. Psychologically, the headaches, mood swings, and fatigue are challenging enough, but most diets are also set up with unrealistic all-or-nothing meal plans. A list of “bad” vs. “good” foods starts to consume daily thoughts leading to cravings & bingeing. The diet mentality is one of a temporary fix for long term results, when in fact, a temporary fix leads to temporary weight loss. Once you return to a “normal” eating pattern the weight returns setting up feelings of failure and possible emotional eating. I am sure many people recognize the healthy way of life but many people also do so blindly without understanding the science behind it, lets say for example when you spoke about why one should avoid eating meat and you also scientifically explained what kind of process takes place within our body. I hope now after having heard this episode people make some wise choices for themselves, especially choices that align their mental and physical health and choices that have long term effect on their lives.

If you wish to contact Dr. Rohit Jain, please feel free to email him for any queries that you have - [email protected]

As Tony Robbins says that ‘You weren’t born as an overthinker – all humans have patterns to their behaviour. These patterns develop over time based on life experiences. And just as patterns are learned, they can also be unlearned’.

First step here is to ‘Say Stop’ to yourself in any situation when you find yourself overthinking. Set a bar for yourself – ‘That beyond a certain point I am not going to think about a situation because I have least control over what has happened and what will happen. What I have control over is how I want to feel right now’. And right now I want to feel pleasant, happy. And that will only happen when live in the moment. By simply being present wherever that you are, with your mind, body and soul. You can also tell yourself – ‘I will think about this thought later’. This way you are postponing your overthinking and slowly getting rid of it. This will help you to deal with your thought process constructively.

First step here is to simply calm down. Simply Pause.Yes, it is very tempting to react especially when we are experiencing physiological changes in our body such as tensed muscles, increased heart rates and increased breathing. It’s okay. We do not have to act simply because we are having an internal reaction. We can pause. Take a deep breath and simply observe the irrational process go away. I know I refer a lot to breathing because I know the power of simply a few deep breaths

It only takes a few seconds to feel pleasant again. You’ll be proud of yourself when you reflect on your response to this situation after pausing and discover that emotional triggers can also be tackled in a very different way.

Secondly, being mindful can allow you to watch yourself every time you have an emotional trigger. So identify what triggers you? A number of experiences can trigger an emotional response. When someone irritates you, someone makes you angry, it could be the fear of rejection, or when someone leaves you, or when you are not in control or when someone else is trying to control you, when someone disapproves of you, someone disagreeing with you or when someone judges you.

Thirdly, become aware of any situation that triggers your emotions.

Notice any situational or social triggers. Note down any situation where you’ve felt uncomfortable, or where your emotions were triggered. Also, note down the environment, the people you were with, and what was happening around you. If you find yourself being triggered in a similar situation more than once, you will now be able to manage your response in that situation in a much better way than earlier. And that’s the power of awareness.

The moment you become aware of all the factors that trigger your emotions, the better you will be able to make the essential changes needed to manage your triggers well.

And lastly, replace all the negative thoughts about that trigger. It’s very natural to blame someone else for how we feel. If we are simply functioning from a space where we constantly blame the external factors for what happens to us, that’s a warning you need to take charge over your emotions.

Think of that one trigger that you have the least control over and begin to slowly reprogram your mind by engaging into self-talk and by creating healthy emotional boundaries for yourself. Every time you have a negative thought about that situation ‘Tell yourself – this is not the reality’, what’s true is that ‘I am in control of my emotions’ and ‘I take charge of how I feel’ rather than giving someone else the power to trigger your emotions. Substitute every negative thought with a positive frame of mind. Simply by changing the tone of your thoughts, you can experience a positive outlook towards your life.

You can also make use of ‘thought diaries’. Thought diaries will allow you to journal all those negative thoughts that are controlling you and making you believe into something that is not true. It will help you identify your negative thought pattern, where these thoughts are stemming from, and help you gain an understanding on how your thoughts cause your emotions to trigger.

If you sit and do this activity every time you have an emotional trigger, you will experience a sudden shift in the way you experience your emotions.