It's Carmen's birthday! John gave Carmen an intimate gift: the privilege of picking him up after his recent colonoscopy. The pair get into the ins and outs of colons including an incredible anecdote about how technology helps us to be disgusted, quicker. Then mortality is discussed. But don't distress, for there is a movie review of Netflix's "The Menu" followed by John's telling of the one time he ever waited tables in his life. Oh and then there's a second movie review! This time of "M3gan." This one was actually seen in a real live movie theater - you'll want to check this out just to hear what moment scared the duo the most. Also: do you smell? Well, don't worry if you do, because this episode contains a fake commercial about a fake product that will do nothing to help you so actually, yeah, keep worrying.

Carmen and John are either sick or surrounded by sickies. Everyone is sick now - it’s the thing. This episode is over zoom for personal Carmen reasons that she gets into. Then the duo talk a lot about getting old. Also John had lunch with his landlord recently. And then, oh, wow, things get real personal when John talks about all the women with herpes he’s slept with. This segues into the history of HPV. But don't forget Movie Reviews! The couple just finished the Shetland TV series on Britbox and then they give you an earful, mate. Which gets the two also talking about what celeb of the same gender would they sex up if they were allowed. Also, Carmen spills secrets about a past boyfriend. What a saucy ep!

Carmen plugs so many upcoming shows that at first you may mistake this episode for just one long commercial. Then John coughs (there’s a bit of phlegm in this episode as the hosts battle rival colds). Movie Reviews (really Movie Ruinations since it’s wall-to-wall spoilers) include “Bodies, Bodies, Bodies” and small discussions about “Pearl” and “Tar.” Next, Carmen talks about taking her family to Six Flags Kings Dominion over Christmas and riding rollercoasters in the freezing cold. The duo wraps up talking about gifts. Wraps up, get it? 2023 is of to a punny start!

Carmen and John close out the year with several in-depth movie reviews starting with “The Black Phone” starring Ethan Hawke’s forehead. Then there's “The White Lotus” and, amazingly, the duo never connects the black and white connection between the two titles. Carmen goes on to relate how “The White Lotus” got her recent post booted from Instagram thanks to Theo James’ pee pee. The duo next discusses a big new story in John’s life and then wonder about what should or should not be posted on socials. The final review is of a Britcom that came out ten years ago proving once again that when the hosts of THE HUMAN CENTIPOD  come late to a party they come LATE. Happy New Year!

Carmen and John continue a Christmas tradition on the Centipod by not having any tradition at all. John tells the tale of the time he had to fake talking to Santa on his cell phone in order to fool his toddler son and save the day. Meanwhile, Carmen reads random letters from strangers to Santa so she can mercilessly pick them apart for all sorts of non-Christmas-y reasons. The continuing homeless problem in this great nation of ours is also discussed. Throughout, the listener is treated to special Yuletide messages from Santa, Mrs. Claus, some reindeer, and...the ghost of Casey Kasem!

New York City is pulling mentally unstable people off the streets and involuntarily sending them to hospitals. But the duo would rather focus on Hulu's "The Patient" starring Steve Carell. Carmen and John spend fifteen minutes basically telling everyone not to watch it and why - even though they loved it! Also: Thanksgiving recap: Thanksgiving in a Virginia restaurant! PLUS: The worst fake commercial yet. Then - why a notable comedy club gave Carmen Lynch a baseball bat for headlining is never really explained, but what the duo want to do with said baseball bat is gone into with great, long, unnecessary detail. 

Ian talks about his new (and very funny) comedy special on HBO: “Romantic Comedy." Ian and Carmen swap club stories and also tell some of their fave/worst comedy moments. Then Ian answers the question everyone wants to know the answer to: what is it REALLY like to be Afro-Latino? Then things get serious (but not too serious) when Carmen and John get into Ian's challenges of having to put a new hour together during the sudden death of his mom last year. If you like what you hear, the show’s Patreon account HAS A BONUS CLIP where Ian talks about his writing process that's very interesting which John especially found illuminating (and slightly arousing).

The Best Podcast Episode of 2022 is this one. Well, maybe not the "best," but it IS Carmen and John's favorite so far. Beginning with John telling a true and funny story about someone messing up pronouns in a work situation - and it won't offend you, we promise, ya tippy-toed water sprites! Also, Carmen relays big news about not being in therapy anymore (and John can tell - also check out her nutso TikTok videos for more proof). Carmen also uses this opportunity to plug her new Spanish podcast and then John whines that he needs to learn Spanish. The show also has some new fake sponsors and Carmen plugs her new queef T-shirt that you the listener can actually purchase! (It's a t-shirt with a funny queef joke, not a t-shirt she queefed on, but those also sell well.)

Carmen and John talk about their favorite movie of the year for the entire episode. If they believed in awards, they'd also believe this film really should win Best Picture. They also break down typical horror movie tropes and cliches and explain (poorly) how this movie turns them all on their heads. At one point, the movie inspires Carmen to talk about the time long ago when she was almost abducted by a creep in a van (no, that's not how she met John. He used a net). Throughout, of course, John does more mansplaining than moviesplaining. If you haven't yet seen this movie, by the end of this episode it will feel like you did (although a much more ridiculous version).

The duo recounts their very recent trip to San Francisco together as John continues to stalk Carmen while she's on the road. Carmen details a part of her act containing queefs  which is very important. Meanwhile, John remembers his time living in the Bay Area back in the 90s and his adventures at the American Conservatory Theater where he earned his Equity card that he's barely used since. Carmen then shares a tale of meeting a new four-legged friend which leads the two to discuss pets in general. PLUS: More terrible fake commercials!