The Human Centipod

Carmen and John spend way too much time talking about Jeff Bridges in "The Old Man" on Hulu. John Lithgow's in it, too! Then John gets angry that dead movie stars have better careers than he ever will. This is followed by Carmen regaling you all with tales of how she tried to get into the FBI and being grateful (as should you be) that she didn't. The duo then takes on aging and how it flattens the living experience (but don't worry, it's not as depressing as it sounds). The episode finishes up like most great podcasts do: by shitting on New Yorker cartoons.

Carmen deals with a subway pusher - luckily the guy is ON the train and not pushing her in FRONT of one. A quiet Nordic man is her Thor protector so listen to the full episode to get the rest. Meanwhile, Carmen also has a strange disorder and John reveals that a HUGE MOVIE STAR shares the same affliction (hint: the star may or may not be mentioned in the episode title). Then Carmen gets all hot because she shares the same illness with her crush. Finally, the duo brings it home with some very exciting talk about Saint Days (it's a Spanish thing, so if you're bored during this part then you are a racist).

Most of this episode is about Asian clam dicks and Charles Lindbergh's son (the un-kidnapped one) whom Carmen's family knew. But first, Carmen and John do a little podcast housekeeping (Carmen wants to make a joke about how the segment's all about the podcast's cleaning lady, but John tells her not to please god no). Plus, the duo celebrates all their new listeners (there's lots!) and try hard not to lose them. Next, Carmen says it looks like John got some color and hopes it's a tan and not a heart attack. Movie Review: Stranger Things Season 4!

America is in the toilet and it's all thanks to Jill Stein voters. Remember the innocent days before 911 when we were all having a party trying to find Chandra Levy's killer? Well if you don't, Carmen and John take you there like the GD masters of time travel they are. Also Carmen confesses she wants to find a dead body someday and John bitches about ageism in Hollywood like it'll change anything. By the way, George Saunders is a brilliant short story writer and Netflix never should've ruined one of his with that dumb Spiderhead movie. "A watered-down 'Squid Game'" - Carmen Lynch. And she should know. Her favorite show is American Ninja Warrior so when it comes to high-octane televised made-up sports shows, she knows what she's talking about. 

The world is in free fall and the Centipodders couldn't care less because Carmen had to get a root canal. Oy! Plus John talks about being a man-whore in his past and then Carmen makes him role-play abortion scenarios. You know what else? It's Pride Month, so of course the duo must talk about the gayest of the gay: Clarence Thomas. He wants to roll back everything, this guy! But John makes a serious plea for him to roll back male frontal nudity in TV shows and movies. We know it's only there to make up for the decades of gratuitous nude boobies, but come on already! What else? Oh yeah, lots of talk about bleached buttholes. Come on, folks, you gots to listen to this one nowsies!

Most of this episode is Carmen quizzing John on all things related to Juneteenth and John clenching his buttcheeks with fear that he will be labeled racist if he gets any wrong. What a world we live in! Also there's some fun role-play and more fake commercials. By the end, you'll have learned...something, who knows what though.

Carmen talks about her recent visit to Spain and then coming back to the States to immediately deal with jury duty. Fun! Then John talks about his son’s bar mitzvah which was all mazel, man. Plus: two original commercials for stuff no one needs. BONUS: Carmen and John fight at one point and it get so heated that it needed to be heavily edited for your sensitive ears. Yikes.

Carmen's friend from high school went to the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial not once, not twice but threeee times!! And John and Carmen have her on the show, because she's as close to Johnny as they’ll ever be. And they cant get enough of the trial. And here you’ll get all the good courtroom gossip. Also, check out Melissa's CBD stuff!

ALSO: check out all of Melissa’s organic products on her link here:

melissa.greencompassglobal.com

This episode is dedicated to one of Carmen's very best friends who left us way too soon. A Celebration of Life was recently held for her, and Carmen and John discuss how amazing that was and also how there should be less funerals and lots more death parties. Also there's more Johnny Depp discussions because why stop now? Plus - listener feedback (so keep writing us with more)!

Carmen and John discuss the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial, but only so they can make it about them. Then in the spirit of Hollywood relationships, Carmen abuses John during the actual episode. Not with actions, but with words. But thankfully John doesn't believe like the kids today do that words are violence, so he'll live. They also discuss two Robert Pattinson movies:  "Batman" and "Good Time." Or as Carmen calls it "Fantastic Time!"