The Intimate Lifestyle

Connor Beaton is back on the show after roughly a year since the last time he was the guest when we talked about something controversial. Connor is the founder of Man Talks, a community designed around building better fathers, husbands, leaders – better men in general. 

Connor is a self-proclaimed renaissance guy who likes a range of things from opera and yoga to construction and boxing. Today we talk about all the aspects of masculinity in today's society and how it affects men's personality, emotions, and relationships.

 Some of the things we talked about are: 

• What causes the difficulty of guys to understand women (5:38).
• The Spartan Warrior’s Goji Training where young boys train to become warriors, where half of the day was spent training for combat, and the other half studying finer arts, music, and dance, and how these are integrated into creating elite warriors (6:34).
• The definition of femininity and masculinity out of Osho’s description of light and its opposite – darkness (11:07), and how these also represent life and death (13:05).
• How women see men and what it’s like to be in the presence of a man who is very masculine (14:02), and what presence is like in the mind, the physical sense, and spiritually-wise (15:30).
• That what women want are not necessarily mind readers but proactive men who are in tune with women’s needs without having to ask (23:18).
• The difference on how men connect physically vs. women connecting emotionally, how to bridge this gap, and examples to illustrate emotional connection (25:53).
• How Connor views the differences between genders, how people identify into the dichotomy, and how associating with the opposite pole of the spectrum causes friction (33:31).
• How masculinity was distorted by the ‘masculine’ role models we have in society and media (37:42).
• His thoughts about toxic masculinity, generalization and, extremism; how to augment our world view through challenging existing beliefs, empathy and compassion; and how the lack of integration between masculinity and femininity causes vulnerability, shame, and guilt (39:00, 41:19).
• The association of masculinity with aggression and death, contrasting anger from aggression, the significance of emotional resiliency, acknowledging the importance of challenges, and the difference between challenge and competition (48:49).
• What’s the most masculine thing for men to do to diffuse conflict in a relationship (54:35), and how the belief that boys and later – men, cannot be weak sabotages their emotions and relationships (55:59; 1:02:22).
• Distinguishing love from lust, the role empathy, compassion, communication, respect, and congruency plays in the distinction, and what is the key to a great relationship (1:04:05).
• His thoughts on casual sex and sex-too-soon, and the importance of self-awareness, transparency, honesty and setting expectations in these scenarios (1:11:10; 1:16:26).
• How sensitive men can connect to those who are less sensitive, which Connor expounds by using enlightenment as an analogy (1:20:35).
• The essence of masculinity and femininity as experiences which people can both experience and integrate into their lives (1:26:45).

This episode felt more like a conversation rather than an interview. Truly an educating episode that ought to provide insights wherever in the gender spectrum one falls into. 

To connect with Connor go to www.theintimatelifestyle.com/masculinityishealthy

Today, I share the story of when I went to an erotic massage course and got several naked massages in front of around 8 other people. Scary, yet also liberating, it's one spot where I learned the skills I have now to create the product that is currently available at www.theintimatelifestyle.com/amansguide.

Enjoy the show!

A few weeks ago, a woman named Elizabeth Morris who works in a Sex Toy Store in the UK, contacted me with a link to an article about anal sex. Elizabeth is a content researcher and company merchandiser for Carvaka Sex Toys – which aims to get more people informed and educated about their sex lives. Elizabeth is a self-acclaimed anal sex fan and describes that it is more physically and mentally pleasurable and fulfilling when done right. 

I am personally not as familiar or experienced with anal sex, so I definitely learned a lot on this episode. Elizabeth found herself giggling over my questions while I fumble for words, further highlighting my inexperience and awkwardness on the subject.

Some of the subjects we’ve covered are:

• How Elizabeth (and the Carvaka Sex Toys store) wants to educate people about the full spectrum of sexual activities, including anal sex (3:23), thus the article she wrote.
• Guidelines on anal sex etiquette, the most basic of which being cleanliness where Elizabeth detailed the hygiene rituals recommended pre-anal sex (5:32).
• My personal experience with anal sex and the issues I encountered, as Elizabeth clarified how to avoid such issues through planning your meals and restroom habits (9:24).
• Elizabeth introduces the P-Spot and the important role it plays in anal sex, and how it can be stimulated (11:06).
• The stigma of society towards anal sex, especially when it is men that are being penetrated, and how it correlates with the traditional gender/sexual roles of dominants and submissives (14:15).
• Elizabeth sets straight the very important question – is the anus tighter than the vagina (19:40)?
• Kegel exercises, and how it affects the muscles surrounding the vagina and the anus for women (21:27).
• The recommended pace for thrusting in anal sex, what are good methods (23:00), and preferred tools to slowly introduce anal stimulation and enjoy anal sex for both men and women (30:31; 31:32; 34:16).
• Elizabeth’s educated insights on the risks and dangers of anal sex, from simple bacterial infection, tissues tearing, sexually transmitted infections and diseases (27:47), and even anal leakage (36:44).
• Elizabeth also expounded on people putting odd objects in their bodies and how to make sure it is safe and doesn’t get lost inside (39:00).

To learn more about Elizabeth Morris and Carvaka Sex Toys, go to: www.intimatelifestyle.com/analsex

Did you know that in order for women to truly want to open up sexually, they need to feel connected emotionally? Did you know that men are the complete opposite? This is why relationships can fail. Both partners are stuck thinking the other person isn't holding up their end of their bargain. My guest and I dive into this in this episode. Enjoy! Our product is launching today! Pre-sales have started, and they last only 1 week. Details are here: www.theintimatelifestyle.com/amansguide

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP079: Forgiving a Murderer with Dean Smith.  Normally these Tuesday tips are only 10 minutes, but Dean's story lasts about 20 minutes and I was not about cut it short.

Dean's story will rock your world. His mother was murdered. 15 years later, he hugged his mother's murderer. Fucking incredible. Listen in, and get a tissue.

EP 121: How to Beat Porn Addiction

We have another interesting episode for this week with our guest Kel Good. He is a relationship consultant, an IT guy, entrepreneur, and author of the book 5 Keys to Successfully Beat Porn Addiction; he was also a pastor and suffered porn addiction in the past. 

I think the perfect word to describe this episode, the concepts and the stories we’ve talked about is enthralling. We chatted about his personal experience and the process of beating addiction which involved acknowledging it, and facing the addiction head on instead of avoiding it.

Truly an insightful conversation, some of the topics we’ve covered are: 

• How working as a relationship consultant, he noticed porn addiction is one of the recurrent themes, and how he made the correlation between addictions and lack of connection (2:20).
• The process of writing the book, how he managed to write the initial draft in a day – going to sleep with an interest in Kindle publishing and waking up inspired and passionate to write the 5 keys (9:43), and the balancing act he did to make the book appeal to a general market despite its content leaning towards a Christian audience. (7:40).
• An account of Kel’s personal experience which he called as an “emotional desert” made him cope through porn and masturbation (3:10), and how eventually the relationship breakup made him decide to fight his addiction (10:34).
• His approach to telling actual stories with a certain degree of graphic detail to show sincerity and relatability for other people who also struggle with the same problem (11:38).
• Kel discussed indications of addictions such as interfering with normal patterns in your daily life, hindering you from building and having relationships (19:53), and the inability to say no to the compulsion, further being dependent on it (21:02).
• He also compared porn addiction as similar to any type of addiction, but still different because as opposed to alcoholism and drug addiction – these are foreign elements we are putting inside our bodies, whereas sex drive is natural (23:23)
• His masturbation statistics when he was still addicted to porn (25:23), and how Christian values says that masturbating is a sin, creating guilt and shame (26:00).
• An anecdote about a method he tried employing through the help of a theological view called Christian Perfectionism, which worked for a brief time, but when repression grew, his addiction came back (30:35).
• He stressed the importance of understanding the actions and manifestations on a deeper level instead of creating guilt and shame – which is more difficult it is to overcome, and suggested knowing the root cause of addictions – self-control which is easier to deal with (33:36).
• He provided an analogy to illustrate why avoidance is a weak solution and why it is more important to build strength to face temptation and not be triggered (40:27).
• Kel recounted how he learned to face temptations which involved looking back on the addiction and the temptation, and exposure therapy (48:13).

He touched on the 5 Keys to Beat Porn Addiction in this episode too.

• Key #1 Honesty. Admit it, acknowledge what you are struggling with (28:04).
• Key #2 Stop looking for a miracle (or the secular version: breaking it off cold turkey) (29:55).
• Key #3 Quit thinking it’s a sin, which involved changing the mindset, understanding the actions at a deeper level, removing guilt and shame, and knowing the root cause – which is self-control (33:36).
• Key #4 Quit fleeing temptation, as avoidance is not the answer to most problems, especially addictions. (40:27)
• Key #5 Quit doing it for everybody else. Recognize that your actions affect and potentially hurt people around you (52:22).

If you want to learn more about Kel Good, go to: www.theintimatelifestyle.com/howtobeatpornaddication

Check out A Man's Guide to Female Orgasm here: www.theintimatelifestyle.com/amansguide

            The second you need your parter(s) to reach orgasm, or the second you feel like you need to perform and give her great sex, you’ve lost. Exchange that need for approval, for appreciation. Appreciation for the fact that you’re having sex, that she’s with you, that you’re feeling pleasure, that her orgasm says nothing about your manhood, and that your sexual performance says nothing about your manhood and masculinity.

            Sexual performance is meant to be FUN, not an arbitrary and subjective measurement of your value as a human fucking being. Once you realize this, you’re no longer bound to your thoughts or fears or insecurities. It is a counter-intuitive power to stop caring about the results. But once you find that power, and you start appreciating, all the mental and emotional blocks fall away and results start to come very easily. Understand this concept, and your life will be so much happier.

            Do you want to know 1 major key to giving women orgasms? Here it is: Stop giving a fuck.

        Launching pre-sales of A Man's Guide on 1 Feb, and the product itself launches of 9 Feb. If you purchase between 1 and 9 Feb, you will be emailed the location of the file on the 9th.

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP061: Male Multiple Orgasm with Steven Seva.

In today's segment, Steven clarifies that if a man can't not have sex or masturbate without reaching an ejaculatory orgasm, then he is in fact, unknowingly addicted to his ejaculation. Interesting frame of mind, but it will take you very far in your sexual enlightenment.

This is not a claim. I am not perfect. But given what I do, and from personal experience while intensely and very deliberately studying this topic, I have learned a few things. 

Today's episode is something that I wish I new when I was younger. But if I'm being honest, this is not an episode for the young man.  This is an episode for a young man who's transitioning into full manhood. A man who's ready to question his manhood and admit that maybe he's not a man; that he has more to learn.

A man who only knows how to fight, is only half a man.  A man who's too passive and is afraid of confrontation, cannot penetrate to the heart and deepest depths of a woman. He is the nice guy and will always finish last.

Enjoy.

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP058 - Deliberate Touch with Robert Kandell.

Today Robert shares with us the power of touch and coming from the wrong mindset can really screw with the experience of the recipient. Enjoy the show!