The Intimate Lifestyle

For this week’s episode of Modern Sex Talks, we try to understand sexuality and kink on a deeper level with our guest, psychologist and sex therapist Galen Fous.

Galen Fous is the author of Decoding Your Kink and is the pioneer of the Personal Erotic Myth. Unlike most sex psychologist and therapists who believe that alternative sexuality is often brought about by childhood trauma, Galen proposed a different view to deal with kinks, BDSM and other sexual behavior considered taboo by general society.

Listen to this episode as Galen whose voice is reminiscent of the voice of God – Morgan Freeman, yearns to make us understand:

• What motivated Galen to explore a niche subject that is discussed on the fringes of psychology (8:19).
• realized lately that what were considered disorders are actually normal (8:19; 9:54).
• His personal experience, being subjected to a very public and harsh outing amidst a divorce case that judged other facets of his life solely based on his sexual identity (11:02), and how this opened the possibility to raise awareness and become a public advocate to normalize kink sexuality (14:18).
• The importance of community, of a support system of peers and colleagues that help in dealing with both internal conflict and external circumstances (17:31).
• The idea that sex is not necessarily activated at puberty (19:39), and his explanation of the greater dimension of sexuality, the personal erotic myth, and the how the sexual experience gives you a peek of a person’s real sexual identity (20:06).
• What Galen meant by saying Eros is a myth, based on the definition by Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell (25:11).
• How the myth manifests in archetypes that people assume as part of their sexuality, and the sacred and profane side of the myth (28:08).
• The notion that debunks that kinks are produced by trauma and is instead innate and is thus normal, not be healed nor fixed (29:56).
• What is a persona and how does it manifest in day to day life and in sexuality (33:33; 36:42).
• What can be done to remove the fear, shame, and stigma surrounding peoples’ authentic sexual identity (41:41).
• How he initiates a working relationship with a client, and how the disenfranchisement of their sexuality manifests in the body level (43:00), and what is a good start to remove the shame, connect deeper and d have an awareness of your desires and experiences (44:30).
• A technique he recommends as part of therapy that will help with containing your erotic persona (47:00).
• Finding the right therapy that works for you (48:54), and how your intention is the anchor if you want to get healed, you must take your steps to support the intentions (50:04).

To reach Galen and learn your Personal Erotic Myth go to www.theintimatelifestyle.com/decodingyourkink

This episode is re-using a speech I gave over a year ago. I still have people approach me telling me how much they enjoyed my talk, and how much it resonated with them. And given it got a lot of laughs, I thought it would be a great way to start off the year. Remember to leave us a rating a review!

Find us at www.theintimatelifestyle.com. Enjoy the show!

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. Today's episode is a short segment from EP070: Sexy Vulnerability with Tziporah Kingsbury. In today's segment, Tziporah explains how important it is to communicate and be aware how much you're sharing with a new person. She also explains an important question to ask yourself before you start to share. Enjoy the show!

We have a quite enlightening episode today, with Brad Warner as our guest. Brad grew up in Ohio, but also spent a significant amount of his life in Kenya and Japan. He got into Zen whilst being the bass guitarist for punk rock band Zero Defex, he is also a blogger, and the author of Sex, Sin, and Zen.

Sex, Sin, and Zen is probably one of my favorite books out there and has made me realize how I relate to Zen Buddhism and the similarities of its teachings to basic principles I live by. In this episode, we talk about Zen Buddhism, its teachings, meditation, and how Zen Buddhism views some of the most controversial subjects of our time.

Clear your mind, get grounded and tune into our conversation as we discuss:

• How Brad views the correlation of punk rock and Zen Buddhism, and its similarities in terms of questioning realities (3:09).
• What are the forms of Buddhism, and what is Zen Buddhism (4:43)?
• How Brad ended up writing about sex, Buddhism’s interpretation of sex and sexuality, its background, the percept that Buddha used as a guide on this subject (8:06, 18:26; 19:57); and its rules for lay people (20:54, 24:11).
• How meditating can make it easier for an individual to reflect on their behavior and if one is going wrong (14:10).
• The Four Noble Truths, dealing with desires, and how Brad interprets these based on his teacher’s wisdom (16:43).
• The Buddhist stand on homosexuality and an anecdote on how it was misinterpreted a few years ago (21:34).
• The Bodhisattva vows and his understanding of it (28:00).
• How Buddhism views porn (31:06), and an analogy he made about porn to vegetarianism (34:49).
• Buddhism’s perception of abortion, where we’re introduced to Jizo (36:12), and of prostitution, where we will be introduced to Ikkyu (41:02).
• The concept of attachment and how this leads to pain and suffering (43:35).
• How non-attachment may seem like complacency, the truth about the concept of acceptance (46:51), and how to fight for something while still practicing compassion (49:16).
• A Zazen meditation crash-course (51:30).

If you want to reach Brad Warner, go to www.modernsextalks.com/sexsinzen for his info in the show notes.

Coming from a light-hearted episode with Rianna James, we will be shifting gears this week and discuss something more serious. A little somber for the holidays, but definitely worthwhile to listen to raise awareness on a subject not usually talked about but is relevant and must not be left on the sidelines.

To give you a background, our guest is Don Wright, the founder and Executive Director of the British Columbia Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse (BCSMSSA). He pioneered professionals to provide therapy and treatment in the sexual abuse field. He was awarded by the B.C. Human Right Coalition with a human rights medal of honor for his work in this field.

Our insightful and relevant discussion today will leave you with some key takeaways and new learnings, including:

• The four facilities focusing on male sexual abuse in Canada; One in BC under Don Wright; the Men’s Project in Ottawa which lost funding but was continued under private practice as Men’s Healing; one in Winnipeg; and another in Calgary (4:37).
• How BCSMSSA has been sourcing its funds with the help of the BC government (6:05).
• What was the reason Don started this movement, what set of events led to him forming it, and how he operated it from then to what it is now (7:26)?
• Do men get sexually abused and how prevalent is it (10:07)?
• The broader concept of sexuality abuse, which encompasses all experiences associated with sexual abuse plus covert experiences including indirect but intrusive contact, and discrimination based on sexual orientation (12:17).
• The percentage split of boys and girls prior age 13 that have experienced some form of sexual abuse, and how numbers or percentage by gender should never be the qualifier or grounds whether therapy is available, or to validate the need for it (14:15).
• The percentage of women perpetrators in male sexuality abuse, the instances of young boys having sexual relations with older women, and the double standards that come into play with how people view sexual abuse (16:26).
• The shame, confusion, other emotions, and dissociation that are results of manipulation and being sexuality abused (19:57).
• An even more complex effect of abuse that manifested in one of his therapies where the victim had disassociative identity disorder (21:01).
• Who are the most common perpetrators of sexual abuse (24:00).
• Factors preventing men from asking for help (25:33) like Homophobia (26:14), lack of services (26:14), and fear of emasculation where men do not want to admit they were hurt (29:13).
• The need for a program to provide facilities, which is currently non-existent, to house male domestic violence victims (30:48).
• The adverse effects of having boys and men abused who were unable to vent out (35:22).
• How facing the pain, getting help and acknowledging you’re a victim takes courage (39:55)
• Certain traumatic experiences and memories that manifest throughout a person’s life with a specific case illustrating such which negatively affected their sexuality and lives in general during adulthood (42:00).

If you want to connect with Don, or want to learn more about BC Male Survivors and their causes, you may check their website at http://bc-malesurvivors.com/, or email Don at [email protected].

All too often we hear an overly romantic sentiment "I just want you to be happy!" or something else to that effect.

It creates a feeling of martyrdom. 'I will sacrifice my happiness and be of service to you, because you complete me. As long as you're happy, I'm happy. If you're not happy, I have failed you, and I should jump off a cliff.'

This is the Hollywood version of love. But in reality, there's a simple thing we can do to be more attractive to potential mates and keep our partners interested. Listen in and enjoy the show!

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. 

Today's episode is a short segment from EP031: Sexual Art Photography with Ricardo Scipio.

In today's segment, Ricardo explains what it's like having a sexual art photography session with him. He also explains that with erotic photography, which is not what he does, they overly focus on the genitals. What he does, is focus on the whole setting and experience.  Enjoy the show!

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. 

Today's episode is a short segment from EP073: Attitude and Great Sex with Eyal Matsliah.

In today's segment, Eyal talks about his perspective on "conscious sexism" and that men should be taking a bit more of the lead. And to balance that out, he explains how women can also lead, resulting in both genders supporting one another.

SLUT = Sexually Liberated Untamed Treasure SLUT = Sexually Liberated Uninhibited Treasure SLUT = Sexually Liberated Unrestricted Temptress SLUT = Sexually Liberated Unapologetically Thrilled SLUT = Sexually Liberated Ugly-bits Tickler However you decide to look at it, sluts are amazing. As a woman, there are innumerable benefits to women for being sexually liberated. And as a man, you have no right to complain it's hard to get laid if you ever say a woman is a slut, in a derogatory manner, for sleeping around. I don't believe it's important to be promiscuous to become a SLUT, but it can't hurt! Today I share my thoughts on why we need more sluts.

Every Tuesday we come at you with Just the Tip Tuesday where we offer a 10 minute segment from a previous episode.  Our episodes can be a bit long sometimes, and it can be hard to remember everything, so this is an option to get bite sized bits of information on a weekly basis. 

Today's episode is a short segment from EP038: Cockfidence

Karolina Tatarenkova. A Russian Sex Therapist based in Vancouver, BC, Canada loves talking about cock. And confidence. Cockfidence!  So many men derive their confidence from the size or shape of their dick. This stems from pornography and misguided societal influences.  Karolina will tells us about why that happens, why it's bullshit, and how to generate some serious cockfidence. Cockfidence is the recognition that your value as a man, and in the bedroom, is not reliant on your penis. It’s reliant on you as a lover. And yes, those two are mutually exclusive.  If you’d like to reach Karolina, you can find her at www.passioninlove.com.