Our water is about to get worse, the streets are gonna be packed for Memorial Day, overdoses are down, fighting with kids is up!

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Eggs are coming back down...sorta, pizza is still the king, chimps wipe, Kellogg's is killing your chances at custody and NASA wants us on Mars soon!

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Porn may be outlawed entirely, Wingstop has a new jam, golf life could end your life early, some people love to be thrash talked and West Virginia.....is fat. 

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Sweden's National Security adviser only lasted a day, Texas Roadhouse is rolling into Walmart, bagged salad could kill you and Olivia and Liam are tops!

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South Carolina screwed up an execution, Moms eat a load of lefties, Florida Man is out there having a wild weekend at the National Park and Cracker Barrel is bringing back a classic!

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Weight watchers is going belly up, tip some Moscato today, Billy Gates is blowing his load and for the love of all that is Holy please don't forget Mother's Day is this Sunday!

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Utah sounds like it's tops, 1 in 5 of us don't call Mom enough, Chips Ahoy! wants your foot and your dog has a mealtime ritual!

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Today we celebrate the trades, sea lions could be drummers, Copenhagen is tops and we're getting a new Pope!

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Doritos is bringing back a fan favorite, hiking pays some dividends, BK wants your teeth and Charles Dickens is running wild in Florida!

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One fifth of Americans can't read what I've typed here, Hardees has a new jam, Warren Buffet is retiring and May the Fifth Be With You! *light saber noise

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