Words matter.
After suicide loss, the things people say—or do not say—can either soften the loneliness or deepen the pain. Grievers are often met with platitudes, awkward silence, spiritual bypassing, invasive questions, or comments that unintentionally place blame where love and compassion are needed most.
In this episode of The Leftover Pieces: Suicide Loss Conversations, Melissa welcomes Shelby Forsythia back to the podcast for a full-circle conversation about grief, language, and what it really means to show up for someone who is grieving. What do grieving moms who have lost a child to suicide hear most frequently and how can we respond?
Shelby is an author, grief coach, and longtime podcaster (current podcast, Grief Grower) whose work has supported thousands of grievers. Her earlier books, Permission to Grieve and Your Grief, Your Way, have been meaningful resources for many people navigating life after loss. Her newest book, Of Course I’m Here Right Now: 3 Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving, offers practical, compassionate language for the people who want to support a grieving person but often freeze because they do not know what to say.
Melissa also shares the personal full-circle connection between Shelby’s early podcast, Coming Back, and the beginning of The Leftover Pieces. In the early years after Alex died, when reading felt impossible and survival felt overwhelming, Shelby’s voice was one of the first grief voices that helped Melissa feel less alone. That support became part of the inspiration for creating the suicide-loss and grieving-motherhood podcast she could not find.
Together, Melissa and Shelby explore why common grief comments often hurt, even when they are well intended, and what supporters can say instead.
This conversation focuses especially on grieving mothers after suicide loss and the complicated, painful things they may hear, including:
“You're so strong. I could never survive losing my child.”
“Did you know?”
“At least you have other children.”
“Suicide is selfish. You must be so (mad/ashamed, etc)?”
“They chose this.”
“Are you sure it was suicide. They were so loved and had so much to live for?”
“How did it happen?”
“Can you help me prevent suicide in someone I love?”
Melissa and Shelby talk about the hidden messages underneath these questions and comments, the trauma responses they can activate, and why suicide loss survivors should not be expected to educate, reassure, or comfort everyone else while they are grieving.
At the heart of this discussion are the three core fears Shelby addresses in her book: the fear that a griever is crazy, the fear that they are alone, and the fear that it will feel this way forever. Against those fears, simple grounded presence can matter more than any polished speech.
This episode is for grieving mothers, suicide loss survivors, and the people who love them. It is also for friends, family members, coworkers, faith communities, and support people who want to do better but are afraid of saying the wrong thing.
You do not need perfect words.
You do need love, compassion, presence, and a little common sense.
In This Episode
Melissa and Shelby discuss:
- Why words matter so much after suicide loss
- How suicide-safe language helps reduce harm
- Why platitudes often make grievers feel more alone
- What grieving mothers may hear underneath well-intended comments
- Why “I could never survive that” and “you’re so strong” can feel painful
- The harm of asking invasive questions about how someone died
- Why “did you know?” can activate guilt, blame, and hindsight
- Why silence and avoidance can hurt more than imperfect words
- How supporters can show up without fixing, minimizing, or disappearing
- Shelby’s three actually helpful things to say to someone grieving
- How grievers can prepare simple responses before painful comments catch them off guard
Links + ResourcesShelby Forsythia’s website: VISIT HERE
Shelby’s book, Of Course I’m Here Right Now: FIND IT HERE
Shelby’s media kit: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/media-kit
Link to Shelby's Of Course I'm Here Right Now 10 minute talk on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YU3Yg1ON2Ik
Shelby’s podcast / Grief Grower: LISTEN HERE
Permission to Grieve by Shelby Forsythia: GET IT HERE
Your Grief, Your Way by Shelby Forsythia: GET IT HERE
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Support After Suicide LossIf you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
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If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
