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Ten years and two months after losing Alex, life has changed shape again.
Ten years after Alex died, I’m beginning to recognize just how much life has grown around the devastation of suicide loss. An unexpected return to my career as a chef has me thinking about identity after grief, integration, rebuilding, and what it means to reclaim parts of ourselves without going backward.
Today, I share why I took a 'pause' on the podcast for a few weeks, what it has meant to unexpectedly return to my career as a chef after more than a decade, and why this transition feels less like going backward and more like reclaiming a part of myself in a completely different form.
We talk about the long landscape of grief: surviving, finding hope, tending trauma, learning to carry loss, evolving, integrating, and eventually discovering that new growth can appear in places that once felt completely barren.
This episode is also about the “and” of grief:
You can still miss your child deeply and build a meaningful life.
You can feel fulfilled by helping others and realize you need something that feeds you too.
You can return to an old part of yourself and know that you are no longer the same person.
You can be grateful for who you have become and still know you would trade every lesson to have your child back.
If you are early in grief, you do not need to know who you will become.
If you are years into this and wondering why life keeps changing, you are not doing anything wrong.
Sometimes the roots are growing long before we can see what is coming next.
In this episode:
And as always, fellow grieving soul-- take what serves you and leave the rest. -
XO - Melissa
The Leftover Pieces: Suicide Loss Conversations
Support, community, and resources for life after suicide loss.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
Words matter.
After suicide loss, the things people say—or do not say—can either soften the loneliness or deepen the pain. Grievers are often met with platitudes, awkward silence, spiritual bypassing, invasive questions, or comments that unintentionally place blame where love and compassion are needed most.
In this episode of The Leftover Pieces: Suicide Loss Conversations, Melissa welcomes Shelby Forsythia back to the podcast for a full-circle conversation about grief, language, and what it really means to show up for someone who is grieving. What do grieving moms who have lost a child to suicide hear most frequently and how can we respond?
Shelby is an author, grief coach, and longtime podcaster (current podcast, Grief Grower) whose work has supported thousands of grievers. Her earlier books, Permission to Grieve and Your Grief, Your Way, have been meaningful resources for many people navigating life after loss. Her newest book, Of Course I’m Here Right Now: 3 Actually Helpful Things to Say to Someone Grieving, offers practical, compassionate language for the people who want to support a grieving person but often freeze because they do not know what to say.
Melissa also shares the personal full-circle connection between Shelby’s early podcast, Coming Back, and the beginning of The Leftover Pieces. In the early years after Alex died, when reading felt impossible and survival felt overwhelming, Shelby’s voice was one of the first grief voices that helped Melissa feel less alone. That support became part of the inspiration for creating the suicide-loss and grieving-motherhood podcast she could not find.
Together, Melissa and Shelby explore why common grief comments often hurt, even when they are well intended, and what supporters can say instead.
This conversation focuses especially on grieving mothers after suicide loss and the complicated, painful things they may hear, including:
“You're so strong. I could never survive losing my child.”
“Did you know?”
“At least you have other children.”
“Suicide is selfish. You must be so (mad/ashamed, etc)?”
“They chose this.”
“Are you sure it was suicide. They were so loved and had so much to live for?”
“How did it happen?”
“Can you help me prevent suicide in someone I love?”
Melissa and Shelby talk about the hidden messages underneath these questions and comments, the trauma responses they can activate, and why suicide loss survivors should not be expected to educate, reassure, or comfort everyone else while they are grieving.
At the heart of this discussion are the three core fears Shelby addresses in her book: the fear that a griever is crazy, the fear that they are alone, and the fear that it will feel this way forever. Against those fears, simple grounded presence can matter more than any polished speech.
This episode is for grieving mothers, suicide loss survivors, and the people who love them. It is also for friends, family members, coworkers, faith communities, and support people who want to do better but are afraid of saying the wrong thing.
You do not need perfect words.
You do need love, compassion, presence, and a little common sense.
In This EpisodeMelissa and Shelby discuss:
Shelby Forsythia’s website: VISIT HERE
Shelby’s book, Of Course I’m Here Right Now: FIND IT HERE
Shelby’s media kit: https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/media-kit
Link to Shelby's Of Course I'm Here Right Now 10 minute talk on YouTube: https://youtu.be/YU3Yg1ON2Ik
Shelby’s podcast / Grief Grower: LISTEN HERE
Permission to Grieve by Shelby Forsythia: GET IT HERE
Your Grief, Your Way by Shelby Forsythia: GET IT HERE
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
Leave me a voicemail here: 🎙 Leave me a message
Long-term grief after child loss does not only show up on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or the obviously hard days. Sometimes grief appears in the middle of ordinary life — in a song, a smell, a number, a place, a memory, a show, a laugh, or a moment no one else would understand.
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa reflects on how child loss continues to live beside us in everyday moments. Not always as a breakdown. Sometimes as memory, connection, love, longing, nervous system activation, or an invitation to pause and notice.
This conversation is especially for grieving mothers learning how to live with long-term grief after child loss and suicide loss — the kind of grief that becomes woven into daily life even as we continue rebuilding, loving, laughing, working, parenting, creating, and carrying our children forward.
In this episode, Melissa talks about:
I’d love to hear from you. Click this VOICEMAIL LINK to leave me a message :)
Where does grief show up in your ordinary life? Is there a song, smell, phrase, number, food, place, time of day, or everyday moment that unexpectedly brings your child close?
You can also share what helps you stay with yourself when grief appears out of nowhere.
Your reflection may help shape a future episode.
And if this episode resonates with you, please follow the show, share it with another grieving person who may need it, and consider leaving a rating or review. It helps The Leftover Pieces reach more people who are learning how to live after loss.
Leave me a voicemail here: 🎙 Leave me a message
Your reflection may help shape a future episode.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
After child loss by suicide, many grieving mothers do not only miss their child — they also stop trusting themselves.
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa explores one of the most under-talked-about parts of long-term grief after the loss of a child by suicide: the collapse of self-trust.
This is not only about early grief guilt. This episode looks at what can happen later, when guilt becomes woven into identity, motherhood, self-worth, and the way a grieving mother sees herself.
In this episode, Melissa talks about:
This episode is part of the larger Down the Rabbit Hole conversation about what happens after survival — when grief changes shape, identity feels unfamiliar, and grieving mothers begin asking deeper “now what?” questions.
Free Support Spaces Mentioned
If this episode resonates with you, please follow the show, share it with another grieving mother who may need it, and consider leaving a rating or review.
It helps The Leftover Pieces reach more grieving people who are learning how to live after loss.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
After child loss by suicide, legacy can become a bridge from survival into connection, meaning, and carrying love forward.
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa reads her chapter from Because They Lived: Memories & Stories of Amazing Kids Lost to Suicide - As Told by the Moms They Left Behind --Volume 7, The chapter is titled “The Seventh Thread: What Alex Taught Me About Legacy.”
This episode is part reflection, part chapter reading, and part invitation to think differently about legacy after loss. What began as a project to help mothers preserve their children’s stories slowly became something deeper: a way to continue relationship, carry love forward, and begin rebuilding after survival.
In this episode, Melissa reflects on:
Melissa also shares why Volume 7 feels like the natural completion of this version of The Legacy Project, while still leaving room for future story, legacy, and publishing support in other forms.
Because They Lived: Volume 7 is not only Alex’s story. It is also the story of the mothers and children who walked through this final Legacy Project volume with me — Suzanne for Skyler, Roe for Molly, Lou for Liam and Kim for Carson— each one honored with tenderness, courage, and love. In fact, across all 7 volumes, twenty-one children and twenty-one mothers have now been represented in these pages, creating a collective legacy of lives remembered fully, names spoken with love, and stories carried forward. Take a look at the Amazon link below OR if you do not wish to own the books, you can always email melissa directly for a free link to the eBook - while these books are priced very close to publishing costs, Melissa never wants anything to stand in the way of others reading these stories, saying their names... [email protected]
Resources Mentioned
If this episode resonates with you, please follow the show, share it with another grieving mother who may need it, and consider leaving a rating or review.
It helps The Leftover Pieces reach more grieving people who are learning how to live after loss. Thank you so very much -- Melissa
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
What happens when you survive the earliest years of grief, but no longer recognize yourself?
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa explores the identity crisis many grieving mothers face after the loss of a child by suicide — especially once the earliest survival years begin to shift and the deeper “now what?” questions rise.
This episode explores:
If you are a grieving mother in the earlier survival space, you are welcome in You Are Not Alone, my free monthly online support space for mothers navigating child loss and suicide loss.
FREE RESOURCES for MOMS:
If you are beginning to ask deeper questions like “Who am I now?” or “What happens after survival?” I invite you to join The Bridge Sessions: Inside The Rebuilding Room, my free monthly guided gathering for grieving mothers learning how to live forward after loss.
Links to both free spaces are below:
The Bridge Sessions; Inside the Rebuilding Room- Register Here
You Are Not Alone; Support Group - Register Here
If this episode resonated with you, please follow the show, share it with another grieving mother who may need it, and consider leaving a rating or review. It helps The Leftover Pieces reach more grieving people who are learning how to live after loss.
Thank you - Talk Soon - Melissa
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail
Email me at: [email protected]
Sometimes fictional grief stories give us just enough distance to see our own grief more clearly. It can hold up a mirror of sorts.
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa reflects on several recent shows and films that portray different layers of grief, loss, family systems, unanswered questions, and what it means to live with grief over time.
This is not a traditional review episode. Instead, it is a conversation about what grief stories can show us — especially when they touch something honest about survival, long-term grief, suicide loss, child loss, and the slow work of learning how to live forward.
In this episode, Melissa discusses:
At the time of this recording, The Bear is streaming on Hulu, The Madison is streaming on Paramount+, and Remarkably Bright Creatures is streaming on Netflix. Remarkably Bright Creatures is a film based on the book of the same name.
I mentioned the Does the Dog Die App -- Find it Here or in your App Store
I’d also love to hear from you.
If this episode brings something up for you, you can leave me a voicemail or send me an email and share:
Your reflections may help shape future Down the Rabbit Hole episodes this season.
🎙 Leave me a message: Share a question, your story, or your person’s name for a future episode → theleftoverpieces.com/voicemail
Email me at: [email protected]
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with another grieving mother who may need these words too. Also, please follow, rate and review if you can -- thank you so much!
Related Past Episodes
If you’re looking for more grief-related shows, movies, books, or resources I’ve talked about in past episodes, you may also want to listen to:
Talk Soon! - Melissa
P.S.... A gentle note: these reflections are my personal opinions only, not therapeutic recommendations or formal endorsements, so please use your own emotional awareness and care when choosing whether or when to watch anything discussed in this episode.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
In this brief but so important Bonus "Mini-sode", Melissa sits down with internationally recognized personality expert and author Paul D. Tieger to discuss groundbreaking new research exploring a possible connection between inborn personality type and increased suicide risk in young people.
Take the Survey: CLICK HERE TO TAKE SURVEY
This first-of-its-kind study is seeking participation specifically from parents who have lost a child to suicide. The goal is to better understand whether certain personality patterns may correlate with increased vulnerability — information that could help shape future suicide prevention efforts, education, and intervention strategies.
Melissa also shares why she chose to support this research, how she helped review the survey language to ensure it was suicide-safe and sensitive for grieving families, and why compassionate, prevention-focused conversations matter.
The survey:
💜 Takes less than 5 minutes
💜 Is completely anonymous
💜 Was created with sensitivity toward suicide loss survivors in mind
If you are a parent who has lost a child to suicide and your child was at least 10 years old at the time of death and had not been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, your participation could help contribute to future prevention efforts and deeper understanding. If you are not a parent, please forward the survey to any suicide loss parents you know.
Please note:
While every effort has been made to keep the survey minimally activating, grief is deeply personal. If participation feels emotionally overwhelming, please prioritize your own wellbeing first.
Take the Survey: CLICK HERE TO TAKE SURVEY
Everyone should own this book in my humble opinion.
Find the book by Clicking: ReConnect by Paul D. Tieger, MS & Michael Shelby, LPC
Questions About the Research?
Contact Paul D. Tieger directly:
[email protected]
About Paul D. Tieger
Paul D. Tieger, MS, is an internationally recognized expert in personality psychology and co-author of several groundbreaking books, including Nurture by Nature and the bestselling Do What You Are. His newest work, Reconnect: A Personalized Plan to Protect Your Child from Anxiety and Depression Fueled by Digital Addiction, explores how personality differences impact emotional wellbeing, relationships, and vulnerability in young people.
Additional Support & Resources
Melissa also has created a FREE Suicide-Safe Language Guide — created to help media professionals, researchers, advocates, and supporters speak about suicide more responsibly and compassionately.
You can find and download that free resource (& others) here:
Work With Melissa | Grief Coaching & Suicide Loss Speaker
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
In this deeply honest conversation about suicide loss and long-term grief, Melissa sits down with Tracy Oeser, MSPsy — suicide loss survivor, grief educator, bereavement coach, and founder of Journey Thru Grief.
Nearly 20 years after the suicide loss of her daughter Chelsie, Tracy shares the reality of grieving a child to suicide, what healing actually looks like over time, and how survivors can learn to carry grief while rebuilding life after devastating loss.
Together, Melissa and Tracy talk about:
• The reality of long-term suicide grief
• What changes — and what doesn’t — over decades of loss
• The emotional phases survivors often experience
• Why validation matters so deeply in grief
• The difference between surviving and eventually integrating grief into life
• Building support spaces rooted in lived experience
• The importance of postvention work and honest conversations around suicide loss
• Tracy’s upcoming Journey Thru Grief Conference and her vision for bringing survivors and professionals together in community
This episode is a reminder that healing is not linear, grief does not have an expiration date, and no one should have to carry suicide loss alone.
About Tracy:
Tracy Oeser is the CEO of Postvention Collective, LLC and the CEO and Bereavement Coach of Journey Thru Grief, LLC. She is a passionate advocate for mental health support and by using her breakthrough concept of “The 4 Phases of Suicide Loss,” she fiercely tries to speak for those who have lost family and friends to suicide. Tracy hosts the podcast, “Journey Through Your Suicide Loss” and has been a guest speaker on many different platforms discussing how the suicidal loss of her child affected her. She holds both a BA and MS in Psychology concentrated in life coaching. Tracy is an award-winning author and has received leadership and innovation awards for her work in the postvention field. She serves as a current member of various suicide prevention organizations throughout the United States and is a past board member of the American Association of Suicidology.
Connect with Tracy:
Tracy's Website: - Journey Thru Grief
Tracy's Podcast: Journey Through Your Suicide Loss Journey Through Your Suicide Loss | Podcast on Spotify
Conference Info: Conference - Journey Thru Grief (Coupon Code: Melissa for $50 off thru June 15, 2026)
Social Media: Tracy Oeser (@tracyoeser) • Instagram photos and videos
If this episode resonated with you:
Please share it with someone who may need it, leave a review, or simply say your loved one’s name today. You are not broken. You are grieving.
Disclaimer:
This podcast is intended for informational and peer-support purposes only and should not be considered medical or mental health advice.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
What (actually) happens after survival?
In this episode of Down the Rabbit Hole, Melissa speaks honestly about the part of grief few people prepare grieving mothers for — the “now what?” space that often emerges years after child loss and suicide loss.
After the shock fades, the anniversaries pass, and the world seems to move forward, many mothers quietly find themselves facing something deeper:
identity loss,
self-trust collapse,
nervous system exhaustion,
and the complicated reality of learning how to live with grief long term.
This episode explores:
💜 why grief changes shape over time
💜 the difference between trauma and grief
💜 the hidden collapse of self-trust after suicide loss
💜 the later grief years no one talks about
💜 rebuilding identity after child loss
💜 nervous system healing and emotional survival
💜 why “moving forward” does not mean leaving our children behind
Melissa also shares part of her own story, including the wake-up call that came several years after Alex’s death when her body finally forced her to slow down and confront the deeper rebuilding work grief was asking of her.
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering:
“Why do I still feel lost?”
“Why is this showing up differently now?”
“Why does healing still feel unfinished?”
…this episode is for you.
Looking for support?
Melissa now offers two FREE monthly spaces for grieving mothers:
💜 You Are Not Alone
A softer monthly (FREE) online support gathering for moms navigating child loss and suicide loss.
🌉 The Bridge Sessions inside The Rebuilding Room
A (FREE) 1 x per month guided rebuilding space for grieving mothers learning how to live forward after survival.
✨ Click Links Above to both spaces.
Click to Send a Text or Voicemail to Melissa
Support the show
__________________________________________________________________________
If you are grieving after suicide loss, you do not have to carry this alone.
Visit The Leftover Pieces for podcast episodes, grief support, resources, and ways to connect with Melissa’s work: https://theleftoverpieces.com
or Join Melissa’s email list: https://theleftoverpieces.com/join
If you someone you love is in immediate crisis or may be in danger, please call or text 988 in the United States. You can also text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line
From the publisher's feed
Suicide loss changes everything. The Leftover Pieces® Podcast explores life after suicide through honest conversations with survivors, experts, and grieving parents learning to live…
Hosted by Melissa Bottorff-Arey, whose 21-year-old son Alex died by suicide in 2016, the show blends intimate conversations with survivors, healers, and mental health professionals with short solo reflections you can actually use. Together we explore child loss, trauma and nervous-system care, anniversaries and seasons, stigma, faith and meaning, legacy, and the everyday practices that help make life livable again.
At its heart, this podcast is about learning to live forward after loss. We never move on from the people we love, but we can learn to carry the grief differently. This road can feel incredibly lonely—but you are not alone here.
For supporters, educators, and professionals, these conversations also offer insight into the realities of suicide grief and what genuine, non-fixing support can look like.
If you’d like to share your story or expertise, you can request to be a guest through Melissa’s website.
💜
Content Note
This podcast speaks candidly about grief and suicide loss and may feel activating for some listeners. We avoid graphic descriptions and discussion of suicide methods. Please care for yourself as needed. Melissa is not a doctor or licensed therapist, and nothing shared here should be considered medical or mental-health advice.
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