The life of a Third Culture Kid therapist

I've just read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" and now I know the secret of happiness... and it's reminiscent of what I see Third Culture Kids doing every day in the tension they work to hold - between the "here" in my hand and the "there" out in the world.

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Am I bad at communicating my needs, or did I just learn how to communicate in an indirect, obligation-based culture? Am I over-bearing, or did I just learn that high-volume enthusiasm is how one communicates love? The places of our stories have so much to offer in helping us understand why our way of being may not fit easily in the here and now, but is utterly functional - somewhere else!

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As with so many mainstream concepts, I find that Third Culture Kids often have a complicated and nuanced experience of "self-esteem", so it's definitely worth talking about! Some of us absolutely struggle with feelings of worthlessness, a grim and exhausting experience. Others of us, find that we have a strong sense of our own worth, and yet find ourselves feeling just as insecure of others' regard. What is going on? This podcast explores what I'm seeing in many TCKs - that we can know our worth AND have a really hard time believing or accepting the regard of others.

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So many Third Culture Kids tell me how they can feel suddenly triggered or 'tugged' back into a previous chapter by the "smallest thing". This can be an amazing moment of nostalgic joy but often it's a moment of pain - a flooding feeling that dislocates us from the present moment. If we are to avoid self-shaming for "over-reacting" or being "too sensitive", it's important to understand these emotional flashbacks as bruise points from our story. My most recent moment happened on holiday, in London. The smallest thing, and the biggest opportunity to practise my own self-compassion.

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I've been wrestling with rest this week, and contemplating how my TCK story complicates my relationship with rest. Also explored, how hard and awful it can feel to change our narratives! Even when that change itself feels good...

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Whether via health trauma or everyday cultural stories around body and wellness, health is a huge chapter in the Third Culture Kid story. Growing up with the classic, "Where There is no Doctor" book as a staple in my home in Niger, I explore here the role of health experiences on my own story.

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When staying in place, seasonal change becomes a helpful access point to change and novelty for Third Culture Kids. Join me in this episode as I contemplate how we can review and renew our multifaceted selves at the the season's change.

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There are so many elements to our selves as Third Culture Kids it can feel stifling to feel stuck in one iteration of self for long. Moving to places that invite a different self forward is one solution, but today I'm reflecting on how setting internal boundaries can spin the dial and allow different selves to take space alongside one another. In all this, the Japanese idea, "yutori" is one I'm finding very helpful - unhurried spaciousness applied to our many selves.

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Boundaries... we can have a very heavy relationship with this word. Fear of crossing them, of faux pas, and fear of setting them - this is the story for many Third Culture Kids. In this episode I'm exploring what it is about our experiences of mobility that can complicate boundaries for us, and how we can rebuild relationship with them.

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So many of us are struggling to learn how to overcome challenges, change thought patterns and achieve our goals. So why, just as we start to see ourselves make these hard won changes, do we sometimes hit a whole new level of discomfort - that of feeling good!? Many Third Culture Kids find that the struggle and change is more familiar to us than the work of maintaining 'arrival' in those good places we dream of...

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