The Manspace

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Spacemen, did you know you can send us texts? Even request topics? We'll happily cover them for you. Seriously, look up a little. It says send text. So do. Cause today, we talk about a question we were asked. Specifically as it relates to couple dynamics and long-distance relationships. We'll talk about effective communication, setting boundaries, and clarifying expectations. We'll fill you with hope and clear understanding on how to make things work. Listen in.  

Also, don't forget, we're starting a monthly book club. We're starting with Dave Grohl's book, The Storyteller. Read it and come prepared to share with the group!

Keywords

anxious-avoidant attachment, pursuer-distancer dynamic, long-distance relationship, effective communication, setting boundaries, connection, trust, understanding, scheduling, broadening definition of sexual experience, attachment styles, secure bond

Takeaways

• In a pursuer-distancer dynamic, one person pursues while the other distances themselves. To break this pattern, one person needs to stop their behavior, which will cause the other person to stop as well.
• Managing an anxious-avoidant attachment pattern in a long-distance relationship can be challenging, but effective communication and setting boundaries can help.
• Tips for managing long-distance relationships include finding ways to connect despite the distance, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing quality time together.
• Understanding each other's attachment styles and working together to create a secure and supportive relationship is crucial in overcoming challenges in a long-distance relationship. 
• It is important to be deliberate and overt in communication and expectations in a long-distance relationship.
• Trust and understanding are key in managing anxiously attached and avoidant patterns.
• Scheduling consistent times to connect and broadening the definition of a sexual experience can help maintain intimacy in a long-distance relationship.
• Attachment styles can be worked through and a secure bond can be created in a long-distance relationship.

Sound Bites

• "Like, charge the fortress!"
• "If I stop running, then she'll stop pursuing me so much because she's no longer as worried that I'm running."
• "It can feel like if I stop, the distancer, the avoidant one, will never reengage."
• "This is why you don't let Mike do his own shows."

Chapters

00:00
Challenges and Stories from Working with Clients

16:32
Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

17:09
Understanding Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

17:19
Book Club Suggestions: Dave Grohl and 'The Comfort Crisis'

17:39
Understanding the Dynamics of Long-Distance Relationships

18:29
Exploring Attachment Styles in Long-Distance Relationships

21:34
The Challenges of Long-Distance Relationships

25:21
The Importance of Communication and Understanding

27:16
Practical Tips for Managing a Long-Distance Relationship

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Have you ever felt so alone you could cry? Me neither. But Mike sure has. He did this episode all by himself. And man, did he nail it. He talks about the stories that define us and the stories that others use to define us. He shares the story of Emma Carey, a skydiver who survived a 14,000-foot fall, and how she struggles with being defined by that one event. Take home is you don't have to be defined by moments. Listen in. Define yourself.

Takeaways

• The stories we choose to define ourselves and the stories others use to define us can have a significant impact on our identity.
• We have the power to change the narratives that define us and actively work towards creating a more positive and fulfilling story.
• Happiness is not a fixed state, but a mission statement that requires active effort and a willingness to redefine it for ourselves.
• It's important to not let external factors or past experiences solely define our happiness and to work towards finding happiness in the present moment.
• Taking control of our own narratives and actively working towards happiness can lead to a more fulfilling and empowered life.

Sound Bites

• "The stories we choose to define ourselves and the stories others use to define us can have a significant impact on our identity."
• "Happiness is not a feeling for her. It is a mission statement."
• "You can make all the changes you want, but it's a long shot that'll make the story go away."

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Solo Session

02:54
Emma Carey's Story

09:03
Defining Ourselves and Others

15:25
Assigned Stories and Personal Change

25:05
Working Towards Happiness

31:22
Taking Control of Our Narratives

34:28
Conclusion

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Spacemen! Heed my warning! Not really. Today, we debunk some common ideas about divorce. Matt's gone, but Mike and Rob get into it about problems one researcher stated are signs of impending divorce. Don't worry, they're not really. But don't just take our word for it, listen in. As a special bonus, you can go watch Rob's final show with his really cool punk-ska band from 20 years ago.

Keywords

infidelity, causes of divorce, communication, intimacy, divorce, intimacy, financial disagreements, excessive drinking, drug use, jealousy, irritating habits, communication, responsibility

Takeaways

• Cheating and infidelity are often symptoms of deeper issues in a relationship rather than the primary cause of divorce.
• The percentage of marriages affected by infidelity is estimated to be between 20% and 45%, but the likelihood of divorce due to infidelity varies.
• It is important to address the underlying issues that lead to infidelity, such as lack of communication and intimacy.
• Deal breakers in a marriage, such as infidelity and violence, are often more complex and nuanced than they appear.
• Open and honest communication, along with a strong emotional connection, are key factors in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Infidelity, lack of intimacy, and financial disagreements are common issues in relationships, but they can be worked through with effort and communication.
• Excessive drinking or drug use can be extremely damaging to a relationship and may be difficult to recover from.
• Jealousy and irritating habits can cause conflicts in a relationship, but it's important to consider one's own role and reactions in these situations.
• Divorce is a personal choice, and there are no guarantees in relationships. It's important to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision that aligns with one's values and goals.
• Seeking therapy or counseling can be helpful in navigating relationship challenges and finding solutions.
• Taking responsibility for one's own actions and choices is crucial in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Sound Bites

• "Cheating and infidelity are often symptoms of deeper issues in a relationship."
• "The likelihood of divorce due to infidelity varies."
• "You can bounce back from infidelity... It takes a lot of work."
• "Money is a big deal because it represents safety and security."
• "You're never going back to how things were before... Your relationship will be different going forward."

Chapters

00:00
Podcast Plans and Soda Consumption

09:14
Exploring Signs of Divorce

12:20
Skepticism Towards Divorce Predictors

14:59
Introduction

23:18
Financial Issues in a Relationship

31:56
Substance Abuse and its Impact on Marriage

37:40
Moodiness and its Effect on Relationships

42:43
Dealing with Irritating Habits in a Marriage

46:41
Jealousy and Building Trust in a Relationship

49:57
Conclusion

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Spacemen, we've let you down. I mean, not really, but sort of. We weren't there for you last week when you needed us most. But we, like many people, have limits and have to take vacations from time to time. We're back though, and everything will once again be aligned in the spaceiverse. 

As you will hear, Rob was absent on this episode. But it's a good one anyway. Today, we talk about how we can learn to love. Matt and Mike talk about the book 'The Art of Loving' by Eric Fromm and the four main components of love: care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.  More specifically, they talk about respect, care, self-growth, and vulnerability. I mean, did you really think we'd have an episode in which we didn't talk about vulnerability? So, get ready to learn...to love...and to laugh. Put that on your wall. You're welcome. 

Keywords
love, relationships, care, responsibility, respect, knowledge, effort, understanding, self-growth, vulnerability, relationships, tolerance, sacrifice, well-being, love, acceptance, personal growth

Takeaways

• Love requires active concern for the well-being and growth of the person we love.
• Responsibility in love means being willing to respond and take action in service of the other person's well-being.
• Respect involves fully seeing and understanding the other person, allowing them space to develop on their own terms.
• Knowledge in love means deeply understanding the other person's inner workings and being able to interpret their actions and emotions.
• Love is both an art and a science, requiring effort and understanding.
• The component of love that is often missing or misunderstood is subjective and can vary depending on the individual and the relationship. Respect and tolerance for vulnerability are crucial in relationships.
• Men often sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of others.
• Self-care and personal growth are important for maintaining a healthy relationship.
• Love involves accepting and seeing each other for who they truly are.

Titles

• The Art of Loving: Exploring the Components of Love
• Missing and Misunderstood: Reflecting on the Components of Love Accepting and Seeing Each Other for Who We Truly Are
• The Challenges of Sacrificing One's Well-Being for Others

Sound Bites

• "Care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge"
• "To really love somebody it takes these different things"
• "Love as both an art and a science"
• "There's just not enough toleration of the vulnerability that goes along with allowing yourself to be fully seen so that your partner can respect you."
• "My job is to be kind of at your service, right. And there's no room for me to be tired or spent or need space and just communicate that to you in a way that indicates that it's fine for me to feel that way and we'll still be okay."
• "Knowing yourself well enough to let yourself be seen and choosing to see your partner for who they are."

Chapters

00:00
The Joy of Homemade Creations

00:25
Planning for Future Episodes

07:26
The Four Components of Love: Care, Responsibility, Respect, and Knowledge

13:06
The Challenges Men Face in Understanding and Practicing Love

18:22
The Importance of Self-Care in Love and Relationships

24:31
Seeing and Accepting Your Partner for Who They Truly Are

29:28
The Potential for Deep Connection and Fulfillment in Love

37:41
Closing Thoughts and Reflection

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Wanna arm wrestle? I'd probably win. I was recently diagnosed 100% manly. I know. You're probably like, 'Obvi Rob.' Well, I wasn't so sure. Luckily, the internet never let's me down.

On today's episode, Rob quizzes Matt and Mike to find out how manly they are. And, because we believe ALL men must meet a certain level of manliness to remain in the manliness club, we've provided the link to our quiz here.  Quiz it and tell us how manly you are. 

Keywords

therapy, manliness, masculinity, leadership, manly movies, asking for help, sense of style, societal expectations, manliness quiz, self-acceptance, individuality

Takeaways

• The concept of masculinity is explored through a manliness quiz and discussions about personal preferences. Masculinity is subjective and can vary depending on the individual and the situation.
• Personal preferences and hobbies do not define one's masculinity.
• Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to personal style.
• Gender stereotypes and societal expectations should not dictate one's choices and preferences. Masculinity is a concept that is often defined by societal expectations and stereotypes.
• Quizzes and labels can limit our understanding of ourselves and others.
• It is important to be confident in one's true self and not conform to societal norms.
• Self-acceptance and embracing individuality are key to personal growth and happiness.

Sound Bites

• "You guys are both gonna come out as 100% manliness"
• "One of you got 75% manly. And the other one got 100% manly."
• "You're always willing to take risks and nothing seems to scare you. And like a real man, you approach your problems and obstacles directly."
• "I'm confident in my masculinity, even if I barely rate 60% masculine."

Chapters

00:49
Vacation Plans and Work Commitments

05:49
Navigating Therapy Experiences

12:16
Exploring the Concept of Manliness

21:04
Embracing Vulnerability and Asking for Help

23:14
The Joy of Pets: Cats vs. Dogs

25:04
Discovering New Hobbies and Interests

32:21
Subjectivity of Alcoholic Beverage Preferences

36:17
Exploring the Concept of Masculinity

41:55
The Results: 75% Manly vs. 100% Manly

51:45
The Fun of Quizzes and Competing

53:12
Questioning the Definition of Masculinity

56:55
The Desire for Acceptance and Belonging

59:24
Embracing Authenticity and Rejecting Societal Norms

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Come on now, space-cyborg! You're not so bad! In fact, I dare say you might even be a real stand-up guy. Probably doing better than you think. And we'll talk about that today on The Manspace. 

Matt, Mike, and Rob explore how we beat ourselves up and hold ourselves to unrealistic standards that usually do us no good. We'll talk about self-compassion and will say it in the most cheesy, unsettling of ways.  So, pull up a chair. Be nice to yourself. Listen to The Manspace. 

Keywords

self-demanding behavior, beating oneself up, nice guy syndrome, internal struggle, negative self-talk, self-compassion, grace, unconditional love, external criticism, projection, defense mechanism, self-doubt, acceptance, kindness, limitations, comparative language, integrity

Takeaways

• Self-demanding behavior and beating oneself up can be overlapping and interconnected.
• Self-compassion and grace are important in counteracting negative self-talk and high self-demands.
• External criticism can confirm and amplify negative self-perception.
• Projection of buried grievances onto others is a defense mechanism.
• Understanding and addressing these patterns can lead to healthier self-perception and relationships. Avoid self-blame and negative self-talk when facing challenges or setbacks.
• Practice self-compassion by accepting and acknowledging your struggles.
• Talk to yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would to a good friend.
• Recognize your limitations and focus on your strengths.
• Avoid comparing yourself to others and prioritize your own values and beliefs.
• Maintain integrity by aligning your actions with your personal values.

Sound Bites

• "That self-demanding part of myself pushes me to go over the top and over function for them too."
• "Treating myself like a human being and being kind to myself feels really calming."
• "I hate when clients say stuff like, 'I know, I suck at everything.' Don't do that, man."
• "The markers we have that we are doing a good job... They're not usually quantifiable."
• "What's the limits of self-compassion? What's the limits of self-care? There has to be limits."

Chapters

00:00
Navigating the Internal Struggle: Self-Criticism and Mental Health

09:53
The 'Nice Guy' Syndrome: Impact of Societal Standards

20:56
Navigating Self-Compassion and Integrity

28:17
The Struggle with Negative Self-Talk

43:25
Balancing Inner Dialogue and Recognizing Limitations

01:03:08
Aligning Actions with Core Values

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Shhhh. The Manspace is on. On today's episode, we record dead air for you to *not* listen to. 
Fine. Not really. But we DO talk about it. I know what you're thinking. "Hey Rob, didn't you guys just barely talk about silence?" Yes, Spaceman, we did. But before, we talked about knowing the times it's good to be quiet in relationships and conversations. This time, it's more using silence as a meditative state. We talk about why it's helpful and how to make it a more deliberate focus. So gather your friends around and tell them to shut up. Then sit in silence. Then turn on the episode and learn why that was good for you. 

Keywords

silence, solitude, audible silence, emotional silence, thought silence, responsibility silence, nature, intentional silence, men, fear, discomfort, alone time, benefits, concentration, creativity, self-awareness, learning, productivity, calm,  restorative power, meaning, value, present moment, personal values, joy, relaxation, 

Takeaways

• There may be a biological and evolutionary need for silence and solitude.
• Being deliberate and intentional in silence can help manage our thoughts and emotions.
• Spending time in nature can enhance the benefits of silence.
• Finding time for silence in our busy lives can be a challenge, but it is important for our well-being. Men often fear and feel uncomfortable taking time for themselves and embracing silence and solitude.
• Wives are often supportive of their husbands needing alone time and would encourage it.
• The fear of silence leads to filling every moment with noise and distractions.
• Silence and solitude have numerous benefits, including increased concentration, creativity, self-awareness, learning, productivity, and a sense of calm.
• Shift your focus from constantly striving for more to finding meaning and value in the present moment.
• Prioritize activities that align with your personal values and bring joy and relaxation.
• Incorporate solitude and silence into your daily life, such as by getting up early or avoiding distractions.
• Be deliberate and intentional in creating meaningful experiences.

Sound Bites

• "Silence is a source of great strength"
• "Matt yesterday almost picked up a hooker"
• "Silence for silence sake is probably meaningless"
• "How do I actually get the most out of the time that I'm in now?"
• "I don't value making more money. I value spending time doing the things I want to do."

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Remember in The Little Mermaid when Ursula was like, "and don't underestimate the importance of..BODY LANGUAGE!" in a way that is a little too much for kids to handle? And adults for that matter? I do. Don't act like you don't remember. Own your love of Disney. It's okay.

Today, spacebirds, Matt, Mike, and Rob talk about body language. Not in an Ursula kind of way, just in a difference between men and women kind of way. We talk about men finding ways to connect that are sometimes mislabeled avoidant or even homophobic. Really, we are trying to connect through body language just like everyone else. Don't believe me? Listen in and find out. Even AI called the episode "light-hearted and filled with humor." You can't miss.

Keywords
Communication styles, men, women, face-to-face, shoulder-to-shoulder, confrontational, emotional connection, men, women, connection, intimacy, playfulness, physical touch, comfort zone

Takeaways

• The hosts have a playful banter throughout the conversation. Men and women have different communication styles and preferences.
• Men often prefer standing or sitting at right angles to each other, while women often prefer face-to-face interaction.
• Men may perceive face-to-face as confrontational, while women view it as fostering emotional connection and honesty.
• Communication styles vary widely among individuals and there are no one-size-fits-all rules. Men and women have different ways of connecting and expressing intimacy
• Recognize and accept these differences to foster connection and intimacy in relationships
• Balance playfulness and lightheartedness with deep emotional intimacy
• Physical touch and play can be powerful ways for men to connect with their children
• Pushing oneself out of their comfort zone can foster growth and connection

Sound Bites

• "Welcome to the Man Space."
• "I gotta start making sweatshirts."
• "Maximizing profits with a downline."
• "If you're talking to a guy, we stand at right angles to each other, not face to face."
• "Men perceive face to face as confrontational, while women view it as more honest and intimate."
• "Men and women have different communication styles and preferences."
• "Men are saying, this is how I feel comfortable being intimate with you."
• "Men can connect through play and physical touch without needing eye contact."

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Discussion on Discomfort

01:58
Planning and Experiencing a Vacation in Punta Cana

09:28
Geography and Location of Punta Cana

12:18
Seaweed Troubles at the Beach

30:03
Intimacy and Protection in Men's Communication Styles

36:28
The Role of Play in Father-Child Bonding

43:08
Balancing Deep Emotional Intimacy and Lighthearted Playfulness

48:21
Accepting Different Forms of Intimacy

52:59
Maintaining Closeness Through Physical Touch and Play

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Spaceabichuelos! I don't know how to spell that and it doesn't even matter. I just called you spacebeans, which is one of many insight you will gain listening to today's episode. Today, we're talking about being alone with your partner. We'll give you some hot tips and cool riffs, just like Ross Cowan in high school. Top-hat wearin' Ross. 

We talk about the 1/1/1 and the 7/7/7 ratio of spending time with your spouse. Don't know what those are? Don't worry my little beans--we'll tell you. So grab your spouse, both metaphorically and literally, and listen in. 

Keywords
vacations, quality time, one-one-one rule, seven-seven-seven rule, fashion trends,  dates, relationships, reconnect, responsibilities, distractions, intentional, mindful

Takeaways

• Taking vacations as a couple is important for maintaining a strong relationship
• The one-one-one rule (one date per week, one day together per month, one vacation per year) is a helpful guideline for spending quality time together
• Setting aside time for each other away from responsibilities and distractions is important
• Vacations and dates can help couples reconnect and remember why they love each other
• Transitioning into vacation mode can be challenging, but being intentional and mindful can help
• Incorporating elements of vacation and date mindset into regular routines can keep the relationship strong

Sound Bites

• "Welcome space beans"
• "Who eats this for breakfast?"
• "The untouched didn't happen"
• "Before we get into this massively transformational."
• "Almost everybody I've asked, I can't think of anybody who hasn't answered me this way."
• "There's a mistake in believing if you do these things, your relationship will be repaired."

Chapters
00:00
Nostalgia for 90s Fashion Trends and Music

02:45
Exploring Regional Accents and Concert Experiences

08:44
The Fascination with Texas Accents

13:37
Introduction to the importance of vacations

22:09
Rules and guidelines for planning vacations

27:34
The transformative nature of vacations

29:42
Incorporating vacation elements into everyday life

31:59
The Importance of Making Time for Vacations and Dates

32:47
Transitioning into Vacation Mode: The Need for Intentional Effort

33:51
Exploring New Places and Activities Together

44:29
The Role of Planning and Responsibility in a Relationship

47:07
Trying New Things to Keep the Spark Alive

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Calm down spacemen. Today, Matt, Mike, and Rob rationally delve into the wide world of logic. I know what you're thinking, "Hey Rob, didn't guys do a previous episode on the necessity of emotions over logic?" Yes, you have a point there. But what sort of men of space would we be if we could not confidently state, "We were wrong!" And by 'wrong' we mean, we have more to say on the subject that will clarify things. Spoiler alert, it involves balancing logic and emotion. We are nothing if not balanced. 

Keywords
logic, emotion, relationships, perception, couples therapy, communication, understanding, problem-solving, relationships, societal expectations, validation, trust

Takeaways

• Different people interpret and perceive emotions differently, and context plays a significant role.
• Logic and emotion both have a place in relationships, and it's important to find a balance.
• In couples therapy, it is common to ask men to connect with their emotions and women to engage their logical thinking.
• Balancing logic and emotion is crucial in relationships, as both perspectives are valuable and necessary.
• Effective communication involves understanding and respecting each other's ways of thinking and processing information.
• Both partners should be able to move between the logical and emotional realms
• Therapists play a role in helping clients navigate these dynamics
• Validating emotions while encouraging logical thinking is important
• Trust and recognizing each other's capacities are key to successful conversations

Sound Bites

• "This podcast is the raddest of them all"
• "Your salad's not really cutting it"
• "I liked it, actually"
• "Women, Logic Up."
• "Get out of my dreams, get into my car."
• "I know it feels like I'm being dismissive, but right now you're getting so flooded."
• "Our society has decided logic is more better"
• "At some point we have to learn how to separate what we're hearing emotionally and applying some amount of logic to it"
• "How often do we ask women what they think?"

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