When people give lip service to “I’m sorry,” it loses its meaning. In fact, some people put a lot of weight on it. For the words to mean something, they need to come with ownership and self-responsibility. Prodding someone doesn’t feel good, and neither does someone wanting an apology from you that you don’t feel inclined to give. You can’t force a meaningful apology out of someone, so if you’re trying to do this, ask yourself why.

This happens a lot with breakups. If you’re devastated over the end of your relationship, you may want your ex to acknowledge your pain and say they are sorry for what they’ve done to you. You believe this will give you a sense of closure, but you’re putting an awful lot of importance on words that may be empty, which won’t make you feel any better. Sorry is meaningless without self-responsibility and you can’t force someone to own the wrong you feel they’ve done (especially if they feel differently). Instead, look for where you can take responsibility in the situation and why you feel owed—what do you think it will do for you? When you own your role, you become less dependent on empty apologies.