The Most Patriotic Podcast in the History of America Ever

Salute to the patriots! This week you get an insight into the dysfunctional friendship of Pat and Rick while Drew takes the week off. This episode gets a little serious and is truly non patriotic and Pat is real tired. Good insight, tho.

Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(1:40) Have we forgotten the art of the conversation? Or has it gone away?

(3:44) This is the worst conversation in the history of America ever

(4:33) Hey Mark Manson, Pat read your goddamn new book. How can you give me great philosophy and then give us Sky Net? / Would you worship the new AI Gods? Did any of humanity matter?

(13:09) The Norwegian Island that wants to literally kill time / Rick hates on the hunter gather lifestyle

(20:38) Welcome to Gay Hell

(25:10) Rick doesn’t know who Pewdipie is. Pat explains what youtube has become. / Will the proprietary subscription model replace curated hub channels 

(29:30) San Francisco bans the sale and distribution of all vaping related products until they are approved by the FDA. Should the FDA investigate and regulate the vaping industry?

(36:40) Rick tells the story of how he once received a cease and desist from the ATF

(39:11) Le’veon Bell leaves 2 girls naked in bed and they steal a million dollars worth of jewelry because of course they did / Rick doesn’t want your solicitation

(49:25) Spotify wants their money back

(1:04:28) If your penis had theme music for every erection, what would it be?

(1:05:47) THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN

(1:15:13) We’re about to start a war over a robot?

(1:22:58) This is the most dedicated urinal in the history of America ever

(1:23:46) Why Rick can’t eat popcorn

(1:29:20) This is the most delicious smelling diaper in the history of America ever

We’re on the internet. 

Salute to the patriots! We’re telling the orange buffoon BOY BYE right along with the democrats this week. We get a special wallpaper for our phones to show our support. Bernie Sanders goes undercover as a skater punk to score party favors for a Phish show and we discuss our fears of having poop inserted into our butts… for science and medicine. It’s a weird fuckin week. Let’s get into it. Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(1:44) “Are you a ‘woo’ guy?”

(5:34) This is the most suspicious robbery in the history of America ever

(5:53) Kim Kardashian partners with Lyft to fix prisons. Is Kim K capable of doing anything altruistically?

(9:12) Bieber vs Tom Cruise in a cage match. What celebrity 31 years older than you would you challenge to a fight (and/or make sweet love to)?

(24:57) Genius is mad at google for doing what Genius does to musicians / We sound old lamenting for physical copies of music and movies

(29:15) A discussion regarding themes and theories posed in “Everything is Fucked” by Mark Manson

(34:05) The Parkland survivor who publicly aired his beef with Harvard: dignified activist or petulant child?

(41:28) The valedictorian from San Ysidro High School in San Diego delivers the most scathing graduation speech in the history of America ever. Nataly Buhr, you are this weeks THE MOST.

(47:35) We reminisce about teachers that may or may not have been fucked up at work AND bleep out their REAL NAMES

(50:34) Drew’s porn movie idea

(54:00) The Democrats want you to say “BOY BYE” to trump

(58:35) Bernie needs some Molly for the Phish concert. He’s a kid, just like you.

(1:04:24) A recent study finds that the economy would suffer a loss of $1B per day if the global GPS system went down. Are we really that dependent on GPS?

(1:09:28) Should we fear cyber terrorism or accept it as the reality of the world? / A discussion on deep fake videos and their potential consequences

(1:12:59) Fecal transplants… and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Don’t put another man’s poop up my butt! We have so many questions.

(1:20:23) Marijuana legalization news: China calls the US marijuana legalization movement a “threat” to their country. The fuck is you talking about China?? / Nevada passes law which makes it illegal for employers to refuse someone employment for testing positive for marijuana

(1:31:41) This is the best dressed feces in the history of America ever

(1:31:53) OJ Simpson has a twitter now, and it’s… concerning

(1:38:26) This is the most empathetic love making in the history of America ever

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 Salute to the patriots! We value truth so we hate racist lemonade stands. Listen and that sentence will make sense. We also equate Elizabeth Warren to Granny and congratulate Illinois on being the 11th state to actually take action to fix their economy by legalizing marijuana. Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(1:37) A conversation about beer devolves into an argument about IPAs

(4:49) This is the hoppiest brew in the history of America ever

(7:01) Does a sustainable level of drunk that won’t result in a hangover exist?

(10:00) The whitest thing Drew has ever done

(15:30) Chappelle’s theory on the origin of nougat

(16:30) The Law of Death Denial as written by Robert Greene

(21:54) “We made everybody feel so uncomfortable just now and I like it”

(26:30) Continued reflection on the inevitability of death and speculation on the reality of aging

(29:00) Your values influence your perception of all things in your reality

(31:19) Cop present at Parkland charged with a crime for his inaction. Can inaction equate to guilt? / The Trolley Problem

(39:08) An Oregon bill would make it possible for the victims of racially motivated 911 calls to sue the caller. Will this help the problem or create new ones?

(42:47) San Francisco votes to close its juvenile detention center

(47:18) California to become the first state to offer health insurance access to illegal immigrants

(48:22) What the fuck is going on in the Dominican Republic right now?

(51:34) THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN

(1:00:10) Elizabeth Warren: viable presidential candidate, creepy librarian, or mobile horror game villain? / That’s too many policies!

(1:05:27) Obama is getting the Spotify bag AND the Netflix bag

(1:08:55) Illinois becomes the 11th state to legalize adult use cannabis and the first to legalize through the state legislature / when will professional sports catch up to the movement?

(1:15:10) We start a new business naming marijuana strains

(1:17:20) The rise of the German hologram circus animals / an argument about the zoo / BIG zoo talk

(1:24:00) A lemonade stand to fund the border wall

(1:26:25) This is the most racist lemonade stand in the history of America ever

(1:28:35) Ja Rule wants to put on another festival. We don’t care.

(1:31:17) Would you rather be able to detect lie you hear or get away with any lie you tell?

(1:37:27) This is the most hydrated podcast in the history of America ever

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Salute to the patriots! This week you’ll learn why your generation defines you, the natural cycle which lead to cynicism and Donald Trump, and why it would be liberating to know when you are going to die. We also continue to talk shit on Joe Biden. Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(3:45) This is the most seductive podcast in the history of America ever

(4:07) Rick tells us about his harrowing (literally) experience bartending at the Roots Picnic

(16:13) It’s a small world after all / “You’ve changed, right?” 

(24:29) All That returns

(26:36) George Nader, a key player in the Mueller investigation, gets arrested (again) for child pornography. Could it have been a plant to discredit him? An argument ensues.

(30:55) The Law of Generational Myopia as written by Robert Greene / the cycle of 4 generations that defines and changes the world

(36:38) With that in mind… here’s where Donald Trump came from.

(38:38) Can technology alter the natural cycle of generations? / The natural cycle as a sustainable model

(46:19) The Cooperative Eight Spelling Bee Champions

(49:18) Will Chris Rock’s “Saw” be any good?

(52:29) Goodbye iTunes, you served us well. We salute you.

(57:50) What kind of music do you think Joe Biden listens to on vinyl? Our guess, Lynard Skynard. / THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN. / Rick eats on mic and we leave it in / Is there any hope for Bernie Sanders?

(1:08:30) The answer is 4

(1:10:40) Ted Cruz-in’ for a bruisin’

(1:14:20) A federal judge blocks a request to stop trump from moving funds to appropriated accounts to build his wall.

(1:18:00) A man set himself on fire on the White House lawn in a USA sweatshirt / Rick is the Transmillenial / A sliding scale of morality

(1:24:36) England is so much funnier than America

(1:29:50) DREW’S RACIST CORNER

(1:41:24) Jay Z becomes the first billionaire rapper. What’s the point of being a billionaire?

(1:44:15) How the 1% gets high. Consultants, chefs, and other high class weed habits / Drew’s not going with white people into the woods

(1:50:16) The Youtuber who gets 15 months in prison for a toothpaste filled Oreo / Is violence the answer?

(2:00:43) This is the most aggressive release of emotions in the history of America ever

(2:02:25) Would you rather know how you’re going to die or when you’re going to die?

(2:07:19) This is the most phallic landscaping in the history of America ever

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Salute to the patriots! This week we’re going to Mars. Join us on a rocket ship through this week’s American bullshit as we blast through the stratosphere on a race to get Beyonce’s sweet, sweet Rum Chata titty milk (#rumchatatittymilk). This podcast will get you through your commute to work, but not your commute to Mars… that shit is far. Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(2:10) This is the most expanded podcast in the history of America ever

(2:20) The logical dilemma of the “birthday month”; is celebrating your birthday as important as we think?

(6:53) What are you favorite things to do by yourself?

(8:42) Whitney Houston to perform “live” in hologram. Is this going to be a thing now? 

(13:45) The Mount Rushmore of NJ Music

(14:40) Lil Nas X’s Wrangler Jeans deal and the racist backlash. Does “Old Town Road” actually slap?

(18:58) Drew educates the group on why hockey is so racist

(23:50) Rick is such a hater

(27:15) THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN

(43:12) Harvey Weinstein settles with accusers, but he still looks like a goblin

(45:02) “Vince McMahon is the type of man who would fuck dudes in prison”

(48:00) DREW’S RACIST CORNER

(1:00:00) When it comes to black dudes… white girls always try it; how to talk to your Uber driver

(1:06:45) Guys! We’re going to Mars!; would you go to Mars if you had an opportunity?

(1:12:14) “If Jay Z and Beyonce go to Mars I’ll go”; BIG Mars talk

(1:18:13) This is the most delicious breast milk in the history of America ever

(1:20:47) You can only pick one porn category for the rest of your life, what do you pick?

(1:27:50) This is the most appreciative podcast in the history of America ever

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 Salute to the patriots! Another week, more bullshit to discuss. On this weeks show we have a serious discussion about abortion and the ideological problems with it being in the forefront of cultural discussion. We also talk about Jessica Alba making orange juice with her butt cheeks, Joe Biden’s deceptive call for unity, and Pat hurts Rick’s feelings by questioning his ability to hit 10 year olds with a bat. Plus, another installment of the most popular game show in the history of America ever, BUDDEN OR BIDEN. Let’s make your drive to work a little more thought provoking.

Here’s some topics and questions we attempt to answer:

(3:53) This is the most feminist podcast in the history of America ever

(4:05) Pat makes a heartfelt public apology to Alyssa Milano and Jessica Alba. Has Pat blown his chances with his dream women?

(7:11) Who would be on your ideal three way call?

(9:53) Catchin’ up: Drew’s comedy adventures; exercise and eating poorly; Pat eats like people in prison

(16:06) Butt Crack Orange Juice

(17:30) “What the fuck are we talking about?”

(18:15) How the Psalm West Was Won / is using a surrogate, aside as a medical necessity, a selfish thing? An argument ensues.

(32:12) Do Kim and Kanye even like each other? Or is Kanye too weird?

(39:00) We continue to examine the inner depths of Kanye’s spirit

(41:35) Robert Smith pays off all the student debt of the 2019 Moorehouse College graduating class. Could billionaires fix the world if they weren’t so selfish?

(48:57) The manipulative and predatory political game behind new abortion laws. A serious discussion about our feelings on abortion and how to approach (or avoid) situations with people you don’t agree with.

(1:15:04) THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN

(1:21:51) Why not Bernie?

(1:25:02) BUDDEN OR BIDEN

(1:31:50) Bernie’s brand is disheveled and professorial

(1:32:54) “I don’t have time to comb my hair, Jane”

(1:37:44) This is the worst groomed podcast in the history of America ever

(1:38:10) You are given a metal baseball bat to defend yourself from a never ending flood of 5th graders coming to kill you. How many before they take you down? An argument ensues and feelings get hurt.

(1:46:41) This is the best parenting in the history of America ever

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Salute to the patriots! Your boys are back with more of that true American talk this week. From psychedelics to sex strikes to rape and chicken nuggets we got it all this week. Learn why Joe Biden is an over grown 6 year old and play along in the first ever installment of BUDDEN OR BIDEN. It’s so American you’ll eat Wendy’s off the good plates. Here’s some topics and things to think about:

(1:48) Classic 90s cinema because we’re current with our references

(4:14) This is the most unintelligible podcast in the history of America ever

(4:38) Colorado decriminalizes psychedelic mushrooms. Can mushrooms really cure depression? Rick gives us some education

(9:47) “Why do you want to get up on a Tuesday and do mushrooms?”

(11:54) Group think as a form of conformity. Is being a nonconformist damaging?

(14:38) Alyssa Milano calls for a sex strike. Does this imply she is considering sex a commodity?

(19:42) Pat changes his tune and confesses his undying love for Alyssa Milano. Don’t forget who the boss is.

(22:14) What if every woman in the world really did say “no sex”? 

(27:40) Ayeesha Curry: is she just throwing shade at her husband?

(35:05) This is the most sexist podcast in the history of America ever

(37:40) This week in YouTube drama: James Charles is cancelled! Some petty bullshit on a global scale. How low will it go?

(46:07) Amy Schumer puts spicy chicken nuggets on blast. Is it also an attack at Chance the Rapper? An argument ensues.

(57:22) I smell rape and nuggets here mmhmm. Spicy chicken nuggets yeah mmhmm.

(58:20) A discussion of fast food being delicious.

(1:04:06) THE VILLAINOUS ADVENTURES OF JOE BIDEN

(1:10:13) America’s new favorite game show: BUDDEN OR BIDEN

(1:18:21) The ethical dilemma of the new Jeopardy champion

(1:22:22) “I’ll take Fart in Alex’s Face for $500”

(1:29:23) The Great Chinese Trade War - life’s about to get a whole lot more expensive

(1:31:14) The “Build the Wall” Gofundme is actually a “Buy Me a Yacht” Gofundme

(1:32:41) This is the savviest business acumen in the history of America ever

(1:33:19) Would you rather watch porn or sports upside down for the rest of your life?

(1:35:42) If you had to eat one body part of another person, what would it be?

(1:39:23) This is the most patriotic podcast in the history of America ever

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Salute to the Patriots! This week it’s old heads talking that big America talk. Anti-anti-vax talk. Drug addiction treatment talk. Joe Biden the super villain talk. Big cum talk. All the talk. We’re about to talk all that talk at you while you commute to work, young man. Respect your elders.

Here’s some topics and questions to ponder:

(1:09) Greatness comes from dedication / is hip hop a young man’s game?

(4:26) This is the most abrasive podcast in the history of America ever

(4:29) Anthony Jeselnik is Rick’s spirit animal

(9:00) The law of aimlessness as written by Robert Greene / do you have a sense of purpose?

(18:44) The false purpose of anti-vaxers / should the government force you to get vaccinations?

(26:00) There is not a single anti-vax person who isn’t also a trump supporter

(26:43) Sue your parents

(28:42) A judge rules that a jail must provide addiction treatment / do opioid addiction treatments actually treat addiction?

(40:18) Medical marijuana can replace pain pills… and that’s why it’s still illegal (that and racism)

(45:15) Drew’s dispensary experience was unprofessional

(50:17) When the white guy is making money on something, it’s legal

(52:04) Kanye’s making a TV show about Kanye

(53:42) See you in the Wu Tang District on Wu Tang Day

(54:27) Out of touch old men talking big hip hop talk

(1:03:30) The Villainous Adventures of Joe Biden 

(1:09:15) Bernie is a real one and that’s why he won’t win

(1:13:07) Budden or Biden?

(1:14:39) Would you rather everyone else on earth be the same sex as you or everyone else besides you be the opposite sex?

(1:18:33) Would you rather cum our of your mouth or cum 2 liters every time? (How did we get here??)

(1:22:17) This is the most forceful ejaculation in the history of America ever

(1:22:52) “I’m gonna flood the block for real”

(1:25:15) Would making white guys fight solve all of our problems?

(1:29:40) trump makes poor health decisions

(1:31:00) Trying to finish the outro

(1:31:52) “We gotta flood the system, for real”

(1:32:31) This is the most problem solving podcast in the history of America ever

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Salute to the patriots! We’re pretty focused on Joe Biden fucking up everything with his candidacy announcement. The main theme of this episode is that we should all start to think of other’s before ourselves. Without self-awareness there can be no empathy. Also, Rick has gummy candy on him while he’s recording, but Pat makes sure he chews it in your ear as little as possible.

Here’s some topics and questions we talk through:

(00:00) Joe Biden tells you why he should be president

(02:49) This is the most globetrotting podcast in the history of America ever

(04:09) We sell out. This podcast brought to you by Sour Punch Bites.

(05:46) Pat would wear a dress for free. Drew doesn’t understand white people love Halloween so much. Rick likes offensive costumes.

(09:33) Rest in peace John Singleton

(13:37) Avengers Endgame and Game of Thrones talk begins. Pat has nothing to contribute.

(15:48) Fuck Joe Biden. He’s about to fuck it all up. 

(18:45) Is Biden a plant by the establishment? Of course he is.

(19:20) Wealthy Americans are the most patriotic Americans in the history of America ever

(20:06) Trump vs Biden? Pass. It doesn’t matter who wins at that point.

(22:30) Trump/Biden debates will be old man fist fights

(24:00) Upper middle class white people get annoyed at policies that help anyone besides them. An argument over why ensues.

(31:40) Hillary reads the Mueller Report

(33:26) Pat and Drew give some real about the Clintons

(35:56) Biden is here to stop actual progressive ideas. Do the other potential candidates need to play the traditional political game to have a chance?

(39:45) Marijuana prohibition was built on racism

(41:30) Would black people get behind a gay candidate?

(47:09) Is Biden’s popularity a sign of the divisions in the Democratic party?

(48:07) System Runs Game 

(58:33) Racism is alive and well.

(1:03:40) Terrorist attack in Sri Lanka and a resulting political fight

(1:06:50) Empathy is against the base instinctual human nature

(1:15:00) If you’re giving for a selfish reason, are you really giving? If you’re living a moment through a phone, are you really living it?

(1:17:00) If you get in a celebrity’s face in public with your phone, don’t be surprised if they smack the phone out of your hand

(1:19:34) We love Vince Staples

(1:22:02) Is Woodstock cancelled?

(1:23:14) Rick wants to know, what’s an imagine dragon?

(1:24:21) Avengers makes $1.2 billion in opening weekend 

(1:26:45) Avengers and Game of Thrones talk. Pat is exhausted by it. Pat doesn’t watch TV okay?? Why is that a problem???

(1:38:40) This is most tailored podcast in the history of America ever

(1:40:10) Why would you download porn on your cell phone?

(1:45:08) This is the most domineering podcast in the history of America ever

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 Salute to the patriots! Your boys are back with more of that truly pure American rhetoric sure to make you shoot Roman candles at each other. We learn about the human tendency for grandiosity and how that impacts culture. We also talk about farts and Drew’s on the street porn fantasy. This is quite honestly THE podcast you don’t want to miss! Here’s some things we talk about so you can think about them:

(1:50) Everyone go harass Rick to record and release his raps

(3:48) These are the worst puns in the history of America ever

(5:12) “God bless America” singer Kate Smith gets cancelled because she also sang “That’s Why Darkies Were Born”

(8:53) Do we need to tie a person’s actions to what they create?

(10:20) Of course a 45 appointee is a sexist douche / we need to start being realists

(14:33) Kamala Harris’ fake news

(16:33) Our discussion of the Mueller Report and our predictions from here

(30:03) The Law of Grandiosity as written by Robert Greene / the best way to handle a grandiose leader

(34:55) Fuck trump. We’re off it.

(37:35) Utah passes the first legislation which prohibits law enforcement from searching your digital footprint without a warrant

(44:04) Utah is more inclusive than you would think

(49:52) Why do people deny the existence of racism, sexism, classism, etc?

(52:34) Listening is the most important part of a conversation

(53:06) Is creating a myth around a person healthy for society? / A discussion regarding the media presentation of AOC

(1:05:25) Pat got approached by people trying to make a movie and weirdness ensues

(1:13:39) I hope you get there, man

(1:14:39) What’s your sell out price?

(1:17:23) The music career you don’t want to miss

(1:18:54) This is the most unmissable podcast in the history of America ever

(1:20:12) Can you imagine being fake? / real friendship

(1:24:46) Make the check out to Targus Vlargen

(1:25:26) This is the most bullshit podcast in the history of America ever

(1:26:16) We realize we haven’t talked about porn this week so Drew corrects that

(1:28:53) This is the most double penetrated podcast in the history of America ever

We’re on the internet. Https://anchor.fm/mostpatrioticpod to join the conversation.