The Neurodivergent Professor

I told Paul Gadola recently that he had climbed the mountain and returned to share his wisdom with us. In this two part interview series you'll have a chance to see what I mean. From his background in teaching to his childhood thoughts about becoming a spiritual leader, Paul has a natural way of understanding how to help people.

He has a gym to help people's bodies: https://www.ironmountain.fitness

He and his wife have a freshly-prepared meals business to help people's health: https://www.sunmealprep.com

He has written a book to help peoples minds and spirituality: https://www.facebook.com/thewritingsofpaulgadola/

So he's kind of the whole package. I'd say he's kind of a big deal but he'd laugh that away.

This was a really fun and loose interview. It's long. It was also live, as opposed to my usual zoom interviews, and so there's a lot more me in it than I'd like.

All in all, this is a glimpse into Pauls' mind and he ends up sharing many of his nuggets throughout the two hours. This week is Part 1, and next week I'll share the second hour.

You can also check out my first interview with Paul Gadola where we talked about Curiosity.

I know your time is valuable, but I think you will enjoy listening or watching. At the very least Paul's viewpoints are unique and he has a helpful way of summarizing things we already know in ways that make more sense.

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It's taken me over a decade of therapy and introspection to arrive at this Episode. I don't know what took me so long, but 'getting' self-compassion has been a real struggle for me. In the past few weeks a few things have clicked.

First, some Miriam-Webster informed verbiage:

Self: ha. dare we even try to define that? Even with the help of the dictionary? Hell, why not (only relevant entries included):

• 1: an individual's typical character or behavior
• 2: the union of elements (such as body, emotions, thoughts, and sensations) that constitute the individuality and identity of a person
• 4: the entire person of an individual
• 5: material that is part of an individual organism

Phew.

And, Compassion: 

• : a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc.

And, Pity:

• : sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed, or unhappy

So Self-Compassion is wanting to help yourself when you are struggling, and Self-Pity is feeling sorry for yourself when you're unhappy. The first seems legit and kind, the second a bit indulgent. 

I spend this Episode sort of figuring out how to apply this difference to myself. 

No one wants to be accused of feeling sorry for themselves, and so the danger in self-compassion is that it drifts over into self-pity. And this also gets at what I'll discuss in Episode 75 and that is, How do you tell the difference?

In this case, one is healthy and one is unhealthy. And we know the difference. If we are being honest.

Anyway, during the latter 2/3 of this Episode I figure out how to apply self-compassion for myself in real-time. I felt a shift from theory to application that I hope will apply to future Episodes. My guess is that after Episode 75 I am going to shift into the Being and Doing phase of the Are vs Should Problem.

I'd say more, but I think you really need to just listen or watch this Episode to see where I go. And truly, I'm still ingesting it myself. I need to watch it again myself to understand exactly what happened.

Thank you for spending some of your time with me and these issues. I hope you are getting something important out of them. Please subscribe, follow, leave me a note, or send me an email. I appreciate your attention.

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Paul Levitin is an ally. He can help you be better at things. Whether it is your body or your mind, Paul is trained to help improve you. And he won't try to sell you anything you don't need. He recommends that you 'interview' him by listening to his Podcast, 'The Healthy Happy Human' to see if you like his style. I like his approach. I like him.

Paul answered my request to talk with people who understand The Are vs Should Problem. Paul had a lot to say about how we 'should all over ourselves' and why the person we 'are' is important. His strategies are interesting and extremely straightforward. There is something for everyone here.

I hope you give this entire interview a listen or a view - not for me, but for yourself. Paul has figured out a lot on his journey to help you. I recommend you let him do it by seeing what he has to say!

You can find Paul's inspiration on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/paullevitin/?hl=en

You can find all of Paul's professional info and links here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paul-levitin-a7b56018b/

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Ahh, stress, our bestest buddy. Our forever companion. The voice in our head telling us how much we suck. The ticking clock rushing us to work and home every day.

Yeah, you know what stress is, but what is it REALLY? And how can it be so many DIFFERENT things?

Can you define it if someone asks you? Beyond whatever it is in that particular moment that is bothering you? Like, generally, what is stress?

Well, Mirriam-Webster tell us (or we tell each other) that (and these are the definitions relevant to this discussion):

1: a state of mental tension and worry caused by problems in your life, work, etc.

She uses meditation as a way of reducing/relieving stress.Hormones are released into the body in response to emotional stress.

He needs help with stress management. [=ways to deal with stress]

2: something that causes strong feelings of worry or anxiety

I'm sorry for being grumpy. I've been under (a lot of) stress at work lately.

She is dealing with the stresses of working full-time and going to school.He talked about the stresses and strains of owning a business.

Ok, so mental tension (something you feel) caused by problems like anxiety and worry.

Yeah, ok, that's pretty close. But it's also very general. And ambiguous.

And what generalizations and ambiguity suggest is that we don't rally know. And I'm cool saying I don't really know what stress is. 

But I DO know what it feels like. Generally, anyway.

But I'll also argue that defining stress is like defining pornography in that you know it when you see it. It's hard to define exactly what it IS is difficult. 

MOREOVER, this generalizing causes us to lose perspective because we LUMP everything BAD we feel into one big feeling we call STRESS.

And I would argue that we would, ideally, like to be more emotionally intelligent. Don't we want to be able to deconstruct our feelings, use more accurate terminology, and better UNDERSTAND how we feel. And then, certainly, it follows that this would facilitate us being able to understand WHY it happens and HOW we can address it?
 

Because wouldn't it be awesome to change things that negatively affect our lives like fear, feeling unsafe, anxiety, and limiting beliefs?

IN FACT, I'll argue that being able to piece apart the monster we call stress is CRITICAL to us changing and growing away from the difficulties of life and more TOWARD the peaceful and calm experience many of us prefer.

In this Episode I try to take apart stress and give it better names and even talk a little bit about potential causes and solutions. Not to OMIT stress from our lives, but to change our relationship with it and help us understand what it is to be human. Hopefully just a little better. Or as Dan Harris says, 10% Happier.

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This was a really fun interview. I hesitate to say that, because it implies that not all the interview are fun, but I'm saying it anyway.

It's kind of like when people say, 'to be honest with you . . . ', because that implies they are sometimes dishonest.

But just watch Dalton Johnson talk and you'll see what I mean. His enthusiasm and sense of humor are infectious. And his story is cool. His storieS are cool. And he has a lot to say about the Are vs Should Problem. Not the least of which was how the book, 'The Alchemist', by by Paulo Coelho addressed a very similar issue.

Dalton talks a lot about the journey we take. I see it as the journey of the Are vs Should. Along our pathway we see choices. Some of these choices come from within (I want to do a podcast, Dalton wants to bicycle around New Zealand) and other choices come from without (and are in the realm of the shoulds).

What makes Dalton's stories compelling, is he doesn't seem to suffer from much of the Are - at least not the way I do. His journey, for the most part, seems to be about checking in with himself first, and asking the question, 'what do I want?'. And then he does that very thing. 

And if the passion and humor are any indication, I'd say Mr. Johnson has made very good choices. I could him as evidence that 'following your are' can lead to a successful life (measured not in money or power, but in other units). And this, I think, is a compelling model.

In the context of the Are vs Should Problem, it's no secret that I am rooting for us all to choose more 'are' and less 'should'. I present to you an example of how that can pan out for us. And it's never too late.

You can connect with Dalton on instagram and see his gorgeous photography here: Dalton's Instagram (incredible pics of incredible places) : https://www.instagram.com/daltonjohnsonmedia/

You can also check out his thoughts in his blog here: Dalton's Blog (insightful reading): https://www.daltonjohnsonmedia.com/blog/learning-to-breath-in-the-moment

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If you said 'money' or 'power', you are not alone. 

Sure, there are lots of different versions of success.

Getting a good grade.

Getting a raise or a better job.

Being invited to a prestigious event.

Being revered or treated like a celebrity.

But I think we can generally boil down the status quo definition of success to be related to having a lot of money or having a lot of power.

Mirriam-Webster tell us:

1 : the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame

And we could measure these things in units that are NOT money or power. But do we?

That's what I discuss in this week's episode.

Personally, I think measuring success in dollars and power units like followers or likes or attention is limiting and short-sighted.

I would rather my life be measured in units of comfort. And peace. And calm. And love.

But that's not sexy. Love doesn't get you flashy cars or big houses. Or designer jeans. Or whatever it is that people value.

And there's that word again: value.

It all comes down to our values. 

What is important to you? 

What gets you out of bed in the morning? 

What do you find motivating?

I would guess that many people would say money or power. This is why it is so critical to really think about what you value in order to get on your best path.

Because I can't imagine a life that considers money or power to be the only meaningful things one can experience. 

In fact, I would say one needs to 'get away' from money and power to really experience the best things in life.

How did we get it so backwards? How is it that people measure success the way many of us do? How is it that we don't see happiness or satisfaction as worthy achievements? 

If nothing else, how do we let each other know that we value other things and that success can be measured other ways? How do we support each other in our alternatives? 

Maybe that's the question of the day.

So. How do you measure success?

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I found Dawn Bates on a podcast interview facebook site. She was looking for podcasts to do interviews and promote her story. She is a coach, an author, and a genuine warrior. She is on a mission to help people in as many ways as she can. 

I reached out to her to discuss the Are vs Should Problem, and she agreed to weigh in on the subject.

I intentionally didn't learn anything about her, and I'm pretty sure she knew nothing about me or my podcast. What you see in this interview is a natural and organic discussion between two people over a single interesting question.

Why do we struggle between the person we ARE, and the person we feel like we SHOULD BE?

As you will learn, Dawn does not seem to struggle with this question. Maybe she used to, she doesn't say. I would say Dawn lives her live nearly entirely in the ARE. Which is envious.

During our discussion Ms. Bates gives me a quickie improvised coaching session. She pretty much nails a potential solution to my issues, offering the advice that I should just change how I think. For many people, that may do the trick. I have been down that road and it isn't that easy for me. But you may find her approach compelling and it might work great for you.

Dawn also shares her thoughts on more than one controversial, even conspiratorial, issue which, again, you may or may not agree with and/or find compelling. I include it all here for the sake of honesty. In fact, this interview is not edited at all. It is the entirety of our conversation beginning to end.

And so, dear viewer/listener/reader, I offer you my chat with Dawn Bates and invite you to check out her coaching, her story, and her books at www.dawnbates.com.

And, as always, feel free to share your thoughts below or on YouTube.

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From the dictionary:

1: able to be used without being completely used up or destroyed sustainable energy resources; a sustainable water supply

2: involving methods that do not completely use up or destroy natural resources sustainable agriculture/farming/techniques

3: able to last or continue for a long time sustainable development/growth

Have you ever noticed the hustlers around you? You know, the people working two or three side gigs, driving Uber Eats every evening, and staying incredibly busy? Some of these folks get little sleep and are very proud of their ability to work excessive hours and multiple jobs. They seem to have infinite sources of energy and an amazing ability to keep going. These 'hustlers' don't really HAVE to work that much, it's just their path toward having enough money (whatever 'enough' is, see Episode 20: Enough for more on that). 

You have probably also noticed the folks who have to work that hard and for that many hours JUST TO GET BY. I have a lot more sympathy for this second group because it's not their choice. See Episode 13: Slavery for more on THAT.

Regardless of the motivation, be it surviving or thriving, you probably see many of these people doing or achieving seemingly impossible things during the same 24 hour day you and I have.

This is what I'm getting at with this Episode.  

To these people I always think to myself, "This isn't sustainable".

At first I thought maybe I was just making excuse for why *I* couldn't achieve as much as these folks in my 24-hour day. These levels of achievement and work hours can make one feel inadequate. But this goes beyond jealousy or envy. My concern is for the long-term.

Because, sure, anyone can hustle on the short term. We have all had short periods in our lives where we have to work extra hard and extra long. The first six months of raising children, for example. That time at work when you're working toward a promotion. Writing your book.

But with these efforts, we believe the struggle is short-lived and will END in the not-to-distant future. This makes it ok.

What I'm talking about is the people who don't get this.

So many things are UNSUSTAINABLE. Meaning, they are too SOMETHING (intense, demanding, heavy, difficult, strenuous, etc) to be continued for a long period of time. 

Sprinting up a hill

Consuming alcohol

Not sleeping

Carrying heavy weight

It's just physics. Yet many of us try to beat the system. And not only does this concern me, for our individual and collective welfare, but it's CHEATING

You heard me. Long-term, life threatening, dangerous sustained effort is CHEATING. It's Gaming the System (and for more on THAT, see Episode 3: Gaming the System).

When something isn't sustainable, it is a signal that you're doing something wrong. Or, you are making a sacrifice over a short-term.

You can't sacrifice continually. It doesn't work like that. Once demand exhausts supply the game is over. There is no 'going into debt', only bankruptcy.

These are the basic principles of physics, ecology, and economics. 

Yet, everywhere you look you will see people undergoing intentionally unsustainable activities. To get richer, prettier, healthier, or more powerful. 

We think we are gaming the system, but we are really harming ourselves and others.

I hope you enjoy this episode and choose to like, subscribe or follow. The best place to stay up to date is by following my blog, subscribing to the podcast or the YouTub

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Have you heard this phrase yet? In the past few weeks tons of articles have come out that explain the 'Great Resignation' or the 'Big Quit'. According to Wikipedia (yes, it has it's own wiki page) a fella called Anthony Klotz at Texas A&M predicted last May (2021) that people were going to leave the workplace as a result of Covid. And to summarize, very briefly, 'The Great Resignation' is an explanation about the reduced number of people in the workplace during the Covid 19 pandemic.

Ok, sure. So more people than usual are not working. Makes sense. There was some unemployment incentives, a little extra cash, extended for a longer period of time. That probably made not working and being on unemployment more attractive for a while. There were also eviction moratoria across the U.S. that reduced monthly expenses for a lot of renters. And, sure, there was some fear about being around a lot of people; especially in the food industry that was hit very hard by job losses.

And on the business side there was encouragement to KEEP workers due to the PPE money. 

The point is, there was a lot of money artificially pumped into the economy to keep us afloat while businesses 'took the hit' because no one would be spending any money, people would get laid off as a result, and our economy would tank.

Instead, what I have seen, and heard, and read about, is some businesses doing extremely and surprisingly well during the pandemic. Fast food and restaurants pivoted, closed their dining rooms and focused on to-go and drive through service. Breweries switched to canned six-packs delivered. And on and on. 

But even more surprisingly it seemed that everyone and their sister started being or remodeling their homes. People moved from the city to the country to buy more square footage with pools, home offices, and workout rooms. People who already lived in the country remodeled their kitchen and added a bonus room. But like the service industry, many of the suppliers could not have people in the factories and the supply of materials and homes could not keep up with demand. Which drove the prices up. But that didn't stop anybody.

And maybe that's what's so surprising to me. Not only are we not supposed to have the money to buy things now, we are spending money on things we don't necessarily need. And on top of THAT, we are paying too much for those things.

Does that sound like a busted economy to you? 

How in the world can the economy be so healthy that people can afford to not work as a result of a global pandemic?

So the next question is, are people just incredibly stupid, about to be broke, and headed for homelessness? Some would say yes but there is little evidence to support that theory.

The theories are all over the place. By the time I post this there will likely be twice as many articles online but I'll post a few:

https://www.wired.com/story/great-resignation-misses-the-point/

https://hbr.org/2021/09/who-is-driving-the-great-resignation

https://www.npr.org/2021/06/24/1007914455/as-the-pandemic-recedes-millions-of-workers-are-saying-i-quit

These have been coming out for almost two months now, and the explanations are getting more and more diverse.

At the very least it doesn't make much sense.

At the very best this is an indication that the people are revolting. See my Episode about Slavery for more on that topic

I like to think it's more of the latter and that this may be the most memorable positive effect of the pandemic.

I hope you'll listen and/or watch and share your thoughts below.

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At the risk of sounding pessimistic or negative I am sharing my thoughts about a topic near and dear to me. More often than no, I believe people suck at their jobs. I don't think this suckage is always intentional and I do not believe people WANT to suck at their jobs. I am not here to blame individuals for their suckage nor to suggest this is necessarily related to the individuals.

My point here is to suggest that there is a problem with the SYSTEM of employment, work, the market, whatever. The arena 'out there' we participate in from multiple sides. We are simultaneously the consumer, the client, the employed, and the employer. We are the consumer and the consumed. We are supply and demand. We are it and it is us. And so the irritatingly slow service we get at a restaurant is as much our fault as anyone involved.

With THAT out of the way let me list a few examples from my personal life that have happened over the past couple of weeks whereI encountered someone sucking at their job:

-the employee at Home Depot who didn't feel like finding the 'customer needing assistance in plumbing' and either didn't respond to the request or was going to take an hour to reach me

-the general contractor who thought it was cool to tell me, repeatedly, he was emailing me a quote but never intended (apparently) to do so even after multiple conversations and texts

-the electrician who thinks 'next week' means 'whenever he feels like it but much longer than two weeks'

-the state employees who contradict each other about the steps to take to renew a passport and where said steps are to occur

-the bank employee who thinks 'direct deposit' means 'mail a check'

-the bank teller who can't look up my account from my id (standard procedure and preferred), but requires my account number (normal way I do it)

I could go on.

And a lot of these might be related to incompetence. Often the employees misbehavior is a result of simply being disgruntled. And mostly I can empathize and even agree with these sentiments. Many of these jobs suck, convey suckage, and perpetuate that message to the client/customer/consumer. I get that.

And sometimes staff are more afraid of their bosses reaction than a customers. I get that, too. While I have seen customers be rude, I have seen more bosses to tyrannical. Again, I sympathize.

And more than anything I get that the work conditions, pay rate, hours, and commute inherent to many of these jobs (especially the hourly pay rate) SUCK so bad that it is nearly impossible to convey positivity to the customer. 

I get all that - it's not that I don't understand WHY the behavior is occurring. No, what amazes me is that it is allowed to perpetuate.

Call me naive, because I am, but I fundamentally believe there is a solution to this, and really almost all, problems. And if you have listened to my Accountability (Episode 68) episode you know where I stand on this issue. So what gets me, when I see an employee act questionably, is why they persist in the SYSTEM.

Because, checks and balances. Adaptive management. RIGHT? Don't we HAVE these things? Aren't we sophisticated human beings that put taxpayers in SPACE and drive around with smart phones? 

So when I see misbehavior in the market place, I conclude that the SYSTEM is screwed somewhere FAR upstream from the problem I am observing. And I'm right about that. We SEE the symptoms, not the problem. 

And SOLUTIONS to these problems also lie upstream. For a start, how about the whole shareholder model? When businesses exist to profit for shareholders, I don't see solutions to problems related to employees and customers - because THAT'S NOT WHAT THE BUSINESS DOES. 

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