CW: Infertility, Infant Loss

Episode Description:

In this episode, guest Kristin Joseph, tells her story of infant loss. She and her husband struggled for 4 years with infertility. They went through multiple rounds of IVF, miscarriage, and infant loss, before having their rainbow baby. Kristin takes us through the stress, pain, grief associated with infant loss, and the decision to try having another baby. Kristin provides advice for those supporting somebody through infant loss, or experiencing loss themselves.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(1:41) Kristin’s Story: Kristin and her husband endured several cycles of IVF, miscarriage, and eventually found themselves with a healthy pregnancy. One day at work, things seemed to take a turn for the worst. Kristin had to drive herself to the hospital during a snowstorm.

(9:19) Mateo: Kristin describes Mateo’s birth, meeting him, and then saying goodbye to him. Kristin also describes recovering in the hospital maternity ward.

(22:10) Grief: Kristin describes the depths of her grief and the impact it had on her mental health then and now.

(38:32) Deciding to have another child: Kristin talks about the decision to have another child, and the anxiety throughout the pregnancy, and why she didn't want to tell others that she was pregnant again.

(52:49) Moving on or Moving through?: Kristin talks about the concept of moving forward but not moving on. She discusses the idea that having another baby doesn't take away her grief. Kristin describes other people being hesitant to talk about Mateo

(1:01:17) Kristin’s advice: Kristin tells our audience how people can support others going through this time.

Resources:

PAIL (Pregnancy and Infant Loss) Network - OntarioShare Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support - USAbout Kristin:

Kristin is a Secondary Teacher in Toronto who is blessed to love her career and enjoys learning from her students every day. She and her husband Triston and the proud parents of 15 month old Greyson and angel baby Mateo.

Kristin is a survivor of infant loss and in her episode she tells the story of losing her son Mateo and how her life changed forever. It was the first time telling her story through fully, so it is raw, messy and real. She hopes that by listening to her episode, others who have experienced tragic loss and trauma will feel less alone and be empathically supported with grace and understanding.

Once people realize that they are not alone in their grief, they, like Kristin, can learn to navigate the world differently and support others in their own healing. Also, Kristin hopes that loved ones will gain an understanding of how to support bereaved parents after a traumatic loss of a child.

After Mateo passed, to honour his memory, she began to write a blog post for/about Mateo that further expands on her story and how she and her family walk through and with grief and triggers as they move forward.

www.mateoanthonyjoseph.com

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CW: Attempted Suicide, Substance Use, Sex work

Jen and Tesha talk with Kaitlin Bick, a survivor of domestic sex trafficking. Kaitlin shares her story from meeting her trafficker, developing a relationship with him, being trafficked, and finally leaving, and now advocating for others. Kaitlin’s enthusiasm, positivity, and resilience to deliver a message of hope to other survivors and those who are struggling.

About Kaitlin:

Kaitlin Bick is a survivor of domestic sex trafficking. She is a former substance user who uses both her lived and professional experience to support and advocate for others.

For the past four years, Kaitlin has worked on the frontline with survivors of human trafficking and precariously-housed individuals, ensuring that all their basic needs are being met. She uses her enthusiasm, positivity, and resilience to deliver a message of hope to other survivors and those who are struggling.

Kaitlin facilitates workshops and training to service providers and community members and is dedicated to bringing awareness to domestic human trafficking and ending homelessness.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:02) Shitty boyfriend: Kaitlin describes how she initially thought of her trafficker as her “shitty” boyfriend, and didn't think she was being trafficked. She details how she met him, how she trusted him, how he made her feel, and how the relationship progressed. There is discussion around misconceptions of what trafficking actually is.

(15:54) “Not my dream spot”: After losing her job, Kaitlin’s “boyfriend” swooped in to take care of her. He invited her on a trip to Calgary. While driving to Calgary, they were taken into custody briefly by police, but Kaitlin still thought of him as her boyfriend that was taking care of her. It was after this, that the coercion and manipulation really began.

(22:51) Manipulation and Coercion: Kaitlin describes how her trafficker controlled every aspect of her life, from what she ate, to when she slept, and what she wore. Kaitlin takes us through the pain, trauma, shame, and loneliness that she felt during that time, and how even that was still better than being alone. She details the relationship with her trafficker, including the belief that he loved her, the abuse, and her desire to gain his approval.

(32:51) Choice. Circumstance. Coercion: Kaitlin describes the different reasons that people engage in sex work. She explains the difference between sex work and sex trafficking. Kaitlin talks about how we can support people all along the spectrum of sex work.

(39:10) Getting out and Finding Purpose: Kaitlin shares how she finally escaped, and is finding purpose by preventing this from happening to others. She talks about learning to love herself, knowing her vulnerabilities, and setting an example for others.

(50:30) Kaitlin’s advice: How can we support somebody that we think is being trafficked, and what anybody can learn from her story.

Resources:

For more information about Human Trafficking

Canada Suicide Prevention Service

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CW depression, anxiety, mom rage

In this week’s episode, we talk with Rita, a regular stressed-out working mom, who made the difficult decision to take a leave of absence from work due to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Rita shares her feelings of guilt, and shame. We talk about anxiety, depression, burnout, mom rage, self-care, and admitting you need help.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:07) Stressed out Mom in the Making: Rita talks about how she became a stressed out mom to begin with, which includes hormonal changes, PCOS, infertility, two pregnancies, a husband going back to school, anxiety and depression.

(10:27) Becoming a Momster: Rita describes going to work and day and coming home feeling angry. She found herself wishing time away. Feeling overworked, and tired, Rita was giving so much of herself at work, then had nothing left to give. She struggled until she reached her breaking point, and realized that she was experiencing burnout.

(20:49) Taking time off work: Rita finally took some time away from work, but this is where the real work began. Rita discusses her feelings of guilt for taking time off, and what she did during this time to help her heal.

(26:45) Rita Hates Yoga. We discuss the reasons why so many people find yoga helpful, but also, the idea that you need to find what feels right for you.

(33:20) Building a Support Network: Rita talks about her support network, how her husband and co-workers supported during this time. We talk about finding the right people, including the right therapist.

(43:11) The Motherload: Rita talks about how difficult it was to admit that she couldn't handle it all. She was keeping it together at work, but not at home. We discuss the mental load of motherhood, and the toll that the pandemic is taking on women.

(50:57) Teachable moments: We ponder how to take these moments when we aren't our best selves as parents, and turn them into teachable moments.

(53:46) Rita’s advice: Rita shares her advice for people supporting those through burnout.

Links to Resources:

What is PCOS

What is Burnout

What is CBT

Access CBT for free in Ontario & Manitoba

About Rita:

Rita was a stressed out mom who was struggling through the daily grind of life. When the compounding events of work and family life led to burnout, Rita took a leave from her job in an effort to heal. For the first time publicly, Rita opens up about being diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and how to overcome feelings of guilt and shame that surround mental health.

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CW: Substance Use

Nadia Aimé joins Jen and Tesha to share the story of how she went from being homeless at 15 years old, to a highly regarded tech entrepreneur. This is not an overnight success story. Nadia details her journey through homelessness, substance use, and rejection, to finally building a life she could be proud of. This episode is jam-packed with inspiration and wisdom.

Topics Discussed:

(0:00) Introductions

(2:30) Homelessness:. After the death of her parents at 15 years old, Nadia found herself homeless and in a country where she barely spoke the language. Nadia describes what life was like living on the streets of Belgium

(7:45) Community Housing/Shelters: Nadia discusses the first time she found a roof over her head, and taking a shower in a year. She describes the rejection she felt applying to attend school.

(17:40) First job. First paycheck, First apartment: Nadia describes attending cooking school, her passion for cooking, and working in a restaurant. Nadia tells us about eventually getting her own apartment.

(22:51) Substance abuse: Nadia talks about using substances to cope, and realizing that she had a problem.

(29:55) Job Searching: Nadia describes looking for work as a person of colour, with no education, and no experience. She details the ways that each rejection harmed her self-esteem, and made her feel not good enough.

(34:10) Finding her passion: Nadia describes the process of applying, interviewing for, and obtaining her first “real” job. Turns out Nadia was good at the job, and it was here that she discovered her passion for technology. She had something that she was good at, a skill that could lead somewhere.

(47:00) Coffee, Coding, and Eating: Nadia talks about pursuing her passion with a vengeance. Nadia describes teaching herself as much as she possibly could, until she knew enough to start getting some work, and began making a name for herself.

(53:10) She is Digital: Nadia describes starting an organization to inspire others from disadvantaged backgrounds to pursue careers in technology.

(61:34) Making peace: Nadia talks about her relationship with her guardian now, and how she got the closure she needed

(65:10) Nadia’s advice: Nadia tells us her secret for keeping hope alive, what drives her to keep going, and where she is now in her personal life.

Resources:

Nadia’s Tedx Talk https://www.ted.com/talks/nadia_aime_now_is_not_forever

Guest Bio for Nadia Aimé

Self-taught and driven, I have always had a passion for new development in technology that escalated me to where I am today. My push into tech happened 7 years ago after several failed attempts at applying for jobs when I was 20. I kept getting rejected due to the fact I held no degree and the fact that I used to be homeless, I am a big believer that anyone can achieve or learn anything with time, determination and a chance. So that’s what I did, got my chance and I taught myself how to code, which ended up leading me to where I am today.

Nadia can be found on Instagram @she_is_digital

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CW: Childhood Cancer, PTSD

Episode Description

In this episode, Jen and Tesha talk with Special Guest, Stephanie Reid. Stephanie’s daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia at age 2. After her treatment and recovery, Stephanie found her entire family was still struggling, while everybody else moved on.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Introductions: “Talking is huge step to healing”

(2:00) Stephanie's story: Her daughter, Keaton was diagnosed with cancer at 2 years old. The treatment and recovery took its toll on the family. After Keaton was finished treatment, Stephanie was surprised to discover how much work still needed to be done to put herself and her family back together.

“Life stands still from that moment of hearing, “Your child has cancer.””

(7:26) Post-traumatic Stress Disorder: Stephanie was later diagnosed with PTSD, and discusses her symptoms, triggers, finding a therapist, and how COVID-19 has brought back a lot of these feelings

“I just wish that somebody had been watching me, as closely as I had been watching Keaton”

(23:50) Mom Guilt: Stephanie talks about feeling guilty about things that were missed, feeling responsible for her daughter's cancer, guilt of leaving one child to be in the hospital with the other child.

“It still really hurts to think about”

(28:30) Wanting to be seen: Jen, Tesha, and Stephanie discuss just wanting to feel acknowledged, wanting to know that our feelings are normal, wanting somebody that could relate.

(34:14) Moving Forward: Stephanie talks about fInding your people, going back to doing regular things, and learning to advocate for families dealing with Childhood Cancer.

(41:51) The Next Chapter: Stephanie is going back to university, to become a social worker, and wants to work with parents and children that have been affected by cancer.

About Stephanie Reid:

“Your child has cancer.”

Unfortunately, I have heard those words. Those words have devastated me and taken me to a place I hope to never be again.

My name is Stephanie and I am a mom to two beautiful girls. One is a cancer survivor and the other is a survivor of the horrible effects of childhood cancer. While I would take the cancer from my daughter in a second, I hope to never lose sight of what her cancer has taught me. Cancer tried to take my daughter, it tried to take my marriage, my self worth and my mental capabilities. Cancer will try to destroy anything and everything it can, which is why, through my stories, I hope to show not only my daughters but other parents who might be faced with those 4 devastating words that sometimes there can be some amazing lessons learned when you are faced with the most traumatizing circumstances.

Stephanie can be found on Instagram @messyhair_sandyfeet

Links for more information:

Childhood Cancer: https://www.childhoodcancer.ca/

PTSD: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

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CW: Birth Trauma, Medical Trauma

Episode Description:

Kayleigh joins Tesha and Jen to talk about her experience with AFE (Amniotic Fluid Embolism), a rare, and often fatal complication affecting pregnant women shortly before, during, immediately after childbirth . She shares her post-partum journey, dealing with trauma as a new mom, and how we can better support new moms.

Topics Discussed:

(1:41) Kayleigh’s Birth Story - Kayleigh describes her induction, and cardiac arrest, and excessive bleeding due to an Amniotic Fluid Embolism, a rare and often fatal labour complication. Kayleigh takes us through her physical treatment and recovery, including blood transfusions, life support, a hysterectomy, and meeting her baby for the first time 5 days after his birth.

(10:25) Coming Home - Kayleigh was miraculously discharged from the hospital 14 days later with a newborn. She was so happy to come home, but also was still recovering, and needed a lot of help. Kayleigh takes us through a range of emotions she experiences, from feelings of fear, anger, and grief, to trying to be grateful all the time that she was alive.

(18:50) AFE or Postpartum depression? - Kayleigh admits that she does not really remember the first 3 months. She talks about her feelings around not getting that “Golden Hour” immediately after her son’s birth. Kayleigh describes her struggle with feeling guilty about the way he was born, and having difficulty bonding with her baby. All she wanted was for things to go back to the way they were before the birth.

(31:00) Supporting moms through Birth Trauma, and Recovery. - Jen, Tesha, and Kayleigh talk about what birth trauma is, how common it is, why they think it isn't understood, and how we could be supporting new parents. Kayleigh talks about where she is now in her journey, and offers advice for others experiencing birth trauma.

Resources:

Postpartum support internationalhttps://www.postpartum.net/

To learn more about AFEafesupport.org

Guest Bio: Kayleigh Summers is an LSW working as a school clinician at a boarding school in PA. She lives with her husband, Steve, 18 month old son, Callahan, and dog, Daxton. Kayleigh hopes to continue helping women on their birth trauma journeys through sharing her own experiences

and creating space for others to share. Kayleigh also runs birth trauma peer support groups for women who are interested in making connections and finding support among other birth trauma survivors. You can find her on Instagram & TikTok @thebirthtrauma_mama. To find out more about AFE please visit afesupport.org.

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CW: Sexual Assault

In this episode, Jen & Tesha are joined by Mel FP, as she shares her story of being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. Mel describes the confusion, shame, & self-destructive behaviour that followed, as well as both the supportive & unhelpful ways that others responded. She describes her experience with reporting the assault to the police. Mel talks about her path towards healing, learning how to have healthy relationships again, & the importance of women talking about it. From her personal experience, Mel offers her best advice for those healing from a sexual assault, or supporting someone else healing.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Mel describes the early days of what would become an unhealthy relationship. She details how her boyfriend slowly began to isolate her from her friends & family. Within this relationship, Mel would become the victim of a sexual assault.

(8:00) For Mel, the sexual assault didn’t match with what she had been taught about sexual assault. Some people in her life believed what happened was a sexual assault, while others told her it was not. Mel describes trying to process it, how friends supported her, & how she maintained some contact with him during all the confusion.

(11:31) Mel eventually reported the assault, & details the police reaction & questioning. Mel became self-destructive, distrustful, codependent, & unhappy.

(18:10) Mel describes her life was pushed in a different direction, she can now see that there were good things in that direction. She talks about learning how to be healthy in a relationship again, finding happiness, starting to communicate her feelings, & being supported.

(29:10) Mel discusses how friends & family were shocked & did not always know how to handle it. She describes feeling isolated, invalidated, confused, & ashamed. We touch upon victim blaming, & how people just don't want to talk about it at all.

(36:16) Mel says that time & distance have given her the perspective that this is one facet of her assailant's personality. She explains that he had his own trauma, & that she hopes he was able to get the help he needed. This leads to a discussion about how our trauma doesn't give us permission to treat others poorly.

(38:25) Mel talks about the importance of sharing her story. We talk about wanting to do better for the next generation, that we need to have these discussions to raise awareness.

(44:39) Mel explains that she connected with a sexual assault centre, & then later worked for their hotline. She describes how this became part of her healing journey. She shares her advice for anybody recovering from a sexual assault or supporting a friend after a sexual assault.

Mel's BioMel F.P. is a mother, partner, friend, & lover of life. She believes her journey will be what she makes of it &, so far, she wouldn't change a thing. Mel believes there is a lot of joy that can come from change & is constantly working to, live in the now. She lives happily in Brooklin, Ontario with her partner, two children, & a reasonably well-behaved Australian Shepherd named Islay. You can find Mel on Instagram at @meldfp

For more information

Assaulted women's helpline 1.866.863.0511Helpguide.org: Recovering from rape and sexual assaultTips for talking with survivors of sexual assault

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CW: Racism, Self-Harm

This week, Jen and Tesha are joined by Randi Ramdeen, for a discussion on racial trauma and mental health. Randi shares her story of growing up as a person of colour, in a small , mostly-white town. We will hear how this has impacted Randi’s overall mental health, her worldview, and her relationships. Randi takes us through her mental health journey, and decision to seek professional help, which included taking medication. Randi shares with us what she found most helpful, and how she is picking up the pieces of her life.

Topics Discussed:

(1:57) Growing up: Randi grew up in a small Ontario town, as one of few people of colour. Randi details some of the experiences she had in elementary school from name calling, to kids making fun of her lunch, to being chased, taunted, and threatened. Randi tells us how she learned to survive, and adapted to protect herself.

(8:29) Unpacking Racism: Randi describes how she eventually moved to Toronto, where she decided to take this opportunity to immerse herself in other cultures. Since she was finally in a place where she felt safe, Randi began exploring racism, and processing her experiences. Randi explains that as her feelings around racism started to surface, it began to really impact mental health. Randi describes finding her voice, and the impact that it had on her romantic and familial relationships. This leads to a discussion around the idea that we all have biases, we are all affected by racism, and that white people do not get to decide what is and isn’t racist.

(19:34) Mental health decline: Randi describes the ways in which her mental health began to decline, from getting sick, feeling depressed, and losing her hair from stress. Randi talks about feeling suicidal, and seeking help from her friends and medical professionals. “They reached through the water, grabbed my hand, and pulled me up”

(24:16) Medication: Randi describes how she tried absolutely everything before finally making the decision to take medication. Randi, Jen and Tesha have a discussion around stigma and taboos about medication and seeing a therapist.

(35:32) Activism: Randi talks about getting her motivation back, her desire to use her life experiences to help others, and her drive to always say and do whatever she can to stop the cycle of hurt.

(41:49) Randi’s advice: Finally, Randi shares her advice for others struggling with their mental health. She also shares what she found to be most helpful during her recovery.

Resources

Start the Wave www.startthewave.org

IG: @startthewave

Wondering what the reference to Don Cherry was all about? https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/don-cherry-fired

What is Racial Trauma? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/racial-trauma#what-it-is

Recommended Reading from Randi White Fragility: Why It’s So hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo

Suicide Prevention Hotlines

Canada Suicide Prevention Service 833-456-4566

https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255

Randi is a Social and Political Organizing professional whose focus in life has always been to help bring about positive change. In her spare time you can often find Randi marching in meaningful protests, shopping at local health food stores, or hanging out on a patio with the wonderful group of humans she calls her family. Randi's drive for a better future led her to Start the Wave where she spends most of her time on project coordination, resource research, and caption text for social media posts.

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CW: Divorce

Episode Description In this episode, Jen and Tesha meet with a special guest, Natalie Borch. Nat talks about her decision to leave her marriage with a 4-year-old in tow, finding a job, moving out, and her first night on her own with her daughter. She shares her secret for successful co-parenting, talks about finding love again, and running a successful business.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) Introductions

(1:50) The Decision to Leave her Marriage: Natalie knew in her heart that she had to leave her marriage, but didn’t feel that she had the resources to do that yet. She decided to take it one step at a time, starting with finding a job using the skills she already had. Then, finding a place to live. Finally, telling her husband that she was leaving.

(11:15) On Her Own: Natalie describes leaving, setting up her own apartment, and the “disaster” that was her first night parenting alone, and feeling full of self-doubt. “There was not a moment I doubted that I was doing the right thing for all of us”

(20:25) Learning to Co-Parent: Natalie shares the advice that she found most helpful when establishing a co-parenting relationship, and the steps she took to ensure a healthy co-parenting relationship formed. “Role model the behaviour that you wish the other parent was giving you.”

(30:02) My marriage didn’t fail: Natalie describes how other people expected that divorce would be easy for her because she was the one who decided to leave. She doesn't feel that her marriage “failed”, just that she changed and wasn't living the live that she wanted to

(31:10) After the Divorce: Natalie doesn't believe that her marriage failed, she just wasn't living the life that she wanted to. Natalie began to live intentionally after her marriage ended, and built the life of her dreams. Natalie began taking small steps, putting herself first, taking control of her own life, and started her own business.

(39:25) Key Take-aways:

Learn to forgive yourself

Model the behaviour you want to see

Believe that love is out there. “It's gonna get so good once you get through the shit”

About Natalie Borch: Natalie is an entrepreneur and an advocate for body acceptance and inclusivity. She rebuilt her life after deciding to leave her marriage in 2015 with a 4 year old in tow. After walking through the fire of divorce, Natalie found her voice and opened The Pink Studio Dance + Fitness because she wanted to create a body-positive and inclusive fitness space in the neighbourhood that celebrated all bodies and abilities. Natalie is engaged to be re-married, and is proud of the successful co-parenting relationship she now has with her ex-husband.

IG @nat_borch

thepinkstudio.ca

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Content warning - trauma, death, grief

Episode Description

Our co-host, Jen Hoffmeister, tells the story of her husband's sudden death, and how she and her children are learning to navigate their new world. She discusses the events of the day he died, all the firsts without him, the pandemic hitting, and what she wished people knew about grief.

Topics Discussed

(0:00) That Day: Jen talks about the day her husband died, how she told her children, and the first few days leading up to the funeral.

(17:00) Stages of grief, really?: Jen talks about the idea that the stages of grief aren't really stages that one just systematically moves through. She talks about feeling angry, seeing a therapist, taking medication, and not wanting to socialize.

(26:17) The Firsts: Jen takes us through that first year after Warren dies. The first day of school, Birthdays, Thanksgiving, School events, and Christmas

(37:21) The Pandemic: Jen discusses how the pandemic affected her family, and how they learned to lean into it being just the 3 of them.

(42:41) What people don’t know about grief: Jen describes herself as a single parent vs. a solo parent, and tells us what that means for her. We talk about triggers coming up when you least expect it. We discuss that people are uncomfortable talking about death, don’t know what to say, and want to be helpful but don't know how. She discusses some of the ways people lent help that actually felt helpful.About Jen Hoffmeister

Jen is an expat from the US living in Toronto. She came to Toronto for love and ended up building a life that, in spite of the tragic end to her love story, she can’t imagine leaving. She’s a mother, widow, writer, podcast creator & host, Director with Beautycounter, and many other things. She believes in the power of our stories and that through sharing them that we are able to connect on a deeper level. You can find Jen at jenhoffmeister.com or on Instagram @boymomonthemove.

Links for more information

Stages of Grief: https://www.healthline.com/health/stages-of-grief#denial

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