The Otis Advisory

In our special preview of the new Biden Library, we'll discover what you'll see once you’ve passed through the giant 2-story bottle of hand sanitizer built right into the entrance to this historic and bothered place.  Yes. the Biden Library is a living monument to the big cheese!  Visitors will see his actual beach chair, permanently indented with the presidential butt cheeks, where Joey spent 40% of his time as president.  That’s right next to the Statue of Lethargy where you get a close up look at what 10% can buy without working.  There’s even Hunter’s Chrystal Methodist Laptop, along with the actual letter from fifty-one intelligence officers declaring that the laptop is not really there at all.  There’s even an interactive wing where men learn how to get pregnant and become their own grandpa – very popular during the Biden term.  And don't miss the popular Wife Supremacy Exchange out in the garden - that’s extra.  Otis details it all.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Greenland

Orange Man says it's time for us to go ahead and take Greenland’s stuff.  That’s right.  Everything they’ve got is about to be ours!  This is so simple.  Why didn’t anybody think of taking Greenland’s stuff before?  Whatever it is – just fork it over!  Look, we’ll pay ‘em back, for their stuff, and here's a great way we can start:  Let's put The Biden Library right there in Greenland!  It needs a home anyway and nobody else is asking.   Just imagine the tourist business.  Everybody will want to come home with one of those Girls of Greenland posters. You can sell ‘em right in the gift shop!  We’ll even build ‘em a waffle house. God knows they need one.  Probably could use a Giddy Up Glamor up there too…just sayin.  Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Kamala has returned from happy hour to make more speeches at us.  She’s got some flowery new words to go into the non-sense blender - now set to liquify!  "I will ask you to remember the context in which you exist," says Kamala to the great unwashed!  How much more of this chin boogie can we take?  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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There’s an Orange sunrise coming.  A new President means man business is back in style.  Men are even opening car doors again (that's how they get inside.)  Guys are even out changing flat tires whether they’re flat or not, just for a way to get dirty.  Something’s working. Lab grown meat is going away and pom poms on gym socks are coming back.  Stud Finders Family Rebuilding Centers are springing up everywhere.  Shrunken heads are going back on rear view mirrors and moms are ironing patches on jeans again. God Bless America is no longer hate speech.  And we’re finally back to just two genders, so you’ll just have to make do with whatever came with your shorts on day one - no fudging around.  In Orange America it’s OK to have Ladies Night again, but not free vodka for the homeless. You have to get your own.  Something for everybody under an Orange sunrise. But you won’t read about any of this in the Biden Library, mainly because there is no Biden Library.  So stop asking.  

Hear Podcast ~ Wash hands

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Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, what’s happened to Tiny Tim after he and Giggles lost the election?”  Well, we do know the crying hasn’t stopped.  Poor Timmy can’t seem to keep his face out of a box of Kleenex every time he thinks about what could have been what it is, after it’s already been what it used to was!  That’s the unburdened mind trick Timmy learned from Giggles.  Now they’re both trying to forget by going to as many Young Thug shows as they could before that soul train pulls up to the county lock up.   Timmy even wants to write a book about how they hired the elderly like Oprah and Bruce to go out and vote for them. “Hey that was a billion well spent,” said Reverend Al, speaking ex-catheter (that one’s for the Catholics.)  Oh the larceny!  Timmy is about to wind up as TV spokesman for the depression meds.  A sweet deal since they supply the Kleenex!  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands.

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If you’ve been living on Wonder Bread and olive loaf for the last few years we’ve got good news.  You’re about to get an upgrade. There’s a big orange sunrise over the white house that will put new wheels on that grocery cart and save your butt from going boneless and skin-less.  So where has all the Bidenomics money been going? Well here’s one: Team Kamala went through a billion in Donkey money in just 3-months trying to get elected.  They even overshot that by twenty million, oops!  “Hell we spill that much,” said one operative just back from having her roots done.  You’ve been out on Lake Flacid long enough, so stand up straight and leave the apologizing to the numb and dumb.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Now excuse the mess but, teen-aged congressman type person Sandy Cortez (the name on the arrest warrant) is running for President!  She looked inside her official NPR tote bag and found a note signed by fifty-one Intelligence Officers saying, “Great idea honey, go ahead and bring your special brand of crazy to the White House!  And since Hunter got pardoned he can be Vice President"  Why not, Hunter knows all there is to know about Vice.  So the denutification of America (which will eliminate drive-through liquor barns) is back on the table.  Even circus people can find the skunk at this lawn party.  Otis explains. 

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The punishment phase following the presidential election has now started.  Donkey Ladies everywhere have announced the end of sex as we know it.  Men are now officially cut off as punishment for helping Orange Man win the White House.   Remember all this is happening just because Kamala didn’t win , even with the endorsement of DJ Toilet Brush.   Otis explains. 

Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Good morning America - look what you did!  You sent Donald Trump back to the White House for another go at the controls, this time with eyes wide open and a new FBI guy.  The citizens of America had a mostly peaceful protest and are now ready to swipe-left.  So Joey, Kamala and the rest of Gang Green start packing your stuff!   You’ll be exiting through the gift shop today and now paying retail like everybody else.  Enjoy!  As for young Hunter (“more coffee Warden?”) he’ll be on his way to the big house where he can help Kamala explain the significance of the passage of time.  Congratulations Mr. President - and the first lady is about to get a whole lot better looking!  Slower listeners keep right!  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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When anyone says to you, “Let’s be Clear,” you’re hard-earned toxic masculinity tells you something different - that is, whatever is coming next is just bull crap.  It’s like showing up to the Halloween dance with a bone saw – it just sends the wrong message.  But this time around, Joe and Josephine lunch box are on to the “Let’s Be Clear” crowd for the same reason nobody’s going to pardon Hunter this trip.  And just like Hunter, “Let’s be Clear” has just stopped working altogether.  A cow with no legs is still ground beef.  Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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