The Otis Advisory

Orange man wants to reopen the world-famous Alcatraz criminal resort.  It’s been rusting and falling down for years, kinda like Sleepy Joe, but Alcatraz can still be restored, Joey probably not.  Alcatraz has a special place for people who take their shoes off on airplanes, remove tags from pillows or pull their rotary nose hair clippers out at dinner.  Remember Santa doesn’t stop at the county lock up, so do you really think he’s going to Alcatraz?  Hell no?  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Complaining is real popular, and nobody enjoys it more than the activist.  Say hello to three-dollar Bill, he’s the new front page of the Donkey Party.  When Bill’s not busy at Hamster Fight Club night, he and the other humanized mice like to head downtown for a paid appearance at the local street riot.  Bill brings plenty of concrete chunks to hurl at police, and have some left over to share with the other kids so they can go to jail too. That’s America!  And if $3 Bill has graffiti skills, well that’s a plus!  And you thought untucked masculinity was the problem.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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When you need a tire changed or a refrigerator moved to the second floor, who do you call?  You call a man!  Men are back, and are finally done with putting their hair up in mouse ears and going with you to the mall.  Don’t be asking men to tell you which sheets they think are the softest. They have no idea – none - and anything they say is just to make you feel better.  Men are no longer impressed by things like Kamala's bunions, so quit asking.  And if a man brings a bag of Pork Rinds to your birthday party, don’t act surprised.  Just smile and say thank you.  Otis Investigates.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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The Mexican Navy is looking for a new navigator after somebody over there tried to drive their one hundred fifty-foot-tall boat underneath the one hundred thirty-foot tall Brooklyn Bridge.  Not a good look!  Pealed the top right off right in front of where congressman lady Sandy Cortez stays, and supposedly gets her laundry done.  Hear what came next with Otis.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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You know that trick where you turn your socks inside out to get another couple of days out of them?  Well, that’s what the donkey party bosses have in mind for Kamala.  Just turn the lady in the pant suit inside out for another go at the controls, and do it fast before Sandy Cortez de Putanasa gets it all.  But what's the difference?  Aren’t you tired of complaining yet?  I know I am.  Imagine how much more we could get done around here if everybody put down the dopey little signs and walking around out in the yard saving democracy.  Isn’t that getting old yet?  It’s so last year.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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What Do Men Really Want, aside from the usual stuff like getting to wipe your nose on your sleeve or maybe a good stool softener.  Men are simple organisms who still think they can play Wipe Out on the steering wheel.  But know other stuff too like what a woman is.  Hell, men are experts in that.  They know today’s modern girl isn’t looking for any fluff.  Fang Fang isn’t up all-night waiting for that box of Christmas pajamas with the bunny feet and tail.  It comes down to one thing: “What would Roy Rogers do?” That’s how you know if you’re thinking right.  If Roy would do it – then you can do it.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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If you've been getting your powdered Margarita mix from China, I think I'd be making other arrangements. Orange man has changed all this so we don’t forget how to make our own essential fixins.  We shouldn't have to rely on China for medicine, memory foam and dead flashlights.  “But, Oh Uncle Otis, everything’s gone global now!”  Well not everything – mudpies is still a local thing - good clean fun that comes right out of the back yard for free.  Mud pies exist for one reason: to give you something to play with until mama gets home.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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If you’re even thinking about stuffing a T-bone down your shorts at the Walmart think again. Due to shrinkage (used to be called stealing but that was too real) they’re now keeping the steaks in little wire cages to keep your grubby mitts from stuffing Mr. Roast down your pants and heading for the parking lot.  If you’re keeping score, this all started with locking up the deodorant and toothpaste - now it’s on to the Veal of Fortune.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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It all makes sense when you think of Kamala as the dented can on the store shelf.  Poor little dented can, it’s sad that nobody wants it anymore being all smushed and caved in.  Pushed aside for the shiny new can, the one with the fresh AOC label, except that one’s about to be banned for all the fake coloring in it.  Of course, there is one color you don’t have to worry about.  Right, it’s Orange!  Nothing phony - Orange is different, and it won’t make you sick.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Kamala is about to open the doors to her new Think Tank!  “We’ll think about anything for a price,” giggled Kamala.  It’s like the self-licking ice cream cone of bad ideas, but there it is anyway.  Tanks Alot Kamala is mostly particle board and sounds like a cry for help that no one hears.  It even has its own flush handle built right into the tank for when things get messy.  Let’s check the ingredients: “May contain bull-corn.  Has no wow factor. Could cause white winter itch."  So what can you expect to find floating around over here?  Too soon to know, but in this race to the bottom, Kamala is definitely winning!    Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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