We sabotage ourselves when we don’t think we’re good enough and don’t deserve what we want. We’re afraid we’re going to screw things up, so we play everything small and safe. We don’t trust ourselves to handle a healthy relationship or the challenge of a new job, so instead of taking the leap into the unknown, we self-sabotage to ensure we don’t have those things. It’s a pattern we’ve learned, which means it can be unlearned.

Growing up, my self-sabotaging techniques were to distance myself from others and create drama… and they still come up today with my boyfriend. If I weren’t aware of them and hadn’t done a lot of uncomfortable work connecting with my feelings, I probably would have sabotaged our relationship by now.

We cause our own problems because we believe we don’t deserve better. Instead of perpetuating that belief, observe yourself. What is your motivation? What are you afraid to admit to yourself? Pay attention to your words, thoughts, actions and feelings. Are you distancing yourself? Are you actively going against what you say you want? Awareness is critical. Looking inward and answering these questions will lead to trusting yourself. And when you trust yourself, your need to sabotage will start to subside.