What do you do as a parent when there is no solution to offer?

In this deeply meaningful episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen are joined by special guest Dr. Taryn Allen, a clinical psychologist with extensive experience working with children and families facing chronic and terminal illness in at the National institute of Health.

Together, they explore one of the hardest realities of parenting: supporting your child through pain, uncertainty, and suffering when you cannot “fix” what is happening whether that is related to physical illness, emotional pain, or life events.

Dr. Taryn Allen shares powerful clinical insight and practical tools such as:

• Why acknowledgment of pain and suffering is often the most important first step
• How to create a home environment that feels emotionally safe
• The “backpack” metaphor for carrying life’s hard realities
• What it means to “be the buffalo” and lean into the storm rather than run from it
• Letting go of the pressure to end every conversation on a high note
• How to adjust psychological support for kids with chronic or terminal illness

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — When There’s No Solution: The One Step You Can Still Take

02:25 — Adjusting Psychological Support for Chronic or Terminal Illness

08:11 — The First Step: Acknowledgment

09:24 — Be the Buffalo: What It Means

11:36 — Leaning In: How Action Creates Space

13:56 — How to Support a Child or Teen Facing a Difficult Situation

17:46 — Shifting the Frame Away from “An Easy Life”

18:35 — The Wider Path Perspective

21:28 — Supporting Parents Managing High Anxiety in Tough Situations

24:33 — Creating a Safe Home Environment for Hard Conversations

26:41 — It’s Okay to Just Be Present

29:05 — The Backpack Metaphor

31:53 — Letting Go of the Need to End on a High Note

36:00 — Becoming More Comfortable with Discomfort

39:14 — Internal Statements Parents Can Practice

This episode reframes the goal of parenting from creating an “easy life” to helping children build the capacity to walk a wider path — even when it’s painful.

If you are parenting a child navigating serious illness — or simply trying to support your teen through a difficult season — this conversation offers grounded, compassionate, research-informed guidance on how to show up.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stay present.

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Follow us @theparentingpair for more information on raising confident, resilient tweens, teens, and young adults.

What happens when we are the ones who feel exposed, judged, or embarrassed?

In this deeply relatable episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron shares a personal story about being publicly called out on a Facebook share site — and how that moment triggered embarrassment, fear of judgment, and a strong urge to avoid taking action.

Instead of immediately “doing the right thing,” she noticed something familiar: avoidance.

And that’s where the powerful parallel emerges.

As parents, we often struggle to understand why our teens won’t send the email, return the item, fix the mistake, or address a situation directly. But when we pause and reflect on our own emotional experiences — especially moments of public embarrassment or fear of being judged — we begin to see it differently.

In this episode, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen explore:

• What embarrassment feels like in adulthood
• The emotional experience of being publicly exposed
• Why avoidance is such a natural response to shame or judgment
• How we may misinterpret our teens’ hesitation or withdrawal
• The question to ask: “What else might be true?”
• How the Opposite Action tool can help both parents and teens move forward

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — What We Think When Our Teens Make a Mistake or Avoid Something

01:13 — Last Episode Recap: The Dog Teeth Cleaning Story

04:16 — The Commitment Made Around the Cleaning Wipes

05:45 — The Message From the Administrator on the FB Share Site

06:21 — When You Feel Exposed: The Emotional Experience

07:47 — The Worry

08:05 — The Appropriate Thing to Do

08:49 — Embarrassment, Fear of Judgment, and Being Denied: Reasons We Avoid Taking Action

10:59 — Understanding Our Teens’ and Tweens’ Emotions Through Our Own Experiences

13:42 — Our Teens Feel the Same Emotions We Do

14:24 — Why Embarrassment Is a Big Deal for Teens

15:48 — Practicing a More Compassionate View Toward Our Teens

16:14 — When Embarrassment Has Real Consequences in Teen Life

17:22 — Acknowledging That We Sometimes Misinterpret Our Kids’ Behavior

18:15 — What Else Might Be True?

19:11 — The Opposite Action Tool Recommendation

Adolescence amplifies emotions. But the core emotional experience? It’s deeply human.

This conversation is an invitation to practice empathy — not by imagining what teens feel, but by recognizing it in ourselves.

Because sometimes the best way to understand our kids… is to remember what it feels like to be human.

To listen to the “Opposite Action” episode that Dr. Allen and Dr. Caron referenced in this episode, click here: Listen here or watch here on YouTube:  Watch here 

🎙️ Subscribe for thoughtful, research-informed parenting support for tweens, teens, and college students.

Parenting is hard. Being human is hard. And sometimes the most important reminder is this: we are all just doing the best we can.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen step away from theory and lean into humanity. Through personal (and very relatable) stories — from accidentally hitting a grocery truck after a distracted moment to signing up for a pet dental subscription only to later learn the dog needed some of his teeth removed — they reflect on what it means to make mistakes, laugh at ourselves, and accept that we don’t always have everything under control.

This conversation isn’t about perfect parenting strategies. It’s about self-compassion, perspective, and remembering that even highly trained psychologists are still human. They encourage us to stop comparing ourselves to others and lean into reality:  Life is busy. We get distracted. We misjudge things. We react imperfectly. And none of that means we’re failing.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to hold it all together — at home, at work, or as a parent — this episode offers a powerful reminder: doing the best you can in the moment is enough – even if it means you run into a delivery truck, your dog loses their teeth or you just aren’t sure what the next best step is for your teen!  Be kind to yourself.  Be patient with yourself.  No one has it “all together” all of the time.  And when you can, allow yourself to laugh a bit.  Life is stressful enough without the parenting comparison trap and pressure for perfection. 

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — We Do the Best We Can

02:33 — The Truck Incident – Suzanne hits a delivery truck 

06:58 — Feeling Out of Control

07:45 — Sometimes It’s Just Hard Being Human

08:18 — The Pet Teeth-Cleaning Anecdote – Annalise’s dog’s dental decline

10:46 — The Running Late Story

13:19 — The Importance of Laughter

14:06 — Let’s Be Real and Take the Pressure Off

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more science-based conversations on raising confident, resilient tweens, teens, and young adults.

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Sleep problems are one of the most common—and most stressful—concerns parents bring up when raising tweens and teens. From bedtime battles and nighttime anxiety to insomnia, nightmares, and middle-of-the-night visits to a parent’s bedroom, sleep challenges can leave families exhausted, worried, and unsure of what’s normal.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen welcome back Dr. Andrea Roth and Dr. Allison Shale to talk about sleep challenges in tweens and teens, including insomnia, parasomnias, nightmares, and ongoing sleep disruptions. They break down how chronic sleep difficulties can impact emotional regulation, anxiety, depression, and daily functioning—while also explaining what’s developmentally typical and what deserves closer attention.  

This conversation also addresses teens seeking comfort in a parent’s bedroom at night, sleep differences in neurodivergent kids, and how parents can respond without increasing shame or fear. Dr. Roth and Dr. Shale offer clear guidance on sleep hygiene, clinical red flags, and how to find qualified behavioral sleep specialists when additional support is needed.  This episode offers clarity, reassurance, and practical guidance for parents navigating sleep challenges while supporting their child’s emotional and mental well-being.

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  Why Sleep Matters for Kids and Teens  

01:30  What Insomnia Really Is  

02:41  How Insomnia Affects Daily Functioning  

05:47  How Chronic Sleep Problems Impact Mental Health  

06:54  When Teens Still Go to Their Parents’ Bedroom  

09:26  How to Address Clinical Sleep Concerns  

11:35  When to Seek Medical Advice About Sleep Concerns and Bed Wetting 

12:42  Common Parasomnias in Tweens and Teens  

14:40  When Should Parents Be Concerned About Behaviors like Sleep Walking or Talking?  

16:28  Nightmares During the Middle School Years  

18:13  Sleep Hygiene Explained by Two Experts  

20:44  Sleep in Neurodivergent Kids (e.g., ADHD, Autism): What It Can Look Like 

27:19  How to Find a Behavioral Sleep Specialist  

31:26  Book Recommendation: The Essential Guide to Children’s Sleep

If your child is struggling with sleep—and you’re feeling unsure about what’s normal or what to do next—this episode provides expert insight, reassurance, and actionable guidance.

Prefer Video?  Watch this episode Here on YouTube.

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When kids start saying school feels pointless, parents are often left wondering how to respond without lecturing, minimizing, or making things worse. How we respond in those moments can either shut kids down—or help them re-engage with learning and with us.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore what’s really happening when tweens and teens lose interest in school. They unpack why disengagement is so common during these developmental years, how pressure and “motivational speeches” often backfire, and what actually helps kids feel understood and supported.

Drawing from clinical psychology, developmental science, and years of work with families, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through a clear, compassionate framework for responding when kids say they don’t care about school anymore. They discuss why validation is not the same as agreement, how curiosity opens the door to connection, and how parents can offer perspective and boundaries without escalating conflict.

Together, they explore:

• Why kids disengage from school and learning
• What validation really looks like (and what it’s not)
• How curiosity builds trust and keeps conversations going
• A powerful analogy for understanding effort and growth
• Balancing empathy with realistic expectations
• When it may be time to involve professional support
• How to move from frustration to collaborative problem-solving

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  The Last Thing Kids Want to Hear When School Feels Pointless

01:09  POV: Your Child Is Losing Interest in School

04:57  Step 1: Validate How Your Child Feels

06:35  What Validation Really Means

07:42  How Validation Builds Curiosity and Openness

08:04  Step 2: The Mr. Miyagi Analogy Explained

12:27  Offering a New Perspective on School and Learning

13:31  Step 3: Why Learning Isn’t Supposed to Be Easy

15:39  The Role of Effort and the Satisfaction of Accomplishment

16:44  Finding the Sweet Spot Between Support and Challenge

17:08  What Parents Need to Watch for Along the Way

19:38  When It’s Time to Check In With a Professional

21:03  How to Offer a Gentle Reality Check

22:26  Giving Kids Information to Make Better Decisions

25:42  Next Steps: Moving Into Problem-Solving Together

28:17  Holding Boundaries While Still Being Supportive

If you’re parenting a child or teen who seems checked out, discouraged, or resistant around school—and you’re not sure how to help without damaging your relationship—this episode offers grounded, practical guidance to help you respond with clarity, confidence, and care.

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more science-based conversations on raising confident, resilient tweens, teens, and young adults.

✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage):
https://drscaronandallen.com/

Strong emotions can powerfully shape how parents and teens react—but following every emotional urge doesn’t always lead to the outcomes we want. In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, we discuss a practical, evidence-based way to respond differently when emotions are steering us toward behaviors that actually make things worse.

Clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore the Opposite Action skill, a core concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). They explain how emotions naturally come with action urges—like withdrawing when we feel sad, lashing out when we’re angry, or avoiding situations that trigger anxiety—and why those urges are not always helpful or aligned with our goals.

Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through how Opposite Action works, when it’s appropriate to use, and how it can be applied both in parenting moments and in teens’ everyday lives. They discuss how choosing an action that goes against an emotional urge—when that urge isn’t serving us—can reduce emotional intensity over time and support healthier coping, connection, and decision-making.

Together, they explore:

• How emotions drive automatic behaviors
• Why “doing what you feel like doing” can sometimes backfire
• What Opposite Action is and when to use it
• Real-life examples for parents, teens, and families
• How modeling Opposite Action helps teens build emotional skills

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  The Urge That Follows Emotion  

00:50  There Are No Quick Fixes  

01:21  Simple Tools to Hold Onto in Tough Moments  

01:40  What Is the Opposite Action Tool?  

03:44  When to Use Opposite Action  

04:45  How the Opposite Action Tool Works  

06:29  Different Ways to Practice Opposite Action  

11:24  Building Awareness in the Moment  

14:15  Remembering You Have This Option  

15:39  How Opposite Action Builds a Sense of Empowerment  

15:54  How Parents Can Share This Tool With Their Kids  

16:28  Joining Your Child When They’re Struggling  

19:08  Change Happens Over Time  

20:15  We Use Opposite Action More Than We Realize  

23:04  Our Emotions Don’t Always Have to Be in Charge  

If you’re trying to help your teen manage big emotions—or working on your own emotional responses as a parent—this episode offers clear, practical guidance for choosing actions that support growth, regulation, and long-term well-being.

Watch this episode here here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for science-based parenting guidance on teens, tweens, emotional regulation, and parent-teen communication—hosted by two clinical psychologists and parents.

✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage):
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What should you say when your teen tells you something shocking, upsetting, or hard to hear?

For many parents of tweens and teens, these moments trigger fear, anger, or panic—and even well-intended reactions can accidentally shut down communication and damage trust. What you do in the first few moments often determines whether your teen keeps talking… or stops sharing altogether.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen walk parents through a calmer, more effective way to respond when teens share difficult or concerning information.

Using adolescent brain science and years of clinical experience, they explain:

• Why teens often don’t share everything right away
• How judgment (even subtle) quickly shuts teens down
• Why staying emotionally regulated gives parents more influence—not less
• How listening first actually leads to better decision-making

At the heart of the episode is a simple, research-informed 3-step framework parents can use to slow down before reacting and respond in ways that protect connection while still addressing real concerns.

You’ll learn how to:

• Keep communication open when emotions are high
• Respond without lecturing, fixing, or overreacting
• Build trust so teens are more likely to come to you again
• Repair the relationship—even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly

The 3 steps include:

1️⃣ Acknowledge the telling—even when what you hear is upsetting
2️⃣ Ask for your teen’s perspective first before offering opinions
3️⃣ Ask if they want your help instead of jumping straight into fixing

If you’ve ever frozen, panicked, or reacted strongly after hearing something unexpected from your teen, this episode offers clear, practical guidance to help you respond with intention, regulate your own emotions, and stay connected during the hardest parenting moments.

The two prior episodes of The Parenting Pair Podcast mentioned in this episode:  

Episode 2, “Making Sense of our Teens’ Mistakes:” Click Here for YouTube

Episode 27: “How Do I Stay Calm When I’m about to Lose It with my Teen or Tween?”  Click here for YouTube

⏱️ Episode Highlights

00:00 Why Your Reaction Matters When Teens Share Shocking Information
00:43 The Moment Most Parents Fear
02:00 How Your Response Shapes What Happens Next
02:39 Why Parents Often Learn Things Later Than They Expect
03:21 Why Teens Need Space to Figure Things Out
05:15 Why Teens Shut Down When They Feel Judged
05:52 What to Watch for When Your Teen Opens Up
06:48 Why Teens Share More With Less Judgment
07:12 Related Podcast Episodes to Explore
07:53 Helping Teens Decide What to Do Next
09:18 A 3-Step Framework for Responding Calmly
09:37 Step 1: Acknowledge That They Told You
10:57 Step 2: Ask for Their Perspective First
12:04 What You Learn When You Truly Listen
13:59 Step 3: Ask If They Want Your Help
17:13 When and How to Share Your Concerns
19:51 When Teens Don’t Appreciate Your Efforts (And Why That’s Okay)
22:46 Repair Matters: You Can Always Apologize and Reconnect

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for science-based parenting guidance on teens, tweens, emotional regulation, and parent-teen communication—hosted by two clinical psychologists and parents.

✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage):
https://drscaronandallen.com/

When a teen or tween is experiencing a mental health crisis—such as depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts—parents and caregivers often feel scared, exhausted, and increasingly isolated.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore how to truly show up for families navigating a teen mental health crisis. They discuss a painful and often unspoken reality: families in crisis are frequently left out of social gatherings, receive fewer invitations, and feel increasingly alone—not because others don’t care, but because people don’t know what to say or how to help.

This conversation explores why that withdrawal happens and how it can unintentionally deepen stress, shame, and disconnection for parents already under immense emotional strain. Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen offer practical, compassionate guidance for friends, extended family members, and communities who want to support families without overstepping, fixing, or offering unwanted advice.

Together, they explore:

• Why parents of teens in a mental health crisis often feel isolated, excluded, and forgotten

• How uncertainty and discomfort cause people to pull away—even with good intentions

• What meaningful support actually looks like during a mental health crisis

• How to communicate care without minimizing, judging, or problem-solving

• Simple ways to stay connected with families navigating teen mental health challenges

• Why presence, consistency, and patience matter more than saying the “right” thing

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  How to Support Families Dealing With a Teen’s Mental Health Crisis  

01:12  Mental Health Crises vs. Medical Crises: Why Responses Differ

03:09  Why Families in Crisis Often Feel Isolated  

04:49  The Invisible Stress Parents Carry 

05:29  What Actually Helps Families Feel Less Alone  

06:40  Practical Ways to Show Up 

06:53  1) Keep Showing Up, Even When It’s Uncomfortable  

10:05  2) Let Families Know They Still Matter

10:48  3) Listen Without Trying to Fix 

13:06  4) Keep Invitations Open Without Pressure  

14:11  5) Handle Shared Information With Trust and Care  

17:07  The Difference You Can Make 

19:06  Why Kindness Takes Courage

If you care about a family parenting a teen or tween through depression, anxiety, or a mental health crisis—and want to support them without increasing pressure or distance—this episode offers clear, compassionate guidance.

Watch this episode Here on YouTube or 
💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for evidence-based conversations on parenting teens, mental health, and family well-being.
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Middle school is often the point where parents notice a sudden drop in motivation—and it can be confusing, frustrating, and even worrying to watch a once-engaged child seem checked out or uninterested. Sometimes what looks like “laziness” or a lack of effort is often something very different beneath the surface.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen unpack what’s really going on when teens appear unmotivated. They explore how developmental changes, school demands, emotional overwhelm, and fear of failure can all impact motivation during the middle and high school years—and why traditional approaches like pressure, rewards, or repeated reminders often backfire.

The conversation focuses on how parents can respond in ways that support confidence, autonomy, and emotional safety, rather than increasing resistance or shutdown. Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen explain how motivation is closely tied to a child’s sense of competence, connection, and being understood—and how small shifts in parenting language and expectations can make a meaningful difference.

Together, they discuss:

• Why kids usually already feel bad when they’re falling behind
• How control, pressure, and repeated advice can reduce motivation over time
• The importance of respect and autonomy in maintaining engagement
• Moving from a “director” role to a “mentor” role as kids grow
• Why punishment doesn’t build motivation—and what has a better chance of success
• Simple environmental shifts that can support effort and follow-through

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — When Your Child Struggles: Parent Support is What Truly Matters

00:47 — Understanding Motivation in Middle School: How Parents Can Help

02:16 — Why Interest in Anything Is a Positive Sign

05:14 — Kids Usually Know When They’re Struggling

05:29 — Why Control and Constant Suggestions Can Backfire

07:03 — Why Teens Value Feeling Respected

07:44 — Shifting From “Director” to “Mentor” as a Parent

09:26 — The Hard Truth: You Can’t Make Your Teen Do Anything

11:31 — Two Very Different Ways to Talk About the Same Issue

13:26 — Book Recommendation: 10 to 25 — The Science of Motivating Young People

14:47 — Practicing Radical Acceptance of Different Paths and Timelines

16:39 — Why Punishment Does Not Create Motivation

18:17 — Holding High Expectations While Still Believing in Your Child

20:00 — Protecting the Parent–Child Relationship Above All

26:05 — Kids Do Best When Motivation Comes From Within

27:01 — Small Environmental Changes That Can Support Motivation

31:15 — When It’s Time to Seek Additional Support

If you’re parenting a tween or teen who seems disengaged, resistant, or discouraged—and you’re not sure how to help without making things worse—this episode offers compassionate, developmentally informed guidance to help you support motivation while protecting your relationship.

Resources that we mentioned in this episode:

• The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene https://drrossgreene.com/the-explosive-child.htm
• 10-25 The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation and Making Your Own Life Easier by Dr. David Yeager https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/David-Yeager/200441584
• The Parenting Pair Podcast, Episode 32 Stop Relying on Willpower: Tips on Teen Motivation and Behavior Change (the make it easy, make it hard strategy). https://drscaronandallen.com/podcast/episode/stop-relying-on-willpower-tips-on-teen-motivation-and-behavior-change/

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for more expert insights on raising confident, resilient kids and teens.

Why do our teens keep messing up — and why do we sometimes lose our cool? 😫

In this episode, we dig into why mistakes are a normal part of adolescence — because teens are human just like us! We explore how their curiosity, need for independence, and brain development lead to errors, and why that’s actually healthy for their growth.

We also talk about how our reactions as parents can often be driven by stress and fear, and how taking a moment to pause and breathe can transform those moments into opportunities for connection and understanding.

Here are some highlights from the episode:
00:00 — A New Year Reframe: “Being” Something Instead of “Doing” Something

08:16 — “Why Does My Teen Keep Messing Up?”

09:09 — Why Parents Get So Worried When Kids Make Mistakes

10:16 — The Real Reason Parents Overreact

10:37 — Why Teens Mess Up More Often Than We Expect

10:40 — Reason 1: Kids Are Human Too

10:43 — Reason 2: Development Is Still in Progress

17:23 — Why Pushing Limits Is a Normal Part of Adolescence

17:35 — Why the Conclusions We Jump To Are Often Wrong

18:04 — Possibility A: Your Teen May Be Doing Something Developmentally Normal

18:12 — Possibility B: Putting the Behavior in Context

18:23 — Possibility C: The Behavior May Be a Reaction

18:56 — How Challenging Behaviors Can Reflect Positive Intentions

19:24 — Possibility D: When Behavior Signals a Skills’ Deficit

20:56 — Shifting the Lens: Choosing to Look for the Good

22:49 — Why Parents Are More Likely to Lose It

26:06 — How to Pause and Avoid Overreacting

27:33 — The Cost of Parenting From Anxiety

29:43 — “Staying Here”: A Powerful Parenting Mantra

31:18 — Book Recommendation: Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success

Join us as we share real stories, practical tips, and a fresh perspective on handling mistakes with curiosity rather than overreaction. Because when we see their missteps as part of normal development, we can stay calmer, more compassionate, and build stronger relationships.

🎧 Tune in now — because parenting teens doesn’t have to feel like a constant battle. Let’s navigate these tricky moments together, with patience and a little humor.

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!