What does it really mean to raise a resilient child in a culture that tells us to protect them from discomfort at all costs?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen are joined by clinical psychologist and author Dr. Meredith Elkins to unpack the growing pressure of intensive parenting—and why, despite our best intentions, it may be increasing anxiety in both parents and kids.

Drawing from her book Parenting Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids, Dr. Elkins explores the powerful shift toward authoritative parenting, and how we can support our children without over-accommodating their fears.

Together, they dive into:

• Why intensive parenting can backfire
• How avoidance fuels anxiety in kids and teens
• What it actually looks like to “avoid avoidance” in everyday parenting
• The role of validation—and where parents can get stuck
• How to model courage while still feeling anxious
• Why addressing your own anxiety as a parent matters
• The concept of psychological flexibility and how it supports long-term resilience

This episode offers practical, compassionate guidance for parents navigating anxiety—both their child or teen’s and their own—while staying grounded in what truly helps kids grow.

If you’ve ever wondered how to support your child or teen through discomfort without “fixing” everything, this conversation will give you a clear and reassuring path forward.

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 Intensive Parenting vs. Authoritative Parenting: Key Differences

00:55 Book Spotlight: Parenting Anxiety – Breaking the Cycle of Worry and Raising Resilient Kids

01:51 What Is Intensive Parenting—and Why It Can Backfire

03:39 Modern Parenting Pressure: Cultural Messages Shaping Parents Today

05:36 Dr. Elkin’s story – How Irish Stepdance Inspired This Book

10:25 Authoritative Parenting: Why It Matters for Raising Resilient Kids

11:59 How Avoidance Fuels Anxiety in Kids and Teens

14:31 Validating Anxiety: Why It Matters (and When It Goes Too Far)

19:44 What “Avoiding Avoidance” Looks Like in Parenting

22:55 Supportive Statements: What to Say to an Anxious Child or Teen

24:44 Modeling Courage: How to Be Brave While Feeling Nervous

28:26 When Parents Need Support: Addressing Your Own Anxiety

30:34 3 Key Developmental Markers to Watch Across the Lifespan

32:08 Psychological Flexibility Explained for Parents

36:12 There’s No One “Right” Parenting Choice: Embracing Uncertainty

For more information about Dr. Meredith Elkins or to purchase her book please visit her at https://www.meredithelkinsphd.com/ or on instagram @drmeredithelkins

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What would you do if your teen came to you and said, “My friend is hurting themselves…”?

This is a moment many parents are unprepared for—yet it’s one that requires both sensitivity and clarity.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen walk you through how to respond when your child or teen shares that a friend may be engaging in self-injury. They break down what self-injury is (and what it isn’t), why teens often confide in peers instead of parents, and how to support your own child while also ensuring the safety of another teen.

You’ll learn:

• What self-injury can signal emotionally and behaviorally
• How to respond in a way that keeps your teen open and trusting
• When and how to involve other adults (parents, schools, resources)
• How to balance empathy with appropriate action
• Why this moment matters deeply for your relationship with your child

This conversation offers practical guidance grounded in clinical expertise, while also helping parents feel more confident, calm, and supported in navigating a complex and emotional situation.

If you’ve ever wondered how to handle this kind of disclosure—or want to be prepared if it happens—this episode is essential listening.

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 What People Get Wrong About Self-Injury
 01:08 When Your Teen’s Friend Is Self-Injuring
01:44 What Teens Tell Friends (But Not Parents)
03:16 Understanding Self-Injury: 3 Key Areas Every Parent Should Know
04:23 What Is Self-Injury?
05:29 Self-Injury & Emotion Regulation: Understanding Both Sides
06:45 How Self-Injury Can Be a Way to Communicate Distress
09:21 What To Do If Your Teen Shares a Friend Is Self-Injurying
09:32 Step 1: Acknowledge Your Teen for Sharing
10:25 Step 2: Recognize Your Teen May Be Affected Too
11:46 Step 3: How to Support Both Teens Safely
13:46 Why Validating Your Teen Matters in These Moments
14:25 Option 1: Reaching Out to the Other Parent
14:37 Option 2: When (and How) to Involve the School
15:17 How to Approach the Other Parent About Self-Harm
17:59 What Is 211? A Resource Every Parent Should Know
18:47 Checking In With Your Teen Afterwards

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Emotional validation is everywhere right now—especially online. But what does it actually mean to validate your teen? And are we getting the full picture?

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen take a closer look at how emotional validation is often portrayed on social media—and how that differs from what it truly looks like in real-life parenting.

Validation is one of the most powerful tools parents have for building connection and trust with their teenagers. But it's also one of the most commonly misunderstood. Many parents worry that validating emotions means agreeing with their teen, removing discomfort, or letting go of boundaries entirely. It doesn't — and this episode clears that up.

In this conversation, we explore:

• How emotional validation is often simplified or misrepresented online
• The difference between validation and agreement
• The common traps parents fall into when trying to validate their teens
• Why validation can feel so difficult in emotionally charged moments
• What teens actually need from us when they’re struggling
• How validation helps build trust, connection, and emotional resilience

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — Introduction: What we're getting wrong about emotional validation 

00:37 — How validation is being portrayed on social media

01:56 — Why the online framing of validation is incomplete

03:31 — The urge to fix, reassure, or remove discomfort — and why it backfires

04:41 — What Emotional Validation Actually Is

05:53 — What parents worry about with their teens

07:18 — What genuine validation actually feels like in the moment

08:40 — The most common trap parents fall into when validating

09:56 — Validation vs. invalidation — what the difference looks like

11:38 — What our job actually is when our teen is struggling

12:30 — Why Validation Can Be So Hard

14:39 — Another Challenge Parents Face
17:41 — Final Thoughts on Validation

19:48 — What to take away from this episode

This episode offers a more grounded and realistic understanding of validation—one that allows parents to show up with empathy while still holding boundaries and perspective.

If you've ever wondered "am I doing this right?" — this conversation will help you feel more confident, clear, and connected.

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Are you raising a teen or tween and looking for real, compassionate guidance from people who actually get it?

Welcome to The Parenting Pair Podcast — hosted by Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen, two licensed child and adolescent clinical psychologists and moms of teens and tweens themselves.

Every week we tackle the topics parents of teens and tweens are actually navigating: teen anxiety, depression, ADHD, motivation, communication, emotional regulation, resilience, self-harm, sports betting, gratitude, and so much more. We also bring in expert guests — specialists, clinicians, and researchers — to go deeper on the topics that matter most to your family.

Whether you're dealing with a mental health crisis, trying to figure out how to talk to your teen, navigating the college process, or just looking for reassurance that you're not alone — you're in the right place.

New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe so you never miss one.

Do you have a parenting question or topic that you would love for us to discuss?  Reach out on instagram @theparentingpair or at [email protected].  We personally read every message, question and review so please reach out! 

Cannabis use among teens is becoming more common and more normalized — but today's marijuana is very different from what most parents remember. With dramatically higher THC levels, vaping, edibles, and now lacing with fentanyl, the risks for the developing teenage brain are significant and specific.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen are joined by Dr. Amy Swift, addiction psychiatrist and Deputy Chief Medical Officer at Silver Hill Hospital, to break down what parents need to know about teen cannabis use today.

From shifting perceptions to dramatically increased potency, modern marijuana (cannabis/weed) is not the same substance many parents were exposed to decades ago. And while it’s often compared to alcohol, the risks, effects, and long-term impact on adolescents can be very different—especially for the developing brain.

This episode is not about fear. It's about facts — and giving parents the knowledge and language to have these conversations with confidence.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why cannabis (marijuana/weed) is not the same as alcohol for teens
• Common misconceptions about marijuana and anxiety relief
• The real risks of teen cannabis use, including effects on mental health
• THC potency, vaping, and edibles—what’s different today
• Why experiences like paranoia and panic from weed should not be dismissed
• How marijuana affects the adolescent brain
• What parents can do if they suspect their teen is using weed
• How to talk to middle schoolers and teens about cannabis
• Guidance for parents who use marijuana themselves
• Harm reduction strategies, including conversations about Narcan

This episode offers a balanced, research-informed perspective to help parents move beyond fear or avoidance—and toward informed, effective conversations.

If you’re worried about marijuana use (cannabis/weed use) in your teen, this episode will help you better understand today’s landscape and feel much more equipped to respond.

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use, call or text 1-800-662-4357 (SAMHSA National Helpline) for free, confidential support 24/7.

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Timestamps:

00:00 — Cannabis / Marijuana Isn’t Like Alcohol
 01:47 — Teen & Tween Cannabis (Weed) Use Today
 02:31 — Is Weed Safer Than Alcohol?
 03:34 — Risks of Marijuana Use in Teens
 05:17 — Does Cannabis Help With Anxiety?
 07:07 — When Weed Causes Paranoia
 08:59 — What to Do if Your Teen Is Using Weed
 13:32 — Parenting a Teen Who Uses Marijuana
 15:02 — Alcohol vs. Cannabis: Parenting Differences
 18:11 — Parents Who Use Weed: What to Consider
 21:43 — Talking to Middle Schoolers About Marijuana
 26:17 — Alcohol vs. Weed: Key Differences
 28:43 — Why Today’s Cannabis Is Stronger (THC)
 31:24 — Should You Have Narcan at Home?

Do you ever feel like your teen doesn’t notice – or appreciate – anything you do? Do you wonder if your teen is becoming ungrateful?

You're not imagining it. And you're not alone. But clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen say what looks like ingratitude in teenagers is often something else entirely — and understanding what's actually happening developmentally can change how you respond to it and how you feel about it.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, they explore how gratitude develops during adolescence, why it often appears to disappear during the teen years, and what parents can actually do to nurture it — without forcing it or making it a source of conflict.

Rather than something we either have or don’t have, gratitude is both a feeling and a practice. It’s something that can be cultivated through small, consistent behaviors and perspectives.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• Why teens aren’t necessarily becoming ungrateful—they’re developing their identities and growing independence
• Why feeling less appreciated is a common experience for parents of adolescents
• The difference between gratitude as an emotion and gratitude as a practice
• How our brains are wired to notice problems more easily than positives
• The powerful role of modeling gratitude in parenting
• Simple daily practices that help build gratitude over time
• Why gratitude isn’t about forcing positivity

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — Gratitude: What We Feel and What We Do to Build It

01:38 — The First Day of Spring Perspective

03:22 — Seeing Through a Positive Lens: The Echo Effect

05:42 — How We Feel When Our Teen Points Out Our Mistakes

07:19 — Is My Teen Ungrateful?

08:46 — Teens Aren’t Ungrateful — They’re Growing Up

10:43 — When Teens Grow Apart: Feeling Less Valued as a Parent

12:26 — Reminder: Change Behavior for Yourself, Not for Appreciation

14:40 — Gratitude Can Be Developed Over Time

15:42 — What Gratitude Really Is

16:40 — How Our Brain Works

18:25 — The Power of Gratitude

21:39 — Modeling Gratitude to Teach It

26:16 — Exercise: Taking a Few Seconds to Be Thankful

28:27 — Gratitude Isn’t About Forcing It

We also share a simple exercise that parents can use to intentionally notice small moments of appreciation in everyday life.

Teaching gratitude isn’t about demanding thankfulness—it’s about modeling a way of seeing the world.

If you’re parenting a tween, teen, or college student and wondering how to nurture appreciation without lecturing or forcing it, this episode offers thoughtful, practical guidance.

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Your teen just found out they didn't get in. You're watching them fall apart — and you're not sure whether to say something, give them space, or quietly panic yourself.

This episode is for exactly that moment.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen walk you through how to support your teen through college rejection — and more broadly through any major disappointment — in a way that validates their pain, builds their resilience, and keeps your relationship intact.

You'll learn:

• What to say (and not say) in the first hours after a rejection
• Why pushing perspective too quickly backfires — and what to do instead
• How to support a teen who doesn't want to talk at all
• When sadness after rejection is normal — and when to seek help
• How social media makes college comparison so much harder for teens
• Why community college and alternative pathways are worth an honest conversation
• How to manage your own parental anxiety so it doesn't spill onto your teen
• Why one admissions decision does not define your child's future

Disappointment is not the end of the story. Your teen's path is bigger than one admissions decision.

00:00 — Introduction: Why college rejection hits so hard
00:50 — What teens are actually feeling right now
02:14 — How parents can show up without making it worse
03:34 — Why we don't have to be afraid of pain and suffering
07:04 — How to support a teen who doesn't want to talk
10:11 — The case for a mental health day
12:20 — What's a normal reaction — and when to get help
17:31 — The cultural pressure surrounding college decisions
18:48 — There is more than one path to a great life
21:49 — How social media intensifies the comparison spiral
24:17 — Community college and alternative pathways
26:49 — One moment does not define your teen's future
27:33 — Why teens sometimes need to hear it from someone else
30:50 — Helping your teen accept disappointment as part of life

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What do you do as a parent when there is no solution to offer?

In this deeply meaningful episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen are joined by special guest Dr. Taryn Allen, a clinical psychologist with extensive experience working with children and families facing chronic and terminal illness in at the National institute of Health.

Together, they explore one of the hardest realities of parenting: supporting your child through pain, uncertainty, and suffering when you cannot “fix” what is happening whether that is related to physical illness, emotional pain, or life events.

Dr. Taryn Allen shares powerful clinical insight and practical tools such as:

• Why acknowledgment of pain and suffering is often the most important first step
• How to create a home environment that feels emotionally safe
• The “backpack” metaphor for carrying life’s hard realities
• What it means to “be the buffalo” and lean into the storm rather than run from it
• Letting go of the pressure to end every conversation on a high note
• How to adjust psychological support for kids with chronic or terminal illness

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — When There’s No Solution: The One Step You Can Still Take

02:25 — Adjusting Psychological Support for Chronic or Terminal Illness

08:11 — The First Step: Acknowledgment

09:24 — Be the Buffalo: What It Means

11:36 — Leaning In: How Action Creates Space

13:56 — How to Support a Child or Teen Facing a Difficult Situation

17:46 — Shifting the Frame Away from “An Easy Life”

18:35 — The Wider Path Perspective

21:28 — Supporting Parents Managing High Anxiety in Tough Situations

24:33 — Creating a Safe Home Environment for Hard Conversations

26:41 — It’s Okay to Just Be Present

29:05 — The Backpack Metaphor

31:53 — Letting Go of the Need to End on a High Note

36:00 — Becoming More Comfortable with Discomfort

39:14 — Internal Statements Parents Can Practice

This episode reframes the goal of parenting from creating an “easy life” to helping children build the capacity to walk a wider path — even when it’s painful.

If you are parenting a child navigating serious illness — or simply trying to support your teen through a difficult season — this conversation offers grounded, compassionate, research-informed guidance on how to show up.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is stay present.

Watch this episode here on YouTube

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What happens when we are the ones who feel exposed, judged, or embarrassed?

In this deeply relatable episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron shares a personal story about being publicly called out on a Facebook share site — and how that moment triggered embarrassment, fear of judgment, and a strong urge to avoid taking action.

Instead of immediately “doing the right thing,” she noticed something familiar: avoidance.

And that’s where the powerful parallel emerges.

As parents, we often struggle to understand why our teens won’t send the email, return the item, fix the mistake, or address a situation directly. But when we pause and reflect on our own emotional experiences — especially moments of public embarrassment or fear of being judged — we begin to see it differently.

In this episode, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen explore:

• What embarrassment feels like in adulthood
• The emotional experience of being publicly exposed
• Why avoidance is such a natural response to shame or judgment
• How we may misinterpret our teens’ hesitation or withdrawal
• The question to ask: “What else might be true?”
• How the Opposite Action tool can help both parents and teens move forward

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — What We Think When Our Teens Make a Mistake or Avoid Something

01:13 — Last Episode Recap: The Dog Teeth Cleaning Story

04:16 — The Commitment Made Around the Cleaning Wipes

05:45 — The Message From the Administrator on the FB Share Site

06:21 — When You Feel Exposed: The Emotional Experience

07:47 — The Worry

08:05 — The Appropriate Thing to Do

08:49 — Embarrassment, Fear of Judgment, and Being Denied: Reasons We Avoid Taking Action

10:59 — Understanding Our Teens’ and Tweens’ Emotions Through Our Own Experiences

13:42 — Our Teens Feel the Same Emotions We Do

14:24 — Why Embarrassment Is a Big Deal for Teens

15:48 — Practicing a More Compassionate View Toward Our Teens

16:14 — When Embarrassment Has Real Consequences in Teen Life

17:22 — Acknowledging That We Sometimes Misinterpret Our Kids’ Behavior

18:15 — What Else Might Be True?

19:11 — The Opposite Action Tool Recommendation

Adolescence amplifies emotions. But the core emotional experience? It’s deeply human.

This conversation is an invitation to practice empathy — not by imagining what teens feel, but by recognizing it in ourselves.

Because sometimes the best way to understand our kids… is to remember what it feels like to be human.

To listen to the “Opposite Action” episode that Dr. Allen and Dr. Caron referenced in this episode, click here: Listen here or watch here on YouTube:  Watch here 

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Parenting is hard. Being human is hard. And sometimes the most important reminder is this: we are all just doing the best we can.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen step away from theory and lean into humanity. Through personal (and very relatable) stories — from accidentally hitting a grocery truck after a distracted moment to signing up for a pet dental subscription only to later learn the dog needed some of his teeth removed — they reflect on what it means to make mistakes, laugh at ourselves, and accept that we don’t always have everything under control.

This conversation isn’t about perfect parenting strategies. It’s about self-compassion, perspective, and remembering that even highly trained psychologists are still human. They encourage us to stop comparing ourselves to others and lean into reality:  Life is busy. We get distracted. We misjudge things. We react imperfectly. And none of that means we’re failing.

If you’ve ever felt pressure to hold it all together — at home, at work, or as a parent — this episode offers a powerful reminder: doing the best you can in the moment is enough – even if it means you run into a delivery truck, your dog loses their teeth or you just aren’t sure what the next best step is for your teen!  Be kind to yourself.  Be patient with yourself.  No one has it “all together” all of the time.  And when you can, allow yourself to laugh a bit.  Life is stressful enough without the parenting comparison trap and pressure for perfection. 

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — We Do the Best We Can

02:33 — The Truck Incident – Suzanne hits a delivery truck 

06:58 — Feeling Out of Control

07:45 — Sometimes It’s Just Hard Being Human

08:18 — The Pet Teeth-Cleaning Anecdote – Annalise’s dog’s dental decline

10:46 — The Running Late Story

13:19 — The Importance of Laughter

14:06 — Let’s Be Real and Take the Pressure Off

Watch this episode here on YouTube

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