When kids start saying school feels pointless, parents are often left wondering how to respond without lecturing, minimizing, or making things worse. How we respond in those moments can either shut kids down—or help them re-engage with learning and with us.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore what’s really happening when tweens and teens lose interest in school. They unpack why disengagement is so common during these developmental years, how pressure and “motivational speeches” often backfire, and what actually helps kids feel understood and supported.

Drawing from clinical psychology, developmental science, and years of work with families, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through a clear, compassionate framework for responding when kids say they don’t care about school anymore. They discuss why validation is not the same as agreement, how curiosity opens the door to connection, and how parents can offer perspective and boundaries without escalating conflict.

Together, they explore:

• Why kids disengage from school and learning
• What validation really looks like (and what it’s not)
• How curiosity builds trust and keeps conversations going
• A powerful analogy for understanding effort and growth
• Balancing empathy with realistic expectations
• When it may be time to involve professional support
• How to move from frustration to collaborative problem-solving

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  The Last Thing Kids Want to Hear When School Feels Pointless

01:09  POV: Your Child Is Losing Interest in School

04:57  Step 1: Validate How Your Child Feels

06:35  What Validation Really Means

07:42  How Validation Builds Curiosity and Openness

08:04  Step 2: The Mr. Miyagi Analogy Explained

12:27  Offering a New Perspective on School and Learning

13:31  Step 3: Why Learning Isn’t Supposed to Be Easy

15:39  The Role of Effort and the Satisfaction of Accomplishment

16:44  Finding the Sweet Spot Between Support and Challenge

17:08  What Parents Need to Watch for Along the Way

19:38  When It’s Time to Check In With a Professional

21:03  How to Offer a Gentle Reality Check

22:26  Giving Kids Information to Make Better Decisions

25:42  Next Steps: Moving Into Problem-Solving Together

28:17  Holding Boundaries While Still Being Supportive

If you’re parenting a child or teen who seems checked out, discouraged, or resistant around school—and you’re not sure how to help without damaging your relationship—this episode offers grounded, practical guidance to help you respond with clarity, confidence, and care.

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to The Parenting Pair Podcast for more science-based conversations on raising confident, resilient tweens, teens, and young adults.

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https://drscaronandallen.com/

Strong emotions can powerfully shape how parents and teens react—but following every emotional urge doesn’t always lead to the outcomes we want. In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, we discuss a practical, evidence-based way to respond differently when emotions are steering us toward behaviors that actually make things worse.

Clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore the Opposite Action skill, a core concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). They explain how emotions naturally come with action urges—like withdrawing when we feel sad, lashing out when we’re angry, or avoiding situations that trigger anxiety—and why those urges are not always helpful or aligned with our goals.

Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen walk parents through how Opposite Action works, when it’s appropriate to use, and how it can be applied both in parenting moments and in teens’ everyday lives. They discuss how choosing an action that goes against an emotional urge—when that urge isn’t serving us—can reduce emotional intensity over time and support healthier coping, connection, and decision-making.

Together, they explore:

• How emotions drive automatic behaviors
• Why “doing what you feel like doing” can sometimes backfire
• What Opposite Action is and when to use it
• Real-life examples for parents, teens, and families
• How modeling Opposite Action helps teens build emotional skills

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  The Urge That Follows Emotion  

00:50  There Are No Quick Fixes  

01:21  Simple Tools to Hold Onto in Tough Moments  

01:40  What Is the Opposite Action Tool?  

03:44  When to Use Opposite Action  

04:45  How the Opposite Action Tool Works  

06:29  Different Ways to Practice Opposite Action  

11:24  Building Awareness in the Moment  

14:15  Remembering You Have This Option  

15:39  How Opposite Action Builds a Sense of Empowerment  

15:54  How Parents Can Share This Tool With Their Kids  

16:28  Joining Your Child When They’re Struggling  

19:08  Change Happens Over Time  

20:15  We Use Opposite Action More Than We Realize  

23:04  Our Emotions Don’t Always Have to Be in Charge  

If you’re trying to help your teen manage big emotions—or working on your own emotional responses as a parent—this episode offers clear, practical guidance for choosing actions that support growth, regulation, and long-term well-being.

Watch this episode here here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for science-based parenting guidance on teens, tweens, emotional regulation, and parent-teen communication—hosted by two clinical psychologists and parents.

✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage):
https://drscaronandallen.com/

What should you say when your teen tells you something shocking, upsetting, or hard to hear?

For many parents of tweens and teens, these moments trigger fear, anger, or panic—and even well-intended reactions can accidentally shut down communication and damage trust. What you do in the first few moments often determines whether your teen keeps talking… or stops sharing altogether.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen walk parents through a calmer, more effective way to respond when teens share difficult or concerning information.

Using adolescent brain science and years of clinical experience, they explain:

• Why teens often don’t share everything right away
• How judgment (even subtle) quickly shuts teens down
• Why staying emotionally regulated gives parents more influence—not less
• How listening first actually leads to better decision-making

At the heart of the episode is a simple, research-informed 3-step framework parents can use to slow down before reacting and respond in ways that protect connection while still addressing real concerns.

You’ll learn how to:

• Keep communication open when emotions are high
• Respond without lecturing, fixing, or overreacting
• Build trust so teens are more likely to come to you again
• Repair the relationship—even if the conversation doesn’t go perfectly

The 3 steps include:

1️⃣ Acknowledge the telling—even when what you hear is upsetting
2️⃣ Ask for your teen’s perspective first before offering opinions
3️⃣ Ask if they want your help instead of jumping straight into fixing

If you’ve ever frozen, panicked, or reacted strongly after hearing something unexpected from your teen, this episode offers clear, practical guidance to help you respond with intention, regulate your own emotions, and stay connected during the hardest parenting moments.

The two prior episodes of The Parenting Pair Podcast mentioned in this episode:  

Episode 2, “Making Sense of our Teens’ Mistakes:” Click Here for YouTube

Episode 27: “How Do I Stay Calm When I’m about to Lose It with my Teen or Tween?”  Click here for YouTube

⏱️ Episode Highlights

00:00 Why Your Reaction Matters When Teens Share Shocking Information
00:43 The Moment Most Parents Fear
02:00 How Your Response Shapes What Happens Next
02:39 Why Parents Often Learn Things Later Than They Expect
03:21 Why Teens Need Space to Figure Things Out
05:15 Why Teens Shut Down When They Feel Judged
05:52 What to Watch for When Your Teen Opens Up
06:48 Why Teens Share More With Less Judgment
07:12 Related Podcast Episodes to Explore
07:53 Helping Teens Decide What to Do Next
09:18 A 3-Step Framework for Responding Calmly
09:37 Step 1: Acknowledge That They Told You
10:57 Step 2: Ask for Their Perspective First
12:04 What You Learn When You Truly Listen
13:59 Step 3: Ask If They Want Your Help
17:13 When and How to Share Your Concerns
19:51 When Teens Don’t Appreciate Your Efforts (And Why That’s Okay)
22:46 Repair Matters: You Can Always Apologize and Reconnect

Watch this episode here on YouTube

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for science-based parenting guidance on teens, tweens, emotional regulation, and parent-teen communication—hosted by two clinical psychologists and parents.

✉️ Sign up for our monthly parenting newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage):
https://drscaronandallen.com/

When a teen or tween is experiencing a mental health crisis—such as depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts—parents and caregivers often feel scared, exhausted, and increasingly isolated.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, clinical psychologists Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen explore how to truly show up for families navigating a teen mental health crisis. They discuss a painful and often unspoken reality: families in crisis are frequently left out of social gatherings, receive fewer invitations, and feel increasingly alone—not because others don’t care, but because people don’t know what to say or how to help.

This conversation explores why that withdrawal happens and how it can unintentionally deepen stress, shame, and disconnection for parents already under immense emotional strain. Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen offer practical, compassionate guidance for friends, extended family members, and communities who want to support families without overstepping, fixing, or offering unwanted advice.

Together, they explore:

• Why parents of teens in a mental health crisis often feel isolated, excluded, and forgotten

• How uncertainty and discomfort cause people to pull away—even with good intentions

• What meaningful support actually looks like during a mental health crisis

• How to communicate care without minimizing, judging, or problem-solving

• Simple ways to stay connected with families navigating teen mental health challenges

• Why presence, consistency, and patience matter more than saying the “right” thing

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00  How to Support Families Dealing With a Teen’s Mental Health Crisis  

01:12  Mental Health Crises vs. Medical Crises: Why Responses Differ

03:09  Why Families in Crisis Often Feel Isolated  

04:49  The Invisible Stress Parents Carry 

05:29  What Actually Helps Families Feel Less Alone  

06:40  Practical Ways to Show Up 

06:53  1) Keep Showing Up, Even When It’s Uncomfortable  

10:05  2) Let Families Know They Still Matter

10:48  3) Listen Without Trying to Fix 

13:06  4) Keep Invitations Open Without Pressure  

14:11  5) Handle Shared Information With Trust and Care  

17:07  The Difference You Can Make 

19:06  Why Kindness Takes Courage

If you care about a family parenting a teen or tween through depression, anxiety, or a mental health crisis—and want to support them without increasing pressure or distance—this episode offers clear, compassionate guidance.

Watch this episode Here on YouTube or 
💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for evidence-based conversations on parenting teens, mental health, and family well-being.
✉️ Sign up for our monthly newsletter (scroll to the bottom of our webpage): https://drscaronandallen.com/

Middle school is often the point where parents notice a sudden drop in motivation—and it can be confusing, frustrating, and even worrying to watch a once-engaged child seem checked out or uninterested. Sometimes what looks like “laziness” or a lack of effort is often something very different beneath the surface.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen unpack what’s really going on when teens appear unmotivated. They explore how developmental changes, school demands, emotional overwhelm, and fear of failure can all impact motivation during the middle and high school years—and why traditional approaches like pressure, rewards, or repeated reminders often backfire.

The conversation focuses on how parents can respond in ways that support confidence, autonomy, and emotional safety, rather than increasing resistance or shutdown. Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen explain how motivation is closely tied to a child’s sense of competence, connection, and being understood—and how small shifts in parenting language and expectations can make a meaningful difference.

Together, they discuss:

• Why kids usually already feel bad when they’re falling behind
• How control, pressure, and repeated advice can reduce motivation over time
• The importance of respect and autonomy in maintaining engagement
• Moving from a “director” role to a “mentor” role as kids grow
• Why punishment doesn’t build motivation—and what has a better chance of success
• Simple environmental shifts that can support effort and follow-through

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — When Your Child Struggles: Parent Support is What Truly Matters

00:47 — Understanding Motivation in Middle School: How Parents Can Help

02:16 — Why Interest in Anything Is a Positive Sign

05:14 — Kids Usually Know When They’re Struggling

05:29 — Why Control and Constant Suggestions Can Backfire

07:03 — Why Teens Value Feeling Respected

07:44 — Shifting From “Director” to “Mentor” as a Parent

09:26 — The Hard Truth: You Can’t Make Your Teen Do Anything

11:31 — Two Very Different Ways to Talk About the Same Issue

13:26 — Book Recommendation: 10 to 25 — The Science of Motivating Young People

14:47 — Practicing Radical Acceptance of Different Paths and Timelines

16:39 — Why Punishment Does Not Create Motivation

18:17 — Holding High Expectations While Still Believing in Your Child

20:00 — Protecting the Parent–Child Relationship Above All

26:05 — Kids Do Best When Motivation Comes From Within

27:01 — Small Environmental Changes That Can Support Motivation

31:15 — When It’s Time to Seek Additional Support

If you’re parenting a tween or teen who seems disengaged, resistant, or discouraged—and you’re not sure how to help without making things worse—this episode offers compassionate, developmentally informed guidance to help you support motivation while protecting your relationship.

Resources that we mentioned in this episode:

• The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene https://drrossgreene.com/the-explosive-child.htm
• 10-25 The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation and Making Your Own Life Easier by Dr. David Yeager https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/David-Yeager/200441584
• The Parenting Pair Podcast, Episode 32 Stop Relying on Willpower: Tips on Teen Motivation and Behavior Change (the make it easy, make it hard strategy). https://drscaronandallen.com/podcast/episode/stop-relying-on-willpower-tips-on-teen-motivation-and-behavior-change/

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!

🔔 Subscribe to @theparentingpair for more expert insights on raising confident, resilient kids and teens.

Why do our teens keep messing up — and why do we sometimes lose our cool? 😫

In this episode, we dig into why mistakes are a normal part of adolescence — because teens are human just like us! We explore how their curiosity, need for independence, and brain development lead to errors, and why that’s actually healthy for their growth.

We also talk about how our reactions as parents can often be driven by stress and fear, and how taking a moment to pause and breathe can transform those moments into opportunities for connection and understanding.

Here are some highlights from the episode:
00:00 — A New Year Reframe: “Being” Something Instead of “Doing” Something

08:16 — “Why Does My Teen Keep Messing Up?”

09:09 — Why Parents Get So Worried When Kids Make Mistakes

10:16 — The Real Reason Parents Overreact

10:37 — Why Teens Mess Up More Often Than We Expect

10:40 — Reason 1: Kids Are Human Too

10:43 — Reason 2: Development Is Still in Progress

17:23 — Why Pushing Limits Is a Normal Part of Adolescence

17:35 — Why the Conclusions We Jump To Are Often Wrong

18:04 — Possibility A: Your Teen May Be Doing Something Developmentally Normal

18:12 — Possibility B: Putting the Behavior in Context

18:23 — Possibility C: The Behavior May Be a Reaction

18:56 — How Challenging Behaviors Can Reflect Positive Intentions

19:24 — Possibility D: When Behavior Signals a Skills’ Deficit

20:56 — Shifting the Lens: Choosing to Look for the Good

22:49 — Why Parents Are More Likely to Lose It

26:06 — How to Pause and Avoid Overreacting

27:33 — The Cost of Parenting From Anxiety

29:43 — “Staying Here”: A Powerful Parenting Mantra

31:18 — Book Recommendation: Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success

Join us as we share real stories, practical tips, and a fresh perspective on handling mistakes with curiosity rather than overreaction. Because when we see their missteps as part of normal development, we can stay calmer, more compassionate, and build stronger relationships.

🎧 Tune in now — because parenting teens doesn’t have to feel like a constant battle. Let’s navigate these tricky moments together, with patience and a little humor.

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

💬 Have a story or question? Email [email protected] — we love hearing from you!

Do you ever find yourself second-guessing your parenting decisions… not because they feel wrong, but because you’re worried what other parents might think?

Yeah — us too.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron dive into five powerful mindset shifts to help you stop spiraling and start parenting from a place of confidence, clarity, and calm.

You’ll learn:

✔️ How to connect with your best self as a parent

✔️ Why judgment is unavoidable — and fleeting

✔️ How to stop wasting energy trying to mind-read other parents

✔️ Why “your family, your call” is the healthiest mantra you can adopt

✔️ The power of showing kindness to other families — and yourself

🎯 Whether you’ve been side-eyed at the pickup line, judged over a playdate rule, or just feel pressure to “get it all right,” this episode is a breath of fresh air.

🧠 You’ll leave with practical tools, real-world examples, and permission to parent with confidence — even when your approach looks different.

⏱️ Chapters:

00:00 Connecting With Your Best Self as a Parent

01:55 Why parents feel judged—and why it matters

06:07 Mindset Shift #1: Reconnect with your best parenting self

08:40 Mindset Shift #2: Accept that judgment is fleeting

09:43 Mindset Shift #3: You’re not a mind reader

11:48 Mindset Shift #4: Your family, your call

14:48 Mindset Shift #5: Extend kindness to other parents

15:25 Reflection: How these shifts can help

17:03 What now: Modeling confidence for your teen

📩 Got a question for a future episode?  Email us at [email protected]

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

🔔 Subscribe for more expert parenting insights on raising confident, resilient teens.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Suzanne Allen and Dr. Annalise Caron dive into the complex world of parenting children and teens with ADHD. They explore common parent feelings—from exhaustion and frustration to dark thoughts—and emphasize the importance of self-compassion and understanding.

Together they discuss:

● How ADHD symptoms can look different during puberty and adolescence, especially in girls

● The difference between knowing what to do and being able to do it, with relatable stories and insights

● Practical ways to support your child's growth, resilience, and self-understanding

● The significance of parent self-care, seeking support, and fostering a compassionate mindset

● Tips for managing societal judgments and building a supportive community

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — Using Stories to Understand ADHD
02:49 — Metaphors That Help Explain What ADHD Feels Like
04:00 — The “Race Car Brain” Explained
06:14 — Why “Pressing the Gas” Can Be So Hard With ADHD
08:10 — The Two Sides of Having a Race Car Brain
08:59 — Why Sharing These Metaphors Helps Others Understand ADHD
09:56 — Why ADHD Is Hard: It’s Often Invisible
11:34 — ADHD Can Feel Like Sailing Without Wind
15:00 — Common Misconceptions About Kids With ADHD
16:38 — Why Teens Have Lower Dopamine Levels
17:23 — Why Motivation Is Harder for Kids With ADHD
18:17 — Practical Recommendations Moving Forward

This episode offers empathetic guidance and real-world advice for parents, caregivers, and anyone supporting a young person with ADHD. Remember, you're not alone—support, understanding, and patience can make a world of difference.

Tune in now to learn how to nurture your child's potential while taking care of yourself along the way. And don't forget to share this episode with friends or family who might find it helpful!

Find us on our website
watch this episode here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

🔔 Subscribe for more expert parenting insights on raising confident, resilient teens.

The holiday season is meant to be joyful and connecting—but for many families, it can quickly become overwhelming. Between big gatherings, clashing personalities, differing expectations, and the emotional needs of teens and tweens (especially those with ADHD, depression, or other challenges), parents often feel stretched thin and unsure how to navigate it all.

In this grounding episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen break down how to manage holiday stress, communicate clearly with extended family, protect your child’s emotional needs, and set realistic expectations so the season feels more peaceful and less pressured.

They explore the emotional realities families face—when relatives don’t understand your teen’s behavior, when unsolicited advice makes things worse, when expectations clash, and when you feel caught in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. Through practical strategies and compassionate guidance, they offer tools that help parents approach the holidays with more clarity, connection, and confidence.

Together, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen unpack:

• Why holidays can feel overwhelming for teens—especially those with ADHD, depression, or anxiety
• How to help extended family understand your teen’s needs without oversharing
• What to do when relatives intervene in ways that worsen the situation
• Communication strategies that reduce tension and increase support
• Why a single “family ally” can shift the whole dynamic
• How to set boundaries and roles with kindness and clarity
• The power of adjusting expectations—and why it protects your wellbeing
• When it might be healthier to modify traditions (and why that’s okay)
• How to approach holiday plans when you feel judged, stressed, or stretched thin

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — Why the Holidays Can Feel Stressful for Families (Especially With Teens)

01:32 — The Holiday Season Can Be Fun and Stressful

02:11 — Stress and Family Management Strategies for the Holiday Season

02:26 — Tip 1: Don’t Assume Others Understand Your Child’s Needs

04:46 — Helping Family Members Understand Your Child’s Experience

08:03 — Tip 2: Considering Other Perspectives Within the Family

10:05 — Tip 3: Being Clear About What Helps and What Doesn’t

13:05 — Why Sometimes You Only Need One Supportive Ally

15:05 — Aligning Your Expectations With Reality During the Holidays

17:10 — Redefining Family Traditions When Needed

If your holidays often feel chaotic, emotionally loaded, or hard to predict, this episode offers evidence-based, compassionate tools to help your family feel more grounded—so you can focus on what truly matters.

Find us on our website
watch us here on Youtube or 
follow us @theparentingpair on Instagram

🔔 Subscribe for more expert parenting insights on raising confident, resilient teens.

Behavior change doesn’t happen just through willpower—as many people actually think. In this episode, we explore how shaping the environments around teens can make healthy habits more likely — and success more achievable.

In this episode of The Parenting Pair Podcast, Dr. Annalise Caron and Dr. Suzanne Allen unpack one of the most powerful concepts in behavioral science: how to make the behaviors you want to see easier, and the behaviors you want to avoid harder. Instead of relying on motivation alone—something that naturally fluctuates—they explore concrete tools parents can use to shift habits for themselves and their kids.

They discuss why environment design matters more than willpower alone, how friction and ease can shape habits automatically, and why families often get stuck when change feels too big, too vague, or too effortful. Through relatable examples and practical insights, Dr. Caron and Dr. Allen guide parents on how to use behavioral principles to reduce conflict, build consistency, and set their children and teens up for success.

Together, they explore:

• Why behavior change is affected by context, not just character
• How to make your preferred or goal actions easier, faster, and more automatic
• How to increase friction around impulsive, unwanted, or unhelpful behaviors
• How parents can model this motivational approach in their own lives
• How to talk to your tween or teen about increasing their motivation and making behavior change easier for them too

Here are some highlights from the episode:

00:00 — Behavior Change Is Not Just About Willpower

01:21 — Why Discipline Feels So Difficult

01:54 — Common Thoughts We Have About Behavior Change

02:31 — Is It Really a Lack of Willpower or Self-Control?

03:16 — Motivation Comes After Behavior Change

04:02 — The “Make It Easy or Make It Hard” Strategy

04:23 — How to Make Hard Tasks Easier to Do

06:09 — Strategies to Make Unwanted Behaviors Harder

08:21 — The Importance of Habits in Daily Life

10:19 — The Downside of Telling Teens Exactly What to Do

11:39 — Kids and Teens Often Have Great Ideas

13:10 — Why Letting Kids Generate Their Own Solutions Works

14:40 — When to Take the Next Step and Seek Extra Help

16:30 — Shifting From Motivation to Design

17:08 — A Fun Activity for Parents to “Make it Easy” or “Make it Hard”

If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to help your child or teen follow through—or wanted to change your own habits but didn’t know where to start—this episode offers science-backed, achievable tools to make change smoother, simpler, and far more likely to last.

Previous Podcast on Teen Autonomy that Suzanne mentioned in this episode:

watch here on Youtube

or listen here on Apple or here on Spotify

🔔 Subscribe for more expert parenting insights on raising confident, resilient kids and teens.
 @theparentingpair