The Partnership Podcast

By Lauren and TreySociety & Culture Relationships

The Partnership Podcast episodes

September 25, 2023 Renegotiating Trauma through Play
Do old wounds ever show up in your partnership when you’re trying to learn new things? Then Episode 42 is for you! Trey shares more than he EVER has as he tells Lauren the story of his weekend on the golf course and how his body internalized GOLF as trauma. Lauren invites him to share the origin story of his anger and how he’s working through rage now.
At minute 7:07 Trey remembers how his rage this past Saturday was directed at his mom. He shares the story of the time they were driving on the freeway in LA when he was 8 or 9 and how she proceeded to yell at him at the top of her lungs while driving 60 mph. Trey’s biggest question becomes, “what is the difference between pushing rage down and releasing it?”
At minute 11:00, Lauren begins to draw correlations between learning a new skill as an adult and the foundational patterns we formed in childhood as we tried to learn new things. She then DIVES into one of her favorite concepts by Peter A. Levin, author of WAKING THE TIGER. She describes the difference between reenacting trauma and renegotiating trauma through play. She draws a correlation between the Civil War reenactors in Appomattox, VA and the way our own bodies try to “close the loop” and “change the ending” of our stories.
Chaos in the brain requires us to forge new neural pathways! At minute 13:40 Lauren honors the wisdom of BDSM and Kink Communities, and the way they have been healing trauma for ages. From minute 15:30 Trey begins to brainstorm how his renegotiation could look, including a random tangent about Julia Roberts. At minute 18:00 he stands up for his little self and it brings Lauren to tears. (Surprise!)
Lauren shares a recent time when Trey helped her renegotiate misogynistic trauma through play on a simple bike ride at minute 20:00. By allowing themselves to engage their creative imaginations Trey offered her a different path to healing. Lauren cries as she shares how the illusion of control was burst open that day.
Lauren shares how much Trey’s experience parallels the experiences of her students as they work to overcome relational and sexual patterns. The SAME voices and frustrations tend to confuse them as they work to write new scripts. We suggest that everyone take an ACEs Quiz to assess their own adverse childhood experiences. (Links below!)
Trey asks Lauren what tool she recommends partners try to renegotiate past behaviors. Of course, she responds with the Three Minute Game! Watch the whole episode HERE.
At minute 36:00 we get to the BEST PART of this episode where Trey unpacks something Lauren has been waiting for him to discover about his erotic turn-ons! Make SURE to watch her face starting at minute 37:00! 37:41 is maybe the best reaction on this podcast SO FAR! Trey’s face at minute 38:59 is exactly how Lauren always imagined it would be!
Lauren shares at minute 40:00 that troublesome turn-ons are only a problem when we say they are. We can use our Cornerstones of Eroticism as spring boards (minute 42:00) to hot sex with our partners of choice! Going to our “red light districts,” Esther Perel, or using “Creative Monogamy,” Dr. Joli Hamilton, allows us to create NEW peek erotic encounters with our own partners!
Resources:
WAKING THE TIGER: HEALING TRAUMA
THE EROTIC MIND
MATING IN CAPTIVITY
Harvard: ACEs and Toxic Stress: Frequently Asked Questions
NPR Article and ACEs Quiz
If you would like to learn to Renegotiate Trauma through Play or how to explore erotic turn-ons, click here to request a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and sexual flourishing.
Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator.
48 min
September 18, 2023 Non-Sexual Foreplay & The Sex You WANT to Have
On Episode 41 Lauren and Trey discuss the different ways they “keep the door open to arousal” through non-sexual foreplay. They each share various actions the other does that allows them to remain open to desire.
At minute 6:45 Lauren shares an image of how small actions throughout the day enable her to clear a path through the imaginary jungle to Trey with a machete or a weed-wacker or a machete… you’ll get the idea!
Lauren explains that for centuries women have been relegated to objects of desire, and how, implementing non-sexual foreplay allows them to become subjects WHO desire. We are people connected to our sexual organs!
Trey asks how partners get in trouble when/if they fail to “machete their way to their partners throughout the day? Lauren responds by sharing that “curiosity is the key to intimacy.”
At minute 11:00, Trey jokingly references men who don’t want sex and Lauren reprimands him for stereotyping. In truth, Lauren has found that the loving partners who are denying their partner’s sex are actually fighting “overwhelm” as they work to provide for the person they love most. Friends, for many and “invitation to sex can feel like an obligation for sex!” You are not alone!
At minute 15:00 Lauren breaks down the fun Business Titles we can develop inside our partnerships, but by minute 19:15 they’re already onto Lauren’s favorite topic, not having “THAT type of sex!”
At minute 23:00 Lauren shares once again how mornings are NOT her tingle time and the mental gymnastics she has to struggle with to remain aroused!
Everyone has Core Erotic Themes and within those themes we find sexual scripts, at minute 25:00, Lauren breaks this down even more!
Do you see long term partnerships breaking apart around you? Have you ever asked, “why?” Well, at minute 27:15 Lauren and Trey get curious about this same thing after an audience member stated that she believes it’s when partners stop growing individually and together!
Trey asks what a person can do when they want to grow but their partner is not interested in doing the same and Lauren gives a blunt but trauma-informed answer. Trey also shares one of his favorite statements, “if you don’t have time and money to grow and date your wife - you’ll be finding time and money for a divorce attorney.”
We cannot force individuals to grow. Trauma-informed care says that we learn the things that are ours to learn when we’re supposed to learn them. We must allow our partners to maintain agency!
If you would like to develop tools to strengthen the non-sexual foreplay in your partnerships, click here to request a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and sexual flourishing.
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
40 min
September 11, 2023 Rebuilding Trust in Partnership
On Episode 40, Trey tosses out a question to Lauren at 6:52am that gets her engine revving! Over the next 45 minutes they break down how love differs from cathexis, creating a nurturing adult, the questions we ask that are NOT questions, the vulnerability of requesting help, and facing the truth about our own needs.

Trust is crucial inside of partnership, yet many of us have very few examples of trustworthy relationships. Lauren shares how our families of origins shape our earliest understandings of communication, but sadly, very few of our parents were experts. Trey asks if it is up to us to heal and rebuild, so that our partners do not pay the price of our inability to ask for what we need, want, and desire.

Trey wants you to know that there is a small skip at minute 27:00 due to an editing error. Lauren thinks it’s minor, but he’s appalled!

If you would like to develop tools to rebuild trust inside of your partnerships, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and restoration.

Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.

Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock
⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
39 min
September 04, 2023 Holding Space for Grief in Partnership
A close friend of Lauren’s took flight from this world this week. Episode 39 finds this duo sitting with all the many colors of grief inside of partnership.

You’ll witness tears, laughter, confusion, and wonder as Lauren shares her process in real time. Trey is aware that losses like this often trigger Lauren’s “mother-wound.” Having lost her mother in 2007 to cancer, death has a tendency to rock her world.

And yet, this loss feels integrated, expansive, and grounded. While devastated, Lauren shares how she is using so many tools she has learned from her friend J to care for herself in this process of grief.

Trey closes the episode by sharing how he is holding space for Lauren’s emotions without allowing them to overwhelm his nervous system.

If you would like to develop tools to navigate grief inside of your partnerships, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and restoration.

Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.

Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠

Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
43 min
August 28, 2023 Our Thoughts on the Barbie Movie: Pink, Patriarchy, and Polarity
Lauren and Trey FINALLY SAW THE BARBIE MOVIE!! Episode 38 is their hot take on the themes they observed including the hilarious jabs the film makes at the Patriarchy.
This episode marks ONE FULL YEAR of releasing podcasts out into the wild and Lauren and Trey sharing their thoughts with you in real time! :) Thanks for being here!
Lauren shares how many folks are frustrated with their partner’s lack of interest in seeing The Barbie Movie with them and how there’s really another question beneath that request. Trey shares the parts of the film he found most funny including Ryan Gosling’s brilliant portrayal of Ken.
They discuss the push-back the film has gotten including the inclusion of gender expansive actors. Lauren asks Trey what he thought of America Ferrera’s monologue that brought her to tears which leads to a deep discussion on masculine and feminine energies and the differences in similarities and polarities in partnership.
All in all, Lauren AND Trey LOVED the film and highly suggest you and your partner give it a watch!
If you want to dive more deeply into any of the topics discussed today, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and restoration.
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
31 min
August 21, 2023 Problems vs. Conflict
In Episode 37 Lauren and Trey recap their recent travel and the result of the Event Planner and Day of Coordinator roles they brainstormed on Episode 36. Spoiler, it went wonderfully, despite feeling like they were being punked in the international terminal at LAX!

At minute 16:00 Trey gives a shout out to an audience member who flagged him down on the golf course! He shares how hilarious it is to him that after decades in film and television, it is this podcast that gets him recognized.

For the meat of the podcast Lauren shares something she's been brainstorming recently after re-listening to the work of Alison Armstrong. She is coming to believe that "conflict is the result of problems we fail to address" and she asks Trey to weigh in with his own thoughts and feelings. A fun conversation ensues that you won’t want to miss!!

If you want to learn about how to handle problems and conflict in your partnership, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and restoration.

Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.

Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠

Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
41 min
July 29, 2023 How do you repair, restore, and re-negotiate in partnership?
After last week’s doozy of an episode, Trey and Lauren recap what they did to repair and restore their relationship after they turned off the cameras last week.
Emily Nagoski says that, “the sign of relationship health is not whether or not a couple argues. But rather, how quickly they find their way back to one another.” On episode 36, Trey and Lauren recap share the different tricks they now use to find their way back.
They talk all things nervous systems, Nurturing Meditations, and the power of re-negotiation.
Then at minute 25:14 they pivot the conversation to talk about upcoming travel and how they could possibly handle the stress differently! They nominate Lauren to take on the role of “Day of Coordinator” and allow Trey to take a back seat as the “Event Planner.”
This episode feels like a walk in the park after the last one, so if you need to restore your own nervous system! We recommend you watch or listen!
Spoiler alert, they did find a safe word. ;)
If you want to learn about how to find your way back to your partner, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication and restoration.
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
34 min
July 24, 2023 Real-Time Conflict: Revealing our patterns, conditioning, and juvenile responses.
If you ever wonder what real human conflict looks like, just watch/listen to this podcast. There’s not much more to say about Episode 35. The moment Lauren sits down, Trey brings up the mortgage and the rest of this conflict happens in real time.
You will see these two on the struggle-bus for roughly 30 minutes straight. You’ll hear lengthy pauses and feel the awkward silences. You will see tears, hear juvenile thoughts, and feel Lauren’s feigned powerlessness.
Rewiring our brains is not easy. At minute 11:23 Lauren references the scarcity mindset and the concept of women being of “lesser mind.” She is still seeking to overcome these patterns and conversations like this one about the mortgage still trigger deep fear in her.
At minute 16:42 Trey brings up the concept of holding space and how easy it could be in these moments to say things like “you’re being ridiculous.”
Chores/mental load, sex, and money are three of the top reasons partnerships dissolve. And we can see why!
At minute 21:00 Trey shares that Lauren is not being manipulative and Lauren shares her favorite concept of “feigned powerlessness.”
We FINALLY get to the root at minute 25:44. Trey shares the tally marks he’s made recently over the overabundance of investment he feels he’s made into Lauren’s business within the last few weeks. Do not miss the side-eye at minute 26:53.
They eventually reveal each other’s insecurities, feelings of failure, and their deep desires to serve and support one another. Lauren uncovers how she treats others better than she treats Trey and she commits to doing better.
What you do NOT see off-screen is the Nurturing Meditation Lauren and Trey do immediately after recording; followed by a walk to complete the stress response cycle in their bodies.
If it feels comfortable to you, push through and listen to the end. We promise it does get better and the episode ends with laughter and joy.
If you want to talk more about stumbling through conflict with your partner you can click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult Lauren would love to equip you and your partners with tools for mindful communication.
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
48 min
July 17, 2023 Forming a Sexual Game Plan with the Wheel of Consent
Let’s get right to it. Episode 34 talks about Oral Sex a LOT. If that’s not your cup of tea, this might be the episode for you!
Lauren has recently been re-reading Dr. Betty Martin's book, THE ART OF RECEIVING AND GIVING. At minute 1:50 she shares how Dr. Martin suggests that many folks might think they dislike receiving when REALLY they dislike enduring, tolerating and allowing.
At minute 13:40 Lauren unpacks the four quadrants of Dr. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent and they both talk about how allowing is NOT the same as receiving.
At minute 14:50 Trey reveals that he has disliked blow jobs since high school due to the tremendous pressure to orgasm. He and Lauren go on to unpack the basics of the 3-Minute Game and agree to use it to uncover new ways to receive oral gifts in the way they ACTUALLY want them.
Lauren shares a recent lightbulb moment she had about her Core Erotic Theme at minute 21:20 and how it influenced her in buying an old fashioned chemise that’s maybe gotten her laid a couple of times. :-)
Whether you call it consent or a game plan, Lauren and Trey hope you'll incorporate some of what you learn today into your sexual play with your partners!
Wanna learn more about taking, allowing, serving, and receiving CONSENSUALLY?! You can click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult She would love to walk you and your partners into playful freedom.
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
34 min
July 10, 2023 Stressful road trips and little wins!
Do you ever find yourself in the car with your partner thinking, “are we there yet?!?” If so, Episode 33 is for you! Trey and Lauren took a little road trip on the 4th of July and what could have turned into “road-gate,” instead took a turn for the better!
Despite high stress from a crazy storm on the dark county roads, Trey chose curiosity instead of rage and Lauren leaned into neutrality over self-blame.
This short-and-sweet episode will have you snickering at Trey’s tongue-in-cheek critique of Lauren’s driving skills. (You know we all do it!)
Celebrate with these two as they break patterns and acknowledge little wins even when they seem small.
If you are curious about how to approach old patterns with your partner,, click here to schedule a FREE 15-Minute Consult with Lauren today! www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult She would love to walk you and your partners into autonomy, change, and celebration!
Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself!⁠ https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock ⁠
Want to make your own podcast? We cannot recommend Spotify for Podcasters enough. Visit⁠ https://podcasters.spotify.com/ to launch your podcast today.
29 min