The Potential State Podcast

Most of us think that two is the most stable number in relationships.
But every dyad needs a third to stabilize it.
The process of including a third in a dyad is called triangulation.
Triangulation is a natural and unavoidable dynamic that occurs in every relationship.

The problems begin with the triangulation is fixed and rigid. It creates a 'lose-lose' dynamic that prevents all three members from raising differentiation and deepening their relationships.

In this talk, we discuss the phenomenon of triangulation in intimate relationships through examples of our own marriage and from the clinic.
Practical tips will help you lower triangulation in your intimate relationships today.

For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.

Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Imagine all the human emotion would be spread out from 1 being deep despair, all the way to 10 being extreme ecstasy.
What would be your range?
Which numbers (feelings) are you less familiar with?
Many of us are 4-6'ers. We live "between the 40's", keeping it safe, functional but also somewhat numb.

In this talk, Galit and I talk about the natural 4-6 phenomenon and its impact on relationships through examples from our own marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you expand your emotional range now.


For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.

Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Most of us believe criticism (or constructive feedback) more than praise.
Why? Because some of us grew up in homes where criticism was a way to show care.
Over time, this environment creates a core belief that "love = criticism".

Such a tendency leads to relationships fraught with conflict, cynicism, and sarcasm.

In this talk, Galit and Assael unpack this core belief and its effects through examples from their marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you soften this tendency and create a more positive, complimentary, generative relationship today.

For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.

Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then...

Mothers and fathers feel different kinds of guilt regarding their parenting. Kids grow up fast and we have so many things to do all the time. Times are even more challenging during COVID lock-down.

Therefore, the guilt is almost inevitable, but there is hope.
You can move from guilt to gratitude.
But first, you must name it to tame it.

In this talk, Assael shares his guilt and the best practices he's found to reduce them.
Galit shares her guilt experience as a m.other who is with the kids 24/7 in lock-down.

Together they help parents of all sorts, move from past to future, from regret and shame to learning and growth.

For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in parenting and relationships - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox.

Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Do you secretly find it hard to feel and/or express joy in your personal life? Are you in a relationship with a joy killer?
If you do, then you're not alone!

In the past months, we have discovered that Assael has trouble expressing joy (can you say, a pessimist?), while for Galit joy is a natural and accessible resource (optimist, or as we call her a unicorn).

This sent Assael to family therapy with his parents to understand the source of this difficulty - and he came back with some shocking discoveries.
Since then we have been talking about it with our clients, only to discover that many people find it hard to recognize and express joy for a myriad of reasons.

In this talk, we share what we discovered about joy from our marriage and the clinic. We share both the pessimist and optimist tips on how to recognize and express joy in your life.

For registration and more details on our upcoming webinar exploring the relational power dynamic in relationships - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/c/ThePotentialState
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Every couple has implicit power struggles in the different areas of their relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...).
We call this the 95/70 rule.
It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning.
One of the ways we have been renegotiating our  95/70 contract in the past year, is by having Galit join Assael's podcast.

Reflecting on our journey toward working together, we show how this power dynamic hurts relationships and how to soften this power dynamic in order to deepen intimacy, play, and partnership.

For the expanded talk on the 95/70 click here.

For registration and more details on the 95/70 power dynamic webinar - click here!

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it.
Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth.
In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this mechanism and how to allow yourself to "lower your standards" in order to accept influence.
Practical tips will help you let more things land and grow.


Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness.
This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other.
In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop that habit through examples from our marriage and the clinic.
Practical tips will help you listen more and solve less in your relationships.


Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more.
Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth.

In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them in order to grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and from our own drama around a drawing that was scotch-taped to the wall in my mother-in-law's house...

Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)?

If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side.

In this talk, Galit and I unpack the science and art of over-apologizing, through examples from the clinic and our lives.
Practical examples will help you stop over-apologizing, as well as equip you with better ways to deal with an over-apologizing partner.


Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships every week to your inbox!
Click here for more information on our upcoming online couples workshop.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael