• What you don’t say is also important. When you speak, remember to include pauses in the right places to convey confidence or emphasis. Give your listeners time to digest what you’ve said.

• Use the Pareto principle, or the 80-20 rule, and try to make 80% of the conversation about the other person and 20% about yourself. Listen, ask questions, and pay attention rather than forcing a particular topic, being fake, trying to impress or interrupting.

• Be aware of microexpressions (tiny, ultra-rapid facial expressions), especially those that don’t seem to match what is being said. Microexpressions tell the “truth” about someone’s feelings, so observing them can give you empathy and insight into how they really feel.

• People feel like they “click” more often when responses are swift, so pay attention and keep things flowing and responsive. That said, it’s better to end a flagging conversation than panic too much when it goes quiet.

• If you find yourself inching towards conflict, pause and ask whether the other person is speaking from a position of cognitive dissonance and, if they are, back away and try to re-establish rapport, since pushing will only invite more resistance. And, of course, be on guard against the tendency to hold incompatible or irrational views yourself!

Show notes and/or episode transcripts are available at https://bit.ly/social-skills-shownotes

Learn more or get a free mini-book on conversation tactics at https://bit.ly/pkconsulting

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