We'd rather be Swimming with the Fishes than miss recapping this week's #RHOSLC. This week, Hunter is a gay reindeer with a shiny nose. Papa the Bear is curious about the anatomy of Justin Rose's nose. We both hope that our anatomy doesn't get exploited, but we kind of hope it does. Who knows? It's our last episode of the year. Happy Holidays from The Housebears!

You'll have a Blue, Blue Christmas without our recaps of episode 13, Bermuda Views and Bathtub Blues and episode 14, Bermuda Birthday Blues. This week, Hunter admits that his core issue with Housewives is jealousy. Papa the Bear is taking a Bible Break. We both give insight into Heather's sexual boundaries. Hook up the IV and get your makeup done. It's time to rally!

If We Could Churn Back Time, we might have recorded an episode last week instead of stuff ourselves with food. Instead, we have another supersized episode to match our supersized guts. This week, Hunter is not interested in traditional Pioneer cuisine. Papa the Bear claims to be Heather's best match. We both continue to share our love of Lisa Barlow. We have some new sound equipment, and offer an Icy Apology for the new equipment learning curve.

We want Mormons to Get a Good Rap, so we completely support a Lisa Barlow Hip Hop Christmas album. This week, Hunter is the star of the episode. Papa the Bear hears with all the colors of the wind. We both think that Heather's castmates should read her book. Don't be loose like Mary's wig; this #RHOSLC recap is tight.

We stand with Beauty Lab + Laser and give an admittedly one-sided recap of this week's #RHOSLC episode. We're in between work trips and Papa the Bear's birthday weekend in Portland, so The Real Housebears are going raw once again. This week, we have a lot of opinions about the Don't Come for My Sound Bath episode, but it's really all about Papa the Bear's birthday...at least to Papa the Bear it is.

We're back after a week off, and ready for some Moms, Missions, and Mayhem. This week, Hunter finds Monica's long lost sister. Papa the Bear thinks the truth is somewhere in the middle. We both choose our favorite lines of the show. We're as happy to be back in the Hot Closet as Monica's mom is to be on television.

The finale of #RHONY marks a new season for The Real Housebears, and now it's all about #RHOSLC. This week, Hunter discovers that he is a Greek dancer. Papa the Bear thinks that Angie K is giving us classic Housewives. We both want to get loud with Seth. This highest rated season of Salt Lake City is like an Olive Branch to viewers without the Thorns.

Suprise! We have been Connecticut-ing the Dots and realized that a few dots weren't connected. We decided to give the #RHONY finale it's own special episode so that we could give the ladies of RHONY the respect and attention they deserve. This week, Hunter thinks that people In the Know wear their masks to a masquerade party. Papa the Bear is recovering from Bumper Car PTSD. We both make some wrongs right to give a more fair and balanced perspective of our past Anguilla recaps.

You might have heard the Après Rumor that we've had a Night at Swingers, but we've actually just been hairy, sweaty bear missionaries. This week, Hunter is trying to save a Jonas Brother from the Whale. Papa the Bear is challenging Mary to a choir sing-off. We both think we're going to try Heather's Snow Diet. Check out another week of your drunk uncles recapping your favorite shows.

The Nastiness and Rumors are true. We are not Well Healed coming back from vacation, but we're here, we're queer, and we're doing this podcast! This week, Hunter believes that conversations about threesomes equal healthy relationships. Papa the Bear thinks that Mary Cosby needs to host a Weakest Link reboot. We both think that we'd be pretty compatible friends with Erin and Abe. We'll do whatever you want to get you to listen to this week's #RHONY and #RHOSLC recap...as long as you have an agreement.