The Relationship Recovery Podcast

With all the conversations lately around family estrangement, toxic relationships, and learning to recognize unhealthy relationship patterns, we thought this episode was worth bringing back.

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot—but what actually is a narcissist? And how do you know if you’re dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic traits, or simply unhealthy behaviors?

In this episode, we break down what narcissism really looks like, why relationships with narcissistic people can feel so confusing, and some of the behaviors that can keep you stuck in an unhealthy relationship or abuse cycle.

We’re not psychiatrists, and we can’t diagnose narcissistic personality disorder. But understanding the common traits and patterns associated with narcissism can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing—and, more importantly, help you stop questioning yourself.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  What narcissism actually is—and what it isn't 
•  The difference between narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits 
•  Why narcissistic behavior can be so confusing 
•  How entitlement can show up in relationships 
•  Why narcissistic people may accuse you of being “too sensitive” 
•  Manipulation, blame-shifting, and the abuse cycle 
•  What narcissists may fear more than anything 
•  Why you can feel like you’re constantly questioning yourself 
•  How understanding these patterns can help you see your relationship more clearly 
•  Why you don't need a diagnosis to recognize that a relationship is unhealthy 

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Am I dealing with a narcissist?” “Why do I keep making excuses for this person?” or “Why do I feel like everything is somehow my fault?”—this conversation may give you some clarity.

And as always, remember: you don't need a clinical diagnosis to take your own pain seriously.

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily to learn more.

Welcome back to The Relationship Recovery Podcast. In this episode, Tiffany and Kierstyn are interviewed by Frankie and Jess for a deep conversation about why we stay in toxic and unhealthy relationships, even when we know something needs to change.

Why do we choose the familiar hell we know over the unfamiliar heaven we desire? From trauma bonds, gaslighting, codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism to childhood wounds, self-worth, and the relationship patterns we learned growing up, there are often deeper reasons behind why we stay stuck in unhealthy relationships.

Tiffany and Kierstyn explore what happens when one person in a relationship is willing to grow and the other isn't, how our past experiences show up in current relationships, and why healing ultimately requires us to turn inward and understand our own patterns—not just focus on what someone else did to us.

In this episode:

•  Why We Stay in Toxic and Unhealthy Relationships 
•  The Familiar Hell vs. the Unfamiliar Heaven 
•  Understanding Trauma Bonds and Why They Make Leaving So Difficult 
•  Gaslighting, Codependency, and Losing Trust in Yourself 
•  Why We Confuse Familiarity With Love 
•  The Role of Childhood Trauma and Learned Relationship Patterns 
•  How Our “Protective Parts” Show Up in Relationships 
•  Understanding Parts Work and Inner Child Healing 
•  How EMDR and Somatic IFS Can Help With Relationship Trauma 
•  Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and the Need to Earn Love 
•  Why Hyper-Independence Can Create Problems in Relationships 
•  The Connection Between Self-Worth and Unhealthy Relationships 
•  What Happens When Your Partner Isn't Willing to Change 
•  Why You Can't Heal a Relationship Without Self-Awareness 
•  Breaking Generational Trauma and Changing Family Patterns 
•  Understanding Adult Children, Parents, and Family Estrangement 
•  Giving Your Parents Grace Without Excusing Harmful Behavior 
•  How Curiosity Can Replace Judgment in Relationships 
•  The Importance of Boundaries, Self-Responsibility, and Personal Growth 
•  Why Everyone Has a Story Behind Their Relationship Patterns 
•  Healing Your Relationship With Yourself 

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily to learn more.

Listen to Frankie & Jess

After nearly two decades together on Salt Lake City morning radio, Frankie and Jess finally have time to go deeper. With real, unfiltered conversations about life, relationships, family, mental health, pop culture, and everything in between, Frankie & Jess brings the conversations you wish you could have with your best friends.

Listen at ListenToFrankieAndJess.com and follow them on Instagram at @frankieandjess.

Why are so many families experiencing estrangement—and why does it seem like going no contact has become more common? In this episode of The Relationship Recovery Podcast, we’re taking a deeper look at family estrangement, the growing divide between parents and adult children, and the complicated reasons relationships sometimes break down.

Tiffany and Kierstyn are joined by their friend Rachel Barker, who recently opened up the conversation about family estrangement to her own audience. What started with one conversation about an estranged mother and daughter quickly turned into an overwhelming response from parents sharing their own experiences with adult children going no contact, broken family relationships, boundaries, and the grief that comes with estrangement.

Together, Tiffany, Kierstyn, and Rachel explore both sides of the family estrangement conversation—and the nuance that can get lost when complicated relationships are reduced to social media posts, labels, and sound bites.

This conversation is not about dismissing abuse, trauma, or situations where going no contact is necessary. There are absolutely circumstances where stepping away from a relationship is the healthiest and safest choice. But there are also relationships where hurt, unmet expectations, generational patterns, poor communication, shame, and rigid boundaries can create distance that may still be repairable.

In this episode:

• Why family estrangement and adult children going no contact seem to be on the rise
• Rachel Barker’s experience opening the conversation with her audience
• The stories and common themes Rachel heard from parents experiencing estrangement
• Why social media has changed the conversation around family relationships
• How terms like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, trauma, and boundaries have become part of everyday relationship language
• The danger of trying to make complicated family dynamics black and white
• How social media algorithms can reinforce one side of a story and create validation loops
• The difference between healthy boundaries and emotional cutoff
• The adult child perspective vs. the parent perspective
• Why parents and adult children have to learn to relate to each other as adults
• The importance of autonomy in parent/adult-child relationships
• How childhood family roles and generational patterns can continue into adulthood
• Why two things can be true at the same time: “I’m angry with you AND I love you.”
• Loving someone without agreeing with their choices or behavior
• How shame can influence conflict between parents and adult children
• Why intention and context matter in difficult conversations
• The role of reciprocity in adult relationships
• When boundaries protect a relationship—and when they can create more distance
• Why parents may eventually stop trying to meet constantly changing expectations
• When going no contact may be necessary
• When it may be worth choosing repair, communication, and working through conflict
• Why healing does not always mean reconciliation
• The importance of taking responsibility for your own part in a relationship
• Giving adult children autonomy while still creating a safe and loving relationship
• How parents can give themselves grace while navigating the grief of estrangement

Family estrangement is rarely as simple as “the toxic parent” or “the ungrateful child.” There is usually a much bigger story underneath the cutoff—and understanding that story can be an important first step toward healing.

Whether you are an estranged parent, an adult child experiencing family conflict, or someone trying to understand a strained family relationship, we hope this conversation gives you a little more perspective, compassion, and room for nuance.

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily to learn more.

Welcome to Season 5 of The Relationship Recovery Podcast.  We are back after a social media reset we desperately needed in order to avoid burnout and excited for the new season. 

In this episode we are jumping into a new focus driven by client patterns and the  online polarization around adult children going no contact, family estrangement, and related terms like trauma, narcissism, and boundaries. 

We want to emphasize that we are “Team You,” and won’t tell our listeners to cut off or stay in relationships unless physical danger is present. We aim to help you make decisions from a clear, regulated place rather than survival mode. 

In this episode: 

• Why does it seem like family estrangement is so popular right now 
• Healing from a place of Regulation
• Perspective Gap Explained
• Social Media Language Shift and Popularization of Terms like Narcissism
• Adult Child Versus Parent Lens
• How Healthy Boundaries Can Change Relationship Dynamics
• Uncovering The Trauma Beneath Estrangement
• Emotional Cutoff Explained
• Protection vs Avoidance
• Spectrum of Contact
• The Awareness Gap to Healing
• Healing Doesn't Always Mean Reconciliation

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://therelationshiprecovery.as.me/toxicfamily learn more.

Welcome back to Season 5 of The Relationship Recovery Podcast! After a much-needed break, we’re returning with clarity, intention, and deeper support for anyone feeling stuck in relationship limbo.

In this episode, we explore what it really means when love feels heavy and why finding clarity about whether to stay or go can feel impossible. We break down the trauma responses that keep you looping, the four patterns that show up when you're torn, and how to reconnect with your inner voice so you can make empowered decisions—without pressure or panic.

If you’ve been feeling confused, depleted, or unsure about your relationship, this episode is for you.

In this episode: 

• Why clarity often feels impossible during relationship overwhelm
• The four common patterns: the Guilt Keeper, Overthinker, Trauma Loyalist & Hope Holder
• How trauma cycles and emotional highs/lows keep you stuck
• Why limbo is exhausting—and how to step out of it
• How to return to yourself and rebuild self-trust
• Resources to help you find clarity:
  Take the the free quiz
  The Should I Stay or Should I Go? course
  1:1 coaching

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching.

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching to learn more.

Kierstyn and Tiffany discuss the real challenges and joys of blending families and navigating new relationship dynamics. They emphasize that while merging lives is complex, intentional work can create strong, loving connections. This episode introduces a practical "Non-Negotiables & Negotiables" exercise to help couples clarify individual and family needs, improve communication, and build a foundation where everyone feels love, safety, and belonging. Whether you're newly blending or looking to enhance an existing relationship, this framework offers a tangible starting point.

Key Points Covered:

• Realities of Blending Families: Addressing the complexities of merging different personalities, parenting styles, and individual traumas.

• The "Non-Negotiables & Negotiables" Exercise: A tool for couples to identify core needs (as individuals and parents) and areas for compromise.

• Importance of Clarity: Avoiding assumptions by being specific about what each partner needs and expects.

• Intentional Communication: Stressing that healthy relationships require ongoing, intentional effort.

• Practical Application: Steps to implement the exercise, even if one partner is initially hesitant.

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Ready to build a stronger, more connected relationship? The Relationship Recovery offers coaching for individuals and couples. Book your discovery call today. Use code PODCAST for 50% off. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching.

In this episode, Kierstyn and Tiffany tackle a crucial, often overlooked aspect of healing after a breakup or divorce: having the energy to actually do the healing work. They discuss how emotional depletion can lead to setbacks (like reaching out to an ex or getting stuck) and emphasize the importance of simple, intentional morning routines to refuel your energy reserves. 

Using a marathon analogy, they explain why preparing for your day is vital for navigating the challenges of healing and offer practical, easy-to-implement ideas to boost energy and support your journey without adding pressure or overwhelm.

Key Points Covered:

The Energy Requirement for Healing: Understanding that healing isn't passive; it requires active energy, which is often depleted after relationship turmoil.

Avoiding Depletion & Setbacks: How low energy can lead to poor decisions, reaching back to unhealthy patterns, or feeling too overwhelmed to heal.

Focus on Simplicity & Consistency: Stressing that morning routines don't need to be complex, long, or "Instagram-worthy." Small, consistent actions are key.

Practical Morning Routine Ideas:

• Don't Grab Your Phone First
• Intentional Breathing
• Gratitude Practice
• Short Guided Meditation
• Ground Your Feet
• Hydrate
• Simple Movement
• Starting Small
• The Power of Intentionality

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Morning Routine Resource/PDF:  https://www.canva.com/design/DAE9JLvqzbA/eWiiLRD8YNlQs1DIiMyqcg/edit

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving, building the foundation and energy needed for deep healing. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching to learn more.

In this episode, Kierstyn and Tiffany delve into the complexities and difficulties of dating after experiencing an unhealthy or toxic relationship. They validate the common struggles listeners face, explaining why re-entering the dating world can feel incredibly hard and offering practical tools to navigate this journey with more safety and self-awareness. They emphasize that healing is possible and provide actionable steps to move from just surviving past hurts to thriving in future connections.

Key Points Covered:

Understanding Why Dating Feels Hard: Exploring the deep emotional layers and nervous system responses that complicate dating after relationship turmoil.

Lack of Self-Trust: the common issue of self-doubt and fear of repeating past mistakes after betrayal or manipulation.

Emotional Connection to the Past & Trauma Bonds: how lingering trauma bonds and emotional ties can draw you back to familiar (even unhealthy) patterns or make it hard to connect authentically. (References their episode on Trauma Bonds).

Tool: Creating Internal Safety: The importance of regulating your nervous system before dating through techniques like deep breathing and affirmations.

Tool: Shift from Performance to Observation: Moving focus from "Do they like me?" to "How do I feel around them?" to increase self-awareness and reduce people-pleasing.

Tool: Red & Green Flag Lists: Using lists based on past experiences and future desires to gain clarity and stay anchored to your needs and boundaries.

 Tool: Micro-Steps & Building Tolerance: Starting small with dating actions to gradually build comfort and avoid overwhelm.

The Importance of Support: Highlighting the role of a supportive community and safe connections in the healing process.

Challenge for the Week: Practical steps listeners can take immediately, including creating red/green flag lists, reconnecting to self-worth, and taking a small dating step if ready.

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery

Affirmation of The Week:

"Despite the hurt I've endured, I choose to keep my heart soft. I embrace letting my painful experiences teach and guide me, not harden me."

Ready to heal from past relationship trauma and confidently step back into dating? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we specialize in guiding individuals like you from the pain of toxic relationships to empowered, healthy connections—starting with the one you have with yourself. Book your discovery call today to explore how we can support your healing journey. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching to learn more and schedule your session.

In this episode Kierstyn and Tiffany discuss common triggers in relationships, emphasizing that everyone experiences triggers and offering insight to help listeners understand what they are experiencing. They stress the importance of not shaming yourself and highlight the significance of recognizing triggers, which often stem from past experiences and unresolved trauma. They share real-life examples and practical tools for navigating triggers to improve relationships.

Key Points Covered:

• Understanding Triggers
• Common Triggers (abandonment, criticism, control, rejection, trust, and betrayal)
• Recognizing Triggers in Yourself and your Partner
• Practical Ways to Regulate your Nervous System
• The Importance of Communication and Seeking Support

Connect With The Relationship Recovery:

Website: https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching
Email: [email protected]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therelationshiprecovery
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therelationshiprecovery
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0xaCdQ_S2o5tQ_ZeqeymD

Affirmation of The Week: 

"Today I choose not to let the hurts of my past keep me from living fully in the present. I deserve warmth, joy, and peace."

Feeling stuck in limbo can be one of the hardest and most frustrating experiences. Whether you’re caught in a toxic relationship, struggling with self-doubt, or unsure of your next steps, that paralyzing sense of uncertainty can make even small decisions feel impossible.

We’ve been there. We know how heavy it feels when past choices haunt you, making it hard to trust yourself to make better ones. And if you’ve experienced the trauma of an abusive relationship, getting unstuck isn’t as simple as just "deciding" to move forward—it takes intentional work, self-awareness, and the right tools.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what keeps you stuck and sharing a powerful technique to help you take the first step toward freedom. You’ll learn how to recognize your body’s warning signals, use small but effective strategies to shift your mindset, and start reclaiming your confidence—one step at a time.

Key Takeaways:

✔️ Understanding the Stuck Cycle – Why we sometimes choose to stay in limbo to protect ourselves from the unknown.
✔️ The Power of Awareness – How paying attention to your body's early warning signals can help break the cycle.
✔️ The 90-Second Distraction Rule – Simple, science-backed techniques to ground yourself before overwhelm takes over.
✔️ Why Baby Steps Matter – The importance of small, intentional actions in regaining control and confidence.

If you’re feeling trapped, know that you can break free. Tune in to learn how to take that first small, yet powerful, step toward clarity and healing.

Get the Support You Need:

📚 10 Books to Support Your Healing: www.therelationshiprecovery.com
💡 Should I Stay or Should I Go? : www.therelationshiprecovery.com/stayorgo

Ready to break free from toxic relationship patterns and finally reclaim your life? The Relationship Recovery can help. As trauma-informed coaches, we are dedicated to guiding you from surviving to thriving. Book your discovery call today and let's create a plan for your healing and personal growth. Use code PODCAST for 50% off your call. Visit https://www.therelationshiprecovery.com/coaching to learn more.

Connect With Us:

🌐 Website: www.therelationshiprecovery.com
📩 Email: [email protected]
📲 Instagram: @therelationshiprecovery
 

You're not alone in this. If you're ready to break free from the cycle of feeling stuck and start creating the life you deserve, let’s take this first step together.