We finally get to the witches. Only took us a couple of hundred episodes. The trail leads through the Black Death, tortured confessions about poisoned powders and boiled infants, a German theologian named Nider who wrote the first book on witchcraft in 1435, and a judge who apparently knew an extraordinary amount of detail about secret devil-worshipping covens…. under torture, of course, which is famously reliable. By 1438 the template is basically set: broomsticks, covens, babies in pots, and 700 followers on the verge of becoming lords of the country. Between 1400 and 1775 roughly 100,000 people would be prosecuted. About 80% of them women.

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Twelve Genoese galleys dock at Messina in 1347 carrying rats, fleas, and Yersinia pestis…. and within weeks Europe is looking for someone to blame. Spoiler: it’s the Jews. Also the beggars. Also, possibly, the planets. Pope Clement VI tries to point out that Jews are dying of the plague too, which you’d think would settle the matter.

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The Beguines were a movement of independent women who lived like nuns, owned property, preached in the vernacular, and answered to no man or church…. which, predictably, the church absolutely could not stand. We work through three of the great Beguine mystics, including Marguerite Porete, who spent 18 months on trial giving the Inquisition the silent finger before being burned alive in Paris in 1310. Her book survived, was read seriously by theologians for centuries, and wasn’t definitively credited to her until 1946 because obviously a woman couldn’t have written anything that sophisticated.

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The Jews have been expelled, the lepers have been burned, and somebody clearly had a plan…. we just don’t know who. We dig into the mechanics of medieval conspiracy theories, how the same story spread across France at a speed that makes you go “hmm,” and why the whole thing is basically a template that’s still being photocopied 700 years later. Also: the Pied Piper of Hamelin was apparently a real event, and the rats didn’t show up until 275 years after the fact.

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The King of France issues a royal edict blaming the lepers for poisoning the wells…. conveniently leaving out the Jews, who had just paid him 150,000 livres – roughly a third of the entire royal annual revenue. Pure coincidence. We also get a forged letter from the future, a secret room full of incriminating ram-skin, and a dragon that God apparently sent to signal it was time to murder somebody.

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We’re still talking about the Great Leper Scare of 1321 and now we’re deep into the trials. We’ve got lepers across France being rounded up, tortured into confessions, and burned at the stake, because Jesus loves nothing more than the smell of burning human flesh. Under torture, we’ve got Jews implicating the the Muslim King of Granada, the Sultan of Babylon, and a tall dark man with a scimitar who was apparently just standing around at the conspiracy meeting ready to cut heads off. We also drill down into immurement. That’s where you brick someone up inside a wall. Medieval Christian love and compassion at its best.

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We’re still talking about the Great Leper Scare of 1321 – where lepers, Jews, Muslims, and the devil himself are allegedly conspiring to poison the wells and topple Christendom. It’s the juicy tale of how a rumour spiralled into a pyramid scheme of scapegoating that ended with 160 Jews burned alive in a ditch. Today we talk about how it was connected to the Great Famine of the early 14th century and a bunch of Christian teen beggars who decided to force Jews to convert.

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We are taking a break from Michelangelo to talk about lepers, Jews and… WITCHES! 

Today we start with the 1321 leper panic in France, where thousands of people were burned alive or locked up for life based on tortured confessions of a supposed plot to poison the water supply and take over the world. Along the way we get hot and heavy with the French royal family — adultery, assassinations, a king who reigned for four days, and a woman who may have murdered her own infant nephew with a pin — before connecting it all to the origins of Europe’s first mass segregation program. It’s the archaeology of conspiracy theories. 

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On this episode, Michelangelo is done waiting around in Rome — he packs up and heads back to Florence, effectively ghosting the Pope before the Pope can ghost him any harder. Julius II is furious and tries every trick in the book to drag him back, including leaning on Florence’s own leader Soderini, who knows you can’t bully a prima donna and writes the most flattering letter of recommendation in Renaissance history. We end with Michelangelo finally heading to Bologna to face the music — or the Pope, which at this point might be worse.

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Michelangelo gets summoned to Rome by Pope Julius II — the baddest, most belligerent pope who ever lived — to build the greatest tomb the world has ever seen. Mickey heads to Carrara for six months to find the perfect marble, starts dreaming of flooding Rome with giant statues, and then one of the most famous sculptures from antiquity gets dug out of the ground right in front of him. We also get into why Julius II absolutely despised the Borgias, and Cameron rocks his new Michael Caine glasses throughout.

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