I’ve come a long way toward having what I want in life. I focused for quite a while on having a relationship, but it took some time to actually MEAN it on a deeper level and stop sabotaging my efforts based on old patterns and beliefs. I also denigrated commitment for many years, not realizing it was blocking me. I would say I had both feet in, but I always looked for an escape hatch because I never felt fully present in my life. This resulted in a lot of U-turns, something many of us do. Growth is definitely not a linear process. The problem occurs when we think being in a relationship (or whatever it is YOU want) is the “be all, end all” to making our lives complete. “If only I had X, I would be happy.” Of course this isn’t true because fixating on the external and trying to force something does not lead to happiness. It’s only by giving up control that the pieces eventually fall into place. You don’t know how or when this will happen, which is why surrender is key.

We say we want new, better, different, etc., yet don’t take the scary steps required to get there. By keeping things small and controlled there is no space for anything new. The same patterns persist, keeping what we want elusive. Committing to truly having what you want is a huge step, and it’s not a mental agreement—it’s an emotional one. It’s about letting your heart lead you toward it, while at the same time not knowing the exact directions. It requires trust and faith because U-turns and forks in the road will inevitably crop up. Your desire must be stronger than your fear. But once you commit with your whole heart and let go, you will have more clarity than you’ve ever experienced. It’s a windy road I am happy to have taken because I ended up with what I want… and I had no idea it was coming.