The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

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Interview by Damian Andrews of SHAIR.care: What it means to be a man (1)

What is Man-ness?
There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some point there may be an increased desire to self-soothe and escape into cyberworld for a while – using sex, porn and/or other compulsive behaviours. Consider this poem:

Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law Nolte

If a child lives with criticism, he [she] learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he [she] learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he [she] learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he [she] learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance, he [she] learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he [she] learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he [she] learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he [she] learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he [she] learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he [she] learns to like himself [herself].
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he [she] learns to find love in the world.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Exploring Man

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Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (4)

Root causes of negative impact on the brain, to cause it to gravitate to self-soothing behaviours?

What do you think were the issues which caused your brain to gravitate to self-soothing from those negative impactful behaviours, during those early developing younger years of life (often before puberty)? Bullying, abuse, sexual abuse, parents arguing, witnessing domestic violence, over zealous punishment, comparison with a sibling, never good enough, not fit in, ostracised, parents’ separation and/or divorce, pressure to perform at school, witnessing assaults, fear for safety of self-and/or others…… (What was yours?)

Use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) to first address the event, BEFORE embarking upon a Recovery Programme or a 12 Steps Programme. Make the first thing the first thing first!

You WILL still need a Recovery Programme – to breakdown the negative neural pathways - but by going after the “Cognitve/thinking/ setting up”, you increase the “tendency/propensity” for good outcomes from a Recovery Programme. Make sense?

What was and still is the Emotional event for you? Trauma, Anxiety, Stress, Pain, Fear, Panic Attack, Complicated grief, Grieving, Dissociation, Anger, Phobias, Performance Anxiety, Personality disorders…….?

“Trauma is the external wound, not the internal event” – Gabor Mate

“Trauma is a story that has not moved on”. It is a “story” because of the truths that your brain made of the event when it unfolded; but it may not be the full reality because of the compromised brain functioning at the time of the event; (ie logical brain not fully online at the time) – but it is set up in the body - from what all five senses took in at the time.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectifi

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Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (3)

Is porn bad or inherently bad for the brain?

I don’t want to be seen as moralising about anyone’s personal values, ethics, standards or morals. What we do know is that experiments demonstrate that porn viewing can do permanent damage to the brain. (We are dealing with lots of porn use over lots of hours; no short periodical or ad hoc use).

Once damaged in that way, it is permanent and the deficit cannot be repaired. (“A bit scaremongery Gary”). No, not really. Do your own research. Don’t believe me!

A person will not know whether a first few viewings of porn – which will create a template on the brain – will later cause the brain to choose porn as its “go-to” self-soother of choice. You do not choose the compulsion or addictive behaviour of choice. Your brain chooses.

Porn use over the years, is not static. Just like illegal drug use and alcohol want increase to give the same high, so porn use likely will increase. The increase tends to be in the form of greater novelty, risk taking, boundary crossing and not getting caught – therefore becoming a greater expert at going underground/hiding - (which "Shame" loves, because Shame is all about “hidden” and “hiding”).

Then with increased use, sensitisation to a partner’s body can be set up; fantasy, objectification and dining out on multiple past porn images, become the starter course before being able to have sex. There is then more than two of you in the bed.

This is the terrain of Psychosexual Therapy – to help you desensitise. I am a Psychosexual Therapist.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behaviora

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Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (2)

This Insecure Attachment thing, has a lot to answer…..

Stuff set up in childhood development, has its tentacles in how we are doing our adult lives and relationships. Picture the image of a “Russian Doll”; the layers of the Russian Doll has the smallest version deep inside. That represents the Inner child. Stand up the real you. Which one will stand up? Which one is the real you?

The Inner child is deep in the layers seeking protection from ever getting hurt again; because of what the brain is carrying from childhood experiences; things that hurt it; things not in the conscious and so things that even you cannot find or even remember, let alone access; all very unconscious.

Problem! You know there is a nice, loveable inner child person deep inside, whom you get a split-second glimpse of. Know you could like, but disappears as quickly as became visible; gone back deep inside, to avoid exposure to repeat hurt. Can you identify with that? Those who can, know what I am talking about. You get it. You also have that experience.

Recovery is a journey. You can heal from this Insecure Attachment behaviour. I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) to help clients do so. I am an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working Online with clients based all over the world.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | NoFap and Porn Addiction Recovery | Sobriety from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Education | Understanding Porno

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Interview with Roman Mironov of NOFAP (1)

Don't think about having truly achieved sobriety until one year from the last acting out.

“A bit arbitrary Gary. Rather too long, don’t you think?” My reply is that the compulsive and addiction behaviours usually have a few decades start on you. In other words, many clients have been doing the behaviours for decades – often since childhood development. A habit; a hamster wheel behaviour pattern; otherwise more therapeutically called a neural pathway - is well established. 

It is not going to be possible to wean your brain – your physiology - off the biochemical fix of Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin & Noradrenaline, in a short time frame. There is a “cold turkey” effect. It is not like illegal drugs. The cold turkey effect is mood related. That is what the addiction was set up to manage.

And then that thing called “Insecure Attachment” again….

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | NoFap and Porn Addiction Recovery | Sobriety from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Education | Understanding Pornography Addiction | Effects of Pornography Addiction | Brain Changes from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Withdrawal | Coping with Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms | Managing Triggers | Relapse Prevention Strategies | Building Resilience Against Pornography Temptations | Cognitive Behavioral Strategies for Pornography Addiction Recovery | Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms | Insecure Attachment | <

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Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own reputation" Podcast (5)

Getting help is not a sign of weakness.

Repeated Negative patterns of behaviours, give a glimpse of a problem. I take me into the relationship and is me being me, doing life how I do life – “What’s the problem?”; the problem must be you.

There is no problem if there is no problem; but when you know there is a problem – because life just is not working well for you - then you need to lift your head up and acknowledge that you may need a third party (a Therapist) to come alongside you. Do it – even whilst kicking and screaming and your finger nails are leaving marks in the carpet as you are dragged across the carpet into the Therapist's office (or made much easier for you now – Online!)

That sounds like my journey; kicking and screaming, that only Freud could unravel a complex being like me! (That was my long time avoidant strategy. "After all, I am a Black man and I aim't sharing me with some busy-body Counsellor. I can do this....")

Your partner is going to be a mirror, reflecting "you" back onto you and bringing out/triggering out – you and your stuff. Don’t ditch the partner yet. Maybe work through your stuff first, then decide if you still want to ditch the partner; after all, you are destined to take you and your stuff into any new relationship and repeat the same old, same old. It will just look a little differently with that new partner. Get it?

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships

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Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own reputation" Podcast (4)

You are not weaker and less robust than others. It is a lie.

The behaviours are all about managing emotions, in response to issues in the past - still operating the same way in the present. Once repeat behaviours set in, you are on the hamster wheel and it is difficult to get off. 

What’s all this got to do with a 6 years old whose Action man or Barbie doll was stolen by the boy down the road or even about someone borrowing your tooth brush but not putting it back and you get so very (OTT) angry when someone don’t put your stuff back after borrowing them? The adult can learn so much about how they are now doing life, by re-visiting the childhood development years.

You need to get off the present hamster wheel of negative repetitive behaviours and then create another hamster wheel; but this time, a hamster wheel set up with new positive behaviours, which you repeat over time and not re-open the old negative hamster wheel. That is what The Kairos Centre Recovery Programme is about; creating new hamster wheels; new habits; us Therapists prefer to call - new  neural pathways.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies | Honesty in Relationships | Transpar

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Interview with Marci Warhaft of "How to ruin your own reputation" Podcast (3)

Seriously!!

The highest download of porn during the day is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. (Let me spell it out -- OFFICE HOURS!)

“That’s crazy!” Not so crazy for some. The brain has decided that the “Feeling-state” that it gets from the behaviour ie the lushness, is worth the massively high risk and trade-off. As human-beings, we tend to push the boundaries too far and a hand grenade explodes, leaving us fire-fighting and picking up shrapnel. 

What massive risks? The Feeling-state that was set up many years before, is ruling the day. It thinks the risk is worth-while. But remember, by then, the frontal lobe part of the brain that makes logical decisions, is off-line. The major decisions are being taken from the Limbic brain (the emotional feeling brain).

Compulsions and addictions do need help. They are mental health conditions. Call it what you want - "Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder - CSBD" (from the World Health Organisation in 2019); or the colloquial names of "Sex Addiction" or "Porn Addiction"; does not matter much to those caught up in its tentacles; except that it is treatment that should be available in the UK under private  medical insurance cover and the NHS.

Us Sex, Porn, Love Addiction specialists are just getting on and helping people and one day, definitions, categorisation and treatment regimes will catch up. 

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | E

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More about this thing called “Love Addiction”. What is it? What it is not.

“Push you Pull me” is at work. “I want you, I love you…..but you're getting too close; you might finish with me, so I am getting jittery and so I am going to push you away, so I force us to end, so you don’t finish with me when I was not expecting it; that must never happen and catch me off guard”.

Here is my definition of Sex Addiction which I use: "A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and are out of control. You cannot stay stopped for a sustainable period or consistently and it has harmful consequences and the behaviour serves a function in your life and it is used primarily to anaesthetize some negative feeling state. (The important criterion, which makes it an addiction, rather than a love of sex, is that, it serves a function).

Why not interact with me about these Podcasts. I don't know if you are getting benefit or not. Motivate me to keep going. Go on. Text/WhatsApp +447866097247; Email: [email protected]

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies | 

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Defining the difference between Sex addiction & Love addiction:

Love addiction is all about trying to getting attention and a sense of feeling wanted, even if the attention is being paid for – since any attention is better than no attention. It has its roots in childhood development causing Insecure Attachment; a sense of rejection and loss – due to a disruption in the early years bonding with key parental figures.

So, there is a searching out, using such activities as dating sites, chat sites, web cam interaction and other methods of interacting with others, to give a temporary sense of being wanted; that may lead to a sense of feeling love and affection. You never fill that void for very long. You leak and keep searching to fill the leak. That might mean giving sex away to get the affection and sense of being wanted, but after the sex, may come rejection again and therefore repeat hurt for a season; eventually getting up and doing it again.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies | Honesty in Relationships | Transparency in Communication | Authenticity in Relationships | Relationship Boundaries | Love Addiction | Relationship Dependency | Obsessive Love | Romance Addiction | Co-Dependency | Unhealthy Attachments | Fear of Abandonment | Need for External Validation | Relationship Patterns | Codependent Relationships | Intense Emotional Dependency | Compulsive Relationship Seeking | Attachment Insecurity | Fear of Rejection | Self-Worth Issues | 

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