The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

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You have heard me repeatedly rabbit on with this mantra haven't you? What you do not understand, you have no hope of influencing; no hope of changing or even embark upon the change process - (and change is a process from A to Z).

Why? Because the stuff you don't understand, lives in the unconscious. It works away below the "Mission Impossible" infra red light and no loud alarm is triggering to bring it to your attention.

What you must, must, must, must do, is move the stuff from the unseen; from the un-understood; from the invisible; from the unconscious, into the conscious; therefore above the "Mission Impossible" infra red light, so the alarm is triggered.

Why? Because what you can now see; can now better understand; you get a chance now to affect; to influence; to change.

Problem! Change is a process. Just because you can see it; you can better understand it,  does not mean you can change it IMMEDIATELY. What you must recognise, however, is that change has begun; because you can now see the problem. It can never be the same again, even if it is not yet changed.

You have now embarked on the stages of change. Change has begun. Be patient and build consistently - one brick upon another - one at a time - consistently. Then you will reach your destiny - that of sobriety.

One such hiddenness is that of understanding your Negative Core Beliefs, which are fundamental drivers influencing and shaping how you are doing life; thus beckoning self soothing behaviours that cause you to turn to sex, porn, love addiction acting out activities. Get it?

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

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Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity |

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We will say that Sex/Porn/Love Addiction is set up in one of three ways - Opportunity, Attachment issues and/or Trauma. Trauma is not necessarily limited to big events that happen in a war zone.

It is also the impact on a seven years old, whose Game Console is taken by a friend and when they knock on the friends door to get it back, a parent slams the door saying "It isn't yours; I bought it for my child". The child runs home crying, but there is not a parent who fights their corner.

Self-soothing from even low key trauma events and occurrences, can lead to compulsive self-soothing behaviours from a young age. Over time, the brain comes across and gravitates to more intense patterns of behaviours, such as Sex/Porn/Love compulsivity activities.

Treat and process trauma first, before embarking on a Recovery Programme or 12 steps group; otherwise the unresolved and unprocessed trauma will bite you in the bum again, at a later date when the perfect storm appears.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Trauma Recovery | Healing from Trauma | Trauma Therapy | Coping with Trauma | Understanding Trauma | Trauma Healing Journey | Trauma Symptoms | Trauma-Informed Care | Trauma Resilience | 

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We can't change what we cannot see and do not understand. This is me doing life how I do life. What's the problem? There is no problem (to us), if there is no problem.

But the truth is, we know some things are not working right in life, but we don't understand why or what. Change has not and cannot even begin. 

When we gain greater insight and understanding, then change has become. We have moved the stuff from the unconscious into the consciousness. It can never be the same again. It is visible. We have used a highlighter pen to make it very visible. 

We now have choice. Some may choose to do nothing with the insight. The Change process is stalled and goes no further. Those who do something with the insight, move the change process along a continuum to the next level. 

Change has truly began. It is not complete and we are still some way away from where we want to be; but fact is, change is happening. It is a process. 

There is a Timeline to change. We are now firmly on the Timeline; the stages of change; the continuum. We will reach a place of transition. "I am still not where I want to be, but praise God, I am not where I use to be".

Let The Kairos Centre journey with you through the Change process to reclaim your life and be the best that you can be with this one time life that you get to live.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | 

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Managing triggers is just one aspect of the recovery process. Not unique to sex/porn/love addiction; it manifests in many other trauma areas, such as childhood sexual abuse that keeps on keeping on being triggered in adulthood.

How did the triggers get set up. Childhood development holds the clues. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) may hold the keys.

Really? No way? Does it come with a guarantee - this EMDR stuff? What is it about? Go after the setting up of the addiction, rather than go straight to tools to  first stop the behaviours. Give EMDR a try. It works!

Described as "Rewiring your life: A radical therapy based on eye movements can desensitise painful memories, heal hurts and aid transformation at warp speed". Here is a link:
https://aeon.co/essays/how-emdr-helps-to-reprocess-traumatic-memories-at-warp-speed.

The Kairos Centre use EMDR regularly with numerous clients with great outcomes.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing | Trauma Therapy | EMDR Techniques | Memory Processing | Cognitive Processing Therapy | Trauma Healing | Mental Health Therapy | Stress Reduction | Anxiety Relief | Therapeutic Interventions |

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Just like cave men and cave women or different?

The cave man instinct to protect us from the mammoths & sabertooth cats is alive and kicking in our 21st Century way of doing life, as it played out back then.  The dangers have changed, but nonetheless, the brain (our cognition) convinces us of a danger that is not real and the body comes to alert repeatedly through the day, ready to protect us, unless we can calm our thinking and take it off guard duty.

Our thoughts, our thinking, our cognition leads to our behaviour. Not the other way round. So change cognition before you try to change behaviour. "If you can change your thinking, you can change your life". It is that stark. Really, it is.

Don't believe the lie people. Use the rest of your other senses to cross-examine your cognition. Get a re-set in your mind using the tools provided by The Kairos Centre -  involving Grounding (to address Dissociation); Breathing (deeper and longer, instead of short shallow - panic); Suck a lemon; and going to your Calm/Peaceful/Restful place - with tapping to soothe the left & right brain.

The use of those Neurotramitters/neurochemicals in the body - for self-soothing - is not the way and is only a 5 minutes wonder - then the unwanted kick back.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | S

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Oh no - not Neuroscience stuff!

....but it isn't that complicated! At least not when you read the material from public friendly neuroscientists like Dr Caroline Leaf.

"The Pleasure Principle" - What's that about? Another very clever Neuroscientist (Dr Struthers) has brought together the individual role played by each of those (neurotransmitters/neuropeptides/brain chemicals/biochemicals - whatever they are properly called). This is where I get ready to run for my bunker, for fear of the wrath of a grieving female partner - when I say that Sex Addiction is not about porn images. Porn is only the needle, to get those chemicals into the body.

What chemicals? Here's what Dr Struthers says (in summary):
As a man goes through the day, testosterone increases with each stare, fantasy and anticipation, creating the desire for sex; norepinephrine (I can't pronounce it) - is being released, getting the brain primed and alert for action; serotonin release creates excitement for the anticipated payoff; dopamine focus the mind, as a reminder to the brain, where and what it did the last time to find the reliable payoff. As the activity starts, endogenous opiates give a rush of euphoria; Oxytocin and vasopressin bind the images and experience together. The next acting out session, to repeat the process, is just a moment away.

I wonder what all this looks like for women? Let's ask Dr Struthers.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerm

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We do need to pay much attention to those Childhood development stages and how they may have shaped how we go on to do our adult relationships:
 "Come close; I want you close; I need you close; I need to own you for myself; you're too close; move away; give me space; this is stifling; i need more from you; you're not the one for me; blowing you up". 

Any of these ringing true or resonate with you? It is called sabotage.

Go after the sex/porn/love addiction first and have " Mrs Porn" on her way out, to give Couples counselling more varsity to succeed. Yet, don't not do anything about the the couples relationship whilst doing the sex/porn/love addiction work; since you might unwittingly leave the couple too long and end up burning bridges that you can't repair or get back.

Then psychosexual Therapy may become necessary, if an identifiable disorder has development. Three distinct areas of work, with different skill sets. We do them all at The Kairos Centre.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Inner Child Work | Boundary Setting | Trauma-Informed Care |

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Early years fostered, Adopted, Immigrate, parents separation & divorce, verbal, physical, sexual and/or spiritual abuse, Boarding school, premature birth, incubated, mothers post-natal depression, alcoholic, drug use, parent working away a lot, emotionally absent even when they are home - are just some contributing causes for setting up INSECURE ATTACHMENT - which may later manifest in how the adult child will go on to do interpersonal relationships.

We all need a lighthouse that is stable during the earliest years of childhood development. A black hole void gets set up; that insecure Attachment behaviours try to fill, when that childhood development period is not negotiated through in a "good enough" manner. There then follows, attempts throughout adulthood relationships to repeatedly repeatedly use conscious and unconscious processes to try to fill the void = LOVE ADDICTION.

Want to know more and better understand? In all your getting, get understanding.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment |

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You feel insecure in close relationship with another and so the brain provides strategies to "control" the relationship, but is so unconscious that you deny you are doing any such thing.  Attachment is more accurately Detachment; yet a pining to be close to at least one other. Strange contradiction hey!

In your quest for sobriety, don't go for long strides and big leaps. Successful recovery and achieving sobriety, is more about small bite size, incremental, but progressive steps.

YOU can do this. Come on. Get up. Dust off. Get back in the fight.

Remember, one degree shift or small change in your thinking and behaviour patterns, means that in one year, the trajectory of your life will have taken you into a tangent and positive outcomes that you dreamed about and never thought to be possible.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics | Attachment Theory | Early Experiences | Coping Mechanisms | Emotional Regulation Techniques | Resilience Building | Social Support | Cognitive Behavioral Therapy | Mindfulness Practices | Self-Compassion | Inner Child Work | Boundary Setting | Trauma-Informed Care | Attachment Issues | Attachment Theory | Secure Attachment | Insecure Attachment | Attachment Styles | Emotional Bonds | Parent-Child Attachment | Adult Attachment | Interpersonal Relationships | Caregiver Attachment | Romantic Relationships | Emotional Regulation | Childhood Attachment Patterns | 

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On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Core Emotional Needs, such as Approval, Attention, Security, Respect (and more) get depleted over time and as human beings, getting them met, and kept topped up, is not optional. We will consciously, but mostly unconsciously Fight/Flight/Freeze in order to get them met.

They desire to be met. You are in danger zone for Acting out, as a way to fulfil those needs - temporarily. Yet, temporarily (at the time), is good enough and promises a fix.

Fight may take the form of passive-aggressive. You are out of sort with a partner and you know that they know; they are worried that because of it, you may Act out; but you throw caution to the wind and don't care. In fact, quietly, you are pleased they fear you might act out. That is a way you get back at them and give them their "comeuppance".

You know what Flight response looks like don't you? That is when you run into the arms of "Mrs Porn" or "Mrs Sex" or the pursuit of love & affection. Here is my definition of Flight: You move yourself out of the place where you perceive that your Core Emotional Needs are not being met and instead, put yourself in a place where you perceive your Core Emotional Needs will more likely be met.

Freeze, isn't entirely freeze! It is more about "just getting on with life". Just don't think about it. Throw caution to the wind. Self-pity maybe. 

Getting Core Emotional Needs met is not negotiable. At some point you will be doing Fight/Flight/Freeze, to get them met.

Better understand the dynamics. Let The Kairos Centre come alongside your journey.

Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelp
The Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email [email protected]

Now launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/

Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.

Support Our Show
 Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlane

Episode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification |

Support the show