The Shadow Diaries

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When was the last time you questioned what success really looks like? In this raw, vulnerable mid-year check-in, Lurinda reveals how her carefully mapped business plans took an unexpected detour after her daughter's serious car accident thrust her into survival mode for months.

The perfectionist who started 2023 with rigid financial goals found herself humbled by life's chaos, discovering that her true values weren't aligned with the success metrics she'd been chasing. "I needed to have those goals to really see that finances don't equal success," she confesses, describing a pivotal moment at a business event where she realized, "I would rather have no money but still have my values."

This reflection dives deep into the shadow side of perfectionism, the double-edged sword of resilience, and the courage required to completely restructure a business around quality over quantity. As Lurinda approaches her 30th birthday, she's focused on "closing chapters" from her twenties—creating physical spaces that nurture presence, setting stronger boundaries, and unmasking her true self after years of wearing protective facades.

The conversation offers a refreshing counterpoint to hustle culture, showing how sometimes pulling back, refining focus, and prioritising meaningful connections creates more sustainable success than constantly adding more to your plate. For anyone feeling stretched thin between work, family responsibilities, and self-care, Lurinda's journey provides both validation and a roadmap for reclaiming your relationship with yourself.

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What happens when we shine light on the parts of ourselves we've been taught to hide? Shadow work invites us to reconnect with our whole selves, beyond the conditioning that has labeled certain traits as "good" or "bad."

In this milestone 52nd episode (marking our one-year podcast anniversary!), we explore the profound world of shadow work—what it is, how it transforms lives, and what actually happens in a session. Far from the ominous social media portrayal of "doing the dark work," shadow work is simply about meeting parts of yourself that conditioning has forced you to suppress.

When we're young, we learn which traits get rewarded and which get punished. Those punished traits become our "shadows"—aspects we hide away because our nervous system literally registers them as dangerous. The classic example? Being labeled "selfish" as a child for not sharing, which can lead to an adult who can't prioritize their own well-being without crushing guilt. Shadow work helps recalibrate this conditioning, showing that traits like selfishness aren't inherently bad—they're contextual. Being selfish about your health is actually essential!

Through somatic approaches that access the subconscious mind, shadow work helps locate where these feelings live in your body. Unlike affirmations or talk therapy, it addresses the deeper nervous system programming that keeps you stuck. Both of us share our raw personal journeys into shadow work—from spontaneous decision-making to profound grief and loss—revealing how this practice doesn't just change your thinking, it transforms your entire relationship with yourself.

Ready to meet your shadows? We share the various ways to work with us, from one-on-one coaching to retreats and membership communities. Book a no-pressure connection call to explore what path might be right for you—we're guides on this journey, not salespeople pushing you off a cliff!

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The turning point came when Steph's dog died because she was rushing. Then an ectopic pregnancy requiring surgery showed how disconnected she'd become from her own body. These wake-up calls forced a hard look at the hustle mentality she'd embraced for 35 years.

"I don't want to live like this anymore," Steph reveals in this vulnerable mid-year reflection. Halfway through 2025, she's discovering what happens when you create space instead of filling every minute. The transformation hasn't made her life any less full—with three kids, a husband working long hours, and her own business—but her relationship with time and presence has fundamentally shifted.

What's surprising her most? How capable she is of setting boundaries without guilt. How she can say no to clients who don't energize her. How she can show up differently as a mother as her children grow older, asking herself, "Am I giving them the childhood I want to? Am I being the mum that builds them up?" These questions extend to her marriage as she wonders, "Am I still going to be in love with my husband when they leave home?"

The conversation delves into dismantling long-held beliefs about success requiring constant hustle. "I'm really undoing those beliefs that it has to be complicated, it has to be full, it has to be a certain way to get where you want to go," Steph shares. "Sometimes simplifying things is actually what you need to do."

This intimate look at one woman's journey from perpetual motion to intentional presence offers wisdom for anyone feeling overwhelmed by life's demands. As Steph puts it, the obstacle to living your ideal life often comes from within "myself." The limiting beliefs we've carried for decades can be unraveled, but it takes commitment to a new way of being.

Ready to explore your own relationship with hustle and presence? Steph offers one-off sessions combining shadow work and breathwork, a six-month group program, and limited one-on-one coaching packages. Connect with us to learn more about working with Steph and transforming your relationship with time, purpose, and presence.

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The nervous system revolution has swept through wellness spaces, with "regulation" becoming the ultimate goal. But have we swung too far in one direction? In this thought-provoking episode, we pull back the curtain on what happens when regulation becomes avoidance.

Emotional regulation has its place - returning to your window of tolerance is crucial for functioning. But when regulation becomes your only tool, you might be missing the crucial healing that comes from actually processing your emotions. That sock on the floor that sends you into rage? Constantly regulating without processing means you'll be triggered by socks forever.

Your body speaks a language all its own. The persistent headaches, the back pain that won't quit, the fatigue that no amount of sleep fixes - these aren't random occurrences. They're your body's increasingly desperate attempts to get you to listen to what you've been suppressing. The body indeed keeps the score, and it will get progressively louder until you pay attention.

We explore practical approaches to creating safety - both within yourself and your environment - so you can begin processing emotions effectively. From checking in with your body to setting boundaries in relationships, these tools help create the container needed for real emotional work. And importantly, we discuss giving yourself permission to process at your own pace, recognising when you've reached your limit, and honoring that boundary.

Processing doesn't mean you need to feel everything at once. It doesn't mean you should have emotional conversations when you're already dysregulated. It's about finding the balance - knowing when to regulate and when to process - while remembering that healing isn't linear. Some days you'll have time and space for emotional work; other days you'll barely have time to breathe. That's not failure - that's being human.

Ready to transform your relationship with your emotions? This episode might just change how you approach your nervous system. Share your thoughts with us in our DMs - we'd love to hear how this resonates with you.

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Steph is here and Lurinda is here.

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Reach out to us on Instagram!
Steph is here and Lurinda is here.

Send us Fan Mail

Remember all those Disney movies you loved as a kid? Turns out they've been secretly messing with your relationships ever since. From Cinderella teaching us to be martyrs who do everything for everyone, to Ariel literally trading her voice just to chase a man she'd never spoken to, these fairy tales have programmed us with some seriously questionable relationship beliefs.

We dive deep into how these childhood stories created unrealistic expectations about love. The Beast taught us that we should rehabilitate emotionally unavailable men with our kindness. Snow White showed us that beauty and passivity were enough to be worthy. And Mulan? She reinforced the message that women have to work harder and sometimes hide who they truly are to be valued. No wonder our relationships feel complicated!

One of our most eye-opening revelations is about the dreaded "roommate phase" that many couples experience. What if that comfortable stability isn't actually a problem? We explore how movies have conditioned us to expect constant drama and passion, making us mistake toxic patterns for romance while dismissing healthy, secure relationships as "boring." That stability you're experiencing might actually be what emotional safety feels like when you're not living in a Disney movie.

We also get real about intimacy beyond sex, discussing how connection can be maintained even when libidos don't match and sharing practical tools like the "yab yum" exercise that can help rebuild closeness without pressure. True relationships require actively choosing each other every day – fairy tales conveniently skip that part.

Join us for this laugh-out-loud yet surprisingly profound conversation that will have you questioning everything you thought you knew about love. Your relationship might thank you for it!

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"Whose baggage is it anyway?" That's the question at the heart of today's deep dive into projections—those moments when we unconsciously push our feelings, fears, and past wounds onto others.

We explore the fascinating psychology behind why we project our emotions onto those around us and how these projections shape our daily interactions, particularly with our children and partners. Through vulnerable personal stories (including Lorinda's anxiety during her son's math competition that was entirely her own projection), we unpack how our unresolved issues can create unnecessary tension in relationships and even pass our wounds to the next generation.

You'll discover practical tools to recognize when you're projecting rather than responding to what's actually happening. We share specific questions to ask yourself in heated moments, techniques to ground yourself when triggered, and ways to create the essential space between feeling an emotion and reacting to it. These strategies help break the cycle of projection that keeps many of us stuck in repetitive conflicts.

The conversation tackles both sides of emotional expression—how over-analyzing can lead to emotional bypassing while unchecked emotional flooding can hijack meaningful dialogue. We offer balanced approaches to holding both logical awareness and emotional authenticity simultaneously, even during challenging interactions.

Whether you're struggling with parental anxiety, relationship misunderstandings, or simply want to better understand your emotional responses, this episode provides compassionate insight into one of the most common yet rarely discussed patterns in human behavior. By the end, you'll have practical tools to differentiate between your baggage and authentic responses to present situations.

Remember to share this episode with someone who might benefit from understanding their own projection patterns, and drop into our DMs to continue the conversation!

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In this episode Lurinda shares all about her "Surrender" retreat - we get an insight on the backend of what goes into this and how it is all painstakingly considered.

For busy women juggling countless roles and responsibilities, the idea of surrender feels both terrifying and desperately needed. We're experts at taking care of everyone else while abandoning ourselves, creating an exhausting pattern of control, resentment, and disconnection. The Surrender Retreat offers a rare opportunity to step away from these patterns and discover what lies beneath.

Lurinda vulnerably shares how her own journey through abandonment wounds, friendship betrayals, and fear of being fully seen led her to create an experience fundamentally different from typical personal development events. From the moment participants sign up, they're held in a container of support that extends well beyond the four-day immersion. Every detail – from airport pickups to personalized food preferences – is handled with care by Lurinda and her support person Tori (lovingly dubbed "the fairy").

What makes this retreat uniquely powerful is its holistic approach to transformation. Through four pillars – mind, voice, heart, and embodiment – participants engage with their shadows, limiting beliefs, and somatic patterns in a space of complete acceptance. The intimate setting (maximum six women) creates profound connection as judgments transform into reflections, conflicts become opportunities for growth, and walls gradually come down.

The stories of transformation are remarkable: women finding their voice, establishing clear boundaries, improving relationships, and releasing the belief that they're somehow broken. Yet perhaps most touching is Lorinda's revelation that in creating this space for others, she continues to heal herself. As she puts it: "You are loved. You are seen. You are supported." In a world that rarely offers women these gifts unconditionally, the Surrender Retreat creates a container where they become not just possible, but inevitable.

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Cat Dunn shares her powerful journey as a domestic violence survivor and how she transformed her 20-year experience of abuse into advocacy for women's voices and stories.

• Surviving domestic violence for 20 years, learning it was a behavior pattern from childhood
• The challenge of rebuilding self-trust after trauma and how the body physically holds onto past experiences
• Discovering hypermobility diagnosis after years of unexplained injuries, connecting physical pain to emotional trauma
• Why leaving abusive relationships is so difficult – you're not just leaving a person but your entire identity
• How to support someone in a domestic violence situation: be present, listen, avoid telling them to leave
• The power of sharing stories through Cat's "Life After I Left" events and upcoming podcast
• Breaking the "sister wound" and finding genuine support among women
• Recognizing that domestic violence affects one in four women – it's someone in every room

If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave a review or drop into our DMs. We'd love to hear from you.

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The digital age has transformed nearly every aspect of our lives, but can artificial intelligence truly replicate the depth and nuance of human connection in therapeutic relationships? 

Steph and Lurinda tackle this provocative question head-on, exploring whether tools like ChatGPT could potentially replace human therapists and coaches. Drawing from their extensive experience working with clients, they unpack the fundamental differences between AI-generated responses and the irreplaceable value of genuine human connection.

While acknowledging AI's impressive capabilities for providing information and initial guidance, the hosts identify critical limitations that prevent technology from truly replicating therapeutic relationships. AI misses roughly 70% of communication – the body language, tone shifts, energy patterns, and nervous system responses that trained coaches instinctively read. ChatGPT might validate your perspective as your digital "bestie," but it won't challenge your blind spots or notice when your story doesn't quite add up.

The conversation delves into the profound healing that happens when we're truly witnessed by another human being. That moment when a coach picks up on subtle cues you didn't even realise you were displaying, or creates a safe container for processing emotions rather than intellectualising them. This embodied wisdom and intuitive connection simply cannot be replicated through algorithms, no matter how sophisticated.

For coaches listening, there's a powerful call to evolution – knowledge alone is no longer enough in a world where information is instantly accessible. The future of coaching lies in transformation through connection, in the embodied wisdom that comes from lived experience rather than data points.

Whether you're curious about AI's potential, seeking personal growth support, or a helping professional yourself, this thought-provoking episode offers valuable perspectives on the irreplaceable magic of human connection in our increasingly digital world.

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Steph is here and Lurinda is here.