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Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI, says AI probably won’t bring the jobs apocalypse, which is reassuring in the way a volcano saying “relax” is reassuring.

Royal Caribbean is cracking down on cruise cabin door decorations, and the upside-down pineapple community may never emotionally recover.

Popeyes is bringing biscuit mix to grocery stores, so America can finally make edible drywall in the privacy of its own home.

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Sources: Reuters, New York Post.

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President Trump says a deal with Iran is largely negotiated, while Iran says obstacles remain and no agreement is imminent.

Comcast is now selling YouTube TV to internet customers after losing more than 10 million TV subscribers.

And thieves are allegedly using the “Screw Method” to keep gas pumps charging your card after you drive away.

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Sources: CBS News, Reuters, Cord Cutters News, Click2Houston.

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Memorial Day began as a day to remember America’s fallen service members, and somehow also became the official holiday of patio furniture discounts and arguing over whether a lawn mower counts as “patriotic.”

Cory Booker says Democrats desperately need new leadership, which is bold because nothing says fresh start like the same people announcing that the party needs different people.

Lowe’s says customers are backing away from big DIY projects, because apparently Americans have reached the point where even replacing a bathroom vanity feels like applying for a mortgage.

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Sources: Associated Press, The Hill, TheStreet.

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Higher fuel prices have some Americans rethinking Memorial Day travel, Kroger says it plans to cut prices on thousands of items, and Eli Lilly’s experimental weight-loss drug is showing major results.

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Sources: WXXV, Reuters, WRAL.

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The Surgeon General’s office warns about kids and screen time, TSA reminds campers that propane canisters do not belong on airplanes, and South Park gets a Season 29 premiere date.

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Sources: CNN, Parade, Variety.

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 is coming out in the evening because I’m still fooling around with what time of day I’m releasing these.

Rubio talks directly to Cubans about a “new path,” LaGuardia discovers the airport experience can apparently include sinkholes, and Intuit cuts workers while leaning harder into AI.

Give this one a listen and let me know what you think: morning, afternoon, or evening? I’m still experimenting, which is a professional way of saying I am guessing with confidence.

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Sources: Ground News, Reuters, CNBC.

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Cuba is warning of a bloodbath, which is exactly the kind of international tension cable news producers treat like natural Viagra.

The TSA says it is not looking for your weed, which is reassuring right up until Caleb at security finds your weed.

And MGM may be closing its remaining Vegas buffets, because apparently America has decided unlimited shrimp was too beautiful to survive.

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Sources: ABC17/CNN, SFGate, Casino.org.

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President Trump says the clock is ticking on Iran.

Gen X is still carrying student loan debt from an era when “going online” made a noise.

And Showtime may have quietly become less of a TV brand and more of a hallway inside Paramount+.

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Sources: Daily Mail, Reuters, Fortune, Abbott, Cord Cutters News.

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Today’s episode starts heavy.

CNN reports a new investigation says sexual violence during the October 7th Hamas attack on Israel was systematic and widespread.

That is not setup material. Some crimes should be named plainly.

Then, CNN reports the CIA has escalated secret operations against drug cartels inside Mexico, which sounds like a Tom Clancy paperback someone accidentally declassified.

And finally, the New York Post says nearly half of Americans are in a “fun drought.”

Seems fair. We have endless entertainment. Not nearly enough actual fun.

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Sources: CNN, KRDO, New York Post.

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Today’s Snark Factor 3 in 3 has Israel rethinking U.S. military aid, Spirit Airlines leaving behind the dream of paying extra to bring your knees, and Bumble becoming less Bumble.

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Three stories. Three minutes. Let’s go.

Sources: CTV News, Reuters, New York Post.

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